CASA HASA GIOVANNA EPISODE 6 ::: OUT WITH THE OLD AND IN WITH THE NEW

Current mood: HURRAH HURRAH HURRAH!!!
Category: HURRAH HURRAH HURRAH!!! Music

OK...

SPAZZER TOM MIGHT WELL BE AN ABSOLUTE ASS at key moments, but he makes my life as PG£ very easy in other ways...

So, belatedly (though available on pg.com at 23:23 on the 23rd) here we go with the latest epsiode of my tuneshow set Casa Hasa Giovanna...

For the first time in this series brief history, this episode has been made and manipulated by a PGC AKA FMC member of staff as opposed to fuckwit Giovanni...

Yes boss, whilst I set about preparring the EXTRA SPECIAL Episode 7, I've sublet this months show to my Official Tipster and Diary Planner (Australia & The Far East Region) Princess Stephen.

It's ace and here it is....

CLICK HERE TO STREAM AND OR DOWNLOAD

AND TO HEAR AND/OR DOWNLOAD ANY OF THE PREVIOUS EPISODES CLICK HERE!!!

OH BULLET IN THE HEAD....

Current mood: OVER AND OVER AND OVER...
Category: OVER AND OVER AND OVER... Music

The other day I was talking to the front man of Colossus Mr Spider Fingers Clay about how I'd decided I was no longer going to pick on Radiohead in these here blogs...

Mr Clay looked at me in a disbelieving fashion...

I explained that this decision had nothing to do with my having suddenly coming around to Radioheads music or worthy manner, so much as a desire to not excessively repeat myself and or over labour the point (that Radioheads very existance continues to annoy the shit out of me, makes me want to kill myself etc)...

'But you won't be able to resist' he said....

He was right...


Below is a blog by a band I've never heard of called (perhaps rather appropriately) The Liars...

The Liars have just been on tour with Radiohead AKA The Heroes Of The Green Revolution, and these rather nauseating words are their take on that experience....

OH RADIOHEAD...

In a world full of fear and ripe with insincerity its such a relief to have met Radiohead.
They are purveyors of truth, beauty and a moral responsibility to the planet.
We've been welcomed with literal open ams and thoroughly schooled
on how to function as a band -not just musically, but ethicly too.
The honor is in learning from the best and from the beginning we've been in class.
The important thing for us to make clear is just how awe inspiring this production is.
We're not sure if there's any information made public about the efforts
Radiohead go to to reduce their environmental impact.
But, there should be.
At the outset we were all given tour water flasks.
Plastic anything is like contraband.
Every bus and truck runs on bio-fuel.
There is no idling, rather some new-fangled way to deliver electricity cleanly.
They don't do air-freight either.
The list goes on..
Everything is supremely managed to reduce the 'footprint'
and it's inspiring in that its 'real' and should set the standard for other big productions.
This all goes beyond the immediate impact of simply
being able to watch these 5 guys perform together each night.
Unlike any band we've seen they all contribute such an immense amount to the outcome.
Their extreme individual talents blending so naturally.
To witness this first-hand is an education in musicianship and vision
that's certainly not been lost on us..
For now, we'd like to send our huge thanks to the Radiohead crew
for being so super crazy nice and supportive to us.
We'll see them in Spain again for the Daydream Festival
and ofcourse during our West Coast tour with Radiohead in August -
so no tears yet..
We Liars head to Europe now...
following a luxurious 2 day break and will be re-tracing
some of the steps missed due to the euphoria of living in rainbows.

Love and Lobsters,
LIARS

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=17847147&blogID=397845491


Shit, and I thought Shayne Wards songs were bad.....


So, what exactly is my problem with this epic by The Liars and Radioheads worthy fun free green crusade???

Well having completed such a crusade myself (whilst Radiohead were still in their fresh easy-to-wash band nappies making their millions), I can safely attest to the fact, that the reality of the western concept of 'Saving The World' is about as similar to ACTUALLY saving the world as Michael Jacksons ideas about Saving The Children are to do with making kids lives a better place to be.....

Basically: not quite what is said on the tin and more than a little bit misleading......


Yes boss, it's my opinion that though it sure is a tall and mighty pious bunch of ideas, the rules of human nature, the earth and the universe make the concept of earth saving to be utterly unattainable.

The world and the humans do their thing, and their thing is most often completely selfish and self seeking and no ammount of Bono or Thom is gonna make that any different, no matter how it might appear...

Sure this might sound cynical or negative, but stating the facts often seems to be percieved that way by people unable to accept the world in all it's miserable glory...


So Thom and the boys, do yourselves a favour and learn from someone who's been there, worn the t-shirt, and done the resulting 53 hour jail stint and hunger strike, only to get out of jail to find 10 times the number of people have been protesting against the imminent bankruptcy of a football club....

The only real way to make this world a better place for all Gods Children is to read The Futureproof Music Blog by Paul James Pious Giovanni £rd....

You heard it here first...

NATURAL SELECTION....

Current mood: I BELIEVE I CAN FLY.....
Category: I BELIEVE I CAN FLY..... Music

I went along to this gig on the boat.

In essence, I like good non-pretending folk music. I find proper folk musicians to have a lot of integrity. They know and love music, have a very strong connection to their instruments and they certainly love sound...

This so, I don't listen to a hell of a lot of folk, but at the back end of last year, I did buy a CD of Belgian Folk Music and it was one of the best CDs I bought all year. I've been planning to review it, but it has no cover, so I don't know what it is or what the tracks are.

I also have one of very early English folk music. I've had it 5 or 6 years and still not ever played it - I'm saving it for a rainy day.


So, tonight, aboard The English Maid, I was reminded that Brigid Power-Ryce has an incredible voice. It's like a strongly burning candle, and it's one of the few voices, that's power and intensity frightens me..

The rest I saw and heard were also good...


I also like boats, so the night went down well, even though I didn't stay long enough to see Woody Guthries old mate Tom Paley play....

Yes boss, as I often do, I wandered off early on a whim, following my nose....

I walked down the Thames as far as Tate Modern, then across to St Pauls, through Bank, up Brick Lane and all the way down Bethnal Green Road and then onto Roman Road for the final stretch...

It took about 2 hours in total.

It was a lovely walk...


As I descended the steps onto the Island, I could hear the rumble of good quality bass...

