The Perfect Storm....

Current mood:DUCK!!!!!
Category: Life

Jesus....?!?!?


Do you ever get these moments in life where a wierd, confusing and unusual energy seems to follow your every move and deal???


I had one such about 6 months after I first moved into London in 2002....

Then, my personal life was a mess and I was getting through about £2000 of the banks money per month - but those weren't the main problems...

No boss, the bigger fish were that if I touched a machine it broke. If I sat under some shelves they fell down. If I walked down the street chaos would follow, and if I sat trying not to be seen, it'd be a matter of minutes before some premier oddball would be in my face gyrating my nerves...


Well, I'm both sorry and pleased to say I'm having one such 'chaos' this last week...

Yes boss, this time, my personal life is absolutely fine (other than when I insisted on walking the baby back across the park in the dark, against Mrs G's advice)

Instead, I'm having real machine troubles...

Yes boss, in the space of the last 6 days I've sold 7 laptops on ebay...

By last night 2 of the buyers had pulled out because they're twats, leaving me with the listing costs and the no money I was expecting and relying upon - meantime 2 others had reported problems and requested full refunds...

In that same time, I've also bought 5 laptops to upgrade, adapt and sell on...:

Of these, one of the sellers appears to have done a runner with my £70, 1 is yet to appear and the other 3 are still in the box - where they'll stay until I can face opening it, in case there's 3 fucking house bricks in there...

Add onto this that last night, a hard drive and laptop of my own broke inside an hour, and then at the end of the night my BASTARD PINK BARBIE TAPE PLAYER WOULDN'T RELEASE THE FUCKING EDDIE IZZARD CASSETTE?!?!? and you'll perhaps understand that I'm feeling a little ragged...


Well, I figured today was a new day - but this morning, the wierdness has continued....

Yes boss, another 2 of the sold laptops have developed problems and everyone wants refunds that I don't have, because I've spent the bleeding money on crap like this gold plated Swarovski fish (that I've spent all afternoon photographing)....

Meanwhile, the rent is late, the electric bill isn't paid, the undersoil heating is coming on and off when it pleases, the cooker is HOT mental and a valve from the pump has disappeared...


All of this leads me to ask:

WHERE IN THE FUCK IS MAGIC MESSIAH OBAMA WHEN YOU NEED HIM???? NEVERMIND AMERICA AND THE FREE FUCKING WORLD - COME AND SAVE THE PAUL GIOVANNI CORPORATION WHY DON'T YOU????!!!!


Of course, some would say that all of this chaos isn't quite the ideal backdrop for the first month of fatherhood...

But I think the idea that you need to be super clever settled and loaded with cash in order to have children is bollocks...

I mean, what better way to recover your tempo after a bad run of luck, than to cuddle a little warm thing who couldn't care less if the world stops turning, SO LONG AS SHE GETS HER MILK AND CAN FART, SHIT AND BURP CORRECTLY....!!


Anyway....

Because I have £5 or 600s less than I should have I'm conducting another BIG fire sale of the Giovanni archive....!!

Yes boss, due to nappy changing and photo editing, very little of this stock is now online - but some is, and every all bit of it is available to view and buy from the Fishy Fort...

So if any of you have any CASH£$£$£$£$£ money and want to come and get some super deals on anything I own (EXCEPT THE GOLDEN FISH!!!) come on over....!)

Currently listening: Circle By Eddie Izzard Release date: 2005-10-24