Passing the time....

Current mood: SEEING CLEARLY....
Category: SEEING CLEARLY.... Life

HOW SPIFFING!!!!

It's 21 minutes past 12 midday and having polished off the spare can from the seven of last night and now I'm well into the wine..


I used to do this shit all the time, and only now have I've realised I simply can't get away with it anymore...


No boss, if Mrs Giovanni were here (or at work a little closer than France) she would have sniffed the aroma of booze by now and be on the phone bothering me about it...

Shit, she's probably smelt it anyway but is having too much fun to make the call...


'ARE YOU DRINKING ALREADY???'

'OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!!! I NEED TO FOR MY GENIUS'


But Inch by inch, it's been ruled out...


Yes boss, the sad truth is that these days, I usually have to wait until she's gone to bed before extracting the bottle from the hiding place. I then have to drink it quick, then rush sobering up (so i don't smell too bad) before bed...


WHAT IN THE HELL DOES SHE THINK SHE'S DOING CRAMPING MY ARTSY CLEVER BRAVE CREATIVE DRINKING STYLE?!?!?

Probably trying to save my liver and ultimately my ass...


MAYBE I SHOULD FILL THE HOUSE WITH BOOZE AND CHANGE THE FUCKING LOCKS!!!!

She'd be mighty furious when she returns, but then it'd either a molotov through the letterbox or her walking off with the Mini G, thinking:

'THANK GOD THAT'S OVER WITH!!!'


Or both...


I guess there's no choice but to do the heroic thing...

Currently listening : Power By Ice-T Release date: 1990-10-17

TONIGHTS BIG DOGGY ACTION!!!! (pt2)

Current mood: SHARE THE WEALTH....
Category: SHARE THE WEALTH.... Music

The second Royal Albert Hall anecdote concerns one of the few times I actually went to see my sister play at a venue near the Hall...

I think this must have been in some kind of hall or concert hall within the Royal College.

It could have even been her graduation ceremony...

My memory of some things is very poor indeed...


Anyway, I was in the area for a do of my sisters and I'd got there a touch early...

And I'm wandering about looking for something to do.


To fill in a little of the background:

This is 1994 and I'm living here in London, but I have no idea what I'm doing here or what is where.

I'd originally moved here for 'saving the world' reasons (there was a roads campaign over in Leytonstone and Wanstead) I then stayed on to be nearby my girlfriend of the time..


Well, as per now, I didn't then spend a huge amount of time hanging with my sis or for that matter hanging with anyone...

No boss, we get on from a safe distance and I'm probably only going to this College do because my Mum and Dad have told me I HAVE TO GO!!!


Truth was, I never much liked going to my sisters do's..

I've always had a very strong sense and idea of what I WANT TO BE DOING and if (as a child) I had a pound for each time I was dragged along to a concert or a musical or something 'to see my sister play' I'd be very rich indeed.


To get around this curricular imposition, I would always take a book along.

My mother hated it, but I can out stubborn most people, so each gig I'd have a copy of a bird identification book or a book about skulls or rocks or Amazon Adventure, or Whale Adventure or perhaps even Gorilla Adventure - basically, whatever was blowing open my coat.

I'd then sit quietly bored in my seat and read, whilst whatever was happening on stage happened...


Anyway...

This London do I am as per usual terminally short of cash and even though London wasn't then as expensive as it is now, it was still super dear..


Well, I'm walking away from the Hall towards Kensington High Street, and I walk past a phonebox and as I'm passing it, I notice what appears to be a large pinky coloured purse on the floor of the box...

I keep on walking...

I get 5 or 10 yards the other side and my curiosity gets the better of me. I go back into the box and pretend to make a call whilst lightly kicking the purse - it jingles MONEY...


Well, as if my megalomaniacal paranoia needed anymore highlighting, I'm fearful this is some kind of TV stunt..

Yes boss, Beadles About is a big TV show at the time and given that I'm in posh town London, I figure there must be some hidden cameras somewhere, and as soon as I pick the fucking purse up some cunt is gonna jump out of the bushes and start badgering me about moral choices...

But fuck it - I'm skint, and it appears that there could be money in the purse..


So, I pick the purse up and walk...


A hundred or more very paranoid yards later, I decide there are no cameras or cheery fucking TV presenters and I stop and look inside the purse..