Other than the Fish Factory (I plan to get a job there soon) and the Slaughterhouse (I plan to never work there), Fish Island is almost completely composed of Yuppie Flats and Artists Studios.

The Artists are always having parties.

So much so, there's a hand written poster that recently been taped to the brick wall of the block of studios to the left of where I'm writing this.

It says:

PLEASE DO NOT PISS AGAINST THE WALL BEHIND THE SILVER LANDROVER. ARTISTS STUDIOS ARE FOR WORKING, NOT FOR HAVING PARTIES IN EVERY WEEKEND!!!!!

Feeling as if I'd had enough action for one day, I elected not to seek out the party, and instead, took the set of steps that takes me up and past Shayne Wards flat.

Shayne lives in Number 32 and I live in Number 46

I like to walk past Shaynes flat.

Why??

I like to remind myself of the night on which The Chairs Of Pop Power were captured..

It's a bit like my version of Remembrance Day, except during the capture of The Chairs Of Pop Power, none of my friends got blasted into a thousand bleeding pieces by bombs and machine gun fire...

So, I'm just past Shaynes flat (there are no new important pop artifacts to be had), and I'm walking this gangway towards mine and I can hear a couple having one of those quiet arguments - the kind that'll really BLOW once they get the front door shut.

They are about to come into view.

They are walking towards me.

They can only be going to one of 3 flats...

I know who they must be.

It's Shayne and his girlfriend Faye McKeever.


I smile broadly and get ready to say:

'HELLO!!!!' in a polite and neighbourly fashion...

But Shayne looks down at the floor like a man who knows his musical time (and ownership of The Chairs of Pop Power) has been and gone.

Faye looks at me and returns my smile and we all carry on walking...

THE DAWNING OF A NEW ERA.....

Current mood: FAYE: LEAVE THE LOSER...
Category: FAYE: LEAVE THE LOSER... Music

YOU'RE HEADING FOR THE GIOVAN-ROCKS........



YOU WILL BE SOON SHAYNE, YOU WILL BE SOON....

IT’S ALL A MATTER OF TASTE

Current mood: PSYCHOSIS...
Category: PSYCHOSIS... Music

There's one track on Bristol band Portisheads first LP that features that sample from Ikes Rap II..

It's a regulation downbeat number called Glory Box and it did very well....

The odd thing about this track, was that at the exact same time, Tricky (also from Bristol) had an almost identical track featuring the very same sample that also did well, at the exact same time...

The mood and feel of the two tracks are more or less exactly the same, yet I've always seen the Tricky version as being very, very much better...

Yes boss, to my ear, the phrasing of the vocal is far more hopeful and upbeat that Portisheads.

Add onto this, the extra work by The Gravediggaz that makes the b-sides into a remarkable separate entity called The Hell EP...

and I know where my vote goes...

These Gravediggaz tracks sound like a brain decomposing - that moment when you know you've had too many drugs, and that you might have some serious work to go to get back to your former life...

I like these tracks so much, I have them on the LP, on Red Vinyl 12" and a 7" Picture Disc single, meanwhile the Portishead version has no representation in the Giovan-archive at all..

So, what do you think???

Tricky or Portishead???

Or both in equal but different merit???

RECOVERY AMIS IN THE ARMS OF A CHILD (and a quick flyer review)

Current mood: SORE....
Category: SORE.... Writing and Poetry

After my brush with yesterdays late night christ, I spent today meddling with broken computers, saying 'OHHHHH!!' with a pained face, (just like my mother does when she gets up from the sofa) and wondering what in the hell is going on in astro-land to make so many curious things happen in so few days...

It's all been a bit Pete Tong:

Running battles with 2 computers (including 'old faithful') I fall off the bike, Manchester United win The Champions League, I'm not drinking and enjoying it - shit, I even took a certain ammount of pleasure in mopping the floor yesterday for our 6 monthly 'HAVE YOU RUINED MY YUPPIE FLAT YOU WORTHLESS SCUM!!!!' flat inspection....


I tell you what's been good though: I've only recently got my head around Billy Childish, and the more I read and learn of him, the more I find him to be the wisest of sages and a very good game player..

Yes boss, BC has that inherently important (in fact THE ONLY IMPORTANT) artistic skill - he's able to see things as they are, and not how either the mass of people or the guiff publicity says they are....


I mean it, when I say 'THE ONLY IMPORTANT' artistic skill...

People hark on about talent and ability, originality and creative merit, but surely the point of the reformation of art led by the likes of Marcel Duchamp was to simply say

'Look it's about what you're saying not the fact you can flip more hoops than anyone else..'


Unfortunately, as Childish regularly notes, that particular lesson hasn't been learnt at all, and now every half wit, with nothing better to do is knocking out bad copy Dadaist art and thinking they're clever with it, when in fact they're just being professionally lazy...

Yes boss, art today is now more often than not cheap entertainment crossed with decoration and advertising...

Anyway, In this wonderful interview (thanks for the tip Brigid) Mr C slays (with remarkable accuracy) more sacred cows than a Hindu undergoing a severe crisis of faith,,,..

It's perhaps a little wordy, but this piece is quintessentially good critique. BC's targets are always firm and correct - not least when it comes to writers like Amis & Rushdie....


I've always despized these two clever and respected harridans..

In my creative writing clases at art school, we were always being directed towards them. These were THE GREATS OF OUR TIME!!! THE LEVIATHONS OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE!!!!

But I could never see what there was to get excited about?!?

Sure they could string clever words together endlessly, but Amis in particular, never seemed to have any reason to write or anything at all to say. It struck me he only bothered with writing to annoy and trump his dad, Kingsley Amis - and if there's one thing I definately disaprove it's writing running in families....

Yes boss, if Paul Junior ever says 'Daddy, I want to be a writer...' I'll go spare...

'BECOME A FUCKING POLICEMAN!!! OR AN ASTRONAUT!!! WORK FOR Mi5 - ANYTHING BUT BE A FUCKING WRITER!!!'


So, if you're reading this Amis: Quit and become a plumber or a civil servant - in fact, I think that's his ideal job for Amis - a civil servent...


Of course my dislike of Amis and Rushdie curried me no favours with my supposed writing teachers. It was pretty much essential to write that kind of flowery and over elaborate guff OR ELSE!!!


But I suppose in the sense that those teachers required, I've never been and will never be a writer. I don't see the point in putting words down for the hell of it, or to be smart, and I'm not bothered about frills unless they serve a purpose.

