Current mood: WOOOBAHHH!!!!!
Category: WOOOBAHHH!!!!! Life
Before Sire Bob Geldof set about saving all our futures, he did a song with his mostly forgotten band, The Boomtown Rats about how he disliked Mondays...
It's a pretty ordinary number, but since Sire Bob has become Mother Theresa, it gets aired every few years at some ginormous concert, just before Annie Lennox appears holding an African, after when she lecture sings a number off her new LP that usually sounds worse than a dying cat...
Now, quite how Sire Bob has managed to make an entire career out of one rather flmisy pop song and a big old bag of charity work is something to be admired or hated - but whereas I aspire to his level of megalomania with deep and great longing, I don't generally share his fear of Mondays..
No boss, I've never had a distinct problem with any one day of the week..
Instead, I tend to find they all roll into one after another, and presently, I find I'm suffering a disproportionate number of Saturdays and Sundays...
Yes boss, every time, I check the day of the week, it's either a Friday or a weekend.
It's wierd - I can't remember there having been a Wednesday for some time now and the last Monday would have a bank holiday and I HATE BANK HOLIDAYS on account of my nearly always having to use a bank on them....
Today has however been a Monday in the vein that Sire Bob so joyous sings about and I'm now going to bore you with it's details....
Things started badly...
Having spent 2 weeks in my yellow trousers, I spent a tasty 3 days wearing a very small pair of Kevin Keagan style white shorts and a tight white t-shirt saying FEEL THE MUSIC!!!
It was a king sized outfit - a kind of male bikini, which made me feel both tropical, handsome and vibrant at all times!!!
Yes boss, down the years I have engaged in plenty of research as to what clothes, looks and accessories solicit the best admiring and fun looks from passing ladies, and though I usually swear by a suit with some kind of an artsy twist to be the best - this white outfit, combined with a white bangle and sandals now tops the charts!!!!
(Of course, some of the looks I recieved were laced with amusement - but once you get that smile, the job is done...!)
Anyway, today it was too cold for shorts, I therefore reluctantly ditched them and got my fake red Nike Jordan 23 Air tracky bottoms out.
Now, the main problem with these red trousers is they're a touch small.
Yes boss, they make my legs look shorter and fatter than they are, which if I were female would almost certainly rule them right out of the wardrobe with no hope of parole!!!
However, though I'm clearly vain, I'm not as vain as even an average normal thinking woman, so i let them live....
I added a matchy matching red and black t-shirt, an ill fitting dark blue Kappa tracksuit top and a baby blue fake Nike Air Jordan 23 baseball cap for good measure, and feeling well and set, I prepared myself for the outside world...
Before leaving, I checked the mirror one last time and felt everything was passable.
I then headed bankwards on the off chance I might be able to get some money out..
IT ALL LOOKED FINE....
BUT IT WAS ALL WRONG!!!
Yes boss, it was as I was walking downstairs and looking at myself in the acres of fishy glass, that I realised I looked like a complete and utter FUCKING TWAT!!!
Yes boss, I was starring back at my reflection and couldn't quite believe the mess...
Somehow, I had mutated from being a white hot sex god, into some kind of dirty, shifty looking redblue blob in less than a day?!?!?
I considered going back and changing into something less stupid, but I couldn't do it...
It was horrible and inevitable...
Yes boss, there are some days when you're walking around KNOWING you look FUCKING ridiculous, but are somehow powerless to correct the situation - even though you have ample ability to change your own clothes..?!?!?
IT'S HORRIBLE!!!!
And that was just the start....
 | Currently listening : Mr. Bassie By Horace Andy Release date: By 1998-06-09  |
No comments:
Post a Comment