PAUL GIOVANNI INVENTED FISH ISLAND SHOCK!!!!....

Current mood: IN CHARGE!!!
Category: IN CHARGE!!! Music

Well shit....

I've nailed the website again and it's all thanks to readers of last nights blog....

Yes boss, after finally realising I hated the old front page layout, I put out the request for aid, and it came in, and then I knew what needed to be done...

A collage...

As it stands, it's in no way finished yet.

What I'm gonna do is make it like one of those 'Where's Wally' things crossed with an Heironymous Bosch

So...

I'm so impressed with yesterdays contributions, I think (like President Musharraf of Pakistan) I might give up my dictatorial kinda one man government and set up some kind of a free and easy Giovan-commune here on Fish Island...

Yes boss, there was a wonderful space on the market, just opposite my current pad. £400 a week all newly done out and begging to be turned into something...

Until recently it was being used as a breaking yard for luxury cars and since discovering it, I've been having visions of turning it into some kind of horrendous art commune - the kind of place that will end up destroying many heads, relationships and hearts in the name of art...

But thankfully, I've been down that road before...


There's a lot of these kind of places coming online on Fish Island at the moment - this website is almost completely dedicated to Fishy Artsy studios...

Basically, the whole fucking joint is being turned into some kind of alt-art heaven, just a canals width from the next Olympic stadium...

I would therefore like to take this opportunity to point out that i was here 3 fucking years ago....

Yes boss, I moved into these shoddily built yuppie flats before this building was even bastard well finished, before any Olympic decision was made, and before the place became the new fucking Greenwich Village?!?!

I AM THEREFORE THE GODFATHER OF FISH ISLAND!!!!

AND THE MAYOR!!!!

AND THE CHIEF!!!

AND THE FUCKING BOSS!!!!

Currently listening : Killing Joke By Killing Joke Release date: 2005-07-26

Ummm.....

Current mood: OOGA BOOGA!!
Category: OOGA BOOGA!! Music

When i awoke this morning, I felt a bit bad about blasting off at Kevin Shields last night...

Yes boss, remorse isn't something that comes often to PG£, but I did feel some over MBV.

Thing is I tend to think everyone is as ruthlessly ambitious as I am, and it isn't always the case.

Therefore, in the warm light of day, I can't help but reason that Shields probably is the kind who doesn't give much of a fuck about how many records he sells - it's all about chasing the inner sounds and trying to grasp at something...

That I don't like what he makes, doesn't really warrant the overly fierce and cynical approach I took last night...


Anyway, I've spent this last little while doing CHG9 and further researching and developing the Giovan-shop which will be online before too very long.

I now have the basic mechanics and am working out how to work them and make it look nice..

Yes boss, my entry into calculated and crude Giovan-merchandising isn't some kind of sick joke, it's a necessity of the modern independent writer and I intend to be the brand leader!!

Therefore, when SAVE PAUL GIOVANNI £RD MERCHANDISING!!!! is released, it'll be crammed full of limited edition works, memorabilia and any other old crap I can pretend to turn into art in the name of making COLD HARD CASH!!!!

I'll also be putting my the Giovan-record and book collection up for sale...

Basically, I need space, and all the good stuff is in my head or hard drives anyway...


Oh, and does anyone have any ideas for improvements on my websites front page?!?! I'm going through one of those spells where I think it looks like a dogs breakfast THAT NEEDS SERIOUS WORK!!!!

In essence, I like the pictorial nature of it, but feel greater compactness might be the order of the day...

What do you think???

Currently listening : What’s Going on By Marvin Gaye Release date: 2003-01-14

My Bloody Valet Service....

Current mood: I NEVER INTENDED RELEASING IT.....
Category: I NEVER INTENDED RELEASING IT..... Music

Another old friend of both Giovanni & Quoasis, Alan McGee, has been putting his oar in recently...

Apparently McGee has used his myspace blog to label the reformation of My Bloody Valentine as being 'nostalgic cabaret'...

Well, I'm not generally enamoured with McGee's musical opinions and choices of late, his shaky handy with TB, or his attitude when his son started wishing cancer on the readers of this blog - but for once I've got to agree with him...

Yes boss, for me, MBV are one of those 'cool' bands who are impossible to dislike without your whole integrity being called into question.

They have an aura and mystique that draws more knowing nods than a years Freemasonry..

But I'm afraid that despite trying to 'get' them on many occasions and respecting and liking bits of what they've done to a point, I don't and have never quite got them or their HUGE rep...

Yes boss, the way I see it, there are some bands who will come out with an LP that's considered great and not try and follow it, and there are some who try and fail - and I will always prefer the ones who try and fail, to those who bottle it and claim 'intention' or 'crazed genius' or 'it was because we never wanted to'....

My guess as to what really happened with MBV, is that despite what Shields said and says, he's become completely and utterly shit scarred of releasing anything significant - the pressure got too much, he blew his mind and upon recovering it, he doesn't know what to do...

He essentially knows that unless he produces the musical equivalent of the bible, his next LP will ensure his myth will fall into tatters, so he ain't gonna take the risk...

He's joined the group that includes or has included Kraftwerk & Axl Rose and the Stone Roses - big acts, that have prevaricated for too long, thus making critical and mythical success close to impossible to achieve...

For me, the lesson of MBV for me has therefore always been about alt.PR and mystique..

AKA

Playing or honestly being the tortured genius is the shortest cut to credibility....

Currently listening : Dope for the Robot By Metamatics Release date: 2001-03-27

You’ve gotta roll with it.

Current mood: WOOF WOOF!!!
Category: WOOF WOOF!!! Music

I'm not a fan of Quoasis...