You're either saying something worth saying because it's erupting out of you in colour, or you should go do something more useful instead....


Oh and if you're about London tomorrow and want to sit on a boat and hear music, come along to this...

(This is the best coloured flyer I've seen in ages - the text could do with being a little clearer though..)

PIOUS PAUL GIOVANNI £RD KISSES THE TARMAC....

Current mood: HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF CHRIST...
Category: HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF CHRIST... Religion and Philosophy

I'm getting back into cycling...

Yes boss, my delight for beer and fried breakfasts has meant a slow and steady increase in the Giovan waistline, and though the situation is far from serious, I've decided a little pre-preemptive action is necessary in order to keep the spread in check...


I'm also firggin' well tired of London Transport.

Yes boss, Fish Island might be the best place on earth to take drugs and THE GENERAL AND COMPLETE CENTER OF THE FUCKING UNIVERSE!!!! But it's shoddy in terms of Public T: the tube doesn't even come close and the buses aren't much better and this means a few hours minimum to get to and fro to gigs.

Now, I didn't use to mind this at all. In fact, I had a good routine going with downing a few beers on the way, so as to be able to slow drink the night away and thereby get best and lasting value out of whatever squalid amount of cash I had available to spend..

However, not content with giving all smokers colds, the pettty idiot regulators of London are now banning booze on Public Transport as from June 1st 2008?!?

Yes boss, no more boozing it on the bus...?!?

It's a fucking liberty and one I don't intend to respect!!!!


Anyway, tonight, I went to Angel to see Big Mama's Door play a competent set of tight blues in the bar of a small theater on Upper Street...

Now, the best thing about going to Angel (other than the name of the place) is that one can cycle the whole way there and back from here (excepting a few hundred yards) alongside The Regents Canal..

Yes boss, if there's one thing I love more than cycling, it's cycling canalside AT GREAT SPEED, AT NIGHT, WITHOUT LIGHTS!!!

In the daytime, it's all stop/start and politely waiting for the nice people to GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE DAMN WAY!!!! But at night, it's little short of endless edge ridden exhilaration - made all the better with a belly full of booze or some dubious chemicals rolling around the veins!!!


Anyway, I left tonights gig sober (I have insufficient cash to get drunk, so instead elected to not bother at all) I cycled down to the canal, and rode a safe and steady 10 or 12 mph pace homewards...

A half mile or so done and I'm somewhat astonished to come across a religious freak dressed in white ceremonial robes....

Yes boss, the Holy Cunt is pacing up and down YELLING!!!!

Is it They Came From The Stars I Saw Them performing some kind of a single release ceremony (The Hot Inc is out NOW on itunes etc!!) to the goddess Eris???


If only it was - but it's not...


It is instead some christian nutter, and he's pacing the toepath at midnight YELLING!!!

'OH HOLY SWEET FATHER OF CHRIST, WHO GAVE HIS SOUL SO THAT WE MIGHT BE SAVED UNTO OTHERS IN HEAVEN AND EARTH FOREVER AND ALWAYS...'etc


oh jesus....i think


Well, I quickly figure this man is in such a world of religious rapture, he's clearly not even seen a mere mortal like me, so I tweak my fingers on the brakes, find a good line to his right (so that if we do bump one another, it's him who goes in the drink) and I pass on by...


Move completed, I'm just about to congratulate myself on a stylishly well executed pass, when I catch a glimpse of another white robed person on the left, I take a look left and th-

CRASH%^&^%***BANG FUCKING WELL WALLOP!! into some knee high concrete hulk and I fly over the handlebars...


Well, as I come around to the fact, that instead of flying alongside the canal looking for bats and feeling pretty good, I am instead tied up with my bike in a heap, I remember the preacher man...

I look back towards him, to find that THE HOLY FUCKING CUNT HASN'T SO MUCH AS LOST A BEAT OF HIS SERMON?!??!??!???????

'OH HOLY SWEET FATHER OF CHRIST, WHO GAVE HIS SOUL SO THAT WE MIGHT BE SAVED UNTO OTHERS IN HEAVEN AND EARTH FOREVER AND ALWAYS...' he rants

SERIOUSLY!!!!

I mean I, Paul James Giovanni £rd could be lying in a pool of my own bastard teeth struggling towards a future of funny looks from passers by COMBINED WITH EXPENSIVE DENTAL APPOINTMENTS!!! and Mr 2 meters away Holy, is only worrying about higher powers and upper incantations?!?

Well, my adrenalin is properly flowing and with the edge embarrassment beginning to bite, I look on asconce at GOD pacing and ranting like a demented fucking fool..

I untangle myself, check that everything is working, that I can stand, and I get back onto the bike...

As I do, the 2nd robe clad figure, who can only be Gods long suffering wife, gingerly walks towards me, whispering 'Are you alright?' (her body language suggests WE DON'T WANT TO BOTHER HIS HOLINESS WITH OUR IDLE CHATTER NOW DO WE?!?)

I say 'I'm fine' and I get going...


So, I cycle on homewards, and my knee hurts more with time, but it's OK and I get back to Cod Island to find that my only injuries are some towpath rash down my left arm, elbow and knee and a nasty bruisey lump above the kneecap...


But Jesus...

'OH HOLY SWEET FATHER OF CHRIST, WHO GAVE HIS SOUL SO THAT WE MIGHT BE SAVED UNTO OTHERS IN HEAVEN AND EARTH FOREVER AND ALWAYS...' etc

Whatever the fuck happenned to good old fashioned christian charity????

POACH ME A GAMEKEEPER

Current mood: INCORPORATE YOUR CRIME AND WE’LL TALK!!!
Category: INCORPORATE YOUR CRIME AND WE’LL TALK!!! Jobs, Work, Careers

Militant attacks and strikes by Nigerian oil workers have helped push oil prices to record highs.

The defence ministry has suggested militant attacks could be brought under control by employing the very militants conducting the attacks to police the pipelines, newspaper This Day reported.

"We will engage them to police oil pipelines, but they must first form themselves into limited liability companies for us to discuss with them," Defence Minister Yayale Ahmed told a House of Representatives committee on Tuesday.

(HA HA HA HAAA AHAH HAAAAA!!!! PG£)

"That's a matter for the defence ministry to comment on," a spokesman for the oil company Royal Dutch Shell told the BBC.

