Tonights Andy...

Current mood: GOOD ADVICE...
Category: GOOD ADVICE... Life

'Sometimes people let the same problem make them miserable for years when they could just say, "So what."
That's one of my favourite things to say. "So what."
"My mother didn't love me." So what.
"My husband won't ball me." So what.
"I'm a success but I'm still alone." So what.
I don't know how I made it through all the years before I learned how to do that trick. It took a long time for me to learn it, but once you do, you never forget.'

Taken from: THE Philosophy of Andy Warhol (From A to B and Back Again)

A Harvest Book

'Sometimes people let the same problem make them miserable for years when they could just say, "So what."
That's one of my favourite things to say. "So what."
"My mother didn't love me." So what.
"My husband won't ball me." So what.
"I'm a success but I'm still alone." So what.
I don't know how I made it through all the years before I learned how to do that trick. It took a long time for me to learn it, but once you do, you never forget.'

'Sometimes people let the same problem make them miserable for years when they could just say, "So what."
That's one of my favourite things to say. "So what."
"My mother didn't love me." So what.
"My husband won't ball me." So what.
"I'm a success but I'm still alone." So what.
I don't know how I made it through all the years before I learned how to do that trick. It took a long time for me to learn it, but once you do, you never forget.'

Taken from: THE Philosophy of Andy Warhol (From A to B and Back Again)

A Harvest Book

Taken from: THE Philosophy of Andy Warhol (From A to B and Back Again)

A Harvest Book

Currently listening : Endtroducing... By DJ Shadow Release date: 1996-11-19

The Sting....

Current mood: WOOF!!!!
Category: WOOF!!!! Life

I'm getting very tired of The Police being involved in everything...


This weekend, a bunch of mascohistic fools decided to run all over the Lake District in a torrential fucking flood.

The whole thing was badly rained off and there were the kind of headlines that made me sit up and take notice:

1400 RUNNERS MISSING IN THE LAKES!!!


Well, it turned out not be a big problem - all the hardy fucks came out of it smiling and feeling all the more survival manly as a result...

But DISASTER over..

And all you hear is about how The Police advised the organisers not to run their race and how The Police would know better than to run a fucking race when it's raining....?!?!?


AND YOU KNOW WHAT??

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT THE POLICE THINK ABOUT A BUNCH OF CUNTS WHO CHOOSE TO RUN AROUND THE LAKE DISTRICT IN SHORTS IN THE WET WEATHER AND GET INTO MINOR DIFFICULTY!!!

I MEAN, WHEN HAVE THE POLICE EVER RUN A GOOD QUALITY ENDURANCE EVENT????

And why do they think they know how it can be done better????


But this is the trend...

Yes boss,, in 2008 our tit-headed friends continually feel qualified to be advising us as to how to perform our rock concerts and our mountain runs and our football matches and our demonstrations..

They're always sniffing around offering their opinion - as if anyone wants or cares what they fucking well think???


Shit, if everyone took The Polices advice, we'd all be sitting in watching POLICE CAMERA FUCKING ACTION ALL DAY EVERYDAY!!!!

(be nice to the officer, do as they say, don't drink and drive, NEVER PARK FOR 30 SECONDS ON A DOUBLE YELLOW!! Accept the nice fine AND SMILE!!!!)


I say: Get The Police back to making wet fish fucking reggae about putting on red lights....

Currently listening : Among the Living By Anthrax Release date: 1990-06-15

According to....

Current mood: HOLIDAY CENTRAL!!!!
Category: HOLIDAY CENTRAL!!!! Travel and Places

my myspace friend and quality blogger Stacey J

'Blogs are like vacation slideshows - unless you took the vacation, they're kinda boring and tough to endure.'


Well to further prove that statement, here comes a select few photos from my brother Colins cruise to Scandinavia last year..


Now, regular readers may remember a blog of some time back in which I explained that despite having suffered a number of disabilities in life, such unfortunations haven't stopped Colin & Denise getting lucky in the housing market - and choosing to spend their cash on cruises...

No boss, they bought in when it was low and sold when it was high, making a tidy profit along the way...


Well, Colin and Denise were up here on The Island this last week, and as usual Colin had a whole bunch of jobs for me to do, including sorting and slideshowing his holiday snaps...

And I found some great shots contained therein.

So here follows a few shots from their cruise of this last summer...

They're here because they're rasping good shots and because I can claim to be Bono too...

Currently listening : Hell’s Winter By Cage Release date: 2005-09-20

From A to B and back again....

Current mood: PRETTY GOOD....
Category: PRETTY GOOD.... Art and Photography

Back when I was at Art School, I used to throw this story around, about how I'd only ever been to the college library once...

This story was of course bollocks - made up in order to enhance my rebel character myth.

Yes boss, the truth was, I'd go to the library pretty damn regularly - though never to study for coursework or anything to do with my degree...

Instead, I'd educate myself with my own transport trains of thought.


I watched this VHS vid about The K Foundation Burning A Million Quid a hell of a lot....

I also studied Andy Warhols excellent book: The Philosophy of Andy Warhol (From A to B and back again) as if it were the bible

Yes boss, I mentioned the importance of The KLFs book The Manual: How to have a Number 1 Hit The Easy Way on this months CHG tuneshow

But, this book dictated by Warhol was perhaps even more important for Planet Pauly G, for the simple reason that it's completely full of absolute truth and wisdom...


Well, I've just bought my second copy of this gem book, having given away the first copy a few years back (because I had the whole thing pretty much memorized)

I'm re-loving and discovering it all once again...

So, expect plenty of quoting - starting with this...

'Fantasy love is much better than reality love. Never doing it is very exciting. The most exciting attractions are between two opposites that never meet'.

Currently listening : Whitney By Whitney Houston Release date: 1990-10-25

That is....

Current mood: ALL PRAISE THE DETROIT GRAND PUBAHS!!!
Category: ALL PRAISE THE DETROIT GRAND PUBAHS!!! Music

Play this vid...

With this soundtrack...

http://www.paulgiovanni.com/dick.mp3

Currently listening : Galactic Ass Creatures from Uranus By Detroit Grand Pubahs Release date: 2004-05-18

HAVING NOT SAVED THE WORLD, BONO AND SCHWARZENEGER SAVE WOMEN....!!!!

Current mood: HA AHA AHAHAHHAHAHAAAA!!!!!
Category: HA AHA AHAHAHHAHAHAAAA!!!!! Movies, TV, Celebrities

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

YEAH ARNIE OH YEAH YEAH!!!!!

GIMME JAW MOVEMENTS DICK CANNON!!!!!

http://www.californiawomen.org/blog/

Currently listening : Rock & Roll (Part 1 & 2) By Gary Glitter Release date: 1997-01-14

It’s hard to feel bad....

Current mood: MAKING ASSES....
Category: MAKING ASSES.... News and Politics

for pubs...


For years, pubs have been packed to the gills with the core customers - most of whom smoke, or who don't really mind smoke, if it's inclusion on the night, means a right royal atmosphere and a night to remember...!!

And then the government decides to ban smoking in public places because it wants to make us all well???? and the pubs concede the defeat with characteristic English gutlessness (UNLESS TOLD TO BY AUTHORITY!!!) - and immediately alienate their core customers...

Then the chips go down, the economy grinds to a halt and hundreds of pub are gonna go down with the chips and the over priced poorly battered FISH AND THE FUCKING SACHETS OF TOMATO KETCHUP!!!! because the core smoking customers are rightly thinking:

'WELL FUCK YOU THEN, NOW I'M SKINT, I'LL SMOKE AT HOME!!!!'...


Yes boss, this country is going down the financial plug hole for many reasons more important than the smoking ban - but every little thing counts, and for pubs that ban couldn't have come at a worse time...


But nevermind that...

The bigger issue with all this beautiful daily financial chaos, is that the dream is perhaps over and that no-one currently knows where the new lines will be drawn...

I reckon a 3-4 year recession is in order, in which time several other misfortunes might well come by the 'Great Western Democracies' (continual grind of stupid wars, strengthening of traditional and new enemies, economic power returning to those who have ACTUAL resources) leaving the world a very different place by the end of it...


With regards to US politics...

As much as I love his aura, I don't believe the great Kennedy phenomena will work for Obama other than by illuminating his myth...

In fact, I don't think the great Kennedy myth has ever been anything other than good PR...

It's the Apple Mac of politics...

Yes boss, as cute, right on (really???) and handsome as he is, Obama is another smoke and mirrors Blair, and I can't help but think the combined weight of his inheriting 2 shitty wars and a shot to shit economy will mean there'll be very little room for any kind of significant change people are hoping he can produce...


Socially speaking, the trend is in the direction of people staying in and doing their socialising virtually alá the spazz, messenger, skype, forums, chatrooms and facefuck etc - and this is where and how things are going for good or ill in the serious long term...

The real world of difficult physical human interactions (including sex) is in many senses being fazed out - but can it be fazed out???

Can everyone live in virtual dream worlds as do poets and artists, or will some fuckers still have to grow food, clean toilets and kill rats???

I guess time will tell...

But my money's on YES!!

Shades...

Current mood: YES!!!
Category: YES!!! News and Politics

Taken from Viz....

Currently listening : In Sides By Orbital Release date: 1997-03-25

CASA HASA GIOVANNA ::: EPISODE 11 :::: the 7 inch...

Current mood: MORE....
Category: MORE.... Music

CLICK THE PICTURE TO STREAM OR DOWNLOAD!!!

(DOWNLOADING IS BETTER - STREAMING HAS BEEN KNOWN TO CUT OUT MID SHOW)

GOOD RIDDANCE THE LONG BLONDES!!!!

Current mood: WELL FUCKING JACKSON!!!!
Category: WELL FUCKING JACKSON!!!! Music

So, today I was browsing my staple diet of magazines and newspapers here online, and I found the rather excellent news that The Long Blondes have split up...


NOW, THIS IS GREAT NEWS!!!!

Yes boss, I've always vehemently disliked The Long Blondes - they are one of these bands that the music media and certain critics get phenomenally excited about for no apparent reason..

The first I heard of The Long Blondes was when they were playing the Culture Show on BBC 2.

Yes boss, for a while I was going along to the filming of this each and every week and If I didn't know the artists who was to perform, I'd check them out here on the spazz to see if it was a worthwhile use of a day...

Well, like I say, The Long Blondes were on, and I checked them out, and what I saw bored me senseless - we're talking an average indie band, with quirky retro fashion and no particular fire or heart or even any good tunes...

I therefore elected to do something else less boring instead, didn't go watch them - and imagined The Long Blondes would soon disappear without trace...


Well, time passes, I read the music press, and I increasingly get the impression, The Long Blondes are being hyped up.

Furthermore, this Kate Jackson (who sings) is being built up as being something of a figure of note despite her never saying anything at all interesting...

Yes boss, much like Louise Wenner, singer in 1990s band Sleeper, it's Kate Jackson this and Kate Jackson that, and I check back to see if the music has grown at all or if this Kate Jackson is in fact attractive (of course proper beauty doesn't always come through on first glance) - and it's the same old boring dross, meanwhile Jackson still looks like a badly dressed young Chrissie Hynde...


Well, foolishly, I keep reading the music press and The Long Blondes hype continues.

JACKSON COMBS HERE HAIR!!!

JACKSON WRITES A NEW SONG!!!!

JACKSON PAINTS A NEW PICTURE THAT SHE MIGHT USE ON THE NEXT LONG BLONDES LP!!!!!

JACKSON IS FROM SHEFFIELD!!!

THE LONG BLONDES ARE FROM SHEFFIELD!!!!!

JACKSON , JACKSON, JACKSON!!!!


Shit, girls are starting to dress like her, and sectors of the media are becoming obsessed with this shoddy indie band and it's miraculous frontwoman!!!

But I keep looking back and listening back (because I'm a sucker for strong black haired women who might be attractive and because I'm taking music writing seriously and I don't want to miss the pulse) - and THE LONG BLONDES ARE STILL FUCKING DROSS AND KATE JACKSON IS STILL NOTHING SPECIAL AT ALL!!!!

BUT ALL I HEAR IS THIS JACKSON JACKSON JACKSON!!!!


Well...

Things went quiet.

I then heard something they'd done hadn't done so well, and then that they were in the studio being produced by Erol Alkan (who's another MR ALT.HYPE!!!)

Then today I both read that the band has split!!

AND THAT THE AMAZING KATE JACKSON IS GOING TO GO SOLO!!!!


GOD HELP US!!!!

Currently listening : Tiny Reminders By Two Lone Swordsmen Release date: 2000-10-31

6 CRISIS!!!!

Current mood: SELL SELL!!!!
Category: SELL SELL!!!! News and Politics

Taken from Viz....

Currently listening : Songs from Liquid Days By Philip Glass Release date: 2008-07-01

Clarkson....