A few singles aside, I think they suck longer and larger than a 1000 Girls Aloud gigs, and I feel sure we can all look forward to this new 'psychedlic' LP of theirs with the kind of belly laughs we usually reserve for a VERY VERY FUNNY COMEDIAN!!!

'Highlights' are said to include their very FIRST remix...??!??!

Yes boss, about 10 years after The Chemical Brothers were contemporary, Quoasis have apparently roped in 'The Brothers' to work them out...

But....

as much as I dislike the tedious monotone of Quoasis's music, I'd certainly pay to see Noel and Liam talk. When they get going, they are true and sharp entertainment in every definition of the word, and on this weeks Radio 1, Noel once again showed his credentials...

Yes boss, coming in well off the ropes after that Jay Z mauling, Gallagher has somehow managed to land some great, though sometimes cruel punches, on the noses of Amy, Ronson and The Kaiser Chiefs, and I repeat them here in the interests of amusing myself...


'After re-naming Scouting for Girls "Scouting For Idiots" and comparing Winehouse to a "destitute horse," the guitarist joked that Ronson had "ruined" many of his peers' careers.

"He [Ronson] wants to write his own tunes instead of ruining everyone else's," he said. "Mark Ronson needs to learn three chords on the guitar and write a tune."

Referring to Kaiser Chiefs, whose forthcoming new album 'Off With Their Heads' Ronson has co-produced, Gallagher said:

"I did drugs for 18 years and I never got that bad as to say, 'You know what? I think the Kaiser Chiefs are brilliant.'"

Currently listening : Midrange By Dykehouse Release date: 2004-05-04

Primal Scream plan new riot....

Current mood: HAHAHAHAAAAAAA
Category: HAHAHAHAAAAAAA Music

Regular readers will remember my blasting off once or twice in the past at the ever so middle class rock act that is Primal Scream...

Yes boss, whatever this aging cabaret act were in the past (and I personally doubt they were ever really that much), I fail to see how anyone can see their circa 2008 roadshow as being anything other than a very well polished and lightly gilded turd floating down the stream of mediocrity towards the big sedimentation tank in the sea...

At least that's my opinion...

But whatever you think they are, one thing is for damn clear - Bobby and the creeks are certainly not anything approaching dangerous, raw, rock 'n' roll, vital, revolutionary or any of the other words that are continually attached to them by their evermore sycophantic and brainless press and nothing illustrates my issue with them better than the following...


Bobby (my brother has a budgie called Bobby - it wasn't named after Gillespie but it should have been) and the boys are about to embark on the NME Rock 'N' Riot tour...

HA HA HAAAAA!!!!! HA HA!!!! I hear you laugh out loud - the words 'NME', 'Rock' and 'Riot' in the same sentence?!?!? But that's nonsense!!!!

YES IT IS!!! But add the words 'Primal Scream Headlining!' and slip this list of rock horror SHOW ME THE MONEY £$£$ VENUES!!! in...

Oxford Academy (November 20)
Cardiff University (21)
Bristol Academy (23)
Southampton Guildhall (24)
Reading Hexagon (25)
Nottingham, Rock City (27)
London Hammersmith Apollo (28)
Norwich UEA (30)
Sheffield Academy (December 1)
Brighton Dome (2)
Birmingham Academy (4)
Cambridge Corn Exchange (5)
Leeds Academy (8)
Newcastle Academy (9)
Manchester Apollo (11)
Glasgow SECC (13)

and you've got the best joke going AKA the easiest shot for a Giovan-tirade for some time!!!


Yes boss, lets be frank - this is a FUCKING STUPIDLY FUNNY FARCE!!!

We're talking a bunch of middle aged, middle class men, pretending to be dangerous rock and roll stars playing about the most corporate set of 'small' venues the UK has to offer and calling the tour the NME Rock 'N' Riot tour

HA HA HA HAAAAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!

HA HAHAAAAAAAAHHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!


Now, don't get me wrong here, I don't object to Bobby and the boys getting themselves a nice new set of bricks and a couple of hundred grand in the bank per year for their working efforts...

I WANT THE WORLD TO BE FAT SMUG AND RICH!!!

Neither do I mind the 'Scream complaining about the LIVE music being too loud in their local pub, because it disturbs their sleeping children...

I don't even mind Rolling Stones tribute acts playing to people who enjoy hearing that kind of thing - each to their goddamn own...


What I do object to the facade and lies of it all...

Yes boss, it's very fake and horrible..

I mean why not be honest Bob?!?!?

Call your tour the 'Boring old men saving money for their new extension and kids school fees tour '08'.

At least there'd be a joke there and it wouldn't be on yourselves...


Yes boss, you hear all these folk queuing up to lay into the likes of Simon Cowell for being money grabbing obsequious cunts - and when I saw him winking and fawning his way around the goodish contenders on last nights opening X-Factor, I can well understand why he's HATED....

COWELL IS INDEED A HORRIBLE AND SUCCESSFUL CUNT!!!!

But Cowell is at least an HONEST and successful cunt - he's exactly what he says himself to be - an 'in it for the money' music business freak of nature...


Meanwhile Bobby and the boys are LYING FAKE ASSED CUNTS!!!! who piddle one thing and poo another...


So, I therefore say:

Primal Scream: If you're gonna be fully paid up members of the shiney haired club, please don't come out with all this 'RIOT AND REVOLUTION!!!' chitter chatter..

It's false, boring and stupid....

It's the kind of thing Cliff Richard would do if he were short of a few bob..

It's AN ABSOLUTE AND COMPLETE FUCKING EMBARRASSMENT!!!

PLEASE STOP IT NOW!!!!

Currently listening : Introducing Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci By Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci Release date: 1996-08-20

G-Day...