A defence ministry spokesman was not available for comment.

3 DOCS FOR THE LIBRARY ::: NO1

Current mood: THE FAMILY SHED...
Category: THE FAMILY SHED... Art and Photography

I don't like TV much and on the many occasions I've not had one, I've never missed it...

This so, very occasionally, I get surprisd by the box, and this has happenned 3 times in the last week..

On each occason the surprise has been in the form of documentary..


Here we go with the first...

The family Greenhalgh are from Bolton

About 8 of them live in a terraced house, and led by Mr Greenhalgh Snr's wild fantasisms, they've made themselves a career out of faking high quality ancient art works for no apparent reason..


Their son Shaun, is the craftsman...

It's the same old story of individual genius fights over institutional idiocy:

Rejected by art schools, Shaun has no friends and no love for humankind, so he retires to the family garden shed, and sets about faking a whole and completely diverse bunch of artworks that go on to fool 'experts' by the tonne..

He does Gauguin Statues, Assyrian Reliefs, L S Lowry paintings, Roman Silver Plates, the list goes on...

The peak of the Greenhalgh families creations is the Amarna Princess..

Created in the shed by Shaun, The Princess is sold to Bolton museum for £440,000. Reputed to be an Egyptian Relic, it's passed as real and bought after a host of inspections, including one by know nothing Queen..


Well, as you'll have no doubt worked out, the gravy boat ends, and all the police can do is make some shitty video of the inside of the Greenhalgh's house and bring some convictions...

Yes boss, upon breaking in, the rozzers find the place to be an Alladins cave of self taught artistic skill.

Shaun is found to be sharing a bedroom with 2 elderly relatives and so he produces incredible copies...


And what do the authorities do???

BANG UP THE GENIUS FOR 4 FUCKING YEARS!!!!

But it's not all bad

Mr Greenhalgh Snr gets away with it.

He's well into his eighties and as the court case approaches he finds the need for a wheelchair. His neighbour recalls having never seen Mr G in a wheelchair before the court case - 'it was a sudden decline'....

The judge recommends a custodial sentence, but can't give it because Mr G senior is too 'ill'...

(father and son)

And that's about it, except programs that highlight a criminal operation, often end with the inevitable 'DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME KIDS!!!!' moral warning...

But not this time.

The doc ends with the friends and neighbours of the Greenhalghs in the local boozer toasting the families success!!!!

PURE TV GOLD!!!!

THE BLUNT KNIVES....

Current mood: SHARPEN THE BLADE BOYS, SHARPEN THE BLADE.....
Category: SHARPEN THE BLADE BOYS, SHARPEN THE BLADE..... Music

If you can find it, Stool Pigeon Magazine is one of the few paper rags worth picking up...

Stool Pigeon is free...

It covers mostly obscure and little known acts

It contains some very good writing...


All this goodness doesn't however prevent the artists interviewed therein from talking STEPHEN JAMES JOLLOCKS!! and the December 2007 issue exhibited the following words from Henry of The Young Knives, that perhaps
illustrates my point of the previous blog, better than I...


Henry is reported to have said:

'We don't have strong opinions on anything. We're of that generation that's quite confused about what we think. We're neither left-wing nor right-wing. We've been taught at school how to be objective in our arguments. Empathising with both sides of the argument and never coming to any kind of conclusion'


Well Henry....allow me to respond...


"The point of school isn't to simply sit there, listen to and then do everything you're told to do and think, by the failed simpletons who call themselves teachers...

The point of school is to be naughty and/or, do as little of the silly work as possible, whilst simultaeneously cherry picking the good stuff and educating yourself in your spare time....

If you find this hard, simply sit quietly, and stare into the middle distance, as if therein lies a beautiful apparition of hope bliss and heavenly unity!!

In other words, I have a word for people who have no opinions about anything because that's what they've been taught to do, and that word begins with a 'C' and ends with an 'unts!!!!!'

Furthermore, though it's something you clearly struggle with, I've found myself able to come up with an opinion about your band...

This opinion is that I'm completely unable to even get as far as listening to your records to form an opinion, because the fact that you have NO opinions makes it very, VERY unlikely you're going to produce anything even remotely interesting!!!!"

AKA

NEXT!!!!

PUT YOUR BACK INTO IT!!!!

Current mood: WOOF WOOF WOOF!!!!
Category: WOOF WOOF WOOF!!!! Music

One of the main problems I have with modern music, is the lack of real and genuine intensity exhibited by most of its creators...

Yes boss, having spent just over a year looking at where things are at, I'm finding there's a distinct lack of genuine force to todays music - a lack of intensity, a lack a strength and passionately REAL feelings going into the songs and the performances....


Here's my estimation of the problem..

People who can make properly intense feeling laced music (whether it be the loud and rawkus or the deeply soulful) are nearly always mentalists of one kind or another.

They're the type of characters that can barely hold onto their day.

They're people of huge and overwhelming sensitivity. People who can't function without the music, who can't do anything else but music, and who half the time can't even do that, because the world is sitting on them, or they're simply tired and bored..


Here's a comparison:


When you hear Suicide SCREAM!!! you knew they were screaming because they hurt and they felt things they couldn't quite cope with. You knew they couldn't contain the pain, so they had to come out with it....

Suicide were the kind of band that can only slip in and out of function because everyday was and still is some kind of a war against pain, real or imagined...


Today you get The Crystal Castles.

The Crystal Castles are a flatulant, rust proof, easy to market palid pain band.

They scream, but they don't make me feel anything. They're like a sad freak show for a youth that has no real idea how to rebel - a youth so lathered in honey, they think visiting Camden and buying an identikit pair of wayfarer shades is making a statement...


I could list of a whole bunch of similar artists..

As I'm writing this I'm listening to Pendulum.

The first track I heard by Pendulum was a LIVE track and it appeared to have some proper big VARROOSSHHH!!!

So I downloaded the LP and I'm listening to it, and it's worse than crap...

Sure, there's one or 2 tracks on there, but the rest is just mild mannered and over produced. It goes nowhere, it has no depth or power. It's like a Sunday walk around a newly developed area in a brand new pair of trainers. It doesn't inspire me to turn it up to 11 and it doesn't communicate anything other than a sparsity of depth and ideas..


Contrast Pendulum with DJ Scud.

Now, I've no idea what's happenned to DJ Scud, he's not on myspace, his record label Ambush closed down and there's no sign of new projects that I can find info about....