Current mood: PERVERSION RULES....!!
Category: PERVERSION RULES....!! Jobs, Work, Careers

On a more serious note...

I haven't written much about what went on in Italy yet - I'd imagine I will because there's plenty of good ragas to recount, but at the moment I'm struggling to write anything that isn't cheap, cheerful and quick - my professional serious head has deserted me.......

However, here we go with something vaguely associated that is funny, but also more in depth......


So, I've mentioned before that Mrs Giovannis brother is trying to get me into importing Prosecco wine into the UK...

Yes boss, he and Mrs G REALLY like the idea of my working in the wine business

'GREAT OPPORTUNITIES ARE AHEAD!' They say

And they're right, it's a matter of time before Prosecco becomes a far more tipped tipple here in the UK, and there will be big money to be made in making this so....

However, the idea I might be THE MAN to make these millions on wine is wierd for the following reasons:

1) My only history with wine is in drinking lots of it
2) All businesses I've undertaken have been absolute financial disasters plagued by no book keeping, insufficient work and general apathy
3) In fact, I'm generally pathologically crap with money
4) And, I can't sell to save my life
5) I'm also solely dedicated to writing as my main and only professional goal.
6) And making that work AND making the millions with the wine will require an absurd level of dual minded focus and determination

And in those last 2 is the main rub - how can I write in a dedicated and hard fashion (which is essential to having any chance of succeeding) and be a huge success at selling wine at the same time????

It's a tough number to say the least...


Well, the truth is, I don't think those concerned take me seriously on the writing goal..

No boss, folk figure that because I might not currently make a great deal of money doing what I do, it's not really happening...

And this is one of the toughest things about attempting to get seriously professional with a creative game - nearly everyone thinks you're either having a laugh, going to fail, or are in need of a proper job TO SAVE YOU!!!!

Of course no-one means to be rude or disrespectful, they just want you to be happy and to get what they want you to have from life.

Furthermore, they don't know any writers and they are aware that writing is a very very difficult business to win at, and they don't want to see you lying on a drunken failed heap aged 52..


But it's still wierd...

I mean I don't start suggesting Mrs Giovannis brother starts writing books in order to make his millions, because I can see he's good at wine - and the reason I can see that is because I've looked at him and his abilities and it appears to be the career for him in the same way that writing is a good career for me...


Anyway, I'm not resolutely opposed to importing some wine in any way shape or form...

No boss, my kind of writing thrives on my being involved in things other than writing.

Furthermore, importing el vino means I should have a very good supply for myself as opposed to the rank shit I have to currently ingest, and I can certainly see the potential for the business and the interesting avenues I can explore in doing it - so, as long as it's simple and doesn't cramp my written style for too long, I'm game...


Well, one of Marcos ideas to enhance the profile of Prosecco is to get the British motoring TV show Top Gear to present an episode from the Prosecco region...

Yes boss, Marco LOVES Top Gear (in Italian)!!!! And he reckons the region will provide a wonderful backdrop for Clarkson and the boys to drive cars at great speed, whilst they intelligently critique environmentalists and anyone else who thinks there's more to life than things with engines in them.

Permission from the Mayor of Valdobbiadene has already been secured - and if the Mayor of Valdobbiadene is game, Marco is completely certain getting Clarkson along is a GREAT IDEA!!!

Now I know the backdrop we're talking about here and I know that it would be great as scenery for driving, and that the idea therefore isn't bad...

But I see a major flaw - the British establishment (which includes program makers The BBC) aren't gonna like the linking of wine with motoring...

No boss, in these puritanical days, having a program about driving linked with booze isn't something that's likely to get the go ahead, because the authorities are paranoid enough to assume that all watchers will clearly translate such a link on TV as meaning they can drink 50 pints a night and then drive their cars FAST until they plough into a school and kill ALL THE WORLDS CHILDREN!!!!


However, I'm willing to try and get this off the ground for the simple and willful perversity of it, and because I'll be able to write a neat and rounded story about it for my one day book 'Notes From Fish Island'...

Yes boss, the perversity I talk of here isn't just the perversity of connecting cars and booze...

No boss, as well as that perversity, there's another...

As my regular readers will know, I used to be a professional roads protester, who dedicated his youth to protesting against roads and cars and all such things...

So, the idea of me now trying to engage the makers of Top Gear to present a program in which they drive cars at speed through the countryside is therefore almost as good and perverse as my lovingly wearing a BRIGHT ORANGE 'NUCLEAR POWER NO THANKS!' T-shirt throughout my youth - and then going to work in a nuclear power station...

But there's even more perversity to all this than that!!!

Yes boss, you might remember that a few years back, Jeremy Clarkson, the host and major BIG MOUTH of the show Top Gear received a custard pie to the face as he was receiving an honorary degree at Oxford Brookes University

Well, the person who did that was an old friend of mine called Rebecca Lush...

Here's the two of us at work in the height of our protesting days - Lush is sat in the mud, attached to the cement mixer by her neck with a D-Lock - I'm obviously crouching in front, trying very hard not to get my clothes too dirty...

We were discussing tactics:

Basically, if she could stay attached for another hour, the whole days work was to be ruined because the new cement wouldn't blend with the old..

We very nearly nailed it, but sadly they cut her free with minutes to go and we were then chased off the site by coppers with GREAT BIG FUCKING DOGS!!!


Now, here's Lush pieing Clarkson...

So, all told, I reckon this Top Gear does Prosecco sounds like a wonderful and utterly perverse idea...

Now, does anyone have a good contact for Clarkson and/or Top Gear???

Currently listening : Tchaikovsky: Symphony No. 5 Release date: 1990-10-25

Filler....

Current mood: BUMMED!!!
Category: BUMMED!!! Pets and Animals

Like I said, I'm conducting a full inventory and thinning out procedure here at The PGCs main Fish Island HQ...

And the result of this is gonna be lots of scanned bits and pieces from the 1000 or so mags and newspapers I have - not to mention once personal photos etc blah woof woof...

You've been warned....


So, we continue with this little wonder from a pretty recent copy of the ever wonderful satirical, dirty joke comic cartoon Viz....

Currently listening : Stravinsky Conducts Stravinsky: Petrushka / Le Sacre du Printemps Release date: 1990-10-25

My absolute favourite track of the past 3 or 4 months...

Current mood: ESSENTIAL!!!!
Category: ESSENTIAL!!!! Music

Can be heard by clicking here....

More information @

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moondog

Currently listening : Moondog Release date: 1989-07-20

Cheap Gossip....

Current mood: CHATTER CHATTER!!!!
Category: CHATTER CHATTER!!!! Music

About the best going at the moment is the Madonna divorce...


Yes boss, despite Her Madgeness once pining for Britain, and emotionally retarded British men, she's now re-realised they're no fun at all, regrown her Italian American roots and decided the best thing to do with emotion is to SPLURGGGEEEE!!!!! it all over everywhere...!!!!!!!!!


Of course, I've never met her, but I can't help but feel Madge is one of the few true and pure bred winners in pop culture...

Yes boss, it strikes me this woman will do anything to continue to be famous and popular and young - unlike most, she has no idea when and where to stop - stopping isn't something she can do.....

STOPPING IS RIGHT OUT!!!!


Being young is something she should definitely give up on though - she's cheated it remarkably thus far, but I can't believe she has a chance of being 70 and still gyrating and trying to look hot in front of 70,000 people a night...

But you never know....


As for Guy - he never struck me as being more than about 15% talent...

All the films of his I've seen haven't gone above 5 out of 10...

He's done very well out of the whole affair, so i don't think he'll kick up too much of a fuss on the divorce.

Furthermore, I reckon he fears her reality more than the plague - she might have been the man every man lusts after, but nowadays she has all the raw bloody sex of a paket of dried tofu...


And the talk is she's dating a man known as A-Rod....

Currently listening : Moondog Release date: 1989-07-20

I thought I was joking....

Current mood: YEP....
Category: YEP.... Music

It was a shallow boast to make myself feel good, or at least talk myself and my blogs up - but I'm beginning to think I've guessed right on this one....


Yes boss, I do think mags are dying a slow death and there's no better example of how and why than the new stupid dross titles coming out and the standard of writing in them...

I mean, if you're gonna release a magazine now, you've gotta realise the only thing magazines can do better than the web is giving people writing on paper - we all do it, but I think folk still don't much like reading off the screen...

Yet all the new mainstream mags I see don't understand the concept of good writing, let alone exhibit it, and this is why i think they're doomed....


The key problem is that though magazines are increasingly full of fucking adverts, mags always cost way too much to produce and distribute, compared with web content that's available for more or less FREE!!!!!

Then there's the lack of multimedia available on paper - sure you can attach a CD or DVD to the cover, but there's more expense, and how many people actually fucking use them once, let alone more than once???

And then there's the fact you can't really have a big circling mag without being a slave to your advertisers - whereas on the web you can either do without completely (websites are dead cheap) or provide your content in spite of them...

I.e..

Say, the breasty boy team at Front Magazine wanted to take up my kind and generous offer to add some fun and punchy substance to their quite appalling mag - what's the betting that their advertisers would have over-ruled the idea...???

6/4 ON - or worse...

AND THESE DAYS NO-ONE FUCKS WITH THEIR ADVERTISERS!!!!


Sure mags are gonna hang about - much like vinyl will...

They have their appeal, and it's still nice to touch the paper and take your eyes away from the screen - but that kinda deal is becoming a luxury and not the preferred and easy choice....

Currently listening : For Every Solution There’s a Problem By Lee Hazlewood Release date: 2002-06-03

Rare opinions....

Current mood: HORSEY HORSEY!!!!
Category: HORSEY HORSEY!!!! Music

I'm having a tidy up here at the Fish Fort and I've found this...

It's a cutting from Muzik Magazine 1997.

It was in the Xmas issue - basically, a while bunch of dance music big boys are asked their opinions on the pressing issues of the year.

A lot of the answers are identikit and dull.

'Worst Record' is universally 'Barbie Girl', 'Princess Diana's Death' is always 'Sad, or a great tragedy'

Then there's everyones favourite musical cunt, The Aphex Twins answers - which, at the time, and now, make me smile...

Currently listening : Windowlicker By Aphex Twin Release date: 2000-05-18

More Perry Reporting....

Current mood: PERRYLICIOUS....
Category: PERRYLICIOUS.... Music

2 Minutes with Mr.Perry Episode 4



2 Minutes with Mr. Perry Episode 5

Currently listening : Panic in Babylon By Lee Scratch Perry Release date: 2005-06-07

True or false...???

Current mood: WACKY BACKY MONEY....
Category: WACKY BACKY MONEY.... News and Politics

Stolen from the Daily Telegraph


In a farewell letter to clients of his Lahde Capital Management fund, Andrew Lahde admitted that he has grown to hate the industry he works in and was simply "in this game for money".

(SURPRISE????)

Mr Lahde took the decision to close down his $80million (£46m) Hedge fund after making an 870 per cent return last year betting against the US mortgage market, but said that further betting on sub-prime mortgages was too risky given the weak nature of the banks he had been trading with.

Here's his resignation letter in full.......

Today I write not to gloat. Given the pain that nearly everyone is experiencing, that would be entirely inappropriate. Nor am I writing to make further predictions, as most of my forecasts in previous letters have unfolded or are in the process of unfolding. Instead, I am writing to say goodbye.

Recently, on the front page of Section C of the Wall Street Journal, a hedge fund manager who was also closing up shop (a $300 million fund), was quoted as saying, "What I have learned about the hedge fund business is that I hate it." I could not agree more with that statement. I was in this game for the money. The low hanging fruit, i.e. idiots whose parents paid for prep school, Yale, and then the Harvard MBA, was there for the taking. These people who were (often) truly not worthy of the education they received (or supposedly received) rose to the top of companies such as AIG, Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers and all levels of our government. All of this behavior supporting the Aristocracy, only ended up making it easier for me to find people stupid enough to take the other side of my trades. God bless America.

There are far too many people for me to sincerely thank for my success. However, I do not want to sound like a Hollywood actor accepting an award. The money was reward enough. Furthermore, the endless list those deserving thanks know who they are.

I will no longer manage money for other people or institutions. I have enough of my own wealth to manage. Some people, who think they have arrived at a reasonable estimate of my net worth, might be surprised that I would call it quits with such a small war chest. That is fine; I am content with my rewards. Moreover, I will let others try to amass nine, ten or eleven figure net worths. Meanwhile, their lives suck. Appointments back to back, booked solid for the next three months, they look forward to their two week vacation in January during which they will likely be glued to their Blackberries or other such devices. What is the point? They will all be forgotten in fifty years anyway. Steve Balmer, Steven Cohen, and Larry Ellison will all be forgotten. I do not understand the legacy thing. Nearly everyone will be forgotten. Give up on leaving your mark. Throw the Blackberry away and enjoy life.

