Current mood: THE SEQUEL...
Category: THE SEQUEL... Movies, TV, Celebrities
I'm not a great lover of film...
And I used to take great pleasure in saying that, when I worked in film as an extra, actor, runner, general dogsbody and art departmenteer...
Yes boss, if you say that kind of a line on a film set, you really cause yourself some massive vacant and disbelieving attention....
I mean many folk who work in film
COMPLETELY
FUCKING
LOVE
FILM!!!!
It's pretty much all they talk about for the 12 to 15 hours a day they're on set, and I always imagine that if they have a bedroom to go home to (which seems unlikely, given that they're often so busy working on FILMS!!) the room is plastered with FILM posters (and the odd FILM prop bought on ebay) of all their favourite FILMS like some kind of obsessive and quietly disturbed childs bedroom...
Yes boss, a lot of FILM folk are basically anal, and you can have great problems trying to have a minute or so's conversation without it being referred back to a 1967 flick that 4 people and the director watched...
You don't know it?? (Look of shock horror, tinged with arrogant superiority etc)
But hell, I' d far rather people love their jobs and their vocation rather than hate it or be doing it for the kudos...
Which brings me neatly to the other general kinda person who works in the film business: the cool crowd
Yes boss, anal filmic fellows aside, there are many folk who work in film and TV because it's groovy and because such a job makes them feel that they have a creative talent and are therefore in some way superior to all their lawyer and banker friends...
Nevermind the obsessives - those ones are far, far worse...
Anyway, I've been watching a few films recently and here come a few blogs iterating some of my thoughts on some on them..
Meet Joe Black
is a curious film.
This starts with Brad Pitt being a smooth cunt, perfect womans, dream man.
Yes boss, having got off the cafe's phone (apparently to his niece - though I'm not so sure) he sits there all good looking, talking to a stranger girl about how he works for charity, how he wants an old style woman to marry, how he believes in true love etc etc...
The girl is as gullible as an OX and swallows it all, and within minutes we are led to believe they are in love - A LOVE THAT WILL LAST ALL TIME!!!!
Well frankly, I found myself wanting to kill Pitt at this point - which is perhaps the intention, because seconds late he does in fact get brutally run down as he looks wainfully back at this woman who appears to be walking out of his life...
Now any film that kills off Brad Pitt in the opening minutes shows immediate promise.
Yes boss, this is nothing that personal to Pitt, just that I like to see name actors used and then dumped like that. It suggests the filmmaker is trying to make his own life hard and isn't relying on a name to carry the story - just to get the bums on seats to start with...
However, with Joe Black it turns out that our quality Pitt time isn't quite over..
No boss, here's what happens next:
Death possesses Pitts body (because Death wants to know about life) and from thereon Death AKA Pitts re-animated body, follows the girl Pitt met in coffee shop and her humongously rich and successful father, trying out life, falling in love with the girl, having beautiful virginial sex with the girl, then taking girls father to the afterlife in exchange for returning Pitts body to it's former smooth cunt owner...
It's an interesting plot and overall there were many aspects of this film I liked.
However as with so many American films, I found Meet Joe Black to be just that little bit too HOLLYWOOD to get a real big WHOOPY WOO!!! from a cynical old motha like me...
Yes boss, more or less everyone in this film is stinkingly rich and successful, and one can only imagine that this helps 'Death' AKA Pitts body, to negotiate the re-returning of the original Pitt at the films end to re-fall in puppy love with the girl...
It's there that the film is left, with Pitt and the girl (who've met for about 10 minutes in a coffee shop) being reunited.
You're then basically invited to believe that these two remain in love for the rest of their lives, live in enormous luxurious wealth, have a cutesy family, work for charity and heap yet more and more success on the family name!!!
Well, BLAH BLAH WOOF WOOF to all that - I'm not convinced by any of it, and neither do I need to be convinced of some kind of happy bankers LA LA love charitable love land to enjoy a film or feel good about my life...
So, to even things up, I'd therefore like to propose this as a sequel to Meet Joe Black....
Pitts character is clearly a ladies man and days after having a $10m wedding to the girl (4 days after her fathers funeral) the girl discovers Pitt is married to 9 other women, has 72 lovers and a grand total of 49 children with a further 12 in the oven...!!!
Yes boss, having been so bowled over by instant coffee shop LOVE, the girl has failed to do any checks on Pitt at all...
She's also failed to nail a pre-nup and she soon finds hers and her fathers fortune being split 150 odd ways in the divorce proceedings (19 days after her fathers funeral)
Sadly, the girl then falls from grace and ends up living in the ghetto.
In another lax moment, she marries Steve Buscemi who beats her 3 times a day, which eventually results in her turning to dealing crack and prostitution...
Meantime Pitt starts a commune on the proceeds of the divorce ala David Koresh. He has sex 4000 times a day, produces a master race of little Pitts, then moves to AND saves Africa!!!
By this point, PITT IS ARGUABLY THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE WORLD - WHICH CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING!!!!
He meets Angelina Jolie in a pub!!
ABSOLUTELY AND COMPLETELY LOVESTRUCK!!! Pitt divorces all 9320 of his wives and abandons his 3 million children to the heaven he has created for them in Africa!!!!
He then hoists Jolie onto his manly broad shoulders, boards an environmentally friendly rocket and blasts off into space where he starts the whole shebang again...!!!
Whaddaya reckon??
 | Currently watching :
Meet Joe Black (Ultimate Edition)
Release date: By 17 July, 2001 |
05:25 - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
