Current mood: SPUNKY
Category: SPUNKY Music
After close to 20 years of collecting music like a squirrel with no sense of proportion, I find myself in possession of a vast collection of tracks. And though this was the point, and, in fact, my childhood dream, this heaven is now causing me big trouble…
One aspect of this trouble is storage and a bigger one is freshness.
I mean when one has a huge archive of music, how does one prioiritse listening? New or Old? Most loved or most difficult? And what's the point of radio when you can piece together a 100,000 track mp3 playlist that fulfils the same function without the idiot prattle adverts for Coldplay and the Carphone Whorehouse?
Well boss, I've learnt something of late and that is that the point of radio is to enable one to keep things fresh, to know what's new and to thereby enable one to float. Yes, having got to the point of not needing radio, I've realised that I needed radio far more than I ever needed an archive..
Anyway, as per usual, my digressions are swimming seawards with the beef of this review in their mouths, like satisfied salmon who've realised the whole spawning thing was just a silly joke. So I'll get back to the point, which is to draw your attention to one of the finest new tracks I've heard. A track I found on the radio....
It happened like this.
Having being helplessly ensconced in my aforementioned archive for what could be considered years, sometime before Christmas, I tuned into Huw Stephens BBC Radio 1 show to see what the kids might be listening to...
It was the first time I'd even seen the name Huw Stephens let alone heard his show, so I wasn't expecting much other than another big up fake Smashy, the like of which Radio 1 apparently breeds in cages. But what happened is that I heard a band called Tall Pony do a track called I'm Your Boyfriend Now..and I was in raptures..
Why?
Well, I'm Your Boyfriend Now is basically a track that contains the speech ten million men have wanted to give to their girlfriends the minute they've realised they're in a relationship from which escape is going to be tricky indeed...
Yes boss, contained in this song are the basic rules to which a good girlfriend must conform minus the window dressing or 'Of Course Darlings' which plague the small talk of modern relationships. I'm Your Boyfriend Now is straight, simple and ample.
You see girls, us boys pretend that feminism has made us new and improved and ready to follow you around like dogs on short leads. But the truth is we hate coming to clothes shops for hours on end. It not only makes us lust after more or less every other girl in the shop, but we actually abhor the very idea of having to observe the pain and torment a girl has to go through to look beautiful. We don't want to see this shit being acted out in front of our very eyes!! It destroys a lot of things.
Yes, sorry ladies, but the bottom line is men (in an ideal world) still want you tied up in bag for the vast majority of the day if at all possible as you do us. It's mean and cruel and likely to get me a kicking, but such is the world...
Anyway, Tall Ponies I'm Your Boyfriend Now is a genius track of honesty, and the perfect antidote to the godawful faked gay candy pop of Mika and more or less every other male solo artist since ACDC became cabaret.
Of course when this becomes Number 1, charges of sexism and objectification of women will be raised, but such charges can be raised about who's turn it is to open the tin of catfood and who should put the rubbish out, so there's no need to worry about them or engage with thme in any serious way. Such concerns just reult in programs like Panorama and we don't need 'em..
What is important is that this is an excellent piece of only just music and an even better piece of writing, and if I ever manage to fuck up my current relationship (odds 1.21 within ten minutes of PP reading this) then I'm going to get the ground rules sorted out on the next Mrs Giovanni from the get go.
"LISTEN UP!!" I'll yell, just after we've enjoyed a bout of early evening sex. I'll then press play and Jemima, or whatever her name is, will listen to this track at double loud volume. She'll love it, she'll agree to the rules, sign a piece of paper there and then saying that's so and we'll both live happily ever after….
I'm Your Boyfriend Now is out June 26th on Cherryade Records
http://www.myspace.com/tallpony
 | Currently listening :
The Rose Has Teeth in the Mouth of a Beast
By Matmos
Release date: By 09 May, 2006 |
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