So this is it. With all due respect, I am dropping out. Please do not expect any type of reply to emails or voicemails within normal time frames or at all. Andy Springer and his company will be handling the dissolution of the fund. And don't worry about my employees, they were always employed by Mr. Springer's company and only one (who has been well-rewarded) will lose his job.

I have no interest in any deals in which anyone would like me to participate. I truly do not have a strong opinion about any market right now, other than to say that things will continue to get worse for some time, probably years. I am content sitting on the sidelines and waiting. After all, sitting and waiting is how we made money from the subprime debacle. I now have time to repair my health, which was destroyed by the stress I layered onto myself over the past two years, as well as my entire life -- where I had to compete for spaces in universities and graduate schools, jobs and assets under management -- with those who had all the advantages (rich parents) that I did not. May meritocracy be part of a new form of government, which needs to be established.

On the issue of the U.S. Government, I would like to make a modest proposal. First, I point out the obvious flaws, whereby legislation was repeatedly brought forth to Congress over the past eight years, which would have reigned in the predatory lending practices of now mostly defunct institutions. These institutions regularly filled the coffers of both parties in return for voting down all of this legislation designed to protect the common citizen. This is an outrage, yet no one seems to know or care about it. Since Thomas Jefferson and Adam Smith passed, I would argue that there has been a dearth of worthy philosophers in this country, at least ones focused on improving government. Capitalism worked for two hundred years, but times change, and systems become corrupt. George Soros, a man of staggering wealth, has stated that he would like to be remembered as a philosopher. My suggestion is that this great man start and sponsor a forum for great minds to come together to create a new system of government that truly represents the common man's interest, while at the same time creating rewards great enough to attract the best and brightest minds to serve in government roles without having to rely on corruption to further their interests or lifestyles. This forum could be similar to the one used to create the operating system, Linux, which competes with Microsoft's near monopoly. I believe there is an answer, but for now the system is clearly broken.

Lastly, while I still have an audience, I would like to bring attention to an alternative food and energy source. You won't see it included in BP's, "Feel good. We are working on sustainable solutions," television commercials, nor is it mentioned in ADM's similar commercials. But hemp has been used for at least 5,000 years for cloth and food, as well as just about everything that is produced from petroleum products. Hemp is not marijuana and vice versa. Hemp is the male plant and it grows like a weed, hence the slang term. The original American flag was made of hemp fiber and our Constitution was printed on paper made of hemp. It was used as recently as World War II by the U.S. Government, and then promptly made illegal after the war was won. At a time when rhetoric is flying about becoming more self-sufficient in terms of energy, why is it illegal to grow this plant in this country? Ah, the female. The evil female plant -- marijuana. It gets you high, it makes you laugh, it does not produce a hangover. Unlike alcohol, it does not result in bar fights or wife beating. So, why is this innocuous plant illegal? Is it a gateway drug? No, that would be alcohol, which is so heavily advertised in this country. My only conclusion as to why it is illegal, is that Corporate America, which owns Congress, would rather sell you Paxil, Zoloft, Xanax and other additive drugs, than allow you to grow a plant in your home without some of the profits going into their coffers. This policy is ludicrous. It has surely contributed to our dependency on foreign energy sources. Our policies have other countries literally laughing at our stupidity, most notably Canada, as well as several European nations (both Eastern and Western). You would not know this by paying attention to U.S. media sources though, as they tend not to elaborate on who is laughing at the United States this week. Please people, let's stop the rhetoric and start thinking about how we can truly become self-sufficient.

With that I say good-bye and good luck.

All the best,

Andrew Lahde

Currently listening : Inspector Gadget (Polyphonic Ringtone)

Other news....

Current mood: WOOF!!!
Category: WOOF!!! News and Politics

Watched Fulham Vs Sunderland at Craven Cottage - 0-0.


Reading Bonfire Of The Vanities - so far not convinced by the character of Sherman McCoy...


Front Magazine haven't replied - UNADVENTUROUS CHICKENSHITS!!!!


Grace Jones is doing a concert tour of the UK - Everyone must go...


The counterculture has rules too - try taking your clothes off in alt.art gallery and see what happens...

SCHEDULED PERFORMANCES ONLY!!!!!


ACDC are to play the O2 - ditto...


How would you like to make $75 - $250 every single day just for clicking
your mouse ?


Billy Childish remains Billy Childish...


PG£ elects to fully join the wine business - it'll be a busmans holiday and will (like when I sold hash) doubtlessly end in a very disabled disaster, but could (in the meantime) also be profitable....


Myspace dies by the day....


Club Giovanni is coming....

Currently listening : Nothing Can Stop These Men By Thee Milkshakes Release date: 2008-10-13

Change appears to be everywhere....

Current mood: CIRCULAR....
Category: CIRCULAR.... News and Politics

Financially:

Unbridled capitalism is melting under the weight of too much privilege burning it's own oats..

Further globalization and centralisation is the result - more state control..


Politically:

America isn't a fool and it knows another old time white haired conservative isn't going to help when power is ebbing...


Locally:

I feel the UK is loosening it's close political allegiance with The US.

Sarkozy & Berlusconi are vying for the new best mate across the pond - but that will change again come Obama...


Gordon Brown:

A thing I like about Gordon, is he's there on work and he doesn't much care about other people - he's flawed, but he's no shit eater smile wearer like Blair or Cameron...

He's a no-mates kinda guy - a more old school politician...


Musically:

I care less and less - my taste becomes more conservative...

Conservative as in, new novelty counts for very little, older is often better, simply because it's better and because so little new is actually fresh...


Technology:

Appears to have slowed

temporarily...


Lee Scratch Perry:

I AM THE IMF NOW!!!

There could be hope...


Music Writing:

Couldn't give a shit.


Global Poverty:

Increases or perhaps remains the same - but who cares when there's a recession on and the BMW is under threat...


Personally:

More or less everything I had set in stone as unchallengeable is currently being challenged - this is how I like it...

Currently listening : Panic in Babylon By Lee Scratch Perry Release date: 2005-06-07

2 Years and 3 Days.....

Current mood: CORRECTION!!!
Category: CORRECTION!!! MySpace

Doesn't time fly...?!?!


It's exactly 2 years and 3 days since I started working on music writing and those of you who read my myspazz profile as religiously as I do will know that that means the end of the FREE blogs here on myspace....


Except that isn't quite what's gonna happen...

No boss, that start date is wrong - it's not the date of the first blog here on myspace, it's the date I first sent out a piece of music writing to a magazine...

The magazine was called Faux Pas and I was - for once - welcomed with open loving arms...


The love affair didn't however last.

No boss, I soon had difficulties accepting their editorial policy - and the result of that dispute was the commencement of these blogs (which have lasted a good deal longer than Faux Pas magazine did......)


So, the first spazzing Giovan-blog was in fact some time in late January or early February 2007 (i'll find the exact date in a minute) and what we have between now and then is a transitional phase...

Yes boss, the long and the short of it is that I'm not quite ready to bring in my new multi-gear BIG CASH (with lots still free) making structure, and so this will be phased in as and when I am ready and be properly launched on the correct 2 years and 3 days date....


Until then, business will largely be - as normal...


HOORAY!!!!

Currently listening : Beyond the Sea/The New Limelight By Frank Chacksfield Release date: 2004-07-20

Live music....

Current mood: BLEED THE RADIATOR GODDAMIT!!!!
Category: BLEED THE RADIATOR GODDAMIT!!!! Music

I was just browsing a report of the results of the Mobo Awards that took place last night here in London...


Of all the award ceremonies, the Mobos is perhaps the oddest..

Mobo stands for Music Of Black Origin

Which is a pretty open and blank term.

Yes boss, some (including me) would argue that all pop music has pretty heavy and deep black origin, so the artists that are and aren't credited are wierd....

You see, whereas people like Winehouse and Duffy do get nominated and win - I've never seen The Rolling Stones on the short or winners lists - and what music could be more black influenced than the Stones???


Well, apparently both Leona Lewis and Dizzee Rascal got booed for not turning up to accept their awards...

But that wasn't the most notable thing in the report I read - it was the reason for the Lewis no show...

'Lewis was unable to attend the ceremony as she was in New York to perform her "first ever live concert" - a six-song set at Gotham Hall in front of an invitation-only audience.'

WHAT?!?!?!

Leona Lewis is nearly 2 years into her very high profile career and this is her first gig???

Surely that can't be true can it..???

Currently listening : Shakara/London Scene By Fela Kuti Release date: 2005-08-09

The Joy Of Statistics....

Current mood: LETS LOOK AT THE FIGURES....
Category: LETS LOOK AT THE FIGURES.... Web, HTML, Tech

One of the best things about having your own website is the stats...

Yes boss, whereas myspazz tells you very little about when, how, where and why your attention is coming from - any decent set of webstats (that comes with any decent web hosting package) tells more or less all there is to know about where and how and why you're doing your level of attention...


You get everything from international location...

(I had a regular viewer in Burma when they had all that flooding going on a few months back - I should imagine that clicker was some kind of relief worker - or if you're the Burmese Government - a spy...)

to

Well, my favourite section of this (other than the monthly 'Unique' visitors count - the important and ultimate stat) is often the 'Key Phrases Used On Search Engines'

This details what words and phrases people have typed into Google (etc) that have shown your site up as a result (and I assume - a click through)...


Here's this months list...

My favourites would be pink kisser, thinking and 633589218019325052...

Currently listening : Galactic Ass Creatures from Uranus By Detroit Grand Pubahs Release date: 2004-05-18

To clarify and too sum up....

Current mood: ILL (AGAIN!!!!)
Category: ILL (AGAIN!!!!) Music

Firstly...

To clarify the Italy move - we're talking about a year at the quickest - that piece originally had a line stating just that, but somewhere it got edited out...

So, it's London for another year or so - I still have things to complete before doing the runner for the fresh air and the fine wine....

Meantime, I'm learning to drive things in order to be ready...

As for yesterday...

The wine tasting was splendid...


The event was in the Institute Of Directors...

Now, I was thinking the IOD was some kind of post war forum designed to cater for when the aristocracy had to give up the complete stranglehold on the top jobs and settle for a mere 2/3rds...

Yes boss, I figured it was a modern and perhaps even quite progressive institution.

The only time you hear from that body is times like now, when everything is tits up or BANG ON RUNNING!!! You get some spokesman on the TV news saying:

'Oh yes, our members are saying that business is down 23% since last December - The government needs to take urgent action NOW!!!'

It struck me as maybe being a recent project of the middle classes...


Well, quite how I came to the conclusion is beyond me now, because in reality, it's a fucking huge great private members club in St James's and it's about as toff spanky as things come...

Yes boss, it's a fucking stately home in the most expensive part of London - full of huge paintings of Kings and Queens and Nelson and Cromwell and Great Battles on the High Seas!!!

Here's a rare picture of an increasingly rotund Mrs Giovanni modeling one of the staircases...

So, the main event was tasting the wine and you were supposed to do the time honoured thing of sniff and take a swig and wash it around the mouth and then spit it out again...

But FUCK THAT!!!!

Sure I did the smelling, and the swishing and the rolling - but then it was DOWN THE HATCH!!!!

Of course this isn't the done thing at such a civilised event, as this stare from my friend to the rear appears to be implying (or perhaps 'Who the devil gave that woman a camera?!?!?' Or maybe he thought I was Prince Charles???...)

It also caught up with me...

Yes boss, at a certain point (Table 23) my words became a terrible mess...

I was tasting the wine.

This older couple who barely spoke English were peering at me because I'd asked for the most expensive one....

The woman starred at my badge...

'Terra Divaldo?? Import Agent???' She asked...

'Ah yes, I said...My boyfirends siste-....NO!!...My sisters boyfrie- NO!!!...I can't speak English!!....My girlfriends moth...pHEWW....' I took a long pause and thought very hard about who it was....'My girlfriends brother runs the company - we're thinking of importing into the UK...!!!'


Well, I drank about as much as I could without falling over, puking or disgracing myself, in which time I covered a little under half of the 120 odd wines on offer.

It was a ncie day out...


Next it was onto Kings X for the gig...

Now, as I've said before, The Big Chill Bar is one of these temples to youth and creative mediocrity...

Yes boss, it's an offshoot of the festival of the same name, and it's a factory type bar that tends to attract trendy 'creative' young folk from all around the world who chatter away about their short films and their band and their plans to travel to Thailand to go look at the poor people....

Essentially, it's not really my scene and it shouldn't have been the scene for a folk gig that was dependent on people tuning in and listening rather than jabbering away about their wonderful fucking art...