There are two compartments

The first contains a little small change and the second contains a nice wedge of £50 notes and a receipt for a coffee percolator..


Now if this were to happen today - and something similar (though not quite so lucrative) did happen recently, I'd pocket it all without the slightest qualm.

Yes boss, this is Kensington, there's nothing in the purse except a BA reciept - it obviously belongs to some rich bitch who was out doing a little shopping - we're probably talking someone so fucking inbred aristo, she'd make the fucking Royal Family look handsome..


But then, I was rather weighed down by my peasant morals and the idea of being good and honest....


Well, I kept the purse, didn't mention anything to the family, saw my sisters do, bought a 4 or 8 pack of Guiness with some of the cash on the way to my girlfriends, and left her with the decision, whilst i got drunk...

She decided we had to give it in, so the next day we took it to Peckham Police Station and then a month later we went and got it back because no cunt had claimed it..


I gave her half the cash (it was about £287), and spent the rest on an all black mountain bike with state of the art hyrdraulic brakes...

Currently listening : So Tough By Saint Etienne Release date: 1993-03-09

TONIGHTS BIG DOGGY ACTION!!!! (pt1)

Current mood: I’M AN ACTOR!!!!
Category: I’M AN ACTOR!!!! Music

So...

Rather than being a proper mans MAN out FUCKING!!!!

I elected to spend my RockAnRolla evening in the most polite of company at The Royal Albert Hall listening to sea based classical music topped off with Tchaikovskys dying breath...

Yes boss, when my friend John called me a week or two ago and said he'd got a spare ticket for The Proms I was amazed..


For one, I am notoriously unreliable in answering any of the 5 phones in this fort...

And for 2, the whole idea of going to The Proms wasn't something I considered to be the kind of proposition John might be offering me...

No boss, John is a few years younger than I am, but he already has 3 children..


This reality has always amazed me..

He, Heloise and me were all at Art School together, and children most certainly WEREN'T ON THE FREE AND EASY ARTSY CURRICULUM!!!

No boss, when they told me they were due, so pothippyart addled was I, that my best response was:

'I didn't think that was possible..?!?'

But it was - and then it was again - and again...


So today, after sitting in on 4 hours of an excellent session at Gizzard Studios, I headed on over to Kings X and met John off the train...


We took a beer, watched a crate fall off a passing truck (it sounded like a car crash), and chewed the fat...


We were both very impressed with the Olympics and Usain Bolt.

We expressed our fears that the Republicans are too professionally cynical to loose to the Democrats in a cynically political climate

And we ordered breakfast...


Now, as you might have guessed I have a few anecdotes about The Royal Albert Hall..

Yes boss, what i don't have an anecdote about, really isn't worth mentioning - I am after all a man of the world, who collects clever anecdotes for a 9 ta 5...


So, before we get onto the meat, here we go with the first...:


My sister Rachael studied classical music with a passion

Yes boss, somehow this generation of the Giovanni's is very musical despite the previous one not being at all so...

Rachael liked to play the piano, the violin and to sing...

She graduated up through the grades, played in the Eastleigh Area Schools Orchestra and then the Southampton Youth Orchestra.

After securing a place on the Specialist Music Course at the Peter Symonds College, she then got a much coveted place at The Royal College of Music..


Now perhaps some of you are thinking:

'YOU GIOVANNI ARE A LYING CUNT!!! You claim all this rootsy down to earthiness poor shit, but in fact you're from some poncey middle class family with trust funds and horses...'

But no, my Dad fixed cars and then fork lift trucks and he finished his working days as a storeman at a technical college. Meanwhile my mum was a housewife and the only reason any of us have progressed in the world is because of religious hard work and PIOUS FUCKING HARD WORK!!!


Anyway...

The Royal College Of Music is just down and around the corner from the Royal Albert Hall and my sisters course required that her concert performances were completed inside this epic venue...

Well, one time she'd done just such a performance, and whereas I was off saving the world somewhere, my mother and father were there lending their usual quiet support...

The gig played, they were taking a photo of their daughter on the steps at the back of the hall - a proud shot for the family album...


And Michael Cane walked into shot...