Current mood: JOY GLOWING....
Category: JOY GLOWING.... Life

Today started with the Mens Sprint race...

Yes boss, one thing I like very much with the Olympics being in China is that I wake up daily to instant high quality LIVE sport!!!

Thing is I always suffer a shaky opening seconds to every day...

If I've been in a particularly deep sleep, am drunk or generally confused, it can take quite a little while to organise my brain as to what's really about to happen and what isn't...

I then have to evaluate the likely days events and until that's done, I can't really progress...

Therefore, having something as no-nonsense and practical as Olympic grade sports to contend with, makes everything a lot easier - especially when there's something taxing ahead.

Yes boss, rather than thinking or worrying about that taxing thought, I can simply tune into thinking and worrying about who's going to make it around the track the quickest, whilst adding myself a few 'spazzing friends' and drinking the required number of cups of tea to start the brain running....


So...

Today was laden with a few potentially tricky events, the most important of which was the second ultrasound scan of the Baby G...

Yes boss, it's 5 months in, the bump's growing and today was G-day..


Now, I've never understood why people want to wait until the day of birth before knowing the sex of their child.

The way I see it is we've already had 5 months of speculation and evaluation of the merits and guessing preferences of boy vs girl, and that's quite enough to be going on with....

Yes boss, knowing this basic fact makes preparing a good deal easier and given that life always seems to throw up a good side order of chaos, I like to eliminate all that I can, as soon as i can ...


Anyway, before we get to the result of Gender-Day, I have a question for you all....

Has anyone else seen this Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt??

The way he runs is something else!!

In todays 100 meters heats, he was both moving at enormous speed and appearing to be completely still at exactly the same moment?!?! He was looking around himself as if he were jogging - it was almost like he was playing with the very essence of time itself...?!?

On such a relaxed and competent performance, it's difficult to see him being beat in the final - even though fellow Jamaican Asafa Powell also looked remarkably smooth and concise..

Let's hope he doesn't test positive...


Anyway, top grade track cycling and athletics action, enough tea and pasta later, Mrs Giovanni, her sister Rosalie and I wandered down the canal in order to catch the Number 25 bus to the hospital...


Excuse me another aside, but I'm currently engaging with a program of loss recovery on the Number 25 bus..

Yes boss, in a story so ridiculous as to warrant it's own blog, I was recently fined £240 for being on a bus without a ticket when I (unbeknowst to myself) had a ticket...

Since paying up, I've so far recouped aroundabout £30 of that loss in 90p installments, and though I've bunked more public transport down the years than most people have 'taken', I feel sure I need to be refunded the full £240 on that particular route, before I can feel good about it...


Anyway, the 90p fare successfully bunked, we get to the Royal London Hospital, walk the prehistoric corridors and once again find the ultrasound room...

Inside it, the woman doing the scanning is very odd, and after checking the complete condition of our child, and announcing (only upon request) that everything looked to be fine, this woman announced that our baby was almost certainly a girl...


Which was a pleasant surprise because we both had the Baby G down as being a boy...


Well, we're both delighted, but I do think this fact has rattled Mrs G slightly as well...

Thing is, she had a somewhat turbulent relationship with her own mother as an infant which resulted in her being thrown out of the house on an almost daily basis, because she was impossibly over active and religiously naughty...

So, what with the possibility of this coming back on her (as such things often do) and the general trend that daughters are closer to their fathers and sons closer to their mothers, I think Mrs G might well be worrying as to just what she might be taking on....


I find myself delightfully confused by the whole situation.

Yes boss, I have absolutely no problem with having a girl, but I'm not sure what to do with one...

Assuming Baby G was a boy, I was thinking: Football in the park, riding bikes, doing stunts, smashing things up, getting dirty, playing soldiers, falling in rivers, throwing things about and getting excited by vehicles, might be the order of the day - but it turns out to be not so...

Of course some of you might be feeling that in the free west of 2008, all of these things can be done with a girl - and if she's a tom boy, I dare say we'll do some or all of them - but if she's a girls girl and likes Barbie, pretty dresses, being clean and that kind of thing, it might turn out to be me who struggles rather than Mrs G...


I guess we'll soon find out....


Anyway - here she is....

Collecting culture.......

Current mood: Original.....
Category: Original..... Art and Photography

You can call me a BASTARD COMMODITY LOVING MOTHAFUCKA!!! if you like, but I'm a sucker for cultural artifacts....

It's a vanity thing, an investment thing, and an aid to my own creations...

Yes boss, I'm of the definite belief that seeing, hearing and reading original issues, paintings and contexts, adds something to ones experience and understanding of them. It perhaps only counts for 5 or 10% extra than the 11th printing - but such percentages count...


For example:

Hearing the original Beatles records in mono on scratched to fuck vinyl helped me to understand The Beatles completely - until then I'd had the blue and red double hits LPs but I didn't quite get the fuss...

But one spin around a well worn Rubber Soul, and I soon understood why they have the rep they do...


So, yesterday I went to the Amuti Gallery in Woburn Walk, to see an exhibition of their Top 10 pop cultural artifacts...


The Amuti Gallery is a rare and quality place.

Yes boss, it's the only privately run dealership that sells rare cultural artifacts worth tens of thousands of pounds that doesn't make me feel nervous, out of place and paranoid the minute I walk through the door..

In fact within minutes of turning up there, the boss Laurence asked me to mind the front of shop, whilst he went for a piss...?!?

Now, though I've been there once or twice before as a punter, I've never spoken to this bloke before in my life, and there I am being entrusted to hold guard over the collection..?!?!


Well, I resisted the obvious temptation to barricade Laurence into the lav, call a cab and make off with the lot, and instead set about studying the work on display in great and quiet detail...


