Current mood: OPEN MINDED
Category: OPEN MINDED Music
So...
You may be aware of my ex-wife Michelle.
Yes boss, though our marriage was disolved more than 10 years ago, those of you who tune into this blog will know Michelle and I still manage to annoy one another on a very frequent basis...
Now, I won't talk too much about our marriage now, except to say that it was a mistake that lasted 3 months. We were young and ravished by lust!! It was Hollywood!!! We got carried away and were married in Vegas!!! It didn't work out. IT WAS ALL HER FAULT!!!!!
Imagine Britneys first (annulled) marriage and you'd be getting close to what happenned with us..
Anyway, one of the key problems of difference since the split has been our differing musical taste.
Yes boss, Michelle is the kind of woman who spends hours of an evening listening to the same track on rotation in the belief it will soothe her broken heart and make her well again?!?
The track in question will usually be something of heart rendering angst by Elliot Smith, Jarvis Cocker or some other such sorry, foppish, thin pale looking junky - you know the sweet tortured boys of this world. Guys who need a good meaty meal and a decent exercise routine to get themselves in shape and back in command of their lives!!!
Well, to be perfectly frank, this kind of a half man annoys the shit out of me!
Yes boss, being a FULL MANS MAN!! I can't bear half WUSSY men, who're proud to be unfit and unhealthy. I don't like men who wear corduroy and shirts they've bought in charity shops...
Furthermore I hate to listen to tracks more than once unless something serious is going on!!!!
'Repetition is the first step on the pathway to madness' I tell Michelle
"GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU FUCKING LITTLE FUCKING IDIOT DICKSHIT COCKSUCKER! I REGRET THE DAY I EVER MET YOU, YOU SHIT EATING BENT PISS FUCKHEAD!!!" she screams back
Anyway.
Yesterday or the day before, Michelle writes me a message
oh- have you ever heard of the clientele? they are fucking great... perfect blend of floaty, dreamy jangly guitars & an amazing 60's pop sensibility. i highly reccomend. please listen to them if you haven't. they are very very good.
'WELL FUCKING HELL JESUS CHRIST!!!' I thunk as I drank my Earl Grey tea and listened to the final day of the cricket. 'Not another bunch of foppish idiots with floaty guitars and cute smiles who Michelle is just as interested in sleeping with as she is in hearing?!?'
Yes boss, my first thought was to pick up the phone and shreik
"ELECTRONIC SHIT IS WHERE IT'S AT MICHELLE DARLING!!! START LOOKING FORWARD AND STOP LOOKING BACK!!!!"
But she wouldn't have listened...
Well, I would have left it there, but as you know, I'm currently pretending to be a music writer and in the execution of this there job, I try to be open minded and diverse in my taste and in the acts I review...
So in the interests of 'making an effort' equality and promoting musical journalistic freedom, I decided to giveThe Clientelle's myspace page a listen and here's a brief review of my thoughts.. .
So, the first thing that hit me with this band is that they're from Hampshire in the South Of England.
Yes boss, though of manly Italian stock, I'm from Hampshire and aside from Craig David (I went to school with Craig), The Artful Dodger and the drummer from Coldplay (I refuse to put a link in for them) I'm not aware of any famous music or musicians coming from Hampshire at all..
No boss, Hampshire is about as famous for music as I am for using tact in dealings with my ex-wife...
However, because I love the old county, I was preparred to cut The Clientele some slack and may be even apply them with a headstart - a dash of favouritism in honour of my home - why the hell not???
So, I tried this and I've now heard them a good few times and I can immediately see why my dear Michelle has gone for them..
Yes boss, a band like The Clientelle ticks all of her anglophile sweet boxes: Foppish boys, sweet choruses about love and women being the centre of the world, nice tunes, not too experimental, difficult or challenging - you get the picture....
Of course the downside to this is that The Clientelle tick all the boxes that irritate me..
Yes boss, this band aren't bad at what they do - in fact they're very good at it. But for me they're way too retro and not nearly manly enough.
Sure, they have a 60's pop sensibility - but as I often tell my ex-wife,
'IT'S FRIGGIN WELL 2007, NOT 1964!!!' Where are the synthesizers? Where's the clever use of computer technology and sonic juice james development? And where are the brutal raps about Bow E3 and the vocalists brave efforts to retail fake bags of crack??
Honest to gods, I really want to like theses boys, I DO! I DO! I DO!!! They're my homeboys, they've been used on a Hollywood film (probably a love story), my ex-wife adores them, they're keen, they love what they're doing, they're good clean boys that'll make and break a thousand hearts....
But as with my feelings for Michelle, The Clientelle are too much in the past and that ain't good enough for me...
So sorry, but The Clientele haven't blown my skirt up....
What do you want me to do, lie??
 | Currently listening :
God Save the Clientele
By The Clientele
Release date: By 08 May, 2007 |
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