But he was and remains fucking well FULL ON!!!

Yes boss, I've got 2 or 3 of his DJ mixes from the turn of the millenia, and everytime I play them, they blow my head off. More or less everytime I HAVE TO TURN THEM FUCKERS UP!!!! My pulse starts racing - I feel the immediate need to start throwing things around...


My point is this: People who make music should be so fucking dysfunctional they can't string a tour together without being molly coddled the entire time, let alone play every money spinning festival on the circuit to an inane and rapturous response...


I think the bottom line is that there's a plague of bad professionalism in music. The whole game is being high jacked into becoming a badly over organised circus, run by sensible, well balanced people with degrees in Music Management - people who love to balance books and run marketing campaigns as used by their new media friends for selling boxes of washing powder...


Maybe this is a good thing??

Maybe the world is alright now because we have disposable everything and no ideology other than SPEND SPEND SPEND!!!

Maybe people don't need to vent any more??

Maybe the world's got better and we should be simply happy with that and accept that music will decline...??


But that's clearly not the case, it's just that people are far better trained and controlled nowadays to be happy with what they're given...


Oh well....

A HAPPY FAMILY.....

Current mood: UMMMM.....???....
Category: UMMMM.....???.... Music

GOD SAVE THE KINGS!!!!

Current mood: YEAH!!!!!
Category: YEAH!!!!! Music

SPARKS SPECTACULAR - 21 ALBUMS IN 21 NIGHTS

At Carling Academy Islington, N1 Centre, Islington, LONDON, N1 0PS
www.islington-academy.co.uk doors open at 19.00

MAY
16^th Halfnelson/Sparks (1971/2)
17^th A Woofer In Tweeter's Clothing (1972)
18^th Kimono My House (1974)
20^th Propaganda (1974)
21^st Indiscreet (1975)
23^rd Big Beat (1976)
24^th Introducing Sparks (1977)
25^th No.1 In Heaven (1979)
27^th Terminal Jive (1979)
28^th Whomp That Sucker (1981)
30^th Angst In My Pants (1982)
31^st In Outer Space (1983)

JUNE
1^st Pulling Rabbits Out Of A Hat (1984)
3^rd Music That You Can Dance To (1986)
4^th Interior Design (1988)
6^th Gratuitous Sax & Senseless Violins (1995)
7^th Plagiarism (1997)
8^th Balls (2000)
10^th Lil' Beethoven (2003)
11^th Hello Young Lovers (2006)

JUNE 13th WORLD PREMIERE OF SPARKS' 21ST ALBUM (2008) @ Shepherds Bush Empire, Shepherds Bush Green, Shepherds Bush, LONDON, W12 8TT
www.shepherds-bush-empire.co.uk

INDIVIDUAL TICKET PRICE: £20.00 PER SHOW

3 NIGHTS OR MORE BOUGHT TOGETHER: £18.00 PER SHOW

GOLDEN TICKET – ALL 21 SHOWS - £350.00 (includes signed poster and exclusive Sparks song on CD). This offer is exclusive to
www.ticketweb.co.uk cc line 0844 477 2000

(TICKETS SUBJECT TO BOOKING FEE)

TODAYS FLIM FLAM....

Current mood: LOVE IS THE DOVE....
Category: LOVE IS THE DOVE.... Life

WHERE WAS MONIQUE RODEL????

I found one of the leftover posters from yesterdays Fish Island scare (in fact 2) on lamposts, on the road this afternoon...

Does this means Monique's still lost on the road, but not inside these pearly gates???

I doubt it, but am now becoming fascinated with the story as to what exactly happenned...


Did she have a row with Ryan or Graham and who in the hell is Mairead???

Did Monique simply think 'FUCK THIS AND FUCK EVERYONE!!!' and disappear for a coupla days peace and quiet???

Did she manage to knife her would be assailent in the head, when she realised he was a bit funny looking???

Or was it all just art????


Jesus, I worry about how it all works AND I WANT TO KNOW MORE!!!!


That Madeline McCann thing did my head in.

I could never understand why there was such a fuss over one (of so many) lost children. It was Princess Diana all over again..

And then there was that thing in the North East of England where a girl went missing and not only was she found a number of weeks later hidden away in the base of a relatives bed, but her mother was arrested over her going missing, meanwhile her step father was accused of kiddie porn...


To trump it all, there was the cellar in Austria...

PEOPLE LOVED THAT SHIT!!!!

Endless headlines!!! The details of it all were like crack...

HOW HIGH WERE THE CELINGS????

DID HIS WIFE REALLY KNOW NOTHING????

WAS IT REALLY HITLERS FAULT????


Menawhile MJ and (thus far at least) R Kelly drive the streets in their limo's...


I think people get bored, and they leap onto these media death/missing person campaigns as a way of identifying with some excitement and dangerous difference...

When you're brushing the same carpet every day, you must lust after a story no matter how horrific it is - I know I do....


Is there such a thing as collective guilt and communal grief???


It fascinates me....


FUCKING HELL - EVERYTHING FASCINATES ME!!!!!

A PHILIP OF THINGS....

Current mood: WOBBLY
Category: WOBBLY Music

Here we go with a few tips and flip flops of info to line your day...


Firstly: Today Fish Island got scary:

Yes boss, Mrs G and myself were leaving the flat this morning to go to Primark in Hackney (YES, WE'RE THAT FUCKING CLASSY!!)

We see a few pieces of A4 paper dotted about the car park that appear to be advertising something....

Getting closer to one we see the word 'MISSING'

SHIT!!!! I think, has Shayne Ward finally realised The Chairs of Pop Power are missing?? DOES HE WANT THEM BACK?? ARE THERE GONNA BE FLAT TO FLAT SEARCHES FOR THE CHAIRS??? AM I GOING DOWN TO POP HELL BEFORE I'VE EVEN HAD ONE HIT?!?

Or has someone lost a cat???


Well, we take a look and it's far more sinsiter than that.

A young woman has disappeared. She was last seen leaving these here Fishy Flats at midday on Thursday and hasn't been seen since...

This is not a joke...


Now, generally speaking, I can never get too bothered about people going missing of whom I have no knowledge, but when they've left your block of flats in broad daylight and apparently disappeard, I find I get a little more bothered...


