Talking of The Pride Of Spitalfields

Current mood: TOUCHÉ
Category: TOUCHÉ Parties and Nightlife

I've long had a score to settle with the East London Advertiser over their mis-use of a photo I took very early one morning......

Basically what happened was that one night our Living Room AKA The Pride of Spitalfields was firebombed in what was assumed to be a racist attack by Asians against whites, but that was more likely kids being stupid...

Well, that night we weren't in The Pride.

No boss, with my tragic attempt at an affair with Katie having polluted the waters a little, we weren't playing the incestuous freak family living on Brick Lane game with quite the same gusto as we'd been doing previously...

At the time of the attack, I was however still up farting about making up business successes in my head and dreaming....

I therefore saw the fire engines come in, and knowing there couldn't be much on fire down that street except The Pride, I rushed out the door to see what was going on...


And there it was - the joint was in fucking flames!!!

OUR FUCKING LIVING ROOM!!!!

BURNING!!!


Well, with the emergency services dealing with the fire, I nipped back indoors, tried and failed to wake Andy & Sarah, returned outside, took a few photos, had a chat with a bunch of Asian youths about the flames (more on that later), and then (once the flames were out) got on the blower to the local papers and my old friends at the Evening Standard to sell the story and my pictures of it...

Yes boss, there's no point in crying over a burnt down living room...

A positive must be found!!!


Well, the local paper, the East London Advertiser was interested.

I emailed them my pictures and told them I wanted the fee to go to the barmaid we all knew and loved who'd been injured in the attack.

I then emailed this to them so they had that in writing and couldn't try and weedle out of paying...


Well, to the best of my knowledge no money ever arrived direct to her and it certainly didn't ever arrive in my bank account...


So, ever since then, I've been looking for an opportunity to get revenge on those cheap cunts for stealing my picture...

Yes boss, I have big ears and like an elephant, I never forget...


Well today, I was walking past Mile End Tube and I saw this appalling spelling error by guess who???

So, I quickly snapped off a few shots and upon returning home, emailed the pictures to Mrs Giovanni at Big Pictures.

She's now syndicated them to all UK newspapers, and given that journalists are generally terrible bitches, I'm hoping one or two might buy and help me bring scorn and shame on their shitty little rival The ELA...


Yes boss, since that business with Sienna Miller a few weeks back, the celebs have been putting the screws on the paparazzo's.

Now private yachts and boats are considered to be 'private property' and are therefore out of bounds, so, these kind of 'isn't life strange' pictures, together with animal stories are what's selling the best...


Anyway, the basic point here is that you don't want to fuck with the Giovannis!!

OH....AND YOU SHOULD ALWAYS CHECK YOUR SEPLLING!!!!!

Currently listening : Screaming for Vengeance By Judas Priest Release date: 2001-05-29