People have suggested.....

Current mood: THUG LIFE
Category: THUG LIFE Music

my Noel being pushed blog wasn't very funny....

Noel Gallagher was doing his job and was attacked viciously and violently by an out of control thug...

I say, you reap what your brother sows...

Currently listening : Busy Curious Thirsty By Spring Heel Jack Release date: 1997-09-23

Well today....

Current mood: MOULA...BANG
Category: MOULA...BANG Jobs, Work, Careers

I was wandering down the canal earlier on today, and I was getting worried...

I was realising that I was going to have at most £200 of the £500 of this months rent ready on time and that was was going to cause FIREWORKS here on Fish Island...


Now, this hasn't always bothered me, because I like many, hide behind the line that:

'It's only money'


But money is strange because beyond a point it goes acts purely as a mirror and amplifier...

Yes boss, the fact that it causes problems isn't because the person has a disagreement about the actuality of the money - or even really wants it in brass or paper form...

It's because by not supplying it as agreed, you've caused that person to feel used, abused and/or taken advantage of...


Truth is, cash can never be truly separated from anything - it's so thickly connected with all and everything now that being against it is like being against the rain..


I've always prided myself on being someone who doesn't care about cash and no matter how hard I try, I still don't and can't....

Currently, it's one of those things you have to take or leave as being part of me...

I try to give a shit, and I can't do it...


And this was the thing that was bothering my head as I walked - a complete sense of inevitability - that like with the red trouser fashion problem of the other day, for some reason there's nothing I can do to avoid an (on the surface) completely avoidable problem, and a knowingness that this fact was about to cause trouble...

AGAIN


Furthermore, it's my experience that when you've got too many uncontrollable inevitables going on in your life, BIG problems are ahead...

AKA

CHAOS


Which brings me neatly to this...

Are any of you worried about this Halon Traxfibulator that's gonna recreate the Big Bang in Switzerland on Wednesday - or is the fuss, just another millennium bug...

Currently listening : Solid Gold: Coxsone Style By Various Artists Release date: 1992-04-10

A NEW HERO FOR US ALL!!!

Current mood: ROCK ’N’ ROLL!!!!
Category: ROCK ’N’ ROLL!!!! Music

AT LAST!! SOMEONE HAS TWATTED ONE OF THE GALLAGHERS!!!!

Currently listening : Kiss This: The Best of the Sex Pistols By The Sex Pistols Release date: 1995-09-05

Why we’ll never give up on war....

Current mood: NONE OF THEM RECIEVED A HEROES WELCOME..NONE OF TH
Category: NONE OF THEM RECIEVED A HEROES WELCOME..NONE OF TH Life

One problem I have with Barrack Obama is that like Tony Blair, I believe that deep down he's a conservative...

Yes boss, he might be black (how does that make him automatically alright?), he might make vague speeches, he might believe himself to be only a little less important than Martin Luther King and he might have HUGE charisma - but every time I look at him, I think:

CONSERVATIVE!!!


Well, this unpopular view was only enhanced when I read this piece (also in the Daily Telegraph - which perhaps proves I am also a conservative)..

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/uselection2008/barackobama/2700555/Barack-Obama-wanted-to-join-the-US-military.html

This interview basically states that Obama once thought seriously about being a soldier..


Well, I think this stinks.

Yes boss, a minute ago he's saying he's on a 'change' ticket and what does he do to prove it??

He employs a dinosaur as a running mate, then starts talking about how he wished he'd been a fucking soldier - and that the only reason he didn't join up was because there wasn't a stupid fucking war (Vietnam) for him to go to at the time - he therefore couldn't go kill anyone, and didn't see the point in joining....

And people wonder why he's slipping in the poles...


Another thing I dislike in all this, is the candidates getting their kids out and sending them off to warzones so they can get elected - it's sick..

Yes boss, Barrack is only making up this crap about wanting to sign up, now, because he wants to appeal to the troops and the families of the troops, and because his running mate AND McCain AND Palin all have kids in the forces and they are all lauding their genius and pride for encouraging their dearly beloveds down that route...

Well, what a fucking great idea and example that is for everyone - JOIN UP AND GO AND KILL PEOPLE FOR A LIVING!!!! OUR KIDS ARE!!!!


If Obama is truly about change, how about he stands up and says something like.

'I find violence of all kinds abhorrent, and that's why I've never even thought about joining the army. Furthermore, I certainly wouldn't want my children to join up. Instead, I want to create an America where they won't need to do go rampaging across the world killing people..'


Shit, they might have had other flaws, but the thing I liked about both Bush 2 & Clinton was that they were both war scivers - they both had the good sense to say (privately obviously):

'FUCK THAT SHIT, I DON'T WANT TO GET MY HEAD BLOWN OFF I'M GONNA PRETEND TO FLY PLANES IN TEXAS/SMOKE POT INSTEAD!!!'


Yes boss, I don't know about you and your kids (should you have them), but if this little Giovanni comes out and starts talking about going to a war, I'll lock her in a cupboard with an ounce of dope and make her smoke it until she damn well changes her mind...!!!

In my book, that is responsible parenting - tearfully slapping her on the back and saying YOU'RE GONNA BE A HERO!!! isn't...


Furthermore, at the risk of getting my head kicked in by a bunch of vicious psychopathic squaddies, and/or a bunch of 80 years old war heroes, I'd like to suggest something truly radical here...


HOW ABOUT WE FORGET ALL THIS BRAVE HEROES SHIT!!!

How about we accept that anyone from any country (our own included) who has killed or injured someone in a war (any war) is a vicious evil murdering psychopathic thug?!?!?.

