MY NEW MUSE(S)....

Current mood: MOVE YOU LAZY MOTHERS MOVE!!!!
Category: MOVE YOU LAZY MOTHERS MOVE!!!! Pets and Animals

When people come to visit Fish Island, they often say

"HEY PAUL GIOVANNI £RD AKA FUTUREPROOF PIOUS AKA YOU FUCKING FREAK!!!! - WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THAT?!?"

’That?!?’ is usually one of my stuffed creatures.


Yes boss, I’m fond of taxidermy and I currently have an OK selection of dead, stuffed and embalmed creatures about the fort, some of whom I consider to be employee’s...

There’s a duck that shall remain nameless

A cat called Paul (the keeper of the BLING)

A Piranha called Trevor (Security)

A strangely dried toad named Robin (the torch bearer)...

And a concealled collection of wings and skulls...


Wierd???

Well, I’ve never blown ten shades of fuck out of a town and claimed I’m defending my country, then returned to my wife and child as if nothing ever happenned - so don’t call me wierd...


Anyway, I was sat here yesterday writing that whingey old blog about how I take too long to do my reviews, and get kicked off promo lists and loose favour as a result, and I was more or less done when I caught site of an email in the inbox offering 3 Giant East African Snails for free..

Something clicked.

3 GIANT EAST AFRICAN SNAILS!!!

I realised I needed to own these snails..


So I called the woman who was offering them and she said someone had already called and was to collect them the next day. I left my phone number in case of cancellation and then started to frett..

I tried denying myself, but I knew I HAD TO HAVE THESE SNAILS!!!!


So I texted her:

I was being gentlemanly when I called, but am felling more cut throat now. So, I can trump the 1st caller & collect the snails today if you want. Paul

To which she replied:

You really want them don’t you, can you collect before 3.30 today?

To which I replied:

Yes I do, I sit and write all day and would love something barely moving 2 look at...I’m halfway into town now and won’t be back east till 7 I’m afraid...


Well, to cut a long story short, I managed to secure the little (soon to be 20cm long, rampantly breeding, hermaphrodite) bastards and collected them at 10am today and here they are

Currently listening : Pain Disappers By Mlle. Caro & Franck Garcia Release date: By 04 March, 2008

01:10 - 44 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove -

	Renate	Kill them and eat them. Posted by Renate on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 01:42 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	That's what I had in mind for their many kids... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 01:48 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Renate	According to wikipedia, they eat digestive biscuits!!!?! Posted by Renate on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 02:03 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	I've read that they can eat concrete (for the lime)... I've also read that like to be handled (if one doesn't mind to be slimed upon) Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 02:07 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	They also don't mind a beer - which should mean we get on famously!!! In fact I might take them down the pub tomorrow to see the football... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 02:08 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	REX MUNDI	watch the beer they luv it we used 2 use beer in glass jars as snail bait they luv it they slime in get drunk n then drown! very effective if u want 2 dispatch them in number in a humane enviro manner! Posted by REX MUNDI on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 06:19 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	Sound advice... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 11:10 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Renate	What are their names?? Posted by Renate on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 02:12 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	Uno Due Tre Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 02:15 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	The Cupid Kinkyboots Fan Club	I was just gonna suggest naming them all Bob. Maybe you could call them Bob Uno, Bob Due, and Bob Tre. Oh, and snails like to eat bananas, too. Make sure you give them their 'nanners. Posted by The Cupid Kinkyboots Fan Club on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 02:26 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	I'll bear the Bobism in mind... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 02:34 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Renate	Tre looks more like a Chris. Posted by Renate on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 02:37 [Remove]