Worse than this, the sound engineer couldn't cope with the concept of a 12 string acoustic guitar being miked up, instead of hooked up via a 'pick up' And that inability combined with the cavernous acoustics and endless chatter, lead to a perfectly good performance by Brigid Power Ryce becoming meaningless and impossible to hear...


The same fate befell Dominique who preceded her...

She was playing an acoustic set, which I'll give the benefit of the doubt, on account of not being able to properly hear it to know how good it was...


The band that came last were better able to fill the space in the room on account of having about 12 people on stage, but I'm afraid they didn't excite me in any way shape or form...


All told, it was a pretty appalling display of promotion and one I would hope (but doubt) the promoter was paying attention to not repeating....

Currently listening : Divine Liturgy Release date: 1994-04-05

In Dreams.....

Current mood: EVEN MORE SMUG THAN LAST WEEK!!!!
Category: EVEN MORE SMUG THAN LAST WEEK!!!! Music

Everything was rosey...

I was locked into a very thorough search of all of this mans records, the sun was trying to shine, I had enough cash to buy things and I'd applied for the job....


So, once I'd polished off the 12" and LPs, I figured it best to quit whilst I was ahead and get on with the proper shopping - but then I caught a glimpse of the 7"s and that was that...


The 7"s were even more fruitful in their bounty than Doctor Beat...

Yes boss, it started with a couple of copies of Frank and Nancy Sinatra singing Somethin' Stupid & Call Me (produced by Lee Hazelwood) and then things flew right out of hand....

JUST LOOK AT THIS BIG BUMMED BAD ASSED BOUNTY!!!!

And most of all....

The man wanted £4.00, I had £3.50 - DEAL DONE!!!!

Currently listening : King of Skiffle By Lonnie Donegan Release date: 2002-03-04

Doctor Beat....

Current mood: WON’T YOU HELP ME!!!!
Category: WON’T YOU HELP ME!!!! Music

Early morning tracks can be prophetic...


The very first track I played this morning was Mylo's Doctor Pressure...

It was one of those:

'AAAGGHHHH!!! First thing I sEE..sssaw,..,-'Morning!!',....TEA, TEA TEA!!!! AGGHHHHH...,TEA!!!!!,. sober up!!! OOoorganise HEADDD!!!'

kinda tracks...


Well, as I was hearing it, I was thinking it's about time I played the original Miami Sound Machine track 'Doctor Beat' I find it to be much better than the Mylo version, though I like both...


I didn't get around to that, and mid morning, having posted off my job application in quintupulet via email and myspazz, I'm about ready to spend the whole rest of the day sitting in poring over intently over the pages of FRONT Magazine and quietly wankin-

NO!! NO NO!!!!!

sitting in reading the great, incisive, well written and fascinating articles - but first I needed supplies...


Well, I was wanking - NO!!!!! walking, between Roman Road and Tescos and in this small abandoned car park where the old Morrisons used to be, was a guy selling a vast quantity of cds and records and videos and miscellaneous crap...


With time on my hands, I started browsing...

First I found The Cars LP produced by Roy Thomas Baker (and unless I'm mistaken featuring friend of the Futureproof Cuddling Pop Blog, Roger The Record Producer on tea making and general miscellaneous tasks....)

Next I pulled out a good Tchaikovsky LP, and then a nice Andy Williams LP...


Before long, I was getting hooked into some very heavy browsing indeed...

Yes boss, I was feeling that compulsive fever you sometimes get when faced with stacks of music:

'I MUST SEARCH THROUGH IT ALL!!!!!! I WILL FIND THE BEST RECORDS KNOWN TO MANKIND!!!! I AM IN CONTROL!!!!!! I WILL FIND RECORDS NO-ONE ELSE HAS THAT ARE WORTH THOUSANDS OF £$£$£$££!!!! I WILL WRITE A BOASTING BLOG ABOUT IT!!!!! TODAY IS MY DAY!!!!!


And you know what I found???

Doctor Beat by The Miami Sound Machine on an Epic 12" in perfect condition!!!!

Currently listening : Miami Sound Machine By Miami Sound Machine Release date: 2002-05-27

Looking for work....

Current mood: MORNING EXERCISES....
Category: MORNING EXERCISES.... Music

Yes boss, with the 2 years and 3 days of 'FREE' Giovan-works coming to a close, I'm hunting for paid written employment...

Here's my latest attempt to secure it...

Dear Front Boys…

This last Sunday, I spent a whole morning reading through Alex Sim-Wise's blogs on myspace.

I found them to be strong, honest and an all round rollicking read…

Yes boys, I read hundreds of blogs in order to be assured that mine remain the best going, and I find much of what I read to be complete fucking dogshit on legs.

But Miss Wise's words are often wise indeed, furthermore she's a good, strong, eloquent and intelligent woman in a very murky business – in short, she's gold…

Well, as I'm sure you know, in these spazzing blogs she's forever speaking highly of you and your mag and so today – convinced I needed to read your rag immediately - I repaired to the newsagents and bought a copy..

Yes boys, I was figuring perhaps your mag was just what I want to read and contribute too – something like Playboy was in the 60'sand 70's: Good writing, good glamour, good humour – the very essence of what a magazine should be without all the fluff guff…

So, having purchased a copy from a newsagents on Tottenham Court Road, I immediately found myself a seat in the coffee shop inside Paperchase, and started browsing the pages, in order to engage with a full blown epiphany AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE!!!

Yes boys, there I was looking down on all the poor shits who'd just finished their 9-5 - and there I was, having not done a good honest days work in 6 years, about to start flicking through your mag like the world was my plaything, and everything was about to get even better the minute I cracked its cellophane!!!

Well, upon flicking the pages of Front, I soon found that I was completely fucking amazed…?!?!?

Yes boys, I was ABSOLUTELY FUCKING AMAZED AT YOUR MAGS BANAL AND INTENSE FUCKING STUPIDITY…!!!

SERIOUSLY!!!

Never before have I seen so little about so much less – I was completely fucking astonished by it…?!?!?

Yes boys, I don't like to have to be rude to strangers, but I have to be honest and report what I see and that was what I saw – utter, complete and unbridled fucking useless stupid fucking guff from beginning to end…

Your magazine makes Nathan Barley look conservative, sensitive and intelligent - and it makes Liam Gallagher look like a fucking Nobel Laureate..

It's pure dogshit on legs with a tail made out of cream pie tarts and no whiskers…

Well, having rested the magazine down, I drew the conclusion that you all belong in the fucking zoo…

I mean, have your balls even dropped yet or not??? Have you ever had sex??? Do you suck milk from a set of plastic tits to aid your sleep at night or are you still taking fucking milk from your mothers warm and cosey cleats???

So...

I guess you might be thinking I'm some kind of a serious and stupid cunt who's never had a 'laugh' in their life, and in some ways you'd be right…

Perhaps, I don't properly understand the need to look at maggy pictures of nipples all day long…?!? Perhaps I am in this way retarded or backward...

But, the truth is, I don't mind porn at all, and I don't mind scantily clad women - furthermore, I do like breasts - I just don't feel the need to gawp at them that often, other than in real life…

As regards the rest of the mag (that which isn't breasts):

I know pure and base stupidity has it's place and I can assure you I've regularly engaged (and continue to engage) in it - but I don't see the need for a magazine based 100% upon it, without any balancing of and with decent and intelligent content...

Too much crazy dazey student fun is simply incredibly fucking boring to look at...

Furthermore, if you want a REAL crazy zaney wild night out, just ask, and I will happily take you all through the perfect storm. It will put you so far underneath the table you'll think the beer soaked carpet is your sister….

Truth is, I pity you, and your sorry new dumb publication, and because of that (and because I want to get paid) I'm gonna make you an offer…

Yes Front boys, I might be a mean, opinionated, brusque bastard, but I'm also a great believer in my charitable work - so here we go…

I will write a high quality column for your godforsaken fucking mag.

It will be called:

Paul Giovanni £rd is a fucking genius and YOU ARE ALL FUCKING STUPID CUNTS!!!!

The aim of this column will be to insult as many of your puerile, teen retard fans as possible...

Yes boys, I will analyse in detail the things I think it most likely to offend your apparently 'wanking whilst the brains were dished out' readers. I will then stick in my leaden boot with all the FURIOUS energy I can muster, in order to deliver the kind of priceless, golden insults the world wants to see directed at the idiot dumb boy children that read Front…

It will be pure fucking unbridled and stupid freedom!!! The kind of freedom you crazy lazy fucking kids claim to thrive on day in day out…

It will the best that's happened to your mag since you latched onto the genius of Miss SIM-WISE!!!

And it will make your magazine worthwhile…

It will also make £$£$£$£$£$£$£$£$!!!

Yes Fronty boys, such will be the rollicking success of this venture that your mailbag will clog up your fucking office!!

Your readership will grow quicker than the hardons in your pants each time you 'interview' one of the girls in your mag - and the readership will warm….

We will all be rich!!!

Of course, I worry slightly that a side effect of unleashing my very best rage and bile might be that I become somewhat vilified by your readers...

I'd imagine that some of your more brainy readers will probably take pleasure in sending me shit and used (for wanking) condoms through the post. Meanwhile, squaddies will take joy and and pleasure from kicking the living crap out of me in nightclubs FOR FUN!!!

But I reckon it'll be worth it for the pure stupid joy I'll get from ripping the shit from the terminally thick…

So...

For, the only rule is that the column must never be edited – change one fucking word and the whole deal will be off quicker than your models clothes are in your nightly fantasies.

Upon receipt of each issues words, £230.23 per 123 words (or whatever portion there of) must be biked to my Fish Island Yuppie Flat.

It must be paid in cash – banks must not be involved.

And for each day payment is late, you must add on another £23…

These terms are not negotiable..

OK…

For examples of my work go visit www.paulgiovanni.com and type your favourite word into the 'SEARCH' box….

From reading there you will be sure that this is a serious offer and you'll be sure it'll put Front well and truly on the map of 'magazines with ACTUAL content'

Message me quick with your response…

All the very best

Paul Pious James Deman Giovanni £rd

www.paulgiovanni.com

www.myspace.com/paulgiovanni3rd

paulgiovanni@paulgiovanni.com

Currently listening : Permanent Vacation By Aerosmith Release date: 1990-10-25

Tomorrows Tricks....

Current mood: YEAH!!!!
Category: YEAH!!!! Music

One thing I've grown intolerant of since returning from the old country, is cheap pissy over taxed booze available in the stores here in the UK...

Yes boss, I've not had so much as a sniff of the barmaids apron since returning early Wednesday AM, for the simple reason that after feasting on the good stuff, I can't face buying some fucking rancid vinegar for £3 a bottle....


'HOW VERY FUCKING BOURGEOIS!!!!' I perhaps hear you shout....

Well, if being radical is drinking and eating shit, then you can call me a fucking posh ponce any day of the fucking week....


Of course, I'll get over this - I'll have to...

But tomorrow, I have this posh Prosecco tasting thing at The Institute of Directors in Pall Mall, which will involve loads of top grade booze for free with the knobs and snobs of wine, and having been dry for 5 days, I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT!!!


Later, in the evening, I'll then descend back to spend time with the plebs (in my suit) here at The Big Chill Bar...

Yes boss, my London days might be numbered, but this means all the more emphasis on fun and games whilst I'm still here and though it's a bit industrial the line up makes the Big Chill Bar worth a nosey tomorrow...

As I've said before that Brigid Power Ryce has a belter of a voice and tomorrow is a free chance to grab an earful of it LIVE....

So come along, hear Brigid and the others (about which I know nowt) and take a good opportunity to laugh at me stumbling about drunk in a suit, like a successful and proper banker....

HORRAY!!!!

Currently listening : Alphabetically Arranged By Best Fwends Release date: 2007-06-18

Buonjourno...!

Current mood: FORWARD THINKING....
Category: FORWARD THINKING.... Life

Well...

There are many changes afoot this next 12 months here on Planet Giovanna including some which are very very imminent (of which I'll be writing on this week) - in fact it seems every aspect of life is gonna change in some major way (including of course, my becoming a multi-millionaire genius written success!!!)...


So, last night I was panicking about all this...

It was one of those moments when you feel the rug being pulled form under you - change being forced a little - and that kind of thing always makes me panic even when it's most likely change for the better...


Here's the rub...

Mrs Giovanni has 3 sisters and 1 brother and until now there have only been 2 kids to her brother..

But now that's all changed..

Yes boss, first up we got in on the act with our baby girl due in aroundabout 2 months, and now - not to be outdone, two of her sisters have joined the soon to be mothering sunday club..


Well, Mrs Giovanni is awfully excited about all this!!

Yes boss, Mrs G is a very family orientated kind of person - her sisters are everything to her (they are all exactly the same height - they stick together) And the thought them all having kids at the same time at the same age (most likely the same height) is the kind of thing that will mean she wants to move back there PRONTO!!!


