Current mood: HIT ME!!!!
Category: HIT ME!!!! Jobs, Work, Careers
I knew yesterday was trouble from the moment I woke up to Mrs Giovanni answering the phone to Andrea...
Andrea is a man: Specifically an Italian Paparazzo - and when he calls at that time of day, it nearly always means Mrs G is to be on the phone for the entire day, acting (on her supposed day off) as the bridge between the picture agency that pays her very low wages, and the men in the field getting the Italian pictures...
And this is indeed what happenned...
Yes boss, yesterday was one long papo-operation co-ordinated and controlled LIVE from Fish Island - and though I don't like to encourage this kind of low-brow thin livered activity in my own front room, on this occasion, my hands were tied....
You see, not only is my front room also Mrs Giovanni's front room - but at that exact moment, it was more hers than mine on account of my only having half the due rent...
I was therefore forced to bin my reservations completely and instead sit in, listen and offer my worldly advice as to how to procede (as if I know the first thing about negotiating deals with Italian Paprazzo's)
So here we go with a brief and EXCLUSIVE OVERVIEW of the story behind todays page 3's in both The Sun & The Star...
Right....
Those of you who have have better things to do with your lives than to mawkish follow the life of dull celebrities, won't know that ham-inherited actress Sienna Miller is in Italy with the unfeasibly named Balthazar Getty - heir to the Getty fortune.
Yes boss, having dumped piece of rough Rhys Ifans (co-star of Notting Hill) Sienna has moved up market and gone for someone REALLY REALLY STINKING RICH!!!
Now, this is obviously celeb slut heaven, and so, there's big money to be made - especially since having been discovered on the nest with Sienna, Mr Getty had (it was said) gone to Italy to attempt to reconcile with his wife and mother (whose name is tatooed upon his heart) of his 4 children - only to be followed (for some strange reason) by both Sienna and her mother.....
Well, yesterdays action started with this phone call with Andrea being pretty sure he'd nailed the hotel they were all in..He was waiting outside - but he wanted to be sure they were all inside....
'Why don't you call the hotel and ask to speak to her??' He suggested to Mrs G...
For once Mrs G does as she's told
She speaks to reception of this hotel in Napples and asks to speak to Jo Miller - Siennas mother...
Expecting to at least be asked for a name or reason for calling, she waits on the line - AND FINDS SHE'S PUT STRAIGHT THROUGH!!!
'OH, IS THAT JO MILLER???'
'Yes'
'OH, UMMM....OH!!!' Mrs G panics 'ERRRR....I'LL CALL YOU RIGHT BACK!!!!!!'
THE EAGLE HAS LANDED!!!!
Next up it's a call from Renato.
Renato is another Italian Paparazzo and he's been stalking Sienna and co for 3 days with his 4 paparazzo friends.
Earlier in the week, Renato lied that he'd been there looking for the party for a day, but that Sienna (and he) had left - he later admits he had in fact, been staking the place out all along and had lied as a red herring, so as to maintain exclusivity of the photos and the big money...
Renato is not overjoyed to hear that Andrea is now in town...
So, to cut a long story short, the chasing, following and ping back phonecalls go back and forth all day long:
First it's Sienna on the balcony, then Sienna topless on the balcony, then Sienna naked on the balcony, then Sienna gets some clothes on and they go and grab a boat, and Renato and friends grab another boat and the chase continues...
The result is that between the 5 of them (Andrea, Renato & 3 other paparazzos - all of whom Mrs G convinces to sell exclusively to Big Pictures), they get a few hundred shots of Sienna and Getty Boy gallivanting semi-naked on a boat and on a balcony, in what looks to be beautiful sunshine...
It's tabloid heaven...
So, the pictures are bagged and ftped to the UK.
Then follows a good old fashioned Italian bout of arguing amongst the paparazzos about who has what rights for what and at what percentage of the cash - I can see the furious hand gestures and hear the beachside sun drenched shouting from 1300 miles away....
Eventually a compromise deal is struck...
Menawhile I'm sitting around the house tending my blogs like flowers and taking it all in...
It was just like being in La Dolce Vita - except Mrs G and me were here on Fish Island, and all the Fellini fun was being had on a beach in Napples
Oh well...
So today the pictures go in the papers...
£15,000 is paid by The Sun & £10,000 by The Star for the joint exclusive rights..
The photographers get 70%, the agency 30%, Mrs G makes a compelling case for a new pay rise - and as per usual, I get fuck all, except a little less hassell about the rent and something to write about....
'Keep up the entrepreneurial work!!' the boss says down the phone to Mrs G - his current favourite member of staff...
'I really think it's time you started working for The PGC' I say...
'When are you going to pay the rent??' Mrs G replies...
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