Amongst other things there was the following:

One of the last ever silkscreens by Warhol (The Mac Logo) £20,000
Campbells Soup prints by Warhol
A handbag belonging to and signature of Marilyn Monroe
The 4 editions of Playboy in which Monroe appearred, including the very first ever issue of the magazine...

A Banksy print.
3 fully signed original US issue Beattles LPs framed (£8000 a pop)
2 fully signed original issue Rolling Stones LPs framed


Downstairs were the books...

Yes boss, things got really interesting down there...

The piece de resistance was a First English Hardback edition of Steppenwolf by Herman Hesse - it's the only known copy with the original dust jacket...

£1500 if you're feeling rich...


Well, I was rather enthralled with it all, AND with the free beer, and I hung around all night in the manner of someone who turns up at your party and stays until the end, even though you don't quite know who they are and aren't at all sure why they're there...


Here follows some of the things I learnt:

Drinking free beer is all very well, but loosing count of your bottle total isn't...
Being rich has advantages...
Playboy might be little more than a plastic wank fest now, but back in the day it played host to some of the best writers of the times...
And no matter how good you are at collecting, you're always gonna end up selling some stuff far too cheap...


So, there's another private view there tomorrow night if you fancy it...

Take money!!!

And if you see me there, doing another performance of 'SILENT PAUL' and guzzling all the beer, punch me and see if I scream....

Currently listening : Born Under a Bad Neon Sign By The Flaming Stars Release date: 2006-10-09

Grace Jones...

Current mood: Drama....
Category: Drama.... Music

was (together with George Clinton) the joint highlight of the Meltdown Festival of a couple of months back...

But due to an excessive number of dates and resulting blogs, I never got around to writing the review of that rather marvelous night - but I'm now doing it for Hazy Day Magazine...

It'll also be in the Meltdown report...

The Meltdown report will be the first, or maybe the second of my series of Ltd edition printed works..

Each of the very few copies produced (available from www.paulgiovanni.com in a couple of months time) will come with a used ticket/aftershow pass and comprise of 23 pages of reworked reports, pictures and blah blah of that festivals life and times...

So, until the review and report is done, fill your boots with these two Jones classics...

Currently listening : Slave to the Rhythm By Grace Jones Release date: 1990-06-15

holy fuck....

Current mood: disappointing.....
Category: disappointing..... Music

are a band my attention has been drawn to on more than one occasion by more than one person who's taste I most normally respect highly...

They're an alright sounding band....

But I so far feel they contain one enormous flaw - they're name...

Specifically: How can they ever live up to it???

Yes boss, if I see a band with the name Holy Fuck I want the music to not so much leap out of the stereo, as BE and EAT THE FUCKING STEREO AND THEN VOMIT IT'S REMAINS ONTO THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF ME!!!

After an hour of listening to them, I WANT MY HEAD TO BE SO BADLY BATTERED AND DERANGED, I DON'T RECOGNISE THE SMELL OF MY OWN NOSE!!!

They need to be louder and more intense than My Bloody Valentine and Napalm Death jamming through a 4000KW sound system in a sealed nuclear bunker 2 miles underground!!!

And afterwards, I want my eardrums to be completely failed for at least 12 days and my mental compass to be so badly damaged, I'd be happy to live in -22 Siberia and bash rocks ALL DAY LONG, just to regain a sense of the real world...

And Holy Fuck isn't that band....

(though I'd like to see them LIVE just to be sure, so if anyone can supply me with a ticket for free please do get in touch...)

Currently listening : Viridian EP (ed. 2) By PHTHALOCYANINE

NEWS FLASH!!!

Current mood: EUPHORIC!!!
Category: EUPHORIC!!! Sports

INCREDIBLE SCENES HERE ON FISH ISLAND....!!!

The Mens Cycling Time Trial is taking part at the Olympics - Paul Giovanni £rd has taken a an early night (in bed before 1am for the first time in weeks if not months) in order to be up bright and early to watch the race LIVE from Beijing...

To watch the race, Paul Giovanni £rd is wearing The Cap of Cobbled Champions.

The Cap of Cobbled Champions is a red and black baseball cap signed by the winners of the 2006 and 2007 editions of Paris Roubaix bike race.

Fabian Cancellara
&
Stuart O'Grady

Paris Roubaix is considered by all who know it, to be THE toughest and nastiest one day bike race on the planet!!!

So, I, Giovanni am wearing The Cap of Cobbled Champions to watch the Olympic Time Trial, because I believe Cancellera has a very good chance of winning a gold, to add to his bronze in the Road Race.

I further believe that if I'm wearing The Cap of Cobbled Champions at the moment Cancellara takes gold, EXTRA good and strong vibes will descend onto my Giovan-head guaranteeing prosperity and endless success!!!

Well, Cancellara WINS THE GOLD and just look at what happens to Giovanni as Mr C crosses the line?!?!?



This first picture is taken early in the race as Cancellara slips into second at the first time check, behind and incredibly fast starting Alberto Contador



But Cancellara fights back and as he approaches the finishing line everything gets fuzzy - THE VIBES OF SUCCESS AND PROSPERITY ARE REIGNING ONTO THE GIOVAN-HEAD!!!



CANCELLARA WINS THE GOLD!!!
&
GIOVANNI TURNS GOLD!!!


REMARKABLE!!!!

Currently listening : We Are the Champions B/w We Will Rock You By Queen

I am the Soul Sensation Alexander O’Neal

Current mood: OH BABY.....
Category: OH BABY..... Music

Yesterday evening, I was watching Celebrity Wife Swap in which Soul Sensation Alexander O'Neal and his 'Valet Wife' Cynthia traded places with Wine Critic Jillly and her super polite English Gent Husband Paul..

