BEWARE FALSE PROPHETS SPECIAL :: THE HOAXONS CONQUER ATLANTIS???

Current mood: TRYING TO CALM DOWN Category: TRYING TO CALM DOWN Music BEWARE FALSE PROPHETS SPECIAL Oh jesus, it's music award ceremonies time and once again the straights think they're taking over Atlantis with their 'ooh-ah radical taste' and their 'we're down with the clever new talent' caper... Yes boss, last night, the Mercury Awards (SPONSORED BY) claimed another slab of bullshit for their illlustrious history of depserately trying to understand the unreal and mythical world of musical greatness... So, what happenned?? Well, The Hoaxans won the prix and afterwards they claimed they'd made the most innovative record since they didn't know when... Now, before I go on with my crazy, but intelligent bile, I'll fill the background bumpf for those of you not of this sorry little Island.... Basically there are 2 big awards ceremonies in the Uk Musik Biz... The Brit Awards is the big industry love in. It's where the good boys and the big sellers (Quoasis, Robin Williams) have another day in the sun. It's an award ceremony about sales and sales alone (though how the Crazy Frog missed out on a few gongs is beyond me...) Anyway, on the promoted flipside of this, The Mercury Music Prize is the award that tries 'very hard' to confound 'the critics' and promote what they see as being the radical edge of music... Yes boss, the Mercury Awards or The Nationwide Mercury Awards as they are now known (sponsored by a bank who sponsor amongst other cult underground things the England Football Team) wants to be on the edge. It wants to be seen as the alternative - basically it wants the alt.dollar.... So, as always, this alt.awards idea is a grand idea, but (as always) it's rammed with shit, if only because the folk who come up with this whole shebang have their heads so far up into the world of what's popular, they can't tell a rabbit from a cat... Yes boss, the whole thing is basically a joke, but every year they go through the motions of pretending they know what innovation is and occasionally they guess lucky... Dizzee Rascal was a good selection and I think Nitin Sawney deserved the credit although I don't have him down as a great innovator. But Franz Ferdinand?? Futuristic and of the moment? Or the noughties idea of Roxy Music?? And as for Gomez.... Anyway, at this point, I could waste weeks of your time with an essay about how classic music can only be felt over time and not judged etc blah blah. But I can't be bothered and you're all too intelligent, so all I'll say is it's obvious that clever and new challenging music is very rarely easy or big selling and award winning upon release. I mean how many copies and awards did the Aphex Twins Richard D James turn over?? Or The Stooges Funhouse?? Or even The Stooges The Stooges?? Anyway, it's pointless ranting away about something so silly. Indeed, the only reason I do with such vehemence on this occasion is because The Hoaxans are just too fucking awful and because of the false promise.. Yes boss, the worse thing with these Charlatans is that looking at their influences list here on myspazz, you almost get excited by their taste and think SHIT, MAYBE THESE KIDS ARE SOMETHING!! But then you hear them and you think: HOW ON GODS FUCKING EARTH CAN YOU LISTEN AND READ TO THAT KIND OF QUALITY AND PRODUCE SUCH UNINTERESTING AND STUPID SHIT??!! Seriously boss, if you've got The KLF, Silver Apples, William Burroughs and The Futurists Manifesto up there and the best you can do is a record of dull indie pop with the occasional siren (apparently to remind you the name of the band) you've got to be seriously fucking talentless - either that or very, very cleverly marketingly contrived etc etc... Basically, the knub of what I'm saying is that this sorry lot will be forgotten sooner than last Thursdays copy of The Daily Star and when they've gone who's music'll still be standing?? Well amongst many others my favourites 'they came from the stars i saw them' will. In fact this lot are far closer to both what The Mercury people were reportedly looking for and indeed The Hoaxans themselves are aiming at. Yes boss, check the myths and the influences and the style and it's clear The Stars are the band The Hoaxons would love to be if only they had talent, the vision and the bravery... So, there we go, the Paul Giovanni opinion that if you want a slice of the real future ignore award ceremonies recomendations, burn your Hoaxans LPs and tune into The Stars: The video is imminent - It's brilliant. The LP is out next week - that's also brilliant and there's another LP coming which makes me salivate... So: Game, set and match The Stars, Pippy Gio rant for today over and now I can get on with the dusting.... BEWARE FALSE PROPHETS SPECIAL Currently listening : The Best of Groovin’ in Style 1967-1973 By Ken Parker Release date: By 24 June, 2003 11:32 AM - 20 Comments - 11 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