We do after all say that's so if someone (from our own country) hacks someone to fucking death in the high street over a bag of chips - but for a reason I have never fathomed, if someone goes and does the same (often on a far larger scale for a far larger bag of chips) as part of a war - that person is immediately a hero or villan depending on which side he/she's fighting on...

It's complete fucking doublethink and until it changes (which it seems unlikely ever to do) there will continue to be wars - end of story...


Yes boss, in my book, the only war heroes are the ones who have the balls to say

'FUCK THAT!! I'M NOT GOING - YOU CAN KILL ME FOR SCIVING IF YOU WANT, BUT I AIN'T GOING OVER THERE AND KILLING NO-ONE!!!'


Anyway, that's my politics done with for today...

Tomorrow, I'll be pointing out how we can all save the rain forests.

I'm then gonna be going on holiday with Bono on a big fucking boat in the med, wherein we will (for once and for all) attend to the vast and varied problems of Africa...

Currently listening : Paul Hardcastle, 19, Extended Version By Paul Hardcastle

Education, education, education....

Current mood: TELL ME THE ANSWER!!!!
Category: TELL ME THE ANSWER!!!! Jobs, Work, Careers

A thing that regularly cracks me up when I'm reading the newspapers, is the state of science...

Yes boss, I frequently find brief accounts of apparently earnestly done studies which appear to do nothing other than state the complete fucking obvious and in doing so they often also provide a laugh..


I'm talking about studies which say:

'Fatty foods are PROVEN to make you fat'

or

'Scientists prove that taking daily exercise makes you fitter'


Yes boss, it now seems that whereas higher education establishments used to be exclusively about creating social privilege, maintaining the hierarchy and advancing knowledge, they're now about 25% that, and 75% full of workshy tossers sitting around studying studies about studies that state the bleeding obvious...


For me, such things are prime signs that a civilization is becoming unstable - that the whole set up has got fat and is about to have problems...

Yes boss, if you compare a civilization to an athlete, I reckon this current one is aged about 32, has put on a bit of weight, has a few niggling injuries, and is thinking very seriously about retiring so it can spend more time with it's kids..


But there's no point getting bothered by these things, instead we must laugh and here's one such laugh story I saw today that cheered me right up...


The summary in the Daily Telegraph starts by saying..

Telling a prospective partner "I really like you" is likely to encourage the chosen target to reciprocate the feelings.

Research revealed that if a person shows someone their feelings, through eye contact, smiling - or simply telling them - they are more likely to return the sentiment.

WELL FUCK ME THAT HAVE NEVER CROSSED MY MIND!!! I thought...

I read on - chuckling....

But the University of Aberdeen study shows the science of attraction to be more complex.

And for a moment, I thought it vaguely possible I might be about to learn something new...

My reading pace quickened:

WHAT IS THE SECRET??? TELL ME THE FUCKING SECRET!!! TELL ME IT NOW!!!!!


Well, the crux conclusion of the study - THIS NEW PREVIOUSLY UNKNOWN OBSERVATIONAL FACT - (as undertaken by scientists in Aberdeen) is essentially that:

If you have an attractive face and you smile, you are more likely to be seen to be attractive than if you have an attractive face and you don't smile...


GENIUS!!!!

NO...

FUCKING GENIUS!!!!!


And apparently for that

Dr Jones and Dr Lisa DeBruine, will present their research at the BA Festival of Science in Liverpool.

I think I might have to become an academic...


http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2699545/Secrets-of-flirting-revealed.html

Currently listening : Ultimate Love Songs: Vision of Love By Various Artists Release date: 2005-01-11

The Oppresser and the Oppressed...Pt1

Current mood: HIDE!!!!
Category: HIDE!!!! Life

Back when I was being a full time roads protester, we'd often have the 'Oppressor vs Oppressed' discussion...

This discussion essentially boiled down to the idea that to successfully mount any kind of a serious revolution, one has to be the 'Oppressed' and not the 'Oppressor'...

Geoff, who was at the time 16 years old (and might feisty with it) was of the opinion that us in The UK ( a rich heavily industrialized country) were always going to be the 'Oppressor' and not the 'Oppressed'.

He was therefore sure that we'd never be able to rouse a big enough sized mob to change things, no matter how stern and serious we were...


And though I wasn't quite sure at the time, I now think he was right...


This so, there have only ever been very few occasions where I have personally felt I was 'The Oppressor'

Yes boss, as does everyone on this island, I SLURP my way through plenty of resources, drink cash crop tea for fun, and think nothing of doing whatever my money will allow - but on only 2 clear occasions have I had the definite I'm BAD!!!..


One of these was when I was in Northern Ireland as per that blog of before...

I went there pretty naively, and it was only when I arrived, looked and opened my eyes, that I understood my sort might not be that welcome..


This was in the inbetweener time of Northern Ireland

Around about 1999

It was before peace had properly broken out - but because of the big CITY bombs, they were definitely talking heavily about it and there was a ceasefire in place


Until going there. I'd never much thought about the whole situation other than it all seemed to be a waste of time.

As far as I could see, no-one in England gave much of a fuck about Northern Ireland.

Whatever the argument was about was way beyond both the understanding and my interest of most folk I knew...

It all seemed to be silly...


Of course, I well understand and understood the need to make a political point and had spent a lot of time doing just that myself.

But I'd never got close enough to seeing violence of any serious kind, to be the right way to achieve something...

No boss, I've been standing there with a can full of petrol, about to start a very big prison sentence sized fire on a very good political reason and thought..

'Nah, this is ridiculous...'

And walked away...


In Northern Ireland, I found that I was there as a guest of one of the families that though it wasn't politically active at the time, must have had a fair old input into the unhappy status quo at some point in the past..

