Current mood: HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF CHRIST...
Category: HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF CHRIST... Religion and Philosophy
I'm getting back into cycling...
Yes boss, my delight for beer and fried breakfasts has meant a slow and steady increase in the Giovan waistline, and though the situation is far from serious, I've decided a little pre-preemptive action is necessary in order to keep the spread in check...
I'm also firggin' well tired of London Transport.
Yes boss, Fish Island might be the best place on earth to take drugs and THE GENERAL AND COMPLETE CENTER OF THE FUCKING UNIVERSE!!!! But it's shoddy in terms of Public T: the tube doesn't even come close and the buses aren't much better and this means a few hours minimum to get to and fro to gigs.
Now, I didn't use to mind this at all. In fact, I had a good routine going with downing a few beers on the way, so as to be able to slow drink the night away and thereby get best and lasting value out of whatever squalid amount of cash I had available to spend..
However, not content with giving all smokers colds, the pettty idiot regulators of London are now banning booze on Public Transport as from June 1st 2008?!?
Yes boss, no more boozing it on the bus...?!?
It's a fucking liberty and one I don't intend to respect!!!!
Anyway, tonight, I went to Angel to see Big Mama's Door play a competent set of tight blues in the bar of a small theater on Upper Street...
Now, the best thing about going to Angel (other than the name of the place) is that one can cycle the whole way there and back from here (excepting a few hundred yards) alongside The Regents Canal..
Yes boss, if there's one thing I love more than cycling, it's cycling canalside AT GREAT SPEED, AT NIGHT, WITHOUT LIGHTS!!!
In the daytime, it's all stop/start and politely waiting for the nice people to GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE DAMN WAY!!!! But at night, it's little short of endless edge ridden exhilaration - made all the better with a belly full of booze or some dubious chemicals rolling around the veins!!!
Anyway, I left tonights gig sober (I have insufficient cash to get drunk, so instead elected to not bother at all) I cycled down to the canal, and rode a safe and steady 10 or 12 mph pace homewards...
A half mile or so done and I'm somewhat astonished to come across a religious freak dressed in white ceremonial robes....
Yes boss, the Holy Cunt is pacing up and down YELLING!!!!
Is it They Came From The Stars I Saw Them performing some kind of a single release ceremony (The Hot Inc is out NOW on itunes etc!!) to the goddess Eris???
If only it was - but it's not...
It is instead some christian nutter, and he's pacing the toepath at midnight YELLING!!!
'OH HOLY SWEET FATHER OF CHRIST, WHO GAVE HIS SOUL SO THAT WE MIGHT BE SAVED UNTO OTHERS IN HEAVEN AND EARTH FOREVER AND ALWAYS...'etc
oh jesus....i think
Well, I quickly figure this man is in such a world of religious rapture, he's clearly not even seen a mere mortal like me, so I tweak my fingers on the brakes, find a good line to his right (so that if we do bump one another, it's him who goes in the drink) and I pass on by...
Move completed, I'm just about to congratulate myself on a stylishly well executed pass, when I catch a glimpse of another white robed person on the left, I take a look left and th-
CRASH%^&^%***BANG FUCKING WELL WALLOP!! into some knee high concrete hulk and I fly over the handlebars...
Well, as I come around to the fact, that instead of flying alongside the canal looking for bats and feeling pretty good, I am instead tied up with my bike in a heap, I remember the preacher man...
I look back towards him, to find that THE HOLY FUCKING CUNT HASN'T SO MUCH AS LOST A BEAT OF HIS SERMON?!??!??!???????
'OH HOLY SWEET FATHER OF CHRIST, WHO GAVE HIS SOUL SO THAT WE MIGHT BE SAVED UNTO OTHERS IN HEAVEN AND EARTH FOREVER AND ALWAYS...' he rants
SERIOUSLY!!!!
I mean I, Paul James Giovanni £rd could be lying in a pool of my own bastard teeth struggling towards a future of funny looks from passers by COMBINED WITH EXPENSIVE DENTAL APPOINTMENTS!!! and Mr 2 meters away Holy, is only worrying about higher powers and upper incantations?!?
Well, my adrenalin is properly flowing and with the edge embarrassment beginning to bite, I look on asconce at GOD pacing and ranting like a demented fucking fool..
I untangle myself, check that everything is working, that I can stand, and I get back onto the bike...
As I do, the 2nd robe clad figure, who can only be Gods long suffering wife, gingerly walks towards me, whispering 'Are you alright?' (her body language suggests WE DON'T WANT TO BOTHER HIS HOLINESS WITH OUR IDLE CHATTER NOW DO WE?!?)
I say 'I'm fine' and I get going...
So, I cycle on homewards, and my knee hurts more with time, but it's OK and I get back to Cod Island to find that my only injuries are some towpath rash down my left arm, elbow and knee and a nasty bruisey lump above the kneecap...
But Jesus...
'OH HOLY SWEET FATHER OF CHRIST, WHO GAVE HIS SOUL SO THAT WE MIGHT BE SAVED UNTO OTHERS IN HEAVEN AND EARTH FOREVER AND ALWAYS...' etc
Whatever the fuck happenned to good old fashioned christian charity????
No comments:
Post a Comment