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So, this last week my alter ego has started this one day a week job of selling off the 1 million Paparazzi pics.
Yes boss, for those of you who missed the background jizz, the job is daunting and I'm not at all sure how viable it is to make any fucking money at, but I'll give it a month and see what happens...
Anyway, I was in the office on Sunday and the Grand Prix was on the TV in the background.
Now, if you have even the faintest idea about Grand Prix, you'll know Lewis Hamilton is the new God. Yes boss, the Tiger Woods of Motor Sport is one smooth fucker and unless he looses his mind or his life racing, he'll be around for many years to come, wining shit and smarming his way to absolute legend status...
Anyway. I'm there in the office and ITV start doing this feature about how Hamilton might be 'forced out' of the UK because of The Paparazzi...
I stop pretending to work and turn the volume up.
Basically, Lewis complains that when he was on holiday in St Tropez, the Paparzzi took some pics and made out he was getting jiggy with the bosses daughter. You may have seen the shots. There he was on the beach in St Tropez, throwing this girl about in the surf...
Well, these pictures were distributed by the very same agency in who's office I'm sat. In fact, I remember Mrs G telling me of them at the time. It was a good earner, but Lewis has clearly got the hump with it.
Anyway Hamilton is coming out with this 'I'll have to move out of the UK if this kind of thing continues' speach. And I'm thinking you're such a goddamn fucking liar Hamilton.
I mean for one, the only reason Hamilton is moving anywhere is for financial or sporting reasons. Yes boss, next year he'll sign a BIG BIG money contract and unless he's drunk, he'll move to Monte Carlo to save paying back half of his loot to the gangsters who run this country - the paparazzis cock lenses won't even come into it....
Secondly, the interviewer - as most are - seemed to be completely incapable of pointing out the bullshit of what Lewis was saying - i.e that those pictures were in fact taken in France. Yes boss, last time I looked St Tropez was not on Brighton seafront...
Of course the pictures were printed in British papers, but that's irrelevant. What I'm essentially saying is it really doesn't matter if Hamilton moves to Mars, he's now a pap marked man and agencies like the one I work a day a week for will think nothing of following him to wherever he goes with obsessive glee to ensure the tabloids are stocked full with pics of him buying milk and visiting the hairdresser...
Furthermore, the more you try and hide, the less you can hide and the bigger the prices of the pictures become, as Brad and Angelina found out when they thought they'd slunk off for a lovers tryst in Kenya only to be papped in a £1m scoop..
Basically, being stalked by photographers is one of the downsides to the £10m of adulation a year and kicking up against it really isn't going to do Mr H any good in the long run, because the people who run it are hard and nasty bastards who are not that interested in chairty..
Yes boss, the world of Paps might be sad, rude and rather despicable one, but I'm afraid I don't have much sympathy for the young man on this count.
Furthermore, a thing I increasingly like about The Paprazzi, is that it's one of the most universally hated and scapegoated businesses in the world and when the people appear to fucklove the product produced this is just pure undiluted and two faced crap..
Anyway, that's sport, celebrity media and photography all neatly dispatched in one quick salvo. What shall I babble on about next???
 | Currently listening : Galactic Ass Creatures from Uranus By Detroit Grand Pubahs Release date: By 18 May, 2004  |
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