I WAS THEREFORE ONE OF THE BAD GUYS!!!


One day we drove past Stormont.

Stormont was where all the peace talks went on and is now where the united parliament sits..

Never before or since have I seen such an imposing colonial building..

This picture is good, but it gives no serious impression of how this place looks from the road that passes a mile down...

It rises up out of hillside like a fucking spaceship..

It's as empirical as things get...

And we went there and built that and expected to be loved by the locals???

This aside, there was one particular moment when i felt very, very uncomfortable

We were walking around central Belfast.

My then girlfriend pointed out the town hall which had been bombed on tens of occasions.

There were roadblocks and bomb barriers all over the place and rather than the regular squad cars, the police were driving about in these as standard...

(Notice the Crimestopers stencil on the side..)

Well, that day, I suddenly became very very conscious of my clear English accent and I felt far from comfortable using it.

I found myself always looking over my shoulder before talking...

It was no joke, that if you spoke with that accent in certain parts of town, you'd be considered to be a legitimate target and at the very least receive a serious kicking...

I found myself remembering the story of the SAS soldiers who went into a pub in the wrong part of town thinking it might be a razz, and never came out...


All told, there was a very heavy and uncertain atmosphere and i felt like I was on the wrong side of it...

And that was the first time I ever really felt like I was the Oppressor..

Currently listening : Introducing the Hardline According to Terence Trent d’Arby By Terence Trent d’Arby Release date: 1990-10-25

Wake up little Pauly....

Current mood: GIMME A JOB....
Category: GIMME A JOB.... Music

WELL FUCK MY SPATS!!!

I missed the start of the Tour Of Britain today..

I've seen the first day of all 4 editions of this - the only decent bike race the UK has to offer - and I had every intention to see todays...

Yes boss, I planned to do my usual stalking of top riders to see what made them tick, I would then have bothered them for autographs and words of advice....

Instead, I was sitting around here all day long reading about the mafia and watching the Grand Prix and at no point did it even occur to me I might be missing out...

Thing was, I was CERTAIN it was next Sunday, and I never checked my diary TO BE SURE...

FUCKING SHIT BOLLOCKS CUNT CRAP ARSE CUNT FUCKING ARSHOLES!!!


Well boss, I'VE GOT TO RAISE MY GAME!!!!

And I've also got to start getting paid more often...!!!

Yes boss, Mrs G arrived back from France this evening and she didn't leave it any longer than an hour before reminding me about the rent and threatening HELL FIRE if I didn't have it on time (which I won't have)....


ESSENTIALLY, I NEED A PAID COLUMN!!!

I'm gonna start by approaching The Editor of The NME

What do you reckon on this as a starter for 10???

I reckon they'd be fools to turn such a darling sweet offer down....

Dear Connor….

I am writing to apply for the job of CHIEF FISH ISLAND CORRESPONDENT!!!!

Now I know you haven't advertised this position and you might think it isn't required, but by the time you've read this piece you will understand both why it is an excellent and essential position, and why you'll have no difficulty in sanctioning my commission STRAIGHT AWAY!!!

So, here's the rub.

It's struck me having read your magazine that you need a lifeline AND QUICK!!!

Yes Connor, your ship is sinking, your mag is dying and along with will go a small piece of British popular music culture…

Of course, it's not escaped my attention that your business is increasingly orientated towards live promotions, IDIOT FUCKING AWARD CEREMONIES AND OTHER SUCH CYNICAL MARKETING PLOYS, all of which are pretty damn lucrative and are perhaps the future of the NME…

It's therefore possible that you no longer give a shit for good quality written copy unless it's written by a copywriter - but just think of the kudos and acclaim you'll get if you rescue the magazine and once again make it an essential and worthwhile read…?!?

Things is, though I know I shouldn't do it, I quite regularly browse your magazine – I don't pay for it, that would be foolish - instead I go to my local lending library wherein I read each issue with a mixture of dread and despair…

It's not so much the bands you cover in The NME, as the poor quality of the writing that bothers me, and this weeks edition was worse than most….

Yes Connor, I was merrily sitting in the library reading the latest issue and I was more than half way through when I realised I'D ALREADY FUCKING WELL READ IT – it was the previous weeks copy!!!!

IT WAS THAT FUCKING INDISTINCT AND AVERAGE!!!

Now, this is clearly not good enough…

Something needs to be done – and when something needs to be done, I'M YOUR MAN!!!

So Connor, I've taken off my yellow trousers (after 2 solid weeks of wear) and I'VE JUST PUT ON MY RED TROUSERS!!!

Yes Connor, I'M WEARING MY FAKE RED NIKE AIR JORDAN 23 TROUSERS!!! AND I'M READY TO SAVE THE DAY!!!!

Here is my offer.

I am prepared to write a weekly column for you.

It will be about whatever I feel like writing about that is connected with music and it will always be brilliant, insightful, sometimes inflammatory and always at least 1 notch above everything else in the magazine..

It will examine the shitty fake poseurs who claim to be indie rock stars and it will prescribe the good common sense solutions to the current appalling condition of popular music…

It will also promote the good bands that I know to be 10 times as good as the cack that fills most of The NME…

Each weeks column will be somewhere in the region of 800 words and IT MUST NOT BE EDITED!!!!

But you can be assured it will be good!!!

Yes Connor, it won't be the kind of quick and shoddy thing that can find all over my blogs..

I WILL SWEAT BOLLOCKS FOR THIS!!

It will be heavily worked and passionately made to the very best of my ability….