So, I just went to check on her name to write this (because I was convinced she was called Isobel and Mrs G was sure she was called Monique) and I'm pleased to say she appears to have turned up, because all the posters have now been taken down...

PHEW!!

Secondly: I know many of you probably don't give a shit about bike racing, but I'm gonna rattle this one out anyway....

Dave Zabriskie is a professional bike racer currently riding for the Slipstream Chipotle team.

I first remember Zabriskie winning a solo breakaway when riding for Lance Armstrongs US Postal team in the Tour of Spain 4 or 5 years ago. It was a proper long solo breakaway that very very rarely succedes, and I had the feeling that though his career had (up until that point) been cursed by injury, we might be hearing more of Mr Z...

Well, since then he's held the yellow jersey at The Tour De France, before crashing out (whilst still wearing the Golden Tunic) He's also won and placed high in many top level time trials and regular races...

Anyway, having co-won Stage 1, Zabriske was enjoying this years Tour of Italy, but he suffered the misfortune of suffering a rather nasty crash that took him into an ambulance and out of the race...

So, my point here is that he wirtes blogs here on myspace and his latest is an account of this Giro, the crash, the hotels, and the general the life and times of a pro-racer on a major tour..

It's an ace read and insight into the sport that I love and you can catch it by clicking here...


Thirdly:

There's a new musique blog on here that I'd recommend you get your subscription on if you want to learn about newer music..

It's written by Minnie Musique and you can get yourself a braniful by clicking here....


Lastly:

I've mentioned him before and I'll no doubt mention him again.

Roger The Record Producer has an ace blog and he now has a weekly podcast type thing called The Shabby Road Radio Hour

This Radio Hour is a fucking wierd and wondefully ACE thing and you must check it out right away!!!!

So, go to his blog and scroll down to find Episodes 1 & 2...


OVER AND OUT!!!!

AND TO THINK THAT AT THE TIME OF RELEASE, NOBODY THOUGHT ROB HALFORD WAS GAY....

Current mood: EVE MORE GAY THAN FABIO.....
Category: EVE MORE GAY THAN FABIO..... Music

Currently listening : The Essential Judas Priest By Judas Priest Release date: 2006-04-11

JUST BE HUMAN???

Current mood: STATING THE BLEEDING OBVIOUS
Category: STATING THE BLEEDING OBVIOUS Goals, Plans, Hopes

I'd imagine it's obvious that I'm an extremely important person here on myspace...

Yes boss, few folk would argue that until Paul Giovanni £rd came along Myspaces rather pathethic crowning glory was the coronation of two bit bands like The Arctic Monkeys and one track wonders like Lily Allen...


Of course there are many upsides to being very virtually important. But there are also bleak downsides...

Such downsides include being virtually bothered by people on the street, being continually harrased for friendship by large breasted girls in bikini's called Marlene who are JUST BURSTING for me (Paul Pious James Giovanni £rd) to watch them on their LIVE CAMS OR TO DATE THEM TODAY!!!!

Then there's forever being roped into charitable work...


A few weeks back, I got one such charitable request that came in the form of a 'Friend Request' from a group calling itself Just be Human (TM)

I read their page and found it to be completely full of ideological tosh...


As humans we all share equally in a responsibility to reduce need globally. When one human needs, we all need. Just Be Human is not only a charitable initiative; it is thought in motion. Together using conventional and non-conventional means we can re-imagine the possibilities and begin to change the world.

One common action will always produce more results than the potential of many different thoughts never acted upon.

Together we can change the world! Just Be Human - Think it, See it, Do it, Live it...

Now, you can call me mean, but I simply object to people who understand the notion of 'being human' as 'being kind' and 'charitable'....

Yes boss, from what I've seen, 'being human' is really all about maintaining improving and enhancing ones own personal power and status, until one finds their niche and can improve no more...


Furthermore, it's my rather unpopular belief that people who dedicate their lives to charity and expect you to believe they're doing this out of anything other than neccesity, are nearly always suffering what's more commonly known as a 'nervous breakdown'...

(Either that or they're an exception to the rule or a con act)


So, for my money (and you ain't getting it) starting up a charitable organisation called Just Be Human (TM) clearly misunderstands what being human is actually about, and is therefore either very, very naive or very cynically exploitative...


But I don't really need to be saying this, because the fact that this quasi-religious charitable business group (SAVE THE AFRICANS!!! By going on holiday and shaking tails with a crocodile) puts a (TM) for Trademark after it's name says it all...

RUN AWAY YOU FOOL!!! THOSE SCALEY OLD FUCKERS WANT TO EAT YOU!!!!! LOOK AT THAT VICIOUS FUCKER IN THE WATER!!!! IT'S ONLY THINKING ABOUT CHEWING YOUR BASTARD HEAD OFF!!!!!

THE CHAIRS OF POP POWER ::: FURTHER AND BETTER PARTICULARS

Current mood: POPISM
Category: POPISM Music

So what exactly are The Chairs of Pop Power???

The Chairs Of Pop Power are one of the most important artifacts in modern popular music.

They are the place where pop music relaxes and gains it's space.

The Chairs Of Pop Power deal and create pure light pop gold inspiration, that if used correctly, translates into pure pop music success..


What's the history of the Chairs Of Pop Power??

Because of their power and desireability, the complete history of The Chairs Pop Power is difficult to fully know.

That is to say, their history has been deliberately shrouded in untruths and lies...

What is known for certain, is that The Chairs were held (until recently) by a group known as the WaWeWa (Walsh/Westlife/Ward) Dynasty.

Whilst under that ownership The Chairs were mistreated and abused to create tracks such as this....

and this...

Just how long The Chairs had been in the posession of WaWeWa dynasty is however not known....

The suggestion that Lionel Richie originally gave them to as a Christmas gift to Michael Jackson is currently being researched..


If I sit in The Chairs of Pop Power will I become a pop star??

It's not that simple...


Why not??

Much like the Sword Of Damocles, The Chairs Of Pop Power can cause the wrong owner more problems than they solve.

Basically, if used incorrectly The Chairs Of Pop Power can julienne your ass and do far worse to your brain..


Isn't this all a load of old bollocks???

No.


But what proof is there that The Chairs Of Pop Power create or control pop music???

3 days after The Chairs of Pop Power were recovered from then holder Shayne Ward (Britains very first winner of The X-Factor) the X-Factor 2007 final was embroiled in scandal that discredited the entire operation.