Well to be frank - I'm about ready for that, but it has to handled with care...

Yes boss, the life there is far more cosey and definitely far healthier - and the booze is very VERY cheap!!

In fact, I'll be surrounded by wine and beautiful countryside - then there's Venice just down the road and 2 airports pretty close and handy for the inevitable escapes back here, there and everywhere....


Writing wise, I'll shift from hanging around with and writing about bands and musicians and move onto writing about and hanging around with cyclists.

That part of Italy is loaded with top professionals. World Champion Alessandro Ballan lives 20k away and I've already promised to help Bruseghin bring in his grapes next year...


And Fish Island London???

Well, Londons star and my desire to be involved in music has been fading for some time now...

Yes boss, I love much of being here and will look back on this grimey fucking mixture of a place with nothing but tough and lived in affection - but I'm sick and tired of working and struggling like a fucking dog for a very basic and no frills standard of living that's utterly strangled by stupid fucking petty rules and regulations of all kinds...

I mean, I wouldn't mind the struggle if the place was poor and we were all in it together - but this is one of the richest cities on the fucking planet, and unfortunately this means life quality is shit unless you're pulling in £50,000 or more per household and after a while it gets very tedious when there's a good and available alternative...

I'm also of the opinion that working within the music business isn't something I much want to do - at least not as it stands now....


Of course, I'm dead certain I'll miss the mix, the people, the basic humanity, the colour, the vibrancy and the 'BEING WHERE SHIT'S AT!!'

But if you're a good enough writer you can find things to work with in the Antarctic - you don't need to be in a city day in day out and 7 years feels to be about enough for one manly stint...


Well, I could see this all coming a little this last month, so whilst I was out there, I set about preparing some of the ground...

Yes boss, I already know who to see for the illegal grappa, the moped modifications and the sweet chestnuts..

I'll have to learn how to drive a bastard car, and then how to avoid getting caught drink driving - but that can all be worked out...

I'm figuring a yellow one of these Piaggio Apes will do the trick...

'But old people drive them - you'll get laughed at!' Mrs Giovanni said when I mentioned the idea...

'SOUNDS PERFECT!!! What self respecting Italian copper is gonna pull you over doing 30kph in an Ape???'


Endless pasta turning me into Marlon Brando BIG aside, there's only one major thing that worries me with Italy, and that's the tribe mentality...

Yes boss, the hardest thing about this last Italian trip was getting used to things being taken out of my control and assumed into the groups control...

AKA, frequently people made decisions for me (out of love and regard) that I would normally - and would actually - prefer to take myself and if there's one thing I can't be doing with it's being told what to do (even if it's for the best)

I'll therefore have to get a handle on that straight away or else there will be a nasty explosion and a mess...

That aside, it's all good...


So, fear not, this won't be the disappearance of Giovanni up the Giovan not writing top grade shit arse.

No boss, I won't be exclusively sinking into family life and never putting pen to paper - I've invested far too much time, energy and effort into it to quit now...

Instead, it'll be a new and very wordy beginning, and I already feel like I'm looking forward to it...

Currently listening : Galaxy 2 Galaxy By Underground Resistance Release date: 2006-02-28

5 RULES TO IMPROVE POP MUSIC!!!

Current mood: A CLEAN SWEEP!!!
Category: A CLEAN SWEEP!!! Music

1) NO MORE BANDS FROM MANCHESTER!!!!

Basically, there's been quite enough bands from Britains third or fourth city.

Yes boss, on recent evidence, that particular well has been well and truly sponged dry..

So - NO MORE!!!!

If you want to form a band up north, do it somewhere like Rochdale or Skelmersdale or Keighley...


2) NO MORE TALK OF REVOLUTION OR REBELLION - TEEN OR OTHERWISE!!!!

This is another damp toilet trouser.

It's 2008 - Rock 'N' Roll has never been less about revolution of any kind, as it is today. I'd therefore like to see no more references made to concepts like 'REVOLT, REVOLUTION or REBELLION' it in song titles, band names, promotional tours AT ALL!!!


3) IMMUNITY FROM CRIMINAL PROSECUTION FOR ALL POP STARS!!!

As politicians enjoy immunity from prosecution in Italy, so should pop stars enjoy such rights - WORLDWIDE!!!

How can pop music ever be vital, 'OUT THERE' and exciting if it's exponents are forever looking over their shoulders for the old bill????


4) NO MORE GUITARS!!!

As per rule number 1, this instrument has now been dredged beyond dry in it's use for the creation of pop music - therefore NO MORE GUITARS!!!! (unless they are made to sound absolutely nothing like guitars...)

(To hear a full 69:23 of music without a single guitar (I think), pop over here and listen to Casa Hasa Giovanna Number 3 mixed by yours truly)


5) BAN MARK RONSON!!!

No more Karaoke pop covers!!!

Ronson must be outlawed COMPLETELY!!!!

Can anyone think of a good reason not too???

(Oh and whilst we're at it, let's abolish his sister as well - she's even more pointless than her girlfriend)

Currently listening : Moondog 1 & 2 By Moondog Release date: 2000-11-06

I know you’ve all been waiting....(PT1)

Current mood: REPSECTIVE REFLECTIVE...
Category: REPSECTIVE REFLECTIVE... Sports

with EXTREME ANXIETY!!!! to find out....

a) How did Marzio Bruseghin do in the cycling World Championships

&

b) How my meeting with him went a week ago Friday...

so (though I don't yet have the pictures) here we go....


Firstly the Worlds:

Well, Bruseghin didn't finish the world championships - but then he wasn't meant to.

No boss, the beauty of professional cycling is it combines extreme individual performance with team work - and in this case, Marzios job was to be a team player.

Specifically: His job was to help reigning World Champion of the last 2 years Paolo Bettini retain his crown in his own country, in what was said to be Bettinis very last professional race.

Marzios role was therefore to ride hard early on in the race to keep the pace high and tire the opposing teams both mentally (lots of Italians at the front driving hard is a very discouraging sight) and of course physically...

(Here's Marzio doing just that at the head of the field with the red on his helmet)

At a certain point, he, Paolini, Tossatto, Bosisio and the other Italian team helpers were then instructed to drop off and retire from the race or saunter in to the finish at their own pace.

It was then the turn of Damiano Cunego, Davide Rebellin and Allesandro Ballan (all of whom were plan B should Bettini be on a bad day) to launch successive attacks to wear the remaining opponents down further - before Bettini made his final and race winning move!!!


Well, what happened was that Bruseghin and the others did their work, then Cunego, Rebellin and Ballan launched their attacks - too well...

Bettini wasn't quite strong enough to follow and take a record breaking third successive title...


So - a disaster for the Italians???

Far from it: Ballan won, Cunego came second and Davide Rebellin came in fourth!!!

1 Alessandro Ballan (Italy)                 6.37.30 (39.283 km/h)
2 Damiano Cunego (Italy)                       0.03
3 Matti Breschel (Denmark)                        
4 Davide Rebellin (Italy) 

AND THE CROWD WENT WILD!!!!

So, 5 days after this and I'm going over to Bruseghins house.

Yes boss, Mrs Giovanni's brother has to go fill out the paperwork for the prosecco wine from his vinyard. Everything has to be certified so the prosecco qualifies for it's 'Doc' certification - Marco has to sign it off


Well, we're driving over there, and I'm feeling nervous.

Yes boss, I'm not a big one for meeting heroes - it can often be awkward and embarrassing, and in this case there's gonna be something of a language barrier.

I analyse, and feel it most likely I'll stand there with my mouth open and say very little...

Furthermore, as we get closer, I realise the following things:

1) Bruseghin is exactly the same age as me, but he is a cycling champion, has 23 asses and owns and runs a vinyard - meanwhile my cycling career never got off the ground, my writing career is only just doing so and I drink a vinyard every 323 days.....???

2) I'm thinking to talk to him about the feasibility of the monster Lance Armstrongs comeback. I'm running over this in my head - getting the Italian phrasing right, and I realise that rather than talking to myself or another armchair critic friend, I'll be posing this question to a man who will be directly battling Lance in the mountains in next years Tour De France - this freaks me out...


Well, we get to the cantina just outside of Vittoria Veneto and I'm thinking I'll be really quite happy if this is some kind of a joke - but it isn't.

Marco tells me, Marzios sister is coming to meet us there to do the paperwork and that we will then go to the vinyard to meet Marzio.


Marzios sister is the mayor of Vittoria Veneto.

When she arrives, she's deferentially polite.

We shake hands and Marco and Sabrina get the necessary papers done.

I look at the wine, the brewing equipment, out of the window at the vinyards, the fields and I try and follow the conversation - hard disks recording...


The business complete, we jump in our respective cars and follow Sabrina over to the vinyard.

Currently listening : Kesto (234.48:4) By Pan Sonic Release date: 2004-05-18

J Cauty’s latest project....

Current mood: TWEETIE!!!
Category: TWEETIE!!! Art and Photography

Currently listening : The White Room By The KLF Release date: 2008-01-01

Robbing Peter To Pay Paul....

Current mood: Quiet....
Category: Quiet.... News and Politics

You might wonder why I have such a hardon for the financial disaster zone that is the free world in late 2008 AND a recurring interest in the idea of money???

Well, at least part of the reason is because the financial world fascinates me...


It fascinates me on many levels...


For one, I'm truly amazed how people can get so hung up on small details like money - about how an offshoot like cash can so easily and commonly become the mainstay of peoples lives when it is so inherently meaningless...

I've concluded most people simply don't like too much meaning - it's hard work, they'd rather have comfort and certainty and money often promises both...


I'm also fascinated that economic and statistical theory is so completely fucking abstract.

Have you tried reading it??

I've got two minor qualifications in economics and I understand the basics, but it gets to a certain level and the concepts soon fly right off the friggin handle?!?!

It's way more abstract than contemporary art and that's a good part of the reason why no-one really knows what's happening now, and where and when it will all end...

It's also the reason why most contemporary art will have no longevity - it simply isn't good, wierd and thorough enough...


Another reason for my interest is because economics and statistics is a family concern.

Yes boss, my Uncles David and Colin have both studied economics a great deal...


Uncle David is a very staid and prudent man who I see once every 2 or 3 years at a wedding, a christening or a funeral.

He was Pro Director of the London School of Economics and he's guest taught at Harvard. He's written unintelligible books on the links and differences between statistics and religion with titles like.

'God and Risk'

'The Goodness-of-fit of Latent Trait Models in Attitude Measurement.'

(The full book list is more or less here on Amazon...)

Though I read a lot of books, I've never read one of Uncle Davids books in full.

I've seen one called 'Let's look at the figures'..

It's published by Pelican.

My mum has a copy and I've occasionally browsed it, but got nowhere near it's contents or meaning - it's way too complex..

Uncle David is an economist of the old school - the kind of man who believes in saving and not borrowing. I would imagine he invests very carefully and is by now pretty well off - though not anywhere near as rich as he could be with the brain he has.

He's the kind of person who got into maths and statistics because it interests him on a very fundamental level - not because it was the quickest and best way to buy an island...

He's never been extravagant - he's a part time Methodist Preacher.

And I've never heard him once talk about his work.


Uncle Colin is also a statistics professor, but I don't think he's quite as into the stats as his brother. He hasn't written books and has generally held down fewer less research based lecturing positions.

He now lives in Newfoundland near Greenland where he until retirement he lectured at the University of St Johns.

Uncle Colin has lived La Dolce Vita.

When he was in his early 30's he married the 18 year old head girl of the school he was teaching at in the Bahamas.

I understand this move was a touch controversial at the time, but 40 years later they're still married, are very happy and have 2 more statistics professors as kids, so it's difficult to argue it as being a bad move...


Well, Uncle Colin is currently visiting Uncle David at his house in Suffolk

I figure I could call them and get a good 2 for one on all this - but I reckon it's best not to break the work/talk silence.

Yes boss, they might start asking me about what I'm doing and I always hate having to explain that question..

I'll therefore have to imagine they're both probably as appalled by the idiocy of modern day economics which has fallen from being a science to being nothing more than strategies to explain and promote gambling.

It's not their angle at all..


Yes boss, when anything becomes big and lucrative, you always get the mercenaries in - the folk, who are only ever interested in the money, chickability, status and power. They have no real talent or unique skill other than a certain cleverness to lust after cash and what it brings any which way, whilst they maintain 'respectability'....

No boss, these people don't have the balls to be drug dealers or gangsters. Instead they choose the 'best' career at school because that's where the money and prospects are. Their parents encourage them along into it because they are also in love with the idea of status and prospects, and if they're clever enough, the golden ladder descends...

The music and art businesses are always completely loaded with such people and banking has been full of these opportunists for some time now...


Well, now, if you listen carefully, you can hear the screech of u-turn breaks, as these folk the world over do a swift about turn AWAY from Merchant Banking and Financial Services....