It will be of such high quality that your readers will cease using their old copies of the NME for cat litter and instead start collecting them as people once did…

Yes Conn, your old readers will come flooding back and your new readers will breed like the fucking crabs did in Ozzy Osbournes 1970's underwear...

This column will demand so much of my time and effort that when Mrs Giovanni knocks on the door of my study to bring me my dinner, I will look up and say:

'WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU???'

IT WILL BE BRILLIANT!!

And you'll love it so much, you'll have a bronze bust of my face installed in your fucking office…

You'll be happy – I'll be happy EVEN RADIOHEAD WILL BE FUCKING HAPPY!!!!!

So, for this excellent service, I want £1023 per column.

This payment must arrive within 12 hours of the delivery of each weeks column and it must be paid in HARD cash delivered by bicycle messenger to my Fish Island flat.

Yes Connor, we all know that banks are complete and utter CUNTS and if you pay me any other way they'll find some devious way to cream off a percentage to line their 9^th fucking house with…

It's therefore cash or nothing..

This is a take it or leave it offer – I am not prepared to negotiate…

Mail me soon with a big fat YES, and I will get started..

With love..

Paul Pious James Deman Giovanni £rd

http://www.paulgiovanni.com

http://www.myspace.com/paulgiovanni3rd

http://paulgiovanni.blogspot.com/

PS: Perhaps you think this is a joke, but I never joke.

No Connor I make a habit of being completely fucking serious about EVERYTHING ALL DAY EVERY DAY!!!!

I'M A VERY SERIOUS YOUNG MAN AND THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS OFFER!!!!

Currently listening : George Clinton and His Gangsters of Love By George Clinton Release date: 2008-09-16

The Big League....

Current mood: THE OPULENT....
Category: THE OPULENT.... Life

One thing I've noticed about well brought up children of the rich, is that they often don't realise they're rich - or at least how rich they are......


I had a girlfriend who was this way.

That she was comfortably off was clear from day 1, but because I don't pay too much attention to money, it didn't occur to me (or apparently her) that she was to one day be SUPER rich..


Her father worked for the Dutch Embassy, but he could also be some kind of a spy.

She was brought up in The Yemen.

She spent time in The Sudan.

And when I went through the list of the other countries she'd lived in, I found the postings often coincided with political events...

The story was that he was sent to sort out administrative problems.

And the last I heard of his activities was that a year or two after September 11th, he'd been spending a lot of time in Pakistan.

Maybe there were a lot of administrative errors happening in Pakistan???


Financially speaking, I only realised just what was what, when we went to visit her grandparents in Belfast.

It was well over a year after we'd met.

The house was a nice size and as we pulled in, she told me it was built in the style of Charles Rennie Macintosh.

At the time, I didn't know anything about architecture or design and though it was quite a good looking gaff, the name meant nothing and it wasn't that which give the game away...


That was a later, when I found myself sitting next to a brass heron..

We were having tea in the conservatory, and her Grandad was reading an antiques magazine..

I was still feeling the whole situation out, as you do when around potential new family...

Do they like me?? Do I like them??

Then her Grandad says:

'I see there's a pair of these (notions in mine and the brass birds direction) herons gone for £15,000'

He said it as if he were commenting on a set of new and controversial road works..


'OH SHIT!!! THIS FUCKING BIRD'S WORTH MORE THAN I AM!!'

I thought..


It was the notification to inform me they weren't short...


This difference in fortunes duly noted, I began to pay a bit more attention to my surroundings and it was then soon very obvious just how rich they were...

Everything in the house worked very well.

The shower in my room ran hot perfect powerfully and changed temperature as and when you told it to - in my experience not many showers do that..

Then there was a picture on the wall of their old home that had sat on the same land..

It was a mansion.

It'd been knocked down, the land portioned up and sold (on which 3 or 4 other large detached houses now stood).

I then noticed the gatehouse

And they mentioned the house down the road that was rented out - 4 or 5 stories of grandiose town house also on Belfasts Malone Road...

There was the Ming Dynasty Pottery that had been rescued from a ship wreck...

The large collection of original watercolours that were worth £12,000 a go..

And then there was the docks...


We were going to see a bird reserve because they knew I was interested in birds.


Another thing I've noticed about the rich, is the things that impress them..

Art and Nature are 2 (because they're both bigger and stronger than money???)

It was lucky that I could talk about both..


Anyway, we were driving to see the birds, and on the way they pointed out the docks..

The Thompson Docks

Their docks

Her Grandads family name is Thompson and they were the docks where the Titanic was fitted out - exactly what the link was has slipped my mind, but these docks are still the biggest dry docks in the world...


Well, initially, I felt a little overwhelmed by all this, but then I started playing the game.

In the evenings, I would also read the antiques magazines, and I'd start asking questions about particular pieces, and her Grandad would show me this and that and once I'd got the vaguest of handles on it all, we'd discuss the market and what was worth having and what wasn't...

I soon got used to all that.

That bit was easy..


One evening, when her Grandparents had gone to bed, I pointed out to my girlfriend, that I believed her family to be SUPER rich and that given that she was an only child, one day she would be SUPER rich too - in fact she already was...

'My Granny once said that Grandad could be a millionaire..' she said..

But she didn't seem to believe or understand it...

Currently listening : Kiss Clublife By Various Artists Release date: 1999-12-28

Sporting thoughts...

Current mood: PUNCHING....
Category: PUNCHING.... Sports

After the golden euphoria of the UKs Olympic performances, today's been marked by the kind of sporting failure the UK public more often loves...


First it was the multi-million pound footballers only just beating the part time Andorrans..

Andorra is a principality...

