Here’s a repeat....

Current mood: SALACIOUS!!!
Category: SALACIOUS!!! Movies, TV, Celebrities

Well shit, My Official Artist has just drawn my attention to unarguable fact. That of all the images in the PG£ archives this current one is amongst (if not THE) best...

Yes boss, this one's a gem from the artists pen.

But in this case, only the smudge of lipstick on the lips and the flashy eyes came via photoshop and here's the story as to how and why...


About a year and a half ago, I was looking around for things to do.

Then, my heroic career as a marathon and majestic blogger was merely a twinkle in my back eye. Meanwhile I was dipping my oar into as many other creative and related pursuits as possible to see what took my fancy as a way forward:

Amongst other things, I worked several minor roles in film and TV. I tried to suss a way into magazine writing. I started taking pictures again and did Life Modeling for art classes. I flirted with remixing tracks and did some DJaying..


Well, one day, I was browsing myspazz looking for similar openings, and saw a bulletin add for Male Dancers who'd prepared to dance naked for a short film version of Alice In Wonderland.

Now, this quite clearly sounded like a fucking nightmare job, but for some reason, I fancied it.

Thing was, I'd done naked Life Modeling and also played the very challenging role of a naked corpse for a feature film (playing dead is harder than it might seem), and having successfully passed on both of those, I was curious as to exactly how far I could take the whole naked thing before it became porn...


So...

I messaged the advertiser and said I had no idea how to dance, but that I'd do it anyway if they wanted me in..

They did...


So, at the very first rehearsal, there were 4 or 5 sheepish looking guys in their late 20's and early 30's and about 5 girls in their early 20's in the room:

Us guys were to be the dancers and the girls are the film-makers...

My first thought was: Why in the hell didn't I think of this when I was at art school? Instead of trying to create the aural atmosphere of bicycle races on CD I should just bastard well said:

'Look, I need 8 beautiful naked women to reenact a scene from The Hound of the Baskerviles wearing only makeup and tinfoil shinpads. If you're interested call me on 077--==.]'/..


Anyway...

The deal was this. We had a minute of air time.

In that minute, the girl playing Alice was to climb from underneath a table, whereby she would find us boys naked, except for see through aprons and blonde wigs - we'd be covered in flour and doing a synchronised dance with the rolling pins...

BLIMEY!!!


It was on the second rehearsal that we got naked.

By then one of the boys had chickened out, and I was beginning to wonder about the wisdom of taking part.

Yes boss, I realised then, that if I danced naked, on film, in a blonde wig with a rolling pin, any future career as The Ofiicial Assistant to Bono Vox or even as Prime Minister, would be doomed to failure the minute my opponents found the clip.....

But shit, it was too late - I'd started, so I'd finish....


After we'd done that first run through, I took a look around...

The girls looked both embarrassed and thrilled.

I (as all men would do) then took the customary look across at what the other boys had to offer....

'WELL SHIT!!' I thought as my eyes drifted across at each of their midriffs...THIS CAN'T BE SO - THIS IS COMPLETELY FUCKING WELL STATISTICALLY UNFEASIBLE!!!

Yes boss, there in that room were the only 3 men on the planet more well endowed than Paul Pious James Giovanni £rd!!


We did the actual filming a week later in this house in Clapton, East London.

It was an ordinary terrace house, except that Sunday, the kitchen had been covered in flour and there were 4 naked men wandering around in blonde wigs and see through aprons...

After chronic disorganisation, we got the job done, and I headed off to Camden to DJ, keeping on my gold face as some kind of a 'Look at me!!!' party trick...


Well, a year and a half on, and I've never seen the finished work and neither do I want to. I did recieve an invite to the initial screening in a Shoreditch bar, but I was in hospital on another medical trial and couldn't go.

Whatever it achieved I don't know. I certainly admired the ambition of the film and it was some kind of a buzz in doing it...

It was however the end of my career in film.

Yes boss, upon completion, I realised, that after nearly 2 years of trying, I'd taken ham-acting and extras work as far as it could possibly go - it was time to move onto something new....

Currently listening : More Songs About Food and Revolutionary Art By Carl Craig Release date: 1997-04-22