Which leaves me wondering what the next BIG BOOM bloodsucking business will be???

The bells...

Current mood: BORED OF POP....
Category: BORED OF POP.... Music

I'm guessing many of you in the UK have seen this twinkling shiney turd on the front/home page of myspace....

MySpace School Invasions
The voting continues!

Do you want Kate Nash, The Wombats, Fightstar & Ironik to come to your school or college?

All you have to do is check out the School Invasions profile & vote for your school - its that easy!!

MySpace will then go to the winning school and host the party of the year!

Vote for your school now HERE!

This says more about where these kind of acts are at, than 101 fierce Giovan-words can...


I read a great quote from Bill Drummond someplace recently.

It said something to the effect that the minute he lost interest in pop music was the minute he realised it had became all about 'fitting in' rather than 'standing outside'...


I hear that loud and clear....


Yes boss, I'm once again in one of those 'THE WHOLE POP SET UP IS A POINTLESS FUCKING DISGRACE!!!' kind of moods....


Thing is, for almost 3 weeks, I didn't listen to anything other than what came on by default on the TV at the Casa, or radio in other peoples cars - and like the phone, I didn't much miss music...

Instead, I was getting really into the sound of the church bells that dominate the soundscape of rural Italy...

At 8am, at midday and that at 7 (i think - I wasn't paying much attention to the time), they go into these casual disjointed random ring patterns for a few minutes or more before fading out....

It's great resonance, spacious sound and so simply effective, whilst allowing one space to think and fit in your own melodies, feelings, thoughts and rhythms....


Well, I got back here on the Island and I've enjoyed the day today rolling through some old favourites and some 'new to me' stuff as well here on the Fish Island stereo..

I then went to the library and read the last 2 NMEs

Both were playing the cover line story of more ROCK 'N' RIOT REBELLION!!!


There was the Crystal Castles boasting about their crackhead friends and the shitty squats they 'come from' - like living with the smell of rats and dog shit is something to aspire too KIDS!!!

Then there's some ridiculous fucking band called FUCK UP or FUCK OFF or GO FUCK YOURSELF!!! rolling through all the hardcore cliches once again...


Well, the level of nasty cynicism with these kinds of bands is sickening to me - it's selling records by association with stupid brainless danger - there's no imagination, it's copying and promoting the Sid formula...


Music isn't about all that crap, it's about good quality sound - nothing more, nothing less....


And pop music is just another commodity business...

SELL SELL SELL!!!

Breaking back in....

Current mood: SLEEPY....
Category: SLEEPY.... Life

Well shit....

It doesn't take long for a holiday to wear off...


But then I suppose 12 days of manual work on minimum wage isn't most peoples idea of a holiday....

However, as I've boasted already, after that work, there was 5 days of good quality R&R, and this together with a stringent pattern of strict and heavy socialising in a foreign language with the inlaws, has to qualify as a holiday of sorts....


But holiday HOLIDAY???

I'm not so sure I fully understand the concept - because on Planet Paul, work never ends...

No boss, in the sense of turning my brain onto relax - that never ever happens...

Every minute of everyday is work.


It's the same for anyone who thinks of themselves as writer or some kind of 'on the times' social commenteer - unless you're drugged (and even then) you're on the job...


Yes boss, to write good and well, the actual portion of time spent putting the words onto paper or screen is miniscule compared with engaging with, watching, analysing and digesting the information in order of people and places and times, feelings and actions, to have something worth saying ...

The head is always moving, the eyes are always working, the headsprung hard disks are jittering along, straining.....

They're drawing charts and images and flows that become pieces of work and insights and bullshit - and that bit never ends until you die or change careers....

Everything has to be made coherent and relevant, day in day out, there is never time to relax...


Yes boss, if you compare good writing to sex, the actual writing bit is the orgasm - the joyous fucking release after all the hard puffing and wierd panting is done with...


Anyway...

Today, I'm back trying to get my feet under this fishy table to start working on stage 2 of Plan Giovanna and I'm struggling to get going...

Yes boss, I've got half an eye on the financial disaster porn on TV, meanwhile up the other end, it's back in with the unfathomable computer crashes, ringing phones, the 'HURRY THE FUCK UPS!!!!' and the impossible tasks necessary to be done to survive in this mean old fucking city...

There's always 8 things to do in every minute and 4 of them never get done...


But nevermind all that - here comes my point....


A wierd thing I find with technology is that it doesn't like to be neglected - it gets moody and starts playing up...

Yes boss, I find it nearly always to be the case, that when you buy a new machine to replace an existing one of inferior age and quality, the old one decides to go on the blink the moment the new one appears...

SERIOUSLY!!!

Even if it was fine and you're replacing the old because of greed or techno improvement, the old and previously reliable bastard starts mokeying around and hissy fitting the minute it's replacement is in the MOTHAFUCKING HOUSE!!!!


It's the same if you abandon a machine for a period of time because of a holiday....

Come back, and it takes a good few days to get things tuned and ready and warmed up - until then, everything is moody and jumpy...


Computers are basically like cats - except they don't start EEEKKING and MEWING in that pissed off fashion when you wake in the morning and try to do anything other than feed them STRAIGHT AWAY!!!

Currently listening : Someplace Simple By James Yorkston Release date: 2003-10-21

Knowledge obscuring power...

Current mood: FUCK AFRICA, SAVE THE BANKERS!!!!
Category: FUCK AFRICA, SAVE THE BANKERS!!!! News and Politics

I think the main problem with this here financial meltdown is that your regular John doesn't have a good clue what in the fucking hell is going on...?1?!?


No boss, you watch the news and there's endless talk of money being pumped in, confidence perhaps being restored, LIQUIDITY, LIQUIDITY, LIQUIDITY, and this golden idea that everything will be OK if ONLY the banks start lending one another MORE money, so they can then lend it on again to us lovely folk, so we can then spend it on new cars, dishwashers and educations...


Well, I for one, reckon this is a very strange way to run a show, that appears to have no basis in common sense or long term reality...

No boss, no-one seems to believe that this wierd lending cycles very existence, might in fact be at the root of the problem - OR - that if the bankers start playing ball with one another again - and we all get offered more cheap credit - we might just piss it all up the wall as per the last time and then have to run this whole crisis again...!!


So, today saw the turn of the UK to inject liquidity (£2000 per person in the UK - thanks for the consultation on that) and a few days ago it was the US.

Meanwhile Iceland hasn't got a pot to piss in and whatever happens in any of these valiant and servile attempts to prop up a dying dog, the markets continue to go down down DOWN and some of these bankers are creaming a (nother) mint because they're gambling on just that...


In order to look for trouble, this afternoon, I was watching Prime Ministers Question Time from the couch here on Fish Island...

It started with Gordon Brown listing off the names of all those brave but stupid folk, who've died in Afghanistan (whilst MPs took a few months off for holidays - apparently the country runs itself over the summer)

This was followed by Brown outlining this bail out, and to man (including the radicals and so-called opposition) the MPs set about praising the governments 'bold and wide ranging action' to stem the problem of banks not trusting one another....


Well, I'm willing to bet that most of these vapid social servants don't really understand what's happening themselves..?!?!

No boss, I reckon if you properly examined them, they'd have no clear idea where the money is coming from or even whether the deal has any chance of success?!?!

I reckon these MPs simply like the idea this HUGE pain in the ass might soon be over with, so that they can return to arguing amongst themselves about introducing mandatory shoe sizes for all....


Meanwhile, if you watch a channel like CNBC and understand it to be anything other than the mad chunterings of a band of mental fucking subnormals, you're either vague or some kind of a gorilla....

It's more like surrealist poetry, and on this poetic level, I like it a great deal - but what in the hell these people are talking about is about as lucid and credibly unpackable as is Jesus talking in his sleep in a cave head on poppers...


So, the PG£ opinion here, is that this whole financial situation is complete made up confidence gobbleigook...

Yes boss, governments and bankers are trying to convince one another they are trustworthy - yet these folk clearly aren't stupid enough to believe one another as being anything other than absurdly selfish fools who would sell their own grandmother for a half dozen TNP Bonds....

Meanwhile, there is no more or less resources today than there was before the credit crunch was even thought of..

So the situation remains...


I think the BIG and FUNDAMENTAL problem here is that nothing goes up forever, that we don't make enough actual things anymore, that other countries are getting stronger, that we borrow money like junkies rob pharmacies, and that fantasy gambling doesn't always stand up to close and thorough fiscal examination...

AKA, we're dealing with a classic example of the Emperors New Clothes...

Yes boss, vicious, money obsessed fools yell at each other and no-one really understands what's going on, except that most of the time it appears to generate wealth and cash - and then it suddenly crashes into chaos, and then no-one quite knows what to do to make it better again....


Well...

Who knows what tomorrows 24/7 Disaster Porn will bring???

I'd put money on another bank collapse or maybe two. There'll be more volatile share trading and another country making up some half baked idea to convince us all to borrow more money and work harder for longer for less...


What's very unlikely to occur, is the announcement that a government is to inject some liquididty into the system by systematically hunting down all these bankers and speculators who've brought this upon us, requisitioning all their vast resources of money, houses, clothes and cars, selling the lot, and sending the selfish, cumbersome little shits down the mines...

THEY’RE ALL FUCKING CRAZY....

Current mood: WE HAVE ARMAGEDDON!!!!
Category: WE HAVE ARMAGEDDON!!!! Music

Accusations....

Current mood: WOOF WOOF!!!
Category: WOOF WOOF!!! Goals, Plans, Hopes

Paul Giovanni £rd AKA Futureproof Pious has responded in full to angry claims that he was wrong to take a three week jaunt to Northern Italy whilst the world underwent THE GREATEST ECONOMIC SHOCK!!! since 1929...

In a full statement released today October 8th, Giovanni described suggestions he should have returned to slaving over a hot computer rather than enjoying the sunshine and excellent food as being:

'MISLEADING AND WHOLLY INACCURATE AND MOST LIKELY STARTED BY AL QUAEDA....'

He continued

'Suggestions that my spending time swanning about drinking 2 or 3 bottles of Prosecco wine a day, following beautiful women around Venice,

collecting cycling memorabilia for my own personal collection...

being driven around in red, black and yellow hatchbacks, tractors and Vespers...

and generally having a big old WHOOPSY OF A TIME!!

was an inappropriate use of PGC time is COMPLETE AND UTTER FUCKING BOLLOCKS!!!!


The lack of Giovanni blogs has clearly been a global problem that calls for a bold and for-reaching integrated global response.

I can therefore reassure ALL my readers that this shortage is IN NO WAY MY FAULT!!!!

IT'S A GLOBAL PROBLEM!!!!!

I reiterate, the lack of blogs has absolutely NOTHING to do with me (THE GREAT GIOVANNI'S) ego or selfishness, and I find such claims to be completely unfounded and very hurtful ...

As always, I can confirm I have been working TIRELESSLY night and day in order to bring you, the readers the very best stories insight and analysis the world knows...

At every point, I have taken decisive action!!!

That I have been non stop drunk on fizzy fucking wine and homemade spirits for 3 weeks is NEITHER HERE NOR FUCKING WELL THERE!!!!

Mr Giovanni said he hoped this clarification would put to sleep for once and for all suggestions that he had shown a lack of proper and complete leadership, and blog writing in a time of great public need...

He further suggested that anyone who continued with such allegations could only really be described as being:

'A COMPLETE CUNT AND PROBABLY A FUCKING TERRORIST OF SOME KIND!!!!!


However, fears remained that Giovanni wasn't taking the full gravity of the problem on board....

Indeed, minutes after issuing the statement, Giovanni was confronted with a photo that appeared to show that as recently as this last Sunday, PG£s only real concern for reporting on Wall Streets demise was watching the back of a motorcycle helmet...

'I WAS OBSERVING THE MARKETS YOU FUCKING IDIOT' Giovanni responded... 'MY ADVICE IS TO SELL SELL SELL!!!!!'

Currently listening : Bank of America (Cd Single w/ Unreleased Track) By Spring Heel Jack

I’m back....

Current mood: STRETCHING!!!!
Category: STRETCHING!!!! Jobs, Work, Careers

on the Island TOMORROW!!!

I hope you're ready for a BIG BOOM BANG FULLY REFRESHED BLOG BURST!!!!

Looking at the stars...

Current mood: SNOW...
Category: SNOW... Music

Was something I was doing just last night...

I saw a beam shoot across the sky - it must have been Lionels head....