IT'S A FUCKING TAX HAVEN THAT CONSISTS OF LITTLE MORE THAN 1 SINGLE MOUNTAIN AND YET OUR WORLD CLASS MULTI-MILLIONAIRES STRUGGLED TO BEAT THEM 2-0....


Then it was Amir Khan being stuck on the canvas by an unknown Columbian inside 30 seconds..

Amir has been on a golden carpet ride since his boxing silver in the Athens Olympics.

18 fights 18 wins

He's been held up as being the acceptable face of Islam (his Dad wears the Union Flag as a suit)

He worships Allah - but talks with a Bolton accent and doesn't think about blowing shit up....

He appears a genuinely good guy who's been brought up lovingly well.

And he can definitely PUNCH!!!


But he doesn't like to get punched...


There's a fragility about him - a Bambi like nervousness.

Big deer eyes..

And after a few good shots from the Columbian, he was on the floor...COMPLETELY OUT!!


Compare Amir with the best pound for pound fighter Floyd Mayweather Junior

Floyd used to get the crap beaten out of him by his Middleweight Professional father.

Floyd has a naivety about him - but it's the kind that's come from having his childhood stolen by a stupidly vicious dad - turning him into a BIG champion...


Has Amir suffered that???

I don't think so..


Boxing's an odd sport - a successful rise relies on the skills of the promoters and trainers PICKING the correctly timed opponents

Other sports have governing bodies who do that for you...

One wrong opponent and that is quite often that...

Last night, Khans people ballsed it up BIG TIME!!


To succeed in the really tough games like boxing or cycling, you have to have suffered hugely against your will, or REALLY ENJOY PAIN!!!

You can't cycle up mountains effectively unless there's demons chasing your soul or you love the sheer fucking torture of it...

The good mountain cycling men are generally eccentric lunatics and they often die young...

Marco Pantani died on Valentines day in a hotel called The Rose.

He was 34.

He died of a Cocaine overdose..

You have to ingest a SHITLOAD of cocaine to overdose..


In all sports, once you get beyond a certain level it becomes about mental soul strength...

Has Khan got it???


The UK track cyclists have got it.

Perhaps the key difference between the winning track cyclists from Olympic Wonderland Beijing and the loosing former Olympic boxer, is that the track cyclists got more or less nothing from nobody until they'd reached the absolute top of their game...

Those guys and girls are all on very small money - most of them could get paid more for doing something else far MORE NORMAL, but they're cycling for the love of the sport and the buzz they get from it...

When they win a few gold medals they've reached the peak and THEN they get paid..

But Khan won an Olympic Silver!!

The Olympics mean nothing in Boxing


It's 2008, and these days, sponsorship comes in very early...

MONEY $£$£$££ MONEY $£$$££$$

It doesn't affect the true greats - but too many spend, and do the charity functions before they've really done anything that special...


YOU CAN SEE IT IN THEIR EYES...


How many times do professional sportsmen look to be uninterested.

Currently listening : Rocky IV By Original Soundtrack Release date: 2006-02-28

Make the best of it...

Current mood: HALLELUJAH!!!
Category: HALLELUJAH!!! Music

Currently listening : Millennium Prayer By Cliff Richard Release date: 1999-12-10

SIR CLIFF!!!

Current mood: BEING STRAIGHT NOW...
Category: BEING STRAIGHT NOW... Music

About a year ago I suggested Sir Cliff Richard might be homosexual and in denial...

He obviously isn't..

And this article proves it...

Sir Cliff speaks frankly about his 'companion' the ex-priest

The memoirs of most pop stars follow a formula, describing in lurid detail their sexual exploits and battles with drug addiction. Sir Cliff Richard's autobiography is a little different, if no less illuminating.

The 67-year-old singer has spoken for the first time about his close relationship with a former Roman Catholic priest, and calls on the Church of England to approve same-sex marriages.

Sir Cliff describes how he struck up an intimate friendship with an American former missionary, Fr John McElynn, after meeting him in New York seven years ago. The famously clean-cut pop singer reveals that he hired Fr McElynn to look after his charitable projects and numerous houses, after it became clear the American would give up the priesthood. The pair now live together.

In the book, Sir Cliff calls the former clergyman his "companion" and "blessing", going on to say he is "sick to death" of media speculation about his sexuality. "Our arrangement has worked out really well," he writes. "John and I have over time struck up a close friendship. He has also become a companion, which is great because I don't like living alone, even now."

Sir Cliff, a poster boy for the Christian faith, also defends his decision to remain a bachelor in the book, titled My Life, My Way. "People often make the mistake of thinking that only marriage equals happiness," he writes.

"I may suddenly meet someone and feel differently, but right now I am not sure marriage would enhance my happiness. As for my sexuality, I am sick to death of the media's speculation about it. What business is it of anyone else's what any of us are as individuals? I don't think my fans would care either way."

He calls on the Church of England to update its views on same-sex marriages, arguing that all judgements on sexuality should be left to God. "I think the Church must come round and see people as they are now. Gone are the days when we assumed loving relationships would be solely between men and women. It seems to me that commitment is the issue, and if anyone comes to me and says: 'This is my partner; we are committed to each other', then I don't care what their sexuality is. I'm not going to judge; I'll leave that to God."

Sir Cliff chose the Lakeside Shopping Centre in Essex to sign copies of his book yesterday. More than 1,000 fans, mostly female, turned up. In the book, Sir Cliff, who has sold more than 250 million records over six decades, reveals that the only two women he considered marrying were the dancer Jackie Irving and Sue Barker, the sports presenter. He describes Ms Irving, with whom he had a relationship in the early 1960s, as "utterly beautiful", and says for a time they were "inseparable". She married Adam Faith.