	maryJane	aww. i like franz ferdinand. maybe not so much for innovativeness...but theyve got grand dance tunes. Posted by maryJane on September 5, 2007 - Wednesday at 3:12 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	I've got personal jealousy/embarassment issues with FF on account of the drummer Paul sitting in my kitchen in early 2003 talking about how Britain needed a good new band and how FF were going to be it!! To which I thought and then gave him a look that said FUCK OFF ARE YOU!! Thing was, I saw them in a very small venue before their rise and thought they were completely average at best and not nearly wierd enough. I like a few songs of the first and 1 off the second, but they're not really my bag at all... But there's a hell of a lot worse about and The Klaxons are certainly far far worse... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on September 5, 2007 - Wednesday at 3:26 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	STROBE at Scala, 22nd Sept	They Came From The Stars... are a great band, we need an awards ceremony (actually we dont at all but still) that celebrates the likes of them and The Chap. genuinely innovative and interesting bands. Posted by STROBE at Scala, 22nd Sept on September 5, 2007 - Wednesday at 3:25 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	Yes. They're a great band, but I'm not sure we need another awards ceremony. The best thing to do is buy their records, go to/promote their gigs make everyone concerned shit loads of money and then leave them to get on with it. In this sceanrio no canopés are required apart from for use as missiles.... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on September 5, 2007 - Wednesday at 3:46 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	ANFIANFIA	the Hoaxans! HAAAAAA HAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Posted by ANFIANFIA on September 5, 2007 - Wednesday at 3:50 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	BOOM BOOM!!! Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on September 5, 2007 - Wednesday at 5:02 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Paloma, First Lady of Infinity	i feel so uncool and out of the loop. what kind of music journalist am i? i have never heard of these hoaxans. gomez = boring. i was at a venue where gomez was playing and they could not get nor hold my attention...franz ferdinand is catchy formulaic pop and i confess to owning one of their records, but i would not call them genius. it would be an embarassment for a quality band like The Stars to even be considered for one of these "awards." i always look at the "award" business as high comedy. i have not watched an awards show in years. Posted by Paloma, First Lady of Infinity on September 5, 2007 - Wednesday at 3:53 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	Hoaxans = Klaxons Yes FF is catchy pop and, like i say, the singles were OK, but mostly they annoy me. I really don't like that kind of thin guitar sound most of the time.. Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on September 5, 2007 - Wednesday at 5:04 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Paloma, First Lady of Infinity	klaxons, have i heard of them? if i have, i can't remember. Posted by Paloma, First Lady of Infinity on September 5, 2007 - Wednesday at 5:19 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	They been badged as central to this whole 'NEW RAVE' thing, but I fail to see what they have to do with Rave music in any way shape or form... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on September 5, 2007 - Wednesday at 5:22 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Simone	I thought they termed themselves New Rave as a joke in an interview once, it's the lazy journos who've run amok with that one... And they do a terrible cover of The Bouncer which I suppose would dump them in that category. It's worth noting, and seldom is, that acts have to pay to enter the Mercury. So if the greatest album of all time isn't coffed up for, then it'll have to go to today's flavour of the nanosecond. I don't mind Klaxons, they're sweet boys, but I think to label yourself as being cutting edge whilst covering Grace is a bit silly. Neither they or Winehouse are doing anything particuarly original though - I'd say they were both retro, but then Bats for Lashes is far too Kate Bush to be labelled original, Jamie T is bit of a cockney Streets rather than a mockney Streets... Frankly, the shortlist was fairly depressing reading, it didn't really matter who won. Posted by Simone on September 5, 2007 - Wednesday at 8:32 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	Well yes, I agree the list was a ropey one and to be frank the whole thing is nothing more than a marketing campaign from begining to end.. I didn't know anything about paying to enter. Thanks for pointing this out..) I saw Bat For Lashes play LIVE for the Culture Show and they were a little contrived on the 'I'm a nature hippy earth mother thing' for my liking.. I can't take Jamie T as anything much other than a charmer - it sounds like clever cabaret which is nice enough, but nothing to write home about... With regards to how new rave?? I think The Hoaxsons - in particular their press and PR people - are more than pushing the New Rave thing behind closed doors. I'm not convinced at all by their denials and dismissals... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on September 5, 2007 - Wednesday at 9:00 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Clinker	I actually think The Klaxons will be around for quite a while. I rate their album and was glad that they won the thing. Live they are awesome (almost religious). I thought everyone loved Golden Skans...obviously not. They've also got great lyrics...check em out! I think them and They Came From The Stars, I Saw Them are coming from a similar angle and I do absolutely adore TCFTSIST. Both to me are very original and futuristic and both sound like no indie i've ever heard. Mercury means fuck all, voted for by the music biz. I wouldn't say no if i won it, but...it's not as good as winning something voted for by the public....excluding reality TV programmes!!! I hope TCFTSIST take over the world too, but there's plenty of room for The Klaxons too for me. I'm now wondering who you would have voted for out of the finalists Paul. Anyone else want to vote? Posted by Clinker on September 5, 2007 - Wednesday at 4:02 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	I'd have had a very hard time choosing a winner fom that shortlist. Of the bands/acts i know I like Winehouse & Dizzee Rascal (though his latest LP didn't excite me) I think I would have given it to Winehouse because she's a talent. In fact is it not likely she'd have won had she not have been fresh off the tracks?? I'm not advocating either her as a 'new sound' or junk, but I do believe she has something that will last providing she doesn't kill herself enroute. She's certainly a far greater talent than anyone else on the list (that I know) except Dizzee Rascal... As with the Monkeys, I just don't get the Klaxons at all. I played their 4 spazz songs this morning and with the exception of 1 (Atlantis to Interzone) they all sounded like complete shit indie to me with no invention of any note. I also had an EP of theirs and it was utterly forgetable. I don't have the faintest idea what they have to with rave either... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on September 5, 2007 - Wednesday at 5:16 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Clinker	Yea I woulda thought Amy woulda won, but the biz can't be too chuffed with her at the moment...and as they're voting.... She has one of the best soul voices in a long while. She did look totally pissed though when she walked offstage. Klaxons don't claim to be new/neu rave either, but its a label lazy journos have tagged. They're not just indie either. Listen to the album...I feel you could fall for it..eventually. Posted by Clinker on September 5, 2007 - Wednesday at 6:06 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	Yeah, I'm sure I'll catch up with The LP in full at some point but as with m'old mates The Hatcham Socials I'm in no hurry... I wouldn't be at all surprised if the big boss put his foot down and said 'NO AMY FOR THE MERCURY!' but it would have had nothing to do with morals, just PR... Apparently her records have leapt back up the charts since her infamy these last few weeks anyway, so once again the public are shown to be the two faced shits they are when it comes to drugs... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on September 5, 2007 - Wednesday at 6:12 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Clinker	Also I used to know Nitin Sawney. He was such a shy boy who used to giggle like a girl with embarrassment if someone was to be rude. Fantastic musician, we used to jam in my mates bedroom. I've got some recordings somewhere that no-one would want to hear. Posted by Clinker on September 5, 2007 - Wednesday at 4:07 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	I've had Sawnhey stuff, but only the odd track has grabbed me. Any recordings you can recommend in particular?? Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on September 5, 2007 - Wednesday at 5:20 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Clinker	Nah, be honest, although I knew him i've not got anything. Just remember how he was an amzing guitarist and keyboard player he was. He was doing this roots stuff like he does now. Jazz really. Posted by Clinker on September 5, 2007 - Wednesday at 6:01 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

Clinker

God my comment here doesn't make sense at all. I meant to say it wasn't this roots stuff he does now. It was Jazz. My humble apologies Posted by Clinker on September 7, 2007 - Friday at 10:50 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]