Yes boss, we have the photo (though I don't have a copy right here and now)

There is Rachael looking all pleased and proud in the foreground - and in the background is Michael Caine in a long black overcoat looking to be in something of a hurry...

Currently listening : Box Set 3 - Live With Ginger Baker / Roforofo Fight / Alagbon Close / He Miss Road / Everything Scatter / Ikoyi Blindness [RARE] By Fela Anikulapo Kuti

An Explanation...

Current mood: EXPLAINING MYSELF....
Category: EXPLAINING MYSELF.... Blogging

People often say to me:

'Hey Paul James Deman Giovanni £rd AKA Futureproof Pious - I really like your clever, humourous and incisive writing.

I also like the good bands, labels and acts you draw my attention too...

BUT WHAT IN THE FUCK WAS THAT LAST BLOG:

'Henry Car....(women have all the power)' ALL ABOUT???


'Well, that's a good question and thanks very much for asking it....' I reply

Truth is, when I woke up this morning, I didn't truly know the answer...

No boss, that number was produced the wrong side of a bottle and half of wine on an empty stomach - it was therefore the work of my addled subconscious and not something that's easy to explain...

However I didn't study cultural theory at art school for 3 years and come out unable to unpack the apparently insane rantings of a minor league artist like Giovanni....

No boss, I CAN PULL DEEP AND PROFOUND CULTURAL MEANING OUT OF ANYTHING!!!!


So, here we go with the meat ANSWER....


The title is pretty easy to understand.

Henry

refers to Henry Miller.

At the time of titling, I would have been looking at the book Sexus.

Now, for those of you who haven't read this, let me tell you that the masculine heroics of Henry in this book are truly fucking incredible!!!

Yes boss, Henry spends large portions of this book wandering about New York having sex with all manner of women, often in twos and threes. He claims to make them orgasm multiple times on multiple occasions and he does this all in a very matter of fact way - as if he's just popped out to he library for a packet of fags....


But it doesn't end there...!


No boss, Hank then goes on to write about his antics with such precise beauty and FREE power, that you ignore the fact that he's made his wifes life a terrible misery, barely even mentions his baby girl, and is the kind of man most normally considered to be a GRADE A CUNT

Instead you bow at his genius altar...

AKA

Henry Miller makes PG£ feel overawed and COMPLETELY FUCKING JEALOUS!!!!


Car

Well that refers to the track My Red Hot Car which is the track in the video.

In this instance, Car is also portrayed as being a material and profound example of the MALE BIG ALPHA MALE FUCKING PERSONALITY!!!


(women have all the power)

Refers to my belief that women do indeed have all the power...

Now, I understand this claim could be a contentious one, so I'm gonna leave it dangling for a few days or perhaps even a few years before I can gather together sufficient balls to fully address it (especially considering that around about 2/3rds of this blogs readership is female...)


STUPID MONKEYS

This refers to monkey not enough sex men in the video...


So...

If we put all this together with the lyric

'I'm gonna fuck you with my red hot CARRRCCKKKKK!!!'

You've basically got a primal scream from the brave inner child of Giovanni!!!

Yes boss, this is clearly a knowing but bitter acknowledgment that though like Squarepusher, I can sing along to a spunky tune with the lyric

'I'm gonna fuck you with my red hot CARRRCCKKKKK!!!'

I am in fact home alone drinking wine and dousing my passions...


Yes boss, though a man of my talents should clearly be swaggering it about with his RED HOT CAWWWKKKKKK!!!! delivering HIS fantastically creative semen to all and sundry - at the time of that blog, I was in fact at home alone and not out fucking half of East Londons trendy art set in a genius like way..


So, the nub here, is that though at times I think I am, I am not in fact Henry Miller..

No boss..

I AM PAUL PIOUS JAMES DEMAN GIOVANNI £RD!!!

And my idea of a good evening (when the wife's away) is to sit here at PG Towers, drink a bit, read a bit, listen to some music, virtually chat a bit and maybe later (if I'm feeling REALLY FUCKING MANLY!!!!) make a toastie...


Anyway, I'm just getting started on this evening drinking program, so i'll probably be along with another silly blast in a short while..

This is however the VERY LAST time I will explain myself - in future you're just gonna have to do the maths yourselves...

Currently listening : Anthology By The Salsoul Orchestra Release date: 1996-11-26