It was great TV...

Not least because the Soul Sensation likes to have everything done for him...

And whereas Jilly his temporary wife, was far from used to that, she mucked in with incredible vigor and determination even when Alexander flipped into his twice daily tantrums ...

Yes boss, as Alexander huffed and puffed his glazed eyes down dark, Jilly accommodated him as if he were a naughty child, until the air inside his head cleared, and he returned to being the gentleman we all know him to be......


So what does this have to with me PG£

Well, that piece I wrote earlier about retiring from music writing was my equivalent of an Alexander O'Neal tantrum, and as I move my written operation back towards the paying magazines, I'm likely to have many such flips...

Yes boss, as much as I'd love to stay in my sealed blog box forever only writing as the mood takes, the pitter patter of tiny giovan-feet means I have to start injecting petro-dollars into my written operation or else GET A REAL FUCKING JOB!!! (and no-one wants to see that - except perhaps Mrs Giovanni, and Giovanni's Mum & Dad...and his sister, and probably at least one of his brothers..)


Anyway, until I can capitalise my website and the like, I'm having to send stuff out to paying outlets and tolerate the hokum abuse they like to dish out to their writers...

Suffice to say then, that the major change with this here Blinger is that it (and you) are going to have to be my virtual 'Valet' wife, and I AM NOW THE SOUL SENSATION ALEXANDER O'NEIL!!!

The death of the music writer....

Current mood: BLASTING OFF AGAIN!!!!
Category: BLASTING OFF AGAIN!!!! Music

Well, you can probably tell that music writing is doing little more than annoying the shit out of me at the moment...

Yes boss, I think I can consider myself retired as a 'music writer' now...

Truth is, I find the whole musical game depressing.

Furthermore, I feel I've learnt what I need to know and that now I want to write more about sport, feelings, people and relationships between people....


My time as a music writer started pretty well...

In fact way back when the very first free CD popped through my letterbox some 18 months ago, I was impossibly excited by the huge bevy of free shit that was about to come riffling my way!!

I was also excited by the idea of being in and about the music business on what looked to be something close to a free lunch!!!

However time breeds learning, and in the last 18 months I've learned that as a trade, music writing isn't for me...

No boss, it's just another PR job and the key downside in that is that it's slowly killing my passion for music, rather than fertilising and increasing it further...


I realised the game was up yesterday, when I started flicking through Stool Pigeon with the idea of pitching a feature to some mags in an attempt to resurrect my interest in a way that could see payola fall into the highly barren Giovan-coffers....

In the consumation of this act, I found that rather than being inspired by ideas and/or jealousy, I was instead incomparably bored by the pieces it contained (even though Stool Pigeon is an acre or so above most of the rags out there...)


I feel that the fundamental problem with music writing is the same as with reading music journalism and the same problem the music bizz is suffering in general in 2008...

Basically, the whole game is mostly completely fucking boring and horrendously over-organised...

Yes boss, there's no danger or risk allowed.

You pay your £3.00 for a can of shitty beer, wander about like sheep, download onto itunes and be HAPPY as LIVE music is throttled...


As I've said before, I find it close to impossible to enjoy gigs now that smoking is banned.

In place of fags, I end up drinking 3 times as quickly, which causes problems.

Furthermore, I can't relax and I get enraged each time I go to the bar and get charged £3.00 for something that would cost 89p from the nearest corner shop...

Thing is, I've always understood bars could charge more for drinks beacause they provide something extra...

In drinks terms I expect this to be:

1) THE DRINK IN A BASTARD GLASS
2) THE CONTENTS OF THE GLASS TO HAVE COME FROM A BARRELL VIA A BASTARD PUMP!!!
3) I ALSO EXPECT TO BE ABLE TO SMOKE (NOT EVEN REGULARLY - BUT OCCASIONALLY) AND DRINK AT THE SAME TIME WITHOUT HAVING TO ADHERE TO MORE RULES AND REGULATIONS THAN ARE REQUIRED TO ADOPT A CHILD.


Gigs aside, my problems with music writing as a practice are easy to isolate and I'm running out of energy and desire to fight with them...

The key problem is that each and nearly every piece in the genre of music writing has the same dull format:

1) Music writer meets musicians in bar/cafe/aftershow
2) Music writer asks samey questions about musicians 1st/2nd/3r/4th LP/Tour/Single (delete as appropriate)
3) Musician answers them in what they consider to be an amusing or surly fashion. 4) Music writer asks for an opinion about some fashionable cause
5) Musician tries desperately hard to say something interesting or better still radical.
6) Music writer opines that (if there is any justice in the world) we'll be hearing a lot more from this act in the future!!!

or

this band/act is crap.

End of piece...

If you don't play by these rules or abide to the taste of the magazine (Stool Pigeon included) you get nowhere - basically, it's the story of normal life in miniature and if I'm doing the story of normal life, I want (more to the point - NEED) to get paid...


Of course, if the products of these 'interviews' made good copy, I wouldn't be complaining so much as lining up 10 for next week.

And I don't mind reading about the inane thoughts of the musician if the artist in question is in some way important, has achieved something BIG, has a way with words or something to say - but most have nothing of any of these and nearly all of the younger bands have none of any of it at all...


Which brings me onto age...

It recently occurred to me that nearly all the good 'new' (new to me, that is) music I've seen and heard recently both LIVE and on the HI-FI, has been made by old and/or dead artists...

George Clinton, The Coltranes, Lee 'Scratch' Perry, Billy Childish, Grace Jones, Herbie Hancock, Sparks, The Fall, Iggy Pop - they're all bloody gerrihatricks!!

And without hardly trying, these acts piss on what's available now, with very few exceptions...?!?


