Current mood:POUR ON WATER POUR ON WATER!!!
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
I'm applying for jobs at the moment..
Yes boss, with heavy start up investment going into the PG£ trading arm, and the temporary lack of income to Mrs Gs end, I'm needing a little extra liquidity - I'm therefore applying for regular Part Time Work..
But why can't you get paid for your writing???
BECAUSE THE PUBLISHING BUSINESS IS RETARDED!!!! AND BECAUSE I'M INCAPABLE OF PLAYING THE GAME!!!!
Anyway, when I apply for regular NON-MEDIA jobs, I always expect to have my hand bitten off...!!
Yes boss, whether I actually want the job or not, I go into interviews and/or application forms with a complete feeling of certainty THAT THERE COULD NOT POSSIBLY BE ANYONE BETTER SUITED TO THE POSITION THAN I AM!!!
I am of course right - but employers don't often notice this fact..
No boss, last summer, I was sent along to an interview for a Full Time Position working for a Fire Extinguishing Company in Shoreditch...
The situation had all the hall marks of a done deal.
Having been very slugish for some months, my job advisor from the privatised job center had set the interview up - she knew the guy who was to interview me (SHE'D SET HIM UP FOR HIS JOB!!!)
This made her CERTAIN I was the best candidate by a country mile..!
'Take the bangle and the shades off and THE JOB'S YOURS!!!' she said...
Well, the interview started perfectly - I kept the bangle on, and the shades on the top of my head, but I was talking my way INTO THE JOB!!!!
Yes boss, I told them I could do everything they wanted me to do!!!
I told them I was more than qualified, THAT I LOVED WORKING ON MY OWN INITIATIVE!!!!
I told them that fire extinguishing sounded like a very safe regular job to be working in, especially in these uncertain times...!
YES BOSS, IT WAS CLEAR IN MY MIND THAT I WAS GOING TO BE EMPLOYED TO PUT OUT FIRES IN SHOREDITCH!!!!
That was, until I took the computer tests..
Yes boss, the funny thing about my computer knowledge is it completely stems from my own use of computers as opposed to any kind of broad and sensible training.
Basically, if I need to know it, I know it, and if I don't I don't...
There are therefore gaps in my basic knowledge that most 8 year olds don't have and wedges of quite useless knowledge that most 50 year old programmers will never have....
Well, one such gap I have, is in using Microsoft Excel and databases in general....
Yes boss, I've never used Excel to any great extent because databases bore the shit out of me, and every time I've needed them in the past I've always known other people who've covered that angle on my behalf..
And therein lay the problem - the extinguisher people gave me some maths to do using Excel and I couldn't do it that way to save my life...?!?!
No boss, I tried to work it out, but couldn't in the time allotted, so instead I wrote the maths in the margin and told them that if they showed me the way in Excel it'd take me about a minute to pick up and memorise...
I EVEN VOLUNTEERED TO GO IN AHEAD OF THE START OF MY CONTRACT FOR FREE TO GET CUSHTY WITH IT ALL!!!
But apparently that wasn't enough and I didn't get the job...
Oh well, life goes on...
 | Currently listening: Electric Arguments [VINYL] By The Fireman (Paul McCartney and Youth) Release date: 2008-12-15 |
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