Accusations of vote rigging and corruption surfaced that to this day have not gone away...

The person who should of won the 2007 edition of X-Factor had bright white hair, despite being a very young man....

This is not a coincidence. Rhydian had white hair because (in a vain attempt to persuade the world that average opera style singing was pop music) he spent far too much time sat in The Chairs Of Pop Power

It's a known fact that had The Chairs stayed in the control of WaWeWa Dynasty, Rhydian would've sat in them some more and then won the 2007 X-Factor and that squalid competitions domination of pop would have continued. But they didn't, and the day they were removed was the moment that saw the begining of the end of The X-Factor dominance of the christmas pop charts.

Yes boss, it was that very weekend that many people realised the X-Factor dream was all but over. That something new, more genuine and more credible had to happen to pop music..


How did The Chairs of Pop Power come to be in the posession of The Paul Giovanni Corporation AKA The Futureproof Music Corporation??

Shayne Ward rents a flat off of Westlifes Bryan McFadden not far from the HQ of the PGC AKA The FMC...

After spending countless hours observing Wards habbits and his increasingly casual and uncaring use of The Chairs, agents of The PGC AKA The FMC found a good opportunity to pinch The Chairs from under the nose of Ward...

A swift and telling executive decision was made.

The Chairs were grabbed, and immediately removed to a secret location where they've stayed ever since.


So Giovanni, you've had the chairs for months now, why aren't you a fucking pop star???

The Chairs Of Pop Power take time to work their magic.

They're not like a lightbulb - you don't simply plug them in and see the light...

They have to be nurtured and encouraged like a child.

It's necesary to spend hours sitting in them, dreaming of and fully developing your pop concepts .

You have to offer them magic, sacred offerings and light to get any back.....

Then, if and only when, they feel completely comfortable, will The Chairs fully impart their knowledge and hit giving potential

Yes boss, The Chairs Of Pop Power MUST ACCEPT YOU AS THE RIGHTFUL OWNER!!!

Until then, they are merely just another pair of posh deckchairs without cushions....




Horton Jupiter & Naomi Aurefeld engage heavily with some serious high light aura's atop The Chairs Of Pop Power in May 2008....

Is it a coincicdence that the next night their band They Came From The Stars I Saw Them play to a packed out house (on a Tuesday night), and perform an exceptionally poppy and well recieved set????

THE CRAZY GERMANS PLAY WITH GOD...

Current mood: HELLO!!!!!!
Category: HELLO!!!!!! Music

THEY CAME FROM THE STARS I SAW THEM MEET THE CHAIRS OF POP POWER LIVE ON FISH ISLAND

Current mood: ENLIGHTENED..
Category: ENLIGHTENED.. Music

Since capturing The Chairs Of Pop Power from fading pop star and original X-Factor winner Shayne Ward, I, Paul Pious James Giovanni £rd have been working on restoring The Chairs to their former pop giving powers...

Yes boss, after consulting with more worthy forces, I felt it best to allow The Chairs time to regenerate their powers gradually, naturally and without pressure...

Daily rituals, involving incantations, the burning of incense and the concentration of burning light, have aided a steady and safe recovery, and I'm now pleased to announce that the Chairs are showing every likelihood of having COMPLETELY RECOVERED THEIR UNIQUE POP GIVING POWERS!!!

Yes boss, once again The Chairs Of Pop Power are being employed to channel pop success towards all who sit in them..



(If you're confused

hold on

more information will follow....)

LEE PERRY AND JESUS....

Current mood: ON THE SOLES OF MY FEET...
Category: ON THE SOLES OF MY FEET... Music

WELL I’LL BE DAMNED....

Current mood: RUNNING OVER PORSCHES MIGHT NOT BE THE ANSWER
Category: RUNNING OVER PORSCHES MIGHT NOT BE THE ANSWER Life

So, I'm sitting here waiting for the response to the last few blogs and thinking over what I've read and written this last week and to kill time, I think I'm gonna google that girl Ellen i impressed hugely by running over that Porsche way back in 1998....(what else is the internet really good for??)

So, I put her name in and find she now has her own website to showcase her poetry...

Well, I'm browsing through and I see she has a book coming out called 'Girl in the Air' and I read down (half expecting to see some kind of credit for Paul Giovanni £rd) and who the fuck is illustratng the book, but Patrice Le Garrec?!?

Well I'll be damned...



(If this makes no sense to you, you'll have to read this blog to which it refers...)

A WEEKEND IN THE LIFE OF PAUL GIOVANNI £RD ::: SATURDAY (AN ASIDE)

Current mood: IT!!!
Category: IT!!! Music

'What do you say to someone with a degree in Cultural Studies??
'????'
'Big Mac & Fries Please!!'
T Nadir 2001


From being an elitists calling card, a university education has mutated into a wide ranging service business, that's aim, first and foremost, is to make money.


I remember my first show and tell at art school.

My course had a heavy ammount of creative writing in it, so our first task was to do a piece of writing, to bring it in and read it out to the group.

It sounded like a stupid fucking idea to me, but I did it and there we all were, sat in a big circle, like recalcitrant alcoholics, and one by one we read out our pieces...


Now, at the start, I thought I was probably the biggest fucking written cheese since someone noticed milk split into curds and whey and wrote it down.

Yes boss, I basically figured that all I needed to do was turn up and I'd be feted and handed a publishing deal WITHIN WEEKS!!!


But as the spotlight went around the room, I realised there was a lot of talent about...

Yes boss, my piece was knocked up the night before and it didn't fare too well. Meanwhile others had clearly put as lot into theirs and it showed..


All this was slightly embarassing for the strategists on Planet Paul, but I did learn something that day:

That there are a hell of a lot people with talent and that it's therefore other things that make the cut between those who make it to be professional and known writers and those that don't.....


About the only other thing I learnt at art school was during the 'Myth of the Artist' module...

The 'Myth of the Artist' module set out to debunk the idea artists were inevitably crazy, mad impulsive fools.

It instead suggested that artistes could be normal rationale folk, who loved their wives more than their work and returned their library books on time.


It was a strange idea and I guessed that the teachers on the course (who'd already ballsed up their chances of artistic immortality or realised they simply 'didn't have IT') wanted to give themselves a little solace or future hope that their safe and steady life was the right move to some kind of future greatness...

In fact, I quickly realised the whole set up at art school was based far more around the lecturers than the students.