I think what's happened is there was a musical development BOOM blip between the 1960's and the mid 1990's and now everything has flattenned out....

Excepting the odd electronic innovation and innovater, there really is very litte that's genuinely new, different and interesting...

For all the fuss, Hip Hop hasn't changed much and none of the stars of the genre have very much to say, meanwhile indie rock is a corpse and dance music keeps repeating itself...


So...

From now on I'm mutating this blog...

I'll tie up a few loose ends with the half done music pieces, and from then on I'll be largely writing about whatever I feel like, without feeling at all compelled to occasionally tie it into music.....

Of course music will still feature in both an off and on the cuff way, as it has throughout because music and sound remains a big part of my life - but the day of traditional GIG and LP reviews is most likely over full stop...

Currently listening : Hercules and Love Affair By Hercules and Love Affair Release date: 2008-06-24

The Foals

Current mood: BANG BANG BANG....
Category: BANG BANG BANG.... Music

GOOD SHITTING CHRIST!!!!

The latest hoodoo boodoo big boohaa band is Foals.

Yes boss, the alt.hype music is in full flow with this lot, and in the last week alone I've read 2 pieces ranting and raving, that this bunch of Oxford boys are quite possibly as important as The Sex Pistols


WELL, I'D LIKE TO GO ON RECORD AS SAYING FOALS AREN'T AS IMPORTANT AS THE BOO RADLEYS, LET ALONE THE FRIGGIN PISTOLS!!!

NO BOSS!!! FOALS ARE NOTHING MORE THAN AN OK INDIE POP BAND, WHO BORE THE CRAP OUT OF ME AFTER 2 OR 3 MINUTES!!!

THEY'RE FRANZ FERDINAND WITH A SIDE MORE BEEF!!!

AND GIVEN THE INTERVIEWS I'VE READ, THEY'RE ABOUT AS LIKELY TO SAY SOMETHING INTERESTING AS THE MOON IS ABOUT TO TAKE UP SMOKING!!!!


And herein lies one of the key problems with music writers - most of them haven't lived in or even close to the hoi poloi to know what is going to strike a chord and/or put the fear of god into the man on the street...

And I can't claim to know what's required either - if I had any clear idea I'd be doing and making it instead of SHOUTING ON A BLOG!!

In fact, I'm more of the opinion there's nothing required, that music is a dead duck in many regards - except to fulfil it's most normal basic role of being a pacifying entertainment for the masses...


SO THERE!!!!

Currently listening : Messe Pour Le Temps Présent By Pierre Henry Release date: 1999-07-15

Italy in danger of succumbing to political correctness shock!?!?....

Current mood: WATCHING....
Category: WATCHING.... Travel and Places

'Italian champions Inter Milan have been order to pay a Napoli fan €1,500 (£1,190) for "existential damage" caused by banners in the San Siro which described Naples as the "sewer of Italy".

A number of banners were displayed in the Stadio Giuseppe Meazza during last October's Serie A game which mocked Naples' refuse crisis that left rubbish rotting in the streets.

"Ciao cholera sufferers!" read another of the banners which the unnamed fan's lawyer, Raffaele Di Monda, said made his client feel "indignant and deeply hurt".

Inter, who won the game 2-1, had already been punished by the Italian league with the closure of the sections of San Siro for their next home match.

The club fought against the lawsuit arguing that the Naples court did not have jurisdiction.

Offensive banners are common in Italian football, although authorities are taking an increasingly tough line in dealing with the problem.'

Or perhaps not...

Millionaires and Hollywood stars visiting Italy have been put on notice that they no longer own the beach after a group of celebrities led by Flavio Briatore, co-owner of QPR football club, were pelted with wet sand and showered with water as they tried to land dinghies on a crowded Sardinian beach.

Already victims of shrinking spending power and sky-rocketing rates for renting deckchairs, Italians have descended on their beaches this August in a surly mood, and the sight of the Briatore-led flotilla as it carved a swath through alarmed swimmers was enough to spark a near riot on Friday at the packed Capriccioli beach.

The Italian newspaper La Stampa seized on the episode as the start of a fightback against celebrities flaunting their wealth on the country's top beaches, stating: "From north to south, the rebellion against those who show off their money and power is growing."

The authorities also appear to be clamping down. Last week, Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones came ashore from their yacht at the Italian resort of Santa Margherita Ligure, the same spot where locals were kept awake in June by thumping music from Wayne Rooney's rented yacht. After failing to notify the coastguard of the names of all the members of the landing group, the captain of Douglas's yacht was fined £1,600 under immigration and anti-terrorism legislation.

Hostilities erupted in Sardinia when Briatore, the manager of the Renault formula one team, came ashore from a yacht to inaugurate his new restaurant, which opened on Friday just behind the beach and is close to his opulent disco Billionaire, a bastion of the super-rich.

Briatore and his new bride, the TV showgirl Elisabetta Gregoraci, were met with grumbling from sunbathers as they hopped off the first dinghy, rising to whistles and shouts when the Italian newsreader Emilio Fede climbed off the second, while "terrorised children wailed between the waves", reported La Stampa.

Yelling "Shame! Louts! Go home!", a mob formed to greet the third dinghy, attempting to push it back out to sea, as mothers filled their children's buckets with water to sling at the passengers and wet sand bombs were hurled.

The episode marked a tough homecoming for Briatore, who has enjoyed an extended honeymoon since his star-studded Rome wedding in June. "We are nice people and we get rewarded like this," Corriere della Sera quoted Briatore as saying after he returned to the beach to find out why his guests were being drenched. "I will close down everything," he warned. "I pay taxes, this is my right."

