AN INTERLUDE :: HATS VS THE BOUNCERS

Current mood: BLACK AND RED RED AND BLACK
Category: BLACK AND RED RED AND BLACK Parties and Nightlife

There's a big queue for the Prince aftershow. It's a pointless queue. If he plays, he won't be on for a few hours. We repair to a bar opposite imaginatively called The Bar...

All night, to celebrate the grandiose nature of the event, I'm wearing one of my signed hats.

I have this scheme whereby I get famous names in sport and music to sign red and black hats. I do this because I believe the combination of the colours and the signatures emanates strong vibes into my head and thereby brings me luck and strength...

So far, I have one signed by the last 2 winners of the worlds toughest one day bike race Paris Roubaix. I also have one signed by Irish cycling legend Sean Kelly.

I bumped into ex-pro Kelly at the Prologue of this years Tour De France. I saw, then stalked him for about 20 minutes as he strolled through the team buses meeting and greeting. As soon as he came onto public ground I doorstepped him and he happily and carefully signed my hat..

He was pissed out of his head - this made me especially happy and confident it would bring me luck...





So, I'm wearing this hat as we enter this new and clean cut place called 'The Bar' and I can feel it coming...

"Can you take you hat off please Sir"

I take it off

But I have no plans to keep it off. This would be disrespectful to Kelly and fly in the face of my belief that this no hats in pubs rule is pure crap.

I walk in and around. I check to see if I have any allies. I notice the bar only sells bottled beer. The guy in the band is wearing a trilby. I replace the cap atop my head and wander about the bar..

I manage about 5 minutes and then a bouncer grabs me and pulls me to one side

"Look around" He says as if he's about to tell me a story "Can you see anyone else wearing a hat?" I look around and see the guy in the band still wearing his hat. Is it a non-bomb perhaps? Is he a certified non-criminal or does he have an exemption certificate of some kind??

"Well, there's the guy in the band wearing a nice hat" I tell the bouncer

The Bouncer frowns, looks up, forces half a smile. "Can you see anyone else?"

I look around again "No" I reply

"So can you take it off then?"

"Well, I'm not a terrorist" I reply

"I never said you were a terrorist" He answers

"And I'm not gonna start a fight - I've never had a fight in my life"

He smiles

"I mean what's this no hats rule all about? I know you have to do your job, but what's it all about??" I smile

He doesn't reply, he's calculating how much more talk he's gonna take onboard before escorting me out. I don't feel sure I have too much longer....

"Listen, I don't have hair. I like to wear hats that's all. Is it so bad?" I quickly show him I'm bald underneath, then replace Kelly on my head

"Just take it off..." He says

"OK..."

I take it off and walk out of The Bar...

Currently listening : Benefist By Ace of Clubs Release date: By 10 July, 2007

11:55 AM - 14 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

	Ivana Puke	Bastards. Posted by Ivana Puke on August 31, 2007 - Friday at 1:42 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	It's a silly little thing, but I don't think these things can be ignored... In fact I really hate these idiot rules. After plenty of research I still haven't understood the rationale behind the hat ban. I think it's part paranoia, part class war, part idocy and part bars copying other bars copying other bars with no actual thought going on at any point... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on August 31, 2007 - Friday at 1:45 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Ivana Puke	Presumably they're worried that should anything untoward kick off, you'll be more easily identifiable on CCTV if you're not wearing headgear. Wear a wig and a false beard next time and you'll be absolutely fine. It's not a silly little thing though in my opinion - it's a big bastard infringement of your human rights!!!!! Everyone's a cunt nowadays and it makes me SICK. Posted by Ivana Puke on August 31, 2007 - Friday at 1:53 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	Well exactly.. What's next? No afros?? No Beehives?? No Wigs???? Treating percieved symptons rather than causes and fundamentals ain't never solved nothing... And besides is violence in bars ever seriously going to be wiped out? Of course it's fucking not.... They've got 3 bouncers on the door in that place anyway so how the hell do they think the hat wearers are gonna make their escape???? Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on August 31, 2007 - Friday at 1:56 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	caroline	security paranoia motherfuckers Posted by caroline on August 31, 2007 - Friday at 4:54 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Gary Gonzo, publicist	No hats indoors? Did you walk into the saloon from Little House on the Prairie? Posted by Gary Gonzo, publicist on August 31, 2007 - Friday at 3:15 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	It might have been a pretier scenario if i had... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on September 1, 2007 - Saturday at 1:22 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Mog Hartley	I can sympathise with you. The more my hair recedes the more I wear and want to wear a hat. I don't think I ever wore one till I was thirty or so and now I have a fair collection. Posted by Mog Hartley on August 31, 2007 - Friday at 4:31 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	I've got shitloads of hats and quite often i take them off whne indoors, but I don't understand why the timing of the removal has to be governed by anyone else..? Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on September 1, 2007 - Saturday at 1:26 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Mog Hartley	Fucking right! it is ridiculous! Posted by Mog Hartley on September 2, 2007 - Sunday at 6:05 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Colossus	It's silly...I fear for my future...when I need a hat will I find myself having to feel it's a small thing rather than what it is. A BIG FUCKING PISSTAKE ON MY HUMAN RIGHTS. I know it's the western hemisphere and we are truly lucky to have this to blog about but christ! Sanity please! The bouncer could of turned a blind eye. They let the power go to thier heads is what I think. Spider x Posted by Colossus on August 31, 2007 - Friday at 5:03 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	I think they're just doing their job as they're told to do it - the same old human problem... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on September 1, 2007 - Saturday at 1:21 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Paloma, First Lady of Infinity	shame on the bar. but, most of all shame on the bouncer... Posted by Paloma, First Lady of Infinity on August 31, 2007 - Friday at 6:41 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :

without thinking... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on September 1, 2007 - Saturday at 1:30 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]