HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS ON THE BUS...

Current mood: AWKWARD
Category: AWKWARD Music

Well boss, the Giovan coffers are dank dry, and once again I've decided the best way to replenish them to enable me to continue concentrating my full energies on my wonderfully witty writing, isn't to get a job sitting in an office and pretend to be photocopying, but instead to take more unknown drugs in the name of furthering science.....!

Yes boss, in a few weeks, I'm going back on the Medical Trials Ward, whereupon I'll get myself fed some poppy new pills of a new drug for the treatment of schizophrenia currently known only as GSK729327


Now, often, when I say I'm about to take part in a Medical Trial, people say:

'Hey Paul Giovanni £rd AKA Futureproof Pious. If you take this never before used on humans drug, isn't your arm going to blacken and shrivel, your head explode out of your left ear, and your mind become like complete fucking jelly or something...??'

To which I reply:

'Who cares?!? For a start (on the mental side at least) things can't really get very much worse than they already are!!

And anyway, if I get a regular office job, I'll end up as a fucking cabbage in a wheely chair for absolute certain - so what have I got to loose!!??

I mean, doing a Medical Trial might be a vague risk, but all it generally takes is a few days of lying down in bed looking at, and being lovingly attended to, by attractive nurses from the 4 corners of the globe.

Meanwhile an office job just sucks ya dry day by day by day by day by day by day by day by day by day...'


Anyway...

I'm struggling to find a musical link to Medical Trials (there's a concept album dying to be made - surely!!) so instead here's a quick amusement...

Yes boss, today I went for screening down at Guys Hospital.

I had to have a check up, give them some giovan-piss&blood, have my brain scanned, eyes tested etc..

One part of this screening procedure involves me having to wear a portable ECG machine for 24 hours.

This little fucker is about the size of ipod - it sits in my pocket from where it's linked by a ribbon of wires to my super manly, well built, hugely handsome chest, where there are a set of sensor pads...


Well, I got off the ward wearing this thing and repaired to the nearby Tate Gallery in order to follow some beautiful women about in a vaguely disturbing way (whilst pretending to look at art...)

And as I was looking in a shop window en route (checking my super great looks were looking at their super great best for the ladies) I caught my reflection and thought....

"OH FUCK I LOOK LIKE A SUICIDE BOMBER!!!!"

Yes, boss not only did I have a thick old bunch of wires trailing from my body towards my pocket, but I was wearing a bleeding bodywarmer that looked all too bomb like...

I mean, people have got shot 7 times in the head for taking a tube train in this city for wearing a whole lot less!!!

Anyway, I can't spend any decent length of time on the computer today (because they interfere with my cyborg ipod equipment) so instead of writing some over wordy crap like this blog, I'm instead, gonna be running a bunch of short snappy ones, in the form of a series of questions...

So get your opinions ready and keep swallowing the pills!!!