With his new restaurant designed as a lunch stop for passing mega-yachts, Briatore may be wondering how Arab princes and Russian oligarchs will react to lobbed sand. But a Billionaire spokesman hinted that all may be in hand: "This year we are opening the restaurant, but from next year we will manage the beach as well."

The Olympic Dream....

Current mood: PAUL GIOVANNI MEETS JAMES DEMAN....
Category: PAUL GIOVANNI MEETS JAMES DEMAN.... Sports

is of course a big old bag of crap, but to say my head was blown off when I stumbled into a rerun of the Beijing opening ceremony in the early hours of yesterday, would be an understatement...

Yes boss, that whole shindig was like being on drugs - I could barely believe my eyes, and I couldn't work the dimensions....

'OH FUCK!!!.....OH FUCK!!!!!' I kept muttering...

Furthermore, the whole Olympic complex is stunning.

I guess it just goes to show what can be achieved with excessive state control and a BIG BIG LOOK AT US!!!! kinda budget...

(this was the preamble)

I say it was like being on drugs - but I suppose I was on drugs...

Yes boss, I spent yesterday all over the place:


The late morning and afternoon I was looking at baby things and maternity clothes in Central London.

Shopping about town for clothes with Mrs G (and for that matter any other woman or women) usually vents me into paroxysms of severe, irrational and tired boredom, but over time, my tolerance is improving and I've recently developed coping strategies..

Yes boss, I can be trained (a little), and it might well be only a short matter of time before the only thing you hear from Giovanni is the faint polite humm of the lawnmower and the smooth and calm purr of the brand new people carrier, as i happily take the little tykes to their piano lessons...

AKA

I might yet become normal...


The fatherly bit done, Mrs G headed home and I was left alone to stroll around town doing natural Paul things.

I was enjoying this immensely, until Mrs G called to tell me she was at St Pauls and that I had the house keys....

Fearing for any bottles of alcohol I might have left in the house, I quickly jumped on a very sweaty tube train and handed them over..


This hasty change, left me in pole position for the first of my nights entertainments - a book launch by Sexton Ming at The Aquarium Gallery...

I love browsing the Aquarium Gallery.

It's a feast full of art, books and music by Billy Childish, Jimi Cauty, Jamie Reid (creator of the Sex Pistols artwork) Geraldine Swayne...

I spent more than 2 hours fully ingesting everything on display.

I started forming lists:

The stuff I will buy next time I have money..

The stuff I would buy if money wasn't an object...

etc

I soon realised there are only a few pieces I wouldn't like one way or another

Next up was they came from the stars I saw them at The Bethnal Green Working Mens Club...

The BGWMC is so damn cool it has genuinely working class folk in the room downstairs and foppish arty types upstairs - it also has a real LIVE Banksy on the outside wall and an enormous heart as the backdrop....

And the music???

Well, this was the first time I've seen the stars play for some weeks and by the time the gig started I was well oiled courtesy of 6 beers and a half bottle of whiskey that I was using to deftly anoint the pints of coke I bought at the bar...

The gig was first class, the crowd were Morris Dancers, there was LIVE Lionel and the cuddly leopard was wearing a gold skinsuit...

Put simply: The LIVING stars get better and better...


But upon completion of the music, and brief chats with the band, I rapidly realised I was very very drunk indeed.

I took a seat to recalibrate myself, but it wasn't enough, so I wandered outside and sat down on the opposite green..

At such times as this, I often find it beneficial to roll around and scream - and had I not have been wearing my exceptionally new and pristine Adidas white and gold tracksuit top I'd have no doubt indulged myself, even though my arms and legs appeared to have gone numb...

But lacking the desire for grass stains, I hoisted myself into a dead mans time trial back to Fish Island and starving and still drunk I saw the Olympics...


So, yes, when watching the Opening C, I wasn't quite in my right mind...

But I've mostly detested all such flounce shows - they mainly seem to consist of a whole bunch of folk running about waving bits of cloth...

This one was however something else and if the trajectory of improvement continues, there soon won't be any actual need for the professional sport at the Olympics..

No boss, they'll simply have the big whoopsie - a day or so's running - and then another big whoopsie to close...


And the devil that is China??

Well, I don't have much problem with China.

As a country, it does strike me as being a mite paranoid, and more than a little stuffy, and I am certain I wouldn't like to live there myself..

But I do find it nauseating how everyone's got onto this cause celebré of Tibet and the two faced moralism with it all is absurd ..

Yes boss, all enormous conquering super powers have their shameful oppressions, but the reason the media bash China is because before very long they're gonna own our asses every which way....

Meanwhile, I don't remember hearing many complaints about all the cheap Chinese goods we increasingly live on, and the credit they're constantly chivelling us to keep our increasingly desperate economies afloat...

And anyway - HOW IN THE HELL CAN WE IN BRITAIN OR THE US COMPLAIN ABOUT OPPRESSIVE POWERS BEHAVING BADLY?!?

Is it China in Iraq or Afghanistan?!?!

Jesus...

Currently listening : Opera’s Greatest Drinking Songs Release date: 1995-04-11

ROK TV!!!!

Current mood: KAZZZIINNNNNGGGG!!!!
Category: KAZZZIINNNNNGGGG!!!! Music

HEY GROOVERS!!!!

Current mood: YOU TOO CAN BE FAMOUS.....
Category: YOU TOO CAN BE FAMOUS..... Parties and Nightlife

Hi ya,

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Do what your heart tells you to do and sign up!!

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Sam Williams

Last Friday on Fish Island

Current mood: PERFORMANCE.....
Category: PERFORMANCE..... Art and Photography

I pride myself on not knowing anyone on Fish Island other than Mrs Giovanni.

Yes boss, living in a place for 3 years and only knowing the wife is some achievement - or else a clear sign of medically treatable social inadequacy...