Moon Song by They Came From The Stars I Saw Them

CREDITS:

Animation : Kevin Candy
DOP : Michael Frantzis
Camera Assistant : Thomas Johnson
Gaffer: Carolina Costa
Production Assistant : Elliot
Harp Player : Serafina Steer
Set design : Sophie Harrison Knibbs
Costume : Bex Peczek
Hair & Make-Up : Claudia Duffy
Runner : Paul Giovanni
Editing : Angus Sutherland
Post Fx : Amiram Bukowski
Mastering : Alex @ Soundmasters
Grading : John Holloway @ Portobello Post
Responsible for Stin*s unfortunate "accident" : The Moon Bears http://www.myspace.com/meetthemoonbears

Produced & Directed by Rachel Maleni Martinez

Inspired by The Gay Masters

Special Thanks to the Utrophia Collective, Sophie Harrison Knibbs & Conrad Olende

Currently listening : They Came from The Stars I Saw Them vs Reality Release date: 2007-09-18

Marzio Bruseghin

Current mood: ASSTASTIC!!!!!
Category: ASSTASTIC!!!!! Sports

Next Friday, I'm being taken to see Marzio Bruseghin

Marzio Bruseghin is a professional cyclist who finished 3rd in this years Giro D'Italia.

Here is his website

And, here he is on the podium with Alberto Contador (winner of the 2007 Tour de France) & Riccardo Ricco

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Tomorrow, he is riding in the World Championships for Italy

And from there, he will return to his vinyard that makes Prosecoo wine and houses his 23 Asses...

And, why am I going to see him??

Well, because of this wine, he is a client of Mrs Giovanni's brother, Marco.

Marco says he has told Marzio about my interest in cycling, and that Marzio wants to meet me.

He says Marzio has a signed picture ready.

I find this to be incredible and quite ridiculous...

Essentially, I think Marco is still trying to employ me as his Prosecco wine seller to the UK.

Because, as well as sending me to see Bruseghin, he is sending me to this on October 12th...

I will be wearing my suit and tasting the wine..

But though I like the wine, and would like to see more of it in the UK shops I remain sure, I am a writer and not a wine seller...

However, when it comes to trying to persuade me to do something, one of the best possible cards that can be played, is to send me around a top professional cyclists house for a glass of his wine, and for a look at his 23 asses..

I left you....

Current mood: GOOD!!
Category: GOOD!! Jobs, Work, Careers

running out of time on Fish Island....

I had returned from Italy, for 16 hours of keeping the foxes out of the Fish Island kitchen.

I put Fish Island in order.

The rent and electricity bills still aren't paid, but my own personal credit crunch was loosening - and there was extra good news - a new magazine is interested in me writing for them as a once off and maybe as a column...

I WAS FEELING GOOD AND RECOVERED FROM FLU!!! I COULD FEEL THE DUAL BOUNCE OF RECOVERY AND HOLIDAY!!!

I had 4 beers and started typing...

At 4pm, I was still typing.

I was wanting to go through that last piece with some improvements and corrections. I wanted to make the point that immigration is complicated, or something like that - I didn't feel it was reading right, but I was running late - DANGEROUSLY LATE!!!

I hotfooted it to Stratford to get the bus to Stanstead, to get the plane back to Italy..

In Stratford, I needed to pay in checks and convert money.

I was too late for the banks, and there was a queue for the Bureau de Change.

Changed, I had 3 minutes to get across the shopping center to the bus stop.

I miss the bus by about 15 meters...

I have one more bus that has any chance of my getting the plane. If that one runs to time, I should make it - if not, it's over...

I stand and think about alternative plans and hope the bus arrives on time...

A man approaches me.

I immediately decide I will be polite but rude, so as to regain my thinking space.

The man asks me about the buses

I tell him, and tell him I'm running super late..

We start talking.

Andrew works in a bank on the 9th floor of Canary Wharf. It's a private bank. To get an account, you need a deposit of £10m £££. It's a BIG bank for BIG money people.

'How's the mood at Canary Wharf with all this money crisis??'

I ask

'Full Blown Panic, people are shooting themselves!'

He says...

We talk all the way to Stanstead, through the awful traffic.

He keeps me calm..

Andrew is in his 50's. He's clutching a Sainsburys bag that seems to be filled with Prawn Cocktail crisps. He has 4 newspapers for Sodoku. He is from Peterhead in Scotland. He has hairs on his nose. He is flying to Bratislava, then going on to Austria on holiday.

We talk about grapes and banks and the Olympics, about politics and children and travel and youth...

Stanstead Arrivato:

It's 6.30pm. My flight leaves at 7pm. The gate closes at 6.35pm.

I RUN!!!

I muscle my way through the security queue 'EXCUSE ME...I'M LATE..!!....SCUSE ME, MY PLANES LEAVING...!!' I RUN the full length of the terminal to gate 49..

I have extra clothes on, so I can fit everything in the hand luggage.

I am sweating like a 17 stone man, the wrong side of an hours jog...

The flight is delayed 3 hours...

I land in Italy at 12.40am

I arrive at the casa at 1.40am

Get to bed by 2am

Sleep by 2.30am

Up @ 6.50am...

One thing that’ll change....

Current mood: LUNCHTIME...
Category: LUNCHTIME... Music

if this money BANG is as bad as all the BOOYAH sayers are saying so, is there'll be less immigration into the UK...

Yes boss, the Daily Mail readers'll get their wish and all the bright young things that currently flock here because London is hip and cool and WOW!!! AND (most importantly) WHERE THE MONEY IS!!!! will soon find another hip and happening country where they can go partying and meeting other young people and making ££££$$$$££...


Which reminds me of this nice young lady I met in the vinyard the other day...


It was lunch, and we were sat around the big long table eating and I was being my usual quiet self, concentrating soley on eating and drinking as much as I possibly could to get me through the winter...

I was also coming down with this flu, so I wasn't feeling much like chatting...


Well, I'm paying vague attention to what I can understand of the Italian conversation and I hear they're talking about me not talking, and about how the last time I did the grapes there was Diego who'd lived in London for a few years, who spoke English, which had on many occasions got me out of days of silence...

Valerio then asks the table if there was anyone who speaks English...??


Well, this rather beautiful girl who'd only arrived an hour or so before, said 'Si..' and gave me one of those 'warming' looks down the table...


Now, I've got used to these 'warming' looks down the years...

In fact on this one trip, I've been asked a few times if I'm Romanian (apparently I look like a gypsy) and when I say 'No I'm English..' the face of the asker often suddenly changes into a warm and welcoming smile...

Anyway, I look back up the table, then back across at my Father in Law, think about Mrs G and the baby G, and though many of the Italians appear to be relishing the prospect of some LIVE English talking - and I don't want to disappoint - I find I don't have anything to say, so I get back on with the more important business of eating the fine food....


Things go quiet...


I get the feeling the Italians are still waiting for the LIVE English chatter...


I find Italians really worry if people don't talk..

It took me until age 4 to say a word, so per me, being quiet is pretty easy to understand, but most Italians I've met like endless LOUD chatter and good quality ball breaking AT ALL TIMES!!!!


Well, I finish up and take the odd look at this black haired beauty down the end of the table and think that if she's got anything to say in English it can wait...

I finish eating, and then go out of the barn into the sun.

The generator is yanked into action (for the espressos) and I look about...

Black haired girl has that kind of look on - like I should go over and talk. I decide not too. Instead I stand in the sun and think about how wonderful it all is:

Here I am in the sun in Italy being royally fed, earning money, doing good kudos work with the family. I might be coming down with flu, be bankrupt and very tired, but there's with some black haired beauty wanting to talk to me and I can't be arsed..


5 minutes later, she comes over.

She asks if I am the English one.

I am..


Well, we chatter for a bit, and it turns out she's Brazillian and was living in England for 6 months until her visa ran out. She doesn't like to speak Italian - she prefers English. Her boyfriend, who is also Brazillian works in a tatoo parlour in Leyton. Leyton is only just around the corner from Fish Island .

She tells me, she is a photographer and that she's been helping her mum who is also a photographer in Brazil and that she wants to set up in the UK...

I tell her Mrs Giovanni works as the Foriegn Editor in a picture agency and that she could perhaps sort her out with a job?!?


Seeing the conversation has finally begun, I notice the Italians are looking on smiling and watching the action. They really LOVE to see conversation, even when they don't understand it!!!!

They ask her (in Italian) if she likes the grape picking?!?!?

I attempt to translate.

She says 'I do, but it's boring...'

Everyone laughs...


Well, I didn't much talk to her again, and now I've had my 3 days off...


Anyway, I've gotta fly - literally, and I'm running super late...

Ciao for now...!)

Currently listening : Totally Wired: Anthology By Fall Release date: 2002-07-29

Well....

Current mood: YOU’VE GOT TO LAUGH....
Category: YOU’VE GOT TO LAUGH.... News and Politics

Apparently Uncle George gave all you Americans a firm fireside chat last night about you were all going to money hell if you didn't agree to lending the banks a shitload of YOUR money to save their sorry asses from their own greed....

Yes boss, GEORGE HAS SPOKEN TO ADMIT HIS LATEST COMPLETE FUCKING BALLSUP!!!!

AND HE WANTS YOU TO PAY UP!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!


I MEAN SERIOUSLY?!?!? IS ANYONE SERIOUSLY THINKING OF VOTING THESE SENILE FUCKING IDIOTS BACK IN??!?!?

IRAQ - FUCK UP!!
AFGHANISTAN - FUCK UP!!
YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE REST OF THE WORLD - FUCKED UP!!!
YOUR ECONOMY - A FUCK UP
AND NOW YOUR BANKING SYSTEM - FUCKED UP!!!!


But let's examine this specific proposal..

Uncle George wants $700bn to buy the banks mistakes in the hope the government can sell them again in the future for more money..

It might work, but then it also sounds like the act of a benevolent and rich parent....


The thing that amuses me, is the whole idea of a Repubican administration intervening in markets in this way - it's absurd.

Yes boss, this is a socialist idea. Centralised control of finance. It has NOTHING to do with Free Markets....?!?!?

This therefore makes the economic ethos of Republicanism totally bankrupt...

I mean, Republicans behaving like socialists?!?!?

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAAAAA!!!

HAHAHAHA!!!


But don't think we're gonna get away with it here on Pudding Island...

No boss, whatever these problems make in the US, we're gonna suffer worse, because our current economy is completely built on financial and economic service industries...

Yes boss, the big idea of Margarets Thatcherism was to mutate the UK from being a country that actually produced things, to a country that fucked about in offices in tall glass buildings all day long SHOUTING AT DIGITS ON A FUCKING SCREEN!!!!


Well now that old battleaxe is dying of dementia and so is her grand plan.

Yes boss, she closed the mines, closed the manufacturing, built Canary Wharf, told us all that 'Finance and Banking' was our future and now it's been banjaxed and whatever surfaces at the end of this farce is gonna be a whole lot less profitable than it was before...

Which means we're gonna be very, very short of tax £££££££££


And to think us here in the UK appear to be seriously favouring the election of another conservative government??!?!?

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

HAHAHA!!!

HAHAHAHA!!!

Currently listening : The Frenz Experiment By The Fall Release date: 1997-10-21

The first report....

Current mood: BAM BAM
Category: BAM BAM Jobs, Work, Careers

Well, it might not surprise you to learn that I lasted a full 4 days on the job, before having to take 2 off on the sick...

Si capo, my main problem with most things is the same as a childs:

I run in with explosive nuclear energy and enthusiasm and KEEP ON RUNNING!!!!

until I crash into a wall of some kind...


In this case the wall arrived remarkably quickly and it took the shape of a rather vicious bought of flu: 39.9 degrees fever, rigid stiffness, an army of frogs in the throat and head axe pain...

I nearly always get this kind of an ailment when I return from Italy not when I arrive, and there's nothing worse than being ill in someone elses house, so consequently, I've been in a very unpleasant mood indeed...

I've missed 2 days pay and 2 days sunshine - this was not part of the plan...

C'est la vie...


The thing is part of the world is it's very HARD...

Si capo, at times people get caught up with the romanticism of Italy, and it's there. But Italy is also a very tough environment to live and work in.

This particular region has pretty much everything in it's nature which requires survival first: Extremes of temperature, snow, vicious storms, hot sun, mountains, venomous mosquitos, scorpions, earthquakes, the list goes on...

As a result the houses and communities are rock solid and traditional. Marble and heavy wood is everywhere. The houses feel like forts. Communities are thickly tribal and difficult to penetrate unless you play the game their way.

Meanwhile, the church bells still dominate the soundscape....


As I've already shouted, the grape picking work is rather severe in it's mundainity. Perhaps it's more romantic than packing Christmas Crackers in a dirty grey factory in Wolverhampton - but no-one much who's done it, is gonna choose grape picking as a living - at least not in this generation...

Basically, it's a pretty horrible job...


This so, the older generations here think nothing of it...

Mrs Giovanni's father Rugero is an example..

2 days ago, he spent his 72nd birthday picking grapes for 8 hours in 30 degree unsheltered sun...