	The Cupid Kinkyboots Fan Club	Lovely. Hopefully they will inspire you to new heights. : ) Posted by The Cupid Kinkyboots Fan Club on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 01:48 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	They're already working me into tricks I never thought possible... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 01:49 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Princess Stephen	you are ruthless, not weird. or wierd, for that matter. Posted by Princess Stephen on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 01:54 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	It's better to be feared than loved... (especially by snails) Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 01:55 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Paloma Warhola	so, the menagerie grows....though, the taxidermist might not know what to do with snails. I can't wait to see them! You better take good care of them and they had better be in tip top shape when I arrive!!! You should name one Gary, after Spongebob Squarepants' pet snail. style="padding:3px;background:000;color:00ADEF;font-family:tahoma;font-size:11px;font-weight:bold;text-decoration:none;border:1px solid 00ADEF" href="http://www.tweakyourpage.com" target="_blank">MySpace Layouts | MySpace Tweaks Posted by Paloma Warhola on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 02:37 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	REX MUNDI	Yes Gary thats what I thought 2 gary is a snail 2 be admired,BOB may offend the evil space aliens that the SUB-GENIUSES worship. Posted by REX MUNDI on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 06:22 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	Makes sense to me... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 11:14 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	The taxidermist could simply insert a slug into the vacant shell?!? Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 02:49 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Paloma Warhola	fucking codes. i quit. Posted by Paloma Warhola on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 02:39 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	I plan to train up Due to do my web design.... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 02:48 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	REX MUNDI	very cool I had a mumified cat once that i found in an old building I squatted in when I was a scruffy young student I still have photos of it I cant recall where it went but it was so cool it proved handy as well 4 seducing girls in a variation of the old time honored cliched artist pick up line "come up n see my etchings" I 'd get them up 2 the boudoir with come up n see my little kitty I'm amazed how well it worked,dead animals rock as well as rot! I once had a collection of skulls 2 a real human 1 from India which also came in handy 2 as props 4 an album cover so these things r not strange in my mind they can be put 2 good use in all sorts of ways as i notice u have done with paul the cat & the robin the toad I must say is very aesthetically satisfying! those snails r so small how long do they take 2 get giant & how giant do they become snails r cool I find their tireless efforts @ eating the algae off my aquarium a pleasure 2 behold they r rentless in a slo-mo kinda way. Posted by REX MUNDI on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 06:15 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	I had a big collection of this kind of thing when I was younger - things have since been scaled down.. This stuff definately has it uses. In fact, the main reason I didn't any hassell at school was (with hindsight) because I took great delight in perfoming a dissection at a 'show and tell'.. According to what I've read these snails grow as big as 20cm long. They should be fully grown within 6 months.. Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 11:28 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Christopher Nosnibor	They don't look particularly giant in the pic... I have larger specimens munching all sprouting vegetation in my border as I type... but they're not East African (to the best of my knowledge - too bust noshing to answer any questions I put to them). Tre looks nothing like this Chris... Posted by Christopher Nosnibor on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 11:49 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	They're babies - before long they'll be eating cars and making demands to Gordon Brown... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 11:57 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Renate	Look at the size of them!!!?! I hope you know what you're doing!! Posted by Renate on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 19:38 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	I'M GOING TO RAISE A SNAIL ARMY AND TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!!! Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 20:15 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Renate	Posted by Renate on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 23:07 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	I AM THE LAW!!!!! Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 23:10 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Renate	NO!!!!! YOU'RE A MAN IN A SNAIL COSTUME!!!!!!! Posted by Renate on Sunday, March 30, 2008 at 02:10 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	I'M TAKING OVER THIS SHITTY LITTLE WORLD AND THERE AIN'T NOTHING YOU OR ANYONE ELSE CAN DO TO STOP ME!!!!! Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on Sunday, March 30, 2008 at 02:17 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Renate	I'LL POUR SALT IN YOUR FACE YOU GASTROPOD CUNT!!!!!! Posted by Renate on Sunday, March 30, 2008 at 02:20 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Renate	AND I'LL BREAK YOUR BLOG!!!! Posted by Renate on Sunday, March 30, 2008 at 02:24 [Remove]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	I'M WEARING SUNGLASSES!!! Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on Sunday, March 30, 2008 at 02:21 [Remove]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	TREVOR'LL HAVE YOU LOCKED AWAY BEFORE YOU CAN EVEN LOOOSEN THE CAP AND BANG THE POT HARD ON THE TABLE (in order to clear the moisture blockened decanting holes)... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on Sunday, March 30, 2008 at 02:30 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Renate	MY CRACK TEAM OF PUSSY SNIPERS WILL TAKE TREVOR DOWN IN A HAIL OF BULLETS FROM THEIR CONCEALED TARTAN BASKET...DON'T YOU FUCK WITH US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Posted by Renate on Sunday, March 30, 2008 at 02:36 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	TREVOR HAS NEVER HAD ANY TROUBLE WITH PUSSY SNIPERS AND HE NEVER WILL HAVE!!!! Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on Sunday, March 30, 2008 at 02:48 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Renate	TREVOR KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR HIM...and all this shouting's made my jaw ache... Posted by Renate on Sunday, March 30, 2008 at 02:57 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	I CAN SHOUT ALL NIGHT!!!! Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on Sunday, March 30, 2008 at 03:00 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Renate	Snails do not have a larynx....so actually no you can't fucking shout at all...but you can leave a sparkly trail of slime wherever you go though... Posted by Renate on Sunday, March 30, 2008 at 03:05 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :	Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on Sunday, March 30, 2008 at 03:11 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Renate	It's gone everywhere... Posted by Renate on Sunday, March 30, 2008 at 03:15 [Remove] [Reply to this]

: THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :

Yes it has... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI : on Sunday, March 30, 2008 at 03:18 [Remove] [Reply to this]