Whichever - I don't much care...

The fact is, I like privacy and peace and quiet - and I don't have time for a great amount of company, designer mental diseases, or folk knocking on the door every 10...


However, there is now a slim chance I've found a local haunt, whereby lay another slim chance I might make fishy friends....

Yes boss - I could be branching out - but don't hold your breathe..


Now, I'm not prepared to reveal the exact location or name of this place because it doesn't play by the rules when it comes to drinking and smoking, and the those who don't play by the rules deserve privacy so they can keep not playing, until they either get found out or decide to start playing by the rules.....

Suffice to say, it's location is a short stones bobble from Fish Island, it's an art gallery and if you want more info contact me direct, do some research or work it out...


The first time I went to this locale was to see Sculpture...

That was a pretty good evening - it was nearly all music, but as per usual the quality seemed to go in reverse order, with Sculpture playing first...


This last Friday held an evening that was mostly about performance art...


Performance art is a wierd one...

Yes boss, I'm not sure I fully understand it - but like all and everything, I've been able to ascertain that there's degrees of talent vs pretenders. There are also those who are simply and blindly going through the family line:

My Dad was a Bohemian - I'm a Bohemian...


If I had one, I suppose the main problem with some of the performances on Friday, were that they didn't make me feel anything...

No boss, with the exception of a few, I was left either scratching my head, or in a state of simple boredom, and that isn't what i want from art or performance....


But never mind the bollocks - hereafter follows the highlights:


One guy had 5 (I think) tape players all stripped down to the mechanics. These mechanics + some other mechanics were spread out incredibly neatly on a perspex sheet upon a table. This guy then played Viola and it would go all around the machines in a loop and he would play with two knobs on an amp and something else to create great feedback drones....

THIS WAS THE BEST BY FAR - IT WAS WONDERFUL!!! I COULD HAVE LISTENED FOR YEARS!!!


The headliner was a guy playing a pre-recorded tape of a speech about cocks - he then played with a dead chicken, before SMASHING THE DEAD SHIT OUT OF IT WITH A HAMMER THAT WAS TAPED TO HIS HAND!!!!


Earlier in the evening was this:

Boy shouts to clear a space. He erects a stepladder and hangs a few Tescos bags at it's peak. He then tapes a section of yellow sandpaper to the wall and announces the piece. He continues by rubbing his upper arm on the sandpaper several times. He then climbs the ladder, throws 6 or 8 plants against the wall and tops it off with a pinch of glitter....


Lastly and all-nightly:

Still smarting from the chaos of the previous evenings vodka throwing (and knowing it's never a good idea to go out on the town on the back of the domestic row (especially not to a gallery full of wonderful looking artsy looking girls)) Paul Giovanni £rd makes an unofficial and unlisted performance entitled

SILENT PAUL!!!

In this performance, Giovanni says nothing to anyone from the moment he enters the gallery until he leaves it 4 hours later...


So...

It was a mixed bag, and in general, I'd have to say I remain unconvinced by performance art...

I do however love the feel, view and the attitude of this gallery and I'll most likely be back there for this Fridays Private View...

Currently listening : Dvorák: The Symphonies Release date: 1992-02-11

Until the end of the world...

Current mood: ........
Category: ........ Music

Currently listening : Plagiarism By Sparks Release date: 1998-09-22

A hard Bono’s night....

Current mood: BV OR NOT BV....
Category: BV OR NOT BV.... Music

We had a bit of a Bono problem here on Fish Island the night before last...

Here's what happenned...


Mrs Giovanni was about to go to bed, and her phone went and it was Andrea, the Italian Paparazzo..

Regular readers will know that Andrea has spent the last few weeks floating up and down the Mediterranean in his boat, looking for celebrities to photograph...

All told, he's had a pretty good haul, including those naked Sienna Miller pictures
(Sienna is now suing Mrs G's employer claiming they were taken on a private beach - they weren't)

The next day, it was Kate Moss topless off of Sardinia, today it's George Clooney and Cindy Crawford and the list goes on...

Yes boss, thanks to his novel mode of transport allowing him access to areas other paparazzos can't reach, Andrea is getting strike after strike...

His pockets are beginning to bulge...


Well, the night before last, he called up at aroundabout 10.30pm, saying he'd got some photos he was hoping were Bono and perhaps Bob Geldof 'n all...

He reported that he thought they were swanning it in some secluded bay in the Med, he was morred a way off and was using his big lens...

However, he wanted Mrs G to check the images - he wasn't too sure it was Bono...


So, Andrea emailed the pictures and we looked...


The first one looked all wrong - it looked like a man trying to be Bono, but not Bono himself...

The second one made us think again - I mean who in the hell else behaves like this, and looks vaguely like that, on a yacht in the Med...??

Yes boss, it was soon clear that whoever it was certainly thought he was Bono - even if he wasn't...

But after a half hour and 20 or more pictures, it didn't look good...

Wanting to be completely sure, we got some pictures of the real BV up, and cross checked them over for the detail...

'HIS EARS AREN'T RIGHT!!!' Mrs G would say..

'I THINK HIS EARS ARE RIGHT!! BUT I'M NOT AT ALL SURE ABOUT THAT NOSE?!?' I'd reply..

'WHAT ABOUT THE LIPS??? BONO'S GOT VERY THIN LIPS!!!'

'IT'S DIFFICULT TO TELL...'

Well, we tried our best to make the imposter into the real Bono - but it wasn't to be, and after checking and cross checking Bono's profile, we finally called Andrea off...

Which was lucky, because the very next morning Bono pictures came in of him somewhere else entirely with Claudia Schiffer...

I would imagine they were discussing their charity work...