Sir Cliff met Sue Barker in 1982. They quickly formed a close attachment thanks to their shared passions for tennis and Christianity. "I seriously contemplated asking her to marry me," he writes, "but in the end I realised that I didn't love her quite enough to commit the rest of my life to her. There were no broken hearts."

He also describes the time he was famously seduced by Carol Costa, the estranged wife of Jet Harris, a member of his backing group, The Shadows. "I was surprised but not unhappy to be seduced", he writes , but stresses that "sex is not one of the things that drives me". In 1996, he flatly denied he was gay. "I'm aware of the rumours, but I'm not gay."

Steve Turner, who wrote a biography of Sir Cliff in 1993, said: "Of all the people I've interviewed, from David Bowie to the Beatles, he's the one most people ask me about. With Cliff, there's always that element of uncertainty and puzzlement, because there's something unresolved about his image."

Currently listening : {3 CD Dance Pack / 39 songs} featuring: Inline, Fly Girl, Benny Moore, Mo'reece Marks, Barbara Nelson, Julio Sole, Sonni Bebe, Latin Lou/Mambo All Stars, Dick Martian, Sonni Bebe, On Time, The Party Boys, Mini Trio, Buckwhead, The Black Pack, Brand New Heavies, Robin, Basscut, Aja, Pharcyde, Omar Go By So Close - Inline / If You Had My Love - Fly Girl / Never Too Busy - Benny Moore / Return Of The Mack - Mo'reece Marks / Genie In A Bottle - Barbara Nelson

Change....

Current mood: WATCH OUT FOR THE WIND!!!!
Category: WATCH OUT FOR THE WIND!!!! Life

We're suffering storms here on Fish Island, and these last few days have had a different feel in the air - the feel that is Autumn...

Already..


Which makes me fucking glad I'm soon going to sunny Italy for 3 weeks..


Well, never one to miss an opportunity to make us feel in imminent fear of DEATH, tonight the TV news media are trying to get all excited about

THE STORMS SWEEPING BRITAIN!!!


Yes boss, they're treating it like it's a proper fucking disaster...

But all that's happened so far is that a 4x4 has fallen into a river...

As disaster porn goes, it's pretty fucking amateur...

In comparison, that hurricane Gustav in the Gulf of Mexico was THE END OF THE WORLD!!!


Oh, and why in the hell do we always have to copy America anyway??

'HEY BRITAIN!! WE'RE HAVING A STORM!!!!'
'Oh...I think, I think, I think we're gonna have one too???' lick lick lick


Anyway, I'm trying to polish this RAH review piece from yesterday, but I'm struggling.

I think the exuberance of last night and this morning has come home to roost...

Yes boss, this morning I could have done 30 blogs - I was on some incredible early morning drinking energy..

Problem was I ran out of wine, and the rainy walk to Tesco's disrupted my flow and changed the mood to reflection...


Well, I'm now restocked on a massive level and fully rested, so there might be another onslaught or I MIGHT JUST GET BLOWN AWAY AND DIE HORRIBLY OF EXTREME WEATHER!!!


Which brings us to the point of notifications...

I get the impression a lot of people unsubscibe from this 'ere BLINGER because they get tired of the overwhelming nature of the PG blog onslaught day after fucking day...

Well, you can water that down by either going into your myspace 'Account Settings' then 'Notifications' and turn off the option to be notified by email each time there's a new blog...

OR

You can go here and subscribe to the blogs by email or RSS...

The email option on this page means the days blogs (sometimes a day or so late) come as one (the 2,3 or 4 posts in the one message)...

OR

You can unsubscribe from here altogether, stick www.paulgiovanni.com on your favourites, type what you want to read about in the 'Search' box and pick and choose your blogs...

Currently listening : Never Mind the Bollocks Here’s the Sex Pistols By The Sex Pistols Release date: 1990-10-25

You know...

Current mood: HELLO SIR...
Category: HELLO SIR... Music

you're in a music studio when you open the kitchen cupboard to find a mug and instead you find this...

Currently listening : Shake Your Booty/Unstoppable/Fight the Power/Don't Release date: 2007-01-30

Good reporting...

Current mood: YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE?????
Category: YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE????? Music

Currently listening : Appetite for Destruction By Guns N' Roses Release date: 1991-07-01

Passing the time....

Current mood: SEEING CLEARLY....
Category: SEEING CLEARLY.... Life

HOW SPIFFING!!!!

It's 21 minutes past 12 midday and having polished off the spare can from the seven of last night and now I'm well into the wine..


I used to do this shit all the time, and only now have I've realised I simply can't get away with it anymore...


No boss, if Mrs Giovanni were here (or at work a little closer than France) she would have sniffed the aroma of booze by now and be on the phone bothering me about it...

Shit, she's probably smelt it anyway but is having too much fun to make the call...


'ARE YOU DRINKING ALREADY???'

'OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!!! I NEED TO FOR MY GENIUS'


But Inch by inch, it's been ruled out...


Yes boss, the sad truth is that these days, I usually have to wait until she's gone to bed before extracting the bottle from the hiding place. I then have to drink it quick, then rush sobering up (so i don't smell too bad) before bed...


WHAT IN THE HELL DOES SHE THINK SHE'S DOING CRAMPING MY ARTSY CLEVER BRAVE CREATIVE DRINKING STYLE?!?!?

Probably trying to save my liver and ultimately my ass...


MAYBE I SHOULD FILL THE HOUSE WITH BOOZE AND CHANGE THE FUCKING LOCKS!!!!

She'd be mighty furious when she returns, but then it'd either a molotov through the letterbox or her walking off with the Mini G, thinking:

'THANK GOD THAT'S OVER WITH!!!'