The college was their rock face and if you were a good worker and courted their favour you did well, and if you weren't, you didn't....


Anyway, ever since that module, I've always wondered about the truth of the 'Myth of the Artist'

I mean it's all very well saying that artists can be balanced folk who pay their mortgage on time and only go to the pub for a quiet half, but is it really true??

Well, I really don't think it is...

Sure, there are some like that. But by far the larger majority that I've seen, who actually have inspiration and motivation to seriously try and make their creative talent into gold, are crazy in one or several ways...

They nearly all DON'T pay their bills on time - if they even know what bills are.

In fact artists, musicians and writers very rarely seriously think about anything or anyone else other than their projects, what it takes and how they're doing and whether ANYONE IS LOOKING AT THEM?!?


But then I also wonder if the wheeling madman image isn't just a myth perpetuating itself?!?

That the media and critics love to see that side as being an inevitable and intrinsic part of an artist, and that knowing this, artists themselves see the mad boozing spontenaity as being a necesary thing to replicate to make IT??

THE UNFASHIONABLE EAST END...

Current mood: TRANSITIONAL
Category: TRANSITIONAL Music

Come out of Mile End Tube, take a right and about 60 yards on your right, you 'll come upon a pub...

This pub was an unremarkable place until a year or so ago, when it underwent a makeover and name change..

I forget the original name, but it was renamed

Virtue


From the outside at least, Virtue had gone all 'noughties night club in the provinces'

We're talking big silver lettering on black.Very cheap chic. How sign makers approximate Hollywood glamour for a few hundred unconvincing quid...


Well I've never yet been inside Virtue and I wouldn't have any reason to, other than pure curiosity - I only ever go that way when on the way to somewhere else..

In fact, I wouldn't know anything about the place, it if it wasn't for slipping upon a couple of pieces in the local paper


The first piece said that someone had been stabbed outside after an altication inside, and the second (a few weeks later) said it'd been busted for drugs...

Yes boss, a police raid had seen to it that a whole bunch of crack dealers had been shipped out of what had apparently been a very good place to score hard drugs.

There were 10 or 12 of them, all caught with their trousers down inside Virtue..


Well, after another makeover Virtue has just reopened.

It's new name??

Milestone


I'm not sure if or why that's interesting, but it's struck some kind of a chord with me...

WHATEVER HAPPENNED TO...

Current mood: CURIOUS
Category: CURIOUS Music

Macy Gray??

I WENT DOWN THE PUB AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS....

Current mood: FANS...
Category: FANS... Music

BLOG MATERIAL...


Yes boss, yesterday Mrs Giovanni and myself went out to the pub...

WHAT?!?

MRS GIOVANNI WENT TO A PUB WITH YOU MR GIOVANNI?!?

HELL YES!!! VERY OCCASIONALLY IT HAPPENS!!!!


Now, I know a few of you doubt the existance of Mrs Giovanni.

Yes boss, I'm certain some of you think she's a figment of my wanky little mind, and that every night I do infact sleep with a large pink teddy that I dress up in suspsenders and lipstick and talk to as if it's my girlfriend....

But let me say this:

If you think like that you're the ONE WITH THE PROBLEM!!!!

MRS GIOVANNI LIVES AND WE WENT TO THE PUB!!!!


So, the pub was called The Lauriston, it's in 'Hackney Village' and it's a shitty fucking pub.

Yes boss, the first time I ever went into The Lauriston I noticed a sign that said that anyone wearing baseball caps or Burberry wasn't allowed in...

WELL!?!?

Sure our chavvy little friends can be a pain in the ass at times, but is it absolutely necesary to BAN the fuckers from the local pub. I mean how far away is that from

No Irish, No Blacks & No Dogs


But that's the spirit of Hackney Village...

It's completely full of middle of the road riche folk, who've either got lucky on the property market, or who think of themselves as being ever so slightly clever....

We're talking people who think slumming it is driving a vintage Saab. People who live in a rough area, even though they're loaded because they think it's rootsy...

Like

'Yeah we live in a shithole, but in this quaint villagey bit that isn't that slummy, next to a huge park in a million pound house, but yah, we live in Hackney, we've seen a Banksy, we're probably artists!!!'


Anyway, the 'No Chavs' sign came down a while back and my pink teddy (in suspenders and lipstick) and I still go to The Lauriston about 3 times a year, because it's one of the few places anywhere local, that does Italian style pizzas in a proper oven, and Mrs G does need her Italian style Pizzas now and then or else she'll stop yelling at her Italian friends when they're only a foot away and stop saying Ciao!


So, we get inside, and there's this noise going on that made me imagine a human being forced through a coffee grinder.

Yes boss, it was a deeply penetrating kind of a sound that really digs into your subconscious and starts pushing up the daisies.....


Well, figuring it could only be a temporary sound, we took a seat and ordered food..


It didn't stop...

It went on

and on

and on

and the staff are working around it as if it didn't exist.


So, I tolerated this racket for a while and seeing no human beings (or even coffee beans) being fed into coffee grinders or workmen using heavy tools, I went to the general area from where it were coming, to have a look at what exactly the sound was....


Well, you'll never guess what was casuing it?!?

A fucking ordinary table top fan!! They'd balanced it on a thin metal sheet that attached the oven to the wall. The fan was causing the sheet to vibrate and that was making this godawful noise...

I mean fucking hell, it was a 2 minute fix to prevent this horrnedous grinding sound and it appeared that it hadn't occurred to any one working there that it could:

a) Be doing their own heads in and should be fixed
b) Doing their customers heads in and should be fixed


Well it continued and I was reaching the point of explosion when a staff member turned the stereo on - and then, apparently noticing that the sound of the fan was LOUDER than the fucking stereo, turned the fan off...


IT WAS VERY VERY WIERD!!!!!


Anyway, today it was another scorcher and with the weather forecast saying more of the same well into next week (FUCKING A!!!), I dug our horrible cheap plastic very chavvy fan out of the box room and set it running...

'LOOK MRS GIOVANNI!!' I yelled, feeling enormously pleased with myself 'I'VE MANAGED TO TURN THE FUCKING FAN ON, WITHOUT KEEPING HALF OF EAST LONDON IN A STATE OF MENTAL TORTURE!!!!!'

'Well, aren't you a clever boy.' she said 'Now make me a herbal tea, I have a terrible headache..'