It’s windy....

Current mood: BLOWING DOWN THE HOUSE....
Category: BLOWING DOWN THE HOUSE.... Music

With all the wind there is about at the moment (Hurricanes Gustav, Hannah & Ike + our fake hurricanes here in the UK + Mrs Giovanni deciding that pregnancy allows her to fart out loud with impunity) here we go with my favourite anecdote about the wind...


When I was younger, I spent 2 separate stints working here at Dale Fort Field Centeron the West Wales coast...

I was a Domestic Assistant...

Yes boss, my manly job was to cook, clean and wash up for the visiting students.


Now, on the surface, this sounds like an ass of a job and the working bit mostly was - but good parts also existed.

For one, the place located in wonderful cliff side countryside which held Choughs, Peregrine Falcons, Dolphins, Gannets, Manx Shearwaters and like...

It was also a very very good area for Magic Mushrooms (below sits a portion of one years crop)

But that wasn't all...

No boss, this field center was visited by groups of A-Level students and reasonably often you'd get 70 or 80 all girl groups come in from some of the UKs top private girls schools..

Well, these girls were often expecting this place to full of boys from top public boys school, but this didn't often happen (and lets face it - if there had of been such boys, there'd most likely have been interested in the classmates rather than the girls)...


Anyway, these girls had about 2 choices of boy to get interested in and I was one of them.

I'd therefore spend whole evenings sitting around being teased by large groups of public school girls.

It was absolutely wonderful, and quickly made up for the fact that the next morning I'd be up at the crack of dawn cleaning their toilets and washing their dishes..


So....

I was on a day off one day and there was ONE HELL OF A BIG WIND coming in off the sea...

Yes boss, this wasn't quite hurricane force, but it would have been in the 80/90mph ball park.

A BIG WIND!!!


Well, being a smart cunt, I had the idea I'd go to the most exposed area of coastline - a place called St Annes Head (which isn't A, but the point at the very bottom of this image..).

I basically planned to check out what those kind of winds felt like FULL ON!!! as well as having a good look at the waves and that....

So, I cycled around there alright (from the finger on the right of the map into the villlage and back out in an upside down V formation)

The route was pretty well sheltered, right until the last bit where I had to ditch the bike and lean into the wind, so as to get right to the cliffs edge...


Well, I lay there on my stomach getting battered and watched the waves crashing in..

It was pretty decent - felt a bit like being lightly pummeled in the face by a crap boxer...


After an hour or so, I got bored, so I walked - or rather was push blown back towards the bike..

And it was soon after I picked up my stead, that I got into difficulties...

Yes boss, whereas I could lean into the wind on the way in, the opposite was the case on the way out. I was therefore getting blown in the winds direction - which wasn't the direction I wanted to be going in...

Pace by pace, I was getting blown off the road, into the ditch and onto fence that bordered it...

The winds force was irresistible and to cut about 15 minutes of struggling short - I ended up squashed between the wind and the barbed wire fence and I couldn't fucking well move..


Well shit, I could have still been there now, had it not have been for 2 nice farmers passing by, who hoiked me off the fence and into the landrover and back down into the sheltered valley......

They were being all polite about it, but I could hear their farmer like brains thinking

'STUPID ENGLISH CUNT!!!'


That days troubles didn't end there though...

When I got back to the Fort, I found my keys were locked inside my room - so I had to get a fucking ladder out and climb in through the bastard window.

Fortunately, my window was on the sheltered side, where there was no discernible wind at all, I therefore didn't get blown out to sea - it was however a little precarious all the same..


So, to hear more wind, be sure to download Casa Hasa Giovanna Episode 9...

Oh and does anyone fancy doing Episode 10???

I'm struggling..

It needs to be done by next Wednesday, has to have a theme running through it, must not contain any Radiohead or Oasis, and has to come in on the nail of 69:23...

If you reckon you can do it, message me with your proposal..

Currently listening : Windy City Breakdown By Jonathan Cain Band Release date: 2006-01-17