Or both...


I guess there's no choice but to do the heroic thing...

Currently listening : Power By Ice-T Release date: 1990-10-17

TONIGHTS BIG DOGGY ACTION!!!! (pt2)

Current mood: SHARE THE WEALTH....
Category: SHARE THE WEALTH.... Music

The second Royal Albert Hall anecdote concerns one of the few times I actually went to see my sister play at a venue near the Hall...

I think this must have been in some kind of hall or concert hall within the Royal College.

It could have even been her graduation ceremony...

My memory of some things is very poor indeed...


Anyway, I was in the area for a do of my sisters and I'd got there a touch early...

And I'm wandering about looking for something to do.


To fill in a little of the background:

This is 1994 and I'm living here in London, but I have no idea what I'm doing here or what is where.

I'd originally moved here for 'saving the world' reasons (there was a roads campaign over in Leytonstone and Wanstead) I then stayed on to be nearby my girlfriend of the time..


Well, as per now, I didn't then spend a huge amount of time hanging with my sis or for that matter hanging with anyone...

No boss, we get on from a safe distance and I'm probably only going to this College do because my Mum and Dad have told me I HAVE TO GO!!!


Truth was, I never much liked going to my sisters do's..

I've always had a very strong sense and idea of what I WANT TO BE DOING and if (as a child) I had a pound for each time I was dragged along to a concert or a musical or something 'to see my sister play' I'd be very rich indeed.


To get around this curricular imposition, I would always take a book along.

My mother hated it, but I can out stubborn most people, so each gig I'd have a copy of a bird identification book or a book about skulls or rocks or Amazon Adventure, or Whale Adventure or perhaps even Gorilla Adventure - basically, whatever was blowing open my coat.

I'd then sit quietly bored in my seat and read, whilst whatever was happening on stage happened...


Anyway...

This London do I am as per usual terminally short of cash and even though London wasn't then as expensive as it is now, it was still super dear..


Well, I'm walking away from the Hall towards Kensington High Street, and I walk past a phonebox and as I'm passing it, I notice what appears to be a large pinky coloured purse on the floor of the box...

I keep on walking...

I get 5 or 10 yards the other side and my curiosity gets the better of me. I go back into the box and pretend to make a call whilst lightly kicking the purse - it jingles MONEY...


Well, as if my megalomaniacal paranoia needed anymore highlighting, I'm fearful this is some kind of TV stunt..

Yes boss, Beadles About is a big TV show at the time and given that I'm in posh town London, I figure there must be some hidden cameras somewhere, and as soon as I pick the fucking purse up some cunt is gonna jump out of the bushes and start badgering me about moral choices...

But fuck it - I'm skint, and it appears that there could be money in the purse..


So, I pick the purse up and walk...


A hundred or more very paranoid yards later, I decide there are no cameras or cheery fucking TV presenters and I stop and look inside the purse..

There are two compartments

The first contains a little small change and the second contains a nice wedge of £50 notes and a receipt for a coffee percolator..


Now if this were to happen today - and something similar (though not quite so lucrative) did happen recently, I'd pocket it all without the slightest qualm.

Yes boss, this is Kensington, there's nothing in the purse except a BA reciept - it obviously belongs to some rich bitch who was out doing a little shopping - we're probably talking someone so fucking inbred aristo, she'd make the fucking Royal Family look handsome..


But then, I was rather weighed down by my peasant morals and the idea of being good and honest....


Well, I kept the purse, didn't mention anything to the family, saw my sisters do, bought a 4 or 8 pack of Guiness with some of the cash on the way to my girlfriends, and left her with the decision, whilst i got drunk...

She decided we had to give it in, so the next day we took it to Peckham Police Station and then a month later we went and got it back because no cunt had claimed it..


I gave her half the cash (it was about £287), and spent the rest on an all black mountain bike with state of the art hyrdraulic brakes...

Currently listening : So Tough By Saint Etienne Release date: 1993-03-09

TONIGHTS BIG DOGGY ACTION!!!! (pt1)

Current mood: I’M AN ACTOR!!!!
Category: I’M AN ACTOR!!!! Music

So...

Rather than being a proper mans MAN out FUCKING!!!!

I elected to spend my RockAnRolla evening in the most polite of company at The Royal Albert Hall listening to sea based classical music topped off with Tchaikovskys dying breath...

Yes boss, when my friend John called me a week or two ago and said he'd got a spare ticket for The Proms I was amazed..


For one, I am notoriously unreliable in answering any of the 5 phones in this fort...

And for 2, the whole idea of going to The Proms wasn't something I considered to be the kind of proposition John might be offering me...

No boss, John is a few years younger than I am, but he already has 3 children..


This reality has always amazed me..

He, Heloise and me were all at Art School together, and children most certainly WEREN'T ON THE FREE AND EASY ARTSY CURRICULUM!!!

No boss, when they told me they were due, so pothippyart addled was I, that my best response was:

'I didn't think that was possible..?!?'

But it was - and then it was again - and again...


So today, after sitting in on 4 hours of an excellent session at Gizzard Studios, I headed on over to Kings X and met John off the train...


We took a beer, watched a crate fall off a passing truck (it sounded like a car crash), and chewed the fat...


We were both very impressed with the Olympics and Usain Bolt.

We expressed our fears that the Republicans are too professionally cynical to loose to the Democrats in a cynically political climate

And we ordered breakfast...


Now, as you might have guessed I have a few anecdotes about The Royal Albert Hall..

Yes boss, what i don't have an anecdote about, really isn't worth mentioning - I am after all a man of the world, who collects clever anecdotes for a 9 ta 5...


