CAPTAIN BEEFHEARTS BRILLIANT RULES FOR GUITARISTS

Current mood: BLINGY
Category: BLINGY Music

Well...

I just came across these on Mollys blog

Who knows if he ever said them, but they're reported to be Captain Beefheart's Ten Commandments For Guitarists.

Beefheart or no Beefheart, they seem to be good and concise rules that should be followed by all guitarists without fail...

So here they are...

1. LISTEN TO THE BIRDS: That's where all the music comes from. Birds know everything about how it should sound and where that sound should come from. And watch hummingbirds. They fly really fast, but a lot of times they aren't going anywhere.

2. YOUR GUITAR IS NOT REALLY A GUITAR: Your guitar is a divining rod. Use it to find spirits in the other world and bring them over. A guitar is also a fishing rod. If you're good, you'll land a big one.

3. PRACTICE IN FRONT OF A BUSH: Wait until the moon is out, then go outside, eat a multi-grained bread and play your guitar to a bush. If the bush doesn't shake, eat another piece of bread.

4. WALK WITH THE DEVIL: Old delta blues players referred to amplifiers as the "devil box." And they were right. You have to be an equal opportunity employer in terms of who you're bringing over from the other side. Electricity attracts demons and devils. Other instruments attract other spirits. An acoustic guitar attracts Casper. A mandolin attracts Wendy. But an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub.

5. IF YOU'RE GUILTY OF THINKING, YOU'RE OUT: If your brain is part of the process, you're missing it. You should play like a drowning man, struggling to reach shore. If you can trap that feeling, then you have something that is fur bearing.

6. NEVER POINT YOUR GUITAR AT ANYONE: Your instrument has more power than lightning. Just hit a big chord, then run outside to hear it. But make sure you are not standing in an open field.

7. ALWAYS CARRY YOUR CHURCH KEY: You must carry your key and use it when called upon. That's your part of the bargain. Like One String Sam. He was a Detroit street musician in the fifties who played a homemade instrument. His song "I Need A Hundred Dollars" is warm pie. Another church key holder is Hubert Sumlin, Howlin' Wolf's guitar player. He just stands there like the Statue of Liberty making you want to look up her dress to see how he's doing it.

8. DON'T WIPE THE SWEAT OFF YOUR INSTRUMENT: You need that stink on there. Then you have to get that stink onto your music.

9. KEEP YOUR GUITAR IN A DARK PLACE: When you're not playing your guitar, cover it and keep it in a dark place. If you don't play your guitar for more than a day, be sure to put a saucer of water in with it.

10. YOU GOTTA HAVE A HOOD FOR YOUR ENGINE: Wear a hat when you play and keep that hat on. A hat is a pressure cooker. If you have a roof on your house the hot air can't escape. Even a lima bean has to have a wet paper towel around it to make it grow.

BANG!!

Currently listening : Bless Yore Beautiful Hide By Howard Keel Release date: By 08 March, 2005

7:47 PM - 6 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

	Mog Hartley	"You should play like a drowning man struggling to reach shore" I like that one. I've often thought that a lot of modern guitarists are too good technically and there playing sounds easy for them. They've had all the pioneers to learn from eh! Posted by Mog Hartley on September 7, 2007 - Friday at 10:19 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	I don't know of anyone currently doing anything new with the guitar. Furthermore, I'm of the general opinion it's been irrelevant as a progressive instrument for some time now... Synthesis is where it's at. Guitars are great, but they're well past it.... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on September 7, 2007 - Friday at 11:14 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	mark	essentially everything is un-original now, not just the guitar Posted by mark on September 8, 2007 - Saturday at 12:02 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	No, I can't agree with that, there's always new... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on September 8, 2007 - Saturday at 12:09 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	simon	Those rules are cool! A couple of years back when Maurice Tepper of the good Captains band was in town I was asked to drive him around, a task that came with warnings about how difficult Maurice was!! Well it turned out real cool and among the conversations I had with him was about how the Captain got his band to understand his musical ideas, and Maurice basically said that they got Sunnyland Slim to open for them on a US tour and the Captain insisted the entire band watched every performance and learned everything they could from the great man! Not bad as he was a pianist who discovered some guy called Muddy Waters way back when. Rule 8 is key as I always prefer guitarists with well worn instruments!!! Posted by simon on September 8, 2007 - Saturday at 2:09 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :

I'm not suprised to read Maurice was a lot easier to deal with than was advertised. I find it nearly always to be the case that people who are advertised as 'difficult' are just the ones who don't do what they're told, or who refuse to take shit from ignorant twats... It seems these days you're a troublemaker if you do anything other than exactly what you're told to do. If you stand up for your art and it doesn't fit, you're out, no matter how good the art is... BARKS VS BITES is also a factor with these things... I know what you mean about worn and loved instruments. I certainly don't get inspired by guitarists who have great racks of shiney new guitars. They remind of demo guys at trade fairs... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on September 8, 2007 - Saturday at 2:21 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]