A Futureproof pictorial guide to the grapes....

Current mood: INFORMATION MAN...
Category: INFORMATION MAN... Jobs, Work, Careers

First you need the location: The right soil, slope, climate....

In the case of Prosecco wine, there's a very small area that applies, and a smaller area of that area, which is suitable for growing...

To get a good grape crop, you then need a good year - the rain to fall at the right time in the right place, in the right amount - the summer to be good...


Good year or not (this one hasn't been the best), when it comes time for harvesting the grapes, you need to be wearing the appropriate clothing for the job - if possible your outfit needs to be colour coordinated...

Si capo, this is Italy and the 'Bella Figura' is everything...

So, upon arriving at the vinyard, YOU MUST BREAK BALLS WITH YOUR CO-WORKERS!!! (breaking balls is a very important part of this kind of work)

The grapes are then ready to be harvested, and you need to stride manfully towards them!!

YOU MUST NOT BE AFRAID!!!

NO CAPO, YOU MUST STRIDE MANFULLY AT THEM CARRYING ONLY A BUCKET!!!




You will be told where to go by your capo and once positioned in the vicinity of the vines, you must then cut the grapes and drop them into the bucket, which should be positioned at your feet...

MAKE SURE NO LEAVES GET INTO THE BUCKET!!! THESE WILL SPOIL THE WINE!!!

AND WATCH YOU DON'T LOOSE THE BOLT OR SPRING FROM YOUR FORBICHE!!!! LOOSING THE SPRING OR BOLT WILL MAKE YOUR CUTTING ALL THE MORE COMPLICATED AND YOUR DAY HARDER!!!!

When the bucket is full, leave it under the vines. It will be collected by the capo and tipped into BIG bucket on the rear of the trattore...


After 4 hours, the church bells will toll like a wedding - lunchtime comes.

You will be then waited on hand and foot by your capo's...

First course: Pasta with sauce
Second course: Meat with salad
Third course: Cheese and/or fruit

All washed down with water and wine...

Then coffee with grappa...

After this feast, you will feel like a big fat happy elephant!!!

Si capo, no matter how bored and frustrated you get with the tiresome, tedious monotony of the work, the food and drink will compensate...

Your stomach will bulge...

You will be so full, that the next hour of working will feel all wrong - but the 2 after that will be fine, and the last will be a case of making it through...


And that is largely that

The grapes get tractored off to the Cantina where they're made into wine, and each time you polish off a bottle of anything ever after, you can feel the smug contentment of having contributed something!!