So, before we get onto the meat, here we go with the first...:


My sister Rachael studied classical music with a passion

Yes boss, somehow this generation of the Giovanni's is very musical despite the previous one not being at all so...

Rachael liked to play the piano, the violin and to sing...

She graduated up through the grades, played in the Eastleigh Area Schools Orchestra and then the Southampton Youth Orchestra.

After securing a place on the Specialist Music Course at the Peter Symonds College, she then got a much coveted place at The Royal College of Music..


Now perhaps some of you are thinking:

'YOU GIOVANNI ARE A LYING CUNT!!! You claim all this rootsy down to earthiness poor shit, but in fact you're from some poncey middle class family with trust funds and horses...'

But no, my Dad fixed cars and then fork lift trucks and he finished his working days as a storeman at a technical college. Meanwhile my mum was a housewife and the only reason any of us have progressed in the world is because of religious hard work and PIOUS FUCKING HARD WORK!!!


Anyway...

The Royal College Of Music is just down and around the corner from the Royal Albert Hall and my sisters course required that her concert performances were completed inside this epic venue...

Well, one time she'd done just such a performance, and whereas I was off saving the world somewhere, my mother and father were there lending their usual quiet support...

The gig played, they were taking a photo of their daughter on the steps at the back of the hall - a proud shot for the family album...


And Michael Cane walked into shot...

Yes boss, we have the photo (though I don't have a copy right here and now)

There is Rachael looking all pleased and proud in the foreground - and in the background is Michael Caine in a long black overcoat looking to be in something of a hurry...

Currently listening : Box Set 3 - Live With Ginger Baker / Roforofo Fight / Alagbon Close / He Miss Road / Everything Scatter / Ikoyi Blindness [RARE] By Fela Anikulapo Kuti

An Explanation...

Current mood: EXPLAINING MYSELF....
Category: EXPLAINING MYSELF.... Blogging

People often say to me:

'Hey Paul James Deman Giovanni £rd AKA Futureproof Pious - I really like your clever, humourous and incisive writing.

I also like the good bands, labels and acts you draw my attention too...

BUT WHAT IN THE FUCK WAS THAT LAST BLOG:

'Henry Car....(women have all the power)' ALL ABOUT???


'Well, that's a good question and thanks very much for asking it....' I reply

Truth is, when I woke up this morning, I didn't truly know the answer...

No boss, that number was produced the wrong side of a bottle and half of wine on an empty stomach - it was therefore the work of my addled subconscious and not something that's easy to explain...

However I didn't study cultural theory at art school for 3 years and come out unable to unpack the apparently insane rantings of a minor league artist like Giovanni....

No boss, I CAN PULL DEEP AND PROFOUND CULTURAL MEANING OUT OF ANYTHING!!!!


So, here we go with the meat ANSWER....


The title is pretty easy to understand.

Henry

refers to Henry Miller.

At the time of titling, I would have been looking at the book Sexus.

Now, for those of you who haven't read this, let me tell you that the masculine heroics of Henry in this book are truly fucking incredible!!!

Yes boss, Henry spends large portions of this book wandering about New York having sex with all manner of women, often in twos and threes. He claims to make them orgasm multiple times on multiple occasions and he does this all in a very matter of fact way - as if he's just popped out to he library for a packet of fags....


But it doesn't end there...!


No boss, Hank then goes on to write about his antics with such precise beauty and FREE power, that you ignore the fact that he's made his wifes life a terrible misery, barely even mentions his baby girl, and is the kind of man most normally considered to be a GRADE A CUNT

Instead you bow at his genius altar...

AKA

Henry Miller makes PG£ feel overawed and COMPLETELY FUCKING JEALOUS!!!!


Car

Well that refers to the track My Red Hot Car which is the track in the video.

In this instance, Car is also portrayed as being a material and profound example of the MALE BIG ALPHA MALE FUCKING PERSONALITY!!!


(women have all the power)

Refers to my belief that women do indeed have all the power...

Now, I understand this claim could be a contentious one, so I'm gonna leave it dangling for a few days or perhaps even a few years before I can gather together sufficient balls to fully address it (especially considering that around about 2/3rds of this blogs readership is female...)


STUPID MONKEYS

This refers to monkey not enough sex men in the video...


So...

If we put all this together with the lyric

'I'm gonna fuck you with my red hot CARRRCCKKKKK!!!'

You've basically got a primal scream from the brave inner child of Giovanni!!!

Yes boss, this is clearly a knowing but bitter acknowledgment that though like Squarepusher, I can sing along to a spunky tune with the lyric

'I'm gonna fuck you with my red hot CARRRCCKKKKK!!!'

I am in fact home alone drinking wine and dousing my passions...


Yes boss, though a man of my talents should clearly be swaggering it about with his RED HOT CAWWWKKKKKK!!!! delivering HIS fantastically creative semen to all and sundry - at the time of that blog, I was in fact at home alone and not out fucking half of East Londons trendy art set in a genius like way..


So, the nub here, is that though at times I think I am, I am not in fact Henry Miller..

No boss..

I AM PAUL PIOUS JAMES DEMAN GIOVANNI £RD!!!

And my idea of a good evening (when the wife's away) is to sit here at PG Towers, drink a bit, read a bit, listen to some music, virtually chat a bit and maybe later (if I'm feeling REALLY FUCKING MANLY!!!!) make a toastie...


Anyway, I'm just getting started on this evening drinking program, so i'll probably be along with another silly blast in a short while..

This is however the VERY LAST time I will explain myself - in future you're just gonna have to do the maths yourselves...

Currently listening : Anthology By The Salsoul Orchestra Release date: 1996-11-26