Clarkson....

Current mood: PERVERSION RULES....!!
Category: PERVERSION RULES....!! Jobs, Work, Careers

On a more serious note...

I haven't written much about what went on in Italy yet - I'd imagine I will because there's plenty of good ragas to recount, but at the moment I'm struggling to write anything that isn't cheap, cheerful and quick - my professional serious head has deserted me.......

However, here we go with something vaguely associated that is funny, but also more in depth......


So, I've mentioned before that Mrs Giovannis brother is trying to get me into importing Prosecco wine into the UK...

Yes boss, he and Mrs G REALLY like the idea of my working in the wine business

'GREAT OPPORTUNITIES ARE AHEAD!' They say

And they're right, it's a matter of time before Prosecco becomes a far more tipped tipple here in the UK, and there will be big money to be made in making this so....

However, the idea I might be THE MAN to make these millions on wine is wierd for the following reasons:

1) My only history with wine is in drinking lots of it
2) All businesses I've undertaken have been absolute financial disasters plagued by no book keeping, insufficient work and general apathy
3) In fact, I'm generally pathologically crap with money
4) And, I can't sell to save my life
5) I'm also solely dedicated to writing as my main and only professional goal.
6) And making that work AND making the millions with the wine will require an absurd level of dual minded focus and determination

And in those last 2 is the main rub - how can I write in a dedicated and hard fashion (which is essential to having any chance of succeeding) and be a huge success at selling wine at the same time????

It's a tough number to say the least...


Well, the truth is, I don't think those concerned take me seriously on the writing goal..

No boss, folk figure that because I might not currently make a great deal of money doing what I do, it's not really happening...

And this is one of the toughest things about attempting to get seriously professional with a creative game - nearly everyone thinks you're either having a laugh, going to fail, or are in need of a proper job TO SAVE YOU!!!!

Of course no-one means to be rude or disrespectful, they just want you to be happy and to get what they want you to have from life.

Furthermore, they don't know any writers and they are aware that writing is a very very difficult business to win at, and they don't want to see you lying on a drunken failed heap aged 52..


But it's still wierd...

I mean I don't start suggesting Mrs Giovannis brother starts writing books in order to make his millions, because I can see he's good at wine - and the reason I can see that is because I've looked at him and his abilities and it appears to be the career for him in the same way that writing is a good career for me...


Anyway, I'm not resolutely opposed to importing some wine in any way shape or form...

No boss, my kind of writing thrives on my being involved in things other than writing.

Furthermore, importing el vino means I should have a very good supply for myself as opposed to the rank shit I have to currently ingest, and I can certainly see the potential for the business and the interesting avenues I can explore in doing it - so, as long as it's simple and doesn't cramp my written style for too long, I'm game...


Well, one of Marcos ideas to enhance the profile of Prosecco is to get the British motoring TV show Top Gear to present an episode from the Prosecco region...

Yes boss, Marco LOVES Top Gear (in Italian)!!!! And he reckons the region will provide a wonderful backdrop for Clarkson and the boys to drive cars at great speed, whilst they intelligently critique environmentalists and anyone else who thinks there's more to life than things with engines in them.

Permission from the Mayor of Valdobbiadene has already been secured - and if the Mayor of Valdobbiadene is game, Marco is completely certain getting Clarkson along is a GREAT IDEA!!!

Now I know the backdrop we're talking about here and I know that it would be great as scenery for driving, and that the idea therefore isn't bad...

But I see a major flaw - the British establishment (which includes program makers The BBC) aren't gonna like the linking of wine with motoring...

No boss, in these puritanical days, having a program about driving linked with booze isn't something that's likely to get the go ahead, because the authorities are paranoid enough to assume that all watchers will clearly translate such a link on TV as meaning they can drink 50 pints a night and then drive their cars FAST until they plough into a school and kill ALL THE WORLDS CHILDREN!!!!


However, I'm willing to try and get this off the ground for the simple and willful perversity of it, and because I'll be able to write a neat and rounded story about it for my one day book 'Notes From Fish Island'...

Yes boss, the perversity I talk of here isn't just the perversity of connecting cars and booze...

No boss, as well as that perversity, there's another...

As my regular readers will know, I used to be a professional roads protester, who dedicated his youth to protesting against roads and cars and all such things...

So, the idea of me now trying to engage the makers of Top Gear to present a program in which they drive cars at speed through the countryside is therefore almost as good and perverse as my lovingly wearing a BRIGHT ORANGE 'NUCLEAR POWER NO THANKS!' T-shirt throughout my youth - and then going to work in a nuclear power station...

But there's even more perversity to all this than that!!!

Yes boss, you might remember that a few years back, Jeremy Clarkson, the host and major BIG MOUTH of the show Top Gear received a custard pie to the face as he was receiving an honorary degree at Oxford Brookes University

Well, the person who did that was an old friend of mine called Rebecca Lush...

Here's the two of us at work in the height of our protesting days - Lush is sat in the mud, attached to the cement mixer by her neck with a D-Lock - I'm obviously crouching in front, trying very hard not to get my clothes too dirty...

We were discussing tactics:

Basically, if she could stay attached for another hour, the whole days work was to be ruined because the new cement wouldn't blend with the old..

We very nearly nailed it, but sadly they cut her free with minutes to go and we were then chased off the site by coppers with GREAT BIG FUCKING DOGS!!!


Now, here's Lush pieing Clarkson...

So, all told, I reckon this Top Gear does Prosecco sounds like a wonderful and utterly perverse idea...

Now, does anyone have a good contact for Clarkson and/or Top Gear???

Currently listening : Tchaikovsky: Symphony No. 5 Release date: 1990-10-25