Mrs G suggested that perhaps that might be a little much for a man of his age, but Rugero shrugged the concern off by wondering how the grapes would get picked if people didn't go and pick them??


My mothers father was of the same mindset.

He spent his entire life delivering laundry to rich people 6 days a week, then came home and turned over a huge garden so the family could eat well...

He never seemed to mind, despite him being a clever enough man that meant two of his sons went on to become professors and three of their children the same.

But back then, the majority of people simply didn't think they had a choice to move out like that, so they didn't worry about it other than to make sure their kids had the best possible prospects...


That kind of selfless, sacrificing strength is something that doesn't exist in quite the same way in this current generation - at least not commonly here in the industrialised west...

No capo, most people will happily stay at home on the slightest ache and are happy to prescribe themselves make believe conditions and diseases in order to make their lives less effort...

And why not??? I'm far too cynical or wise to be sacrificing myself for someone elses financial gain unless there's something good in it for me, no matter how well they dress or what fantasy goods carrots they dangle...


But things go in circles and I'm not sure it's too long until we're gonna find ourselves having to be quite a bit less rich and cosey..

No capo, for the last little while, us industiralised types have become used to the easy life in which we sit prettily on the top of millions starving elsewhere, occasionally offering fake charity and 'fair trade' to appease our consciences

But increasingly these countries are bigger, more clever and strong enough to start with financial fireworks, and I don't reckon it'll be long until they're gonna light the matches...

Leaving us all bankrupt and scrabbling around for that old strength...

A Futureproof pictorial guide to the grapes....

Current mood: INFORMATION MAN...
Category: INFORMATION MAN... Jobs, Work, Careers

First you need the location: The right soil, slope, climate....

In the case of Prosecco wine, there's a very small area that applies, and a smaller area of that area, which is suitable for growing...

To get a good grape crop, you then need a good year - the rain to fall at the right time in the right place, in the right amount - the summer to be good...


Good year or not (this one hasn't been the best), when it comes time for harvesting the grapes, you need to be wearing the appropriate clothing for the job - if possible your outfit needs to be colour coordinated...

Si capo, this is Italy and the 'Bella Figura' is everything...

So, upon arriving at the vinyard, YOU MUST BREAK BALLS WITH YOUR CO-WORKERS!!! (breaking balls is a very important part of this kind of work)

The grapes are then ready to be harvested, and you need to stride manfully towards them!!

YOU MUST NOT BE AFRAID!!!

NO CAPO, YOU MUST STRIDE MANFULLY AT THEM CARRYING ONLY A BUCKET!!!




You will be told where to go by your capo and once positioned in the vicinity of the vines, you must then cut the grapes and drop them into the bucket, which should be positioned at your feet...

MAKE SURE NO LEAVES GET INTO THE BUCKET!!! THESE WILL SPOIL THE WINE!!!

AND WATCH YOU DON'T LOOSE THE BOLT OR SPRING FROM YOUR FORBICHE!!!! LOOSING THE SPRING OR BOLT WILL MAKE YOUR CUTTING ALL THE MORE COMPLICATED AND YOUR DAY HARDER!!!!

When the bucket is full, leave it under the vines. It will be collected by the capo and tipped into BIG bucket on the rear of the trattore...


After 4 hours, the church bells will toll like a wedding - lunchtime comes.

You will be then waited on hand and foot by your capo's...

First course: Pasta with sauce
Second course: Meat with salad
Third course: Cheese and/or fruit

All washed down with water and wine...

Then coffee with grappa...

After this feast, you will feel like a big fat happy elephant!!!

Si capo, no matter how bored and frustrated you get with the tiresome, tedious monotony of the work, the food and drink will compensate...

Your stomach will bulge...

You will be so full, that the next hour of working will feel all wrong - but the 2 after that will be fine, and the last will be a case of making it through...


And that is largely that

The grapes get tractored off to the Cantina where they're made into wine, and each time you polish off a bottle of anything ever after, you can feel the smug contentment of having contributed something!!

CASA HASA GIOVANNA EPISODE 10 ::: Turn it over QUICK!!!!

Current mood: RECOVERING...
Category: RECOVERING... Music

OK...

After much fretting, I decided to release this one at 23:23 Central European Time as I'm not on the GMT clock on release...

It was a tough decision that I fluctuated on, and it became tougher when I had everything cued only for this prehistoric laptop to crash at about 23?>:"18 MAKING IT PERHAPS A COUPLA MINUTES LATE!!!

Sure, I could have waited an hour and styled it out, but I knew damn well the same would happen again and I'd then have made a double failure which would have meant smashing this little piece of technological algae to pieces in PURE FEVERED RAGE!!! (and besides, I have no clear idea as to whether this computers clock is bang on accurate or not...)


Does that constitute a successful release??

Probably not...

Perfection isn't always possible...


But never mind that, Episode 10 is 69:23 long and was released on the 23rd and it's one of the loosest and roughest so far and is likely to be as slack as any to come...

I am however very fond of it...

Si capo, at times the sound quality is abysmal, but this untutored effect is necessary if one is to properly represent the stretchy duff nightmare and portable wonder that was the cassette tape...

So, to hear it all in it's swishing beauty, please do click the picture to stream or download....!)

FUTUREPROOF PIOUS IN ’NORMAL’ JOB SHOCK!!!!

Current mood: tired already...
Category: tired already... Jobs, Work, Careers

OK...

I didn't get around to writing this before leaving for the mountains because my head was melting - so here we go with it now.....

Excluding this Thursday (when I'll be flying back to Fish Island for an important appointment) I'm gonna be working like a fit sweating dog here in the Dolomites, North Italy picking up and carrying the grapes with which to make Prosecco wine...

Si Capo, I try my best to avoid it, but every so often I have to engage with things other than the general day to day running of my ego and if and when possible I like to do these things in a beautiful place...

As and when the schedule allows, I'll be updating with some tired notes on work, grapes, nightly pinball in fastly driven cars between pizzarias, bars, Sagras, birthdays, weddings etc...

And don't forget, you can keep yourself fully flushed with Giovan-works, by popping along to the archive which can easily be searched by clicking the picture below and typing your favourite words into the SEARCH box....

Ciao!!!

SELL!!! SELL!!!

Current mood: PLEASED...
Category: PLEASED... News and Politics

So, today saw yet another nail in the coffin of the financial system as we've come to know it and once again, I thoroughly enjoyed watching it all unfold by way of the twin evils of TV and the winternet...

Yes boss, all told, I have to admit that todays 24 hour news, was the best financial disaster porn I've seen since I watched the markets fall like a shot DEAD bird on the Monday after September 11th

Now, perhaps I might seem cruel and callous to say such a thing - but seeing all those successful go-getters shuffling about with their heads down, trying to not to be seen (FOR ONCE!!) really was a very joyful experience for me.

Indeed, had I not have had a very important interview with the head honcho of Frizz Records to complete, I'd have popped down the mile or so to Lehman Brothers Canary Wharf European HQ, whereupon I'd have sat about looking scruffy and content, grinning at the sadistic fucks as they filed out looking all downtrodden and oppressed...


Yes boss, overnight, these whizzkids financial gambling dreamworlds were torn to shreds - their egos were left either in tatters or rolling in smug joy - joy at having got away with robbing people blind for so long...


So what's the big fuss with these banks falling to pieces??

Well, the economy is a complicated beast, but money is also very simple, and the cause of the current troubles can be pretty easily identified by the use of one word:

GREED

Yes boss, for many years now, banks aided and encouraged by Western governments, have been becoming more and more reckless in their lending (because it was making BIG money) and this is now (bit by bit) coming back to bash their rosey little bottoms...


Of course, now that the shit has hit the fan, the politicians are doing their level best to distance themselves from these problems.

Yes boss, they're claiming that this was all beyond their control?!?!?

They talk in terms of 'corrections' 'global economic tsunami's' and the 'strength of the fundamentals' - whilst at the same time their past and present advisors admit this is the worst economic scenario since the Great Depression in 1929..


But those with long memories will remember Gordon Brown, then UK Chancellor making absurd claims about Labour having outlawed Boom/Bust cycles in capitalistic economics altogether!!

Yes boss, then our politicians knew all about controlling the money markets - THEY CLAIMED TO BE COMPLETELY DOMINATING AND CHANGING THEM FOR ALL OF TIME!!!!

But what Gordon and Tony didn't mention then, was that their entire 'economic miracle' was based on borrowed cash and people borrowing cash, and because of this, Tone and Gords claims of genius have always been pure crap - crap that should have been properly picked upon at the time...


But if it was always going to fail, why did governments encourage such brainless borrowing behaviour??

Well, the whole premise of a successful government in these money obsessed times, is Economic Growth.

When an economy isn't growing, it's in recession, and if there's one thing that sees off a government off quicker than anything else, it's the stinky old smell of a recession...

So, given that large portions of our Western business prowess (namely manufacturing) are being easily taken away by countries like China and India, this last while, western governments have had no choice but to borrow and 'make up' money and wealth 'products' - thereby convincing their peoples (us) that we're on anything but a hiding to eventual slavery to the far east every which way...

Yes boss, it's monumentally short sighted and was always going to end in tears, but politicians are always inherently short sighted, and as long as their out of government by the time the tears come, they generally couldn't give a shit.....


Of course, no-one is blameless in this situation..

No boss, another thing worth noting here is that the supposedly great british public are, like any other public - horrendously selfish in their money dealings.

For example:

Some weeks ago, when I was up in Scotland undergoing extensive training, my prepatoré made the very good point that when Tony Blair was seeking re-election in 2004, there lay a golden opportunity for the UK public to trounce him from power as a protest on his absurd support of an Iraq war that was unpopular enough to solicit a million man march...

But in 2004, the public didn't take that chance to vote out Tone..

No boss, THEN the economy was still good, people were buying new cars and making stupid money on houses - so why in the fuck would they be seriously worrying about things like conscience or small brown men and women dying by the thousand in some far off land???

Sure, people talked the big anti-war, but they never fucking meant it enough to actually do anything half serious about it - they didn't even have the big balls to vote the government out who'd gone to the war in the first place...?!?!


Well, now, this Labour government is in big trouble, and the only reason so, is because the financial sweeties are being withdrawn from the people...

Yes boss, UK folk are now facing up to the fact that they've bought a simple and stupid idea - that endless BIG growth in everything is possible FOREVER!!

And like I said - you can get away with a lot of things in government - but when you take away the financial sweeties, peoples backs soon go up...


Anyway...

Let's hope a good few more of these parasitic banking fucks go down, before this is all done with.

Yes boss, I for one will be very happy to see fewer of them looking all smug and neat, wearing body language that suggests they're the very pinnacle of humanity ...

Enjoy their embarrassed money pain whilst it lasts - that's what I say!!!


But whatever you do, don't go believing this is the start of some kind of a fairer world, where capitalism is to be more heavily regulated and controlled...

No boss, the myth here, is that all these poor jobless flowers are gonna be clogging up job centers, scrabbling about for their £50 a week in dole...

But that ain't gonna be happening except in a very few exceptional cases..

No boss, the average wage of a Lehman Bros employee was $322.000 per annum + bonuses, and unless they've frittered all their cash on cocaine and lap dancers, these furry little parasites will simply swan off to one of their (paid in cash) holiday homes or private yachts, take a year or so off, refresh their viciously selfish heads, before coming back (when the air clears), ready to pull the same kind of stunt once again...

Currently listening : Bank of America (Cd Single w/ Unreleased Track) By Spring Heel Jack

Personal Joy RIP...

Current mood: OH WELL...
Category: OH WELL... Jobs, Work, Careers

So...

This morning I'm walking to the bank to see if a remarkable windfall payment has miraculously appeared in my account...

Of course, this is highly unlikely, especially on a day that see's our wanking friends leaving their offices for a smaller than normal latté followed by a hard earned holiday on the private yacht..


Well, I'm marching back holding my phone in my hand, so I don't miss the call from Raph at Frizz Records to organise the fine detail of todays interview.

My head is chuntering away, plan writing my HA HA HA!!! FUCK YOU BANKERS!!! blog which will appear at some point later today.


Well, I must have been constructing ONE HELL OF A VICIOUS SENTENCE!!! because as I'm marching, I somehow manage to fling my phone Personal Joy out of my hand sending it crashing on to the floor...


Now normally, this wouldn't be a problem - it happens to us all, you just pick the bastard up, check it's still working and carry on walking...

But this time, I see Personal Joy heading under the barrier and towards a drain and the roads gutter - I can only stand and watch as it skids and slides.

It lands on the drain, teeters, but it doesn't fall down..

PHEWWW!!!!


So, I pick up the plastic molding that holds the battery in, then vault over and grab the phone before it gets smashed by a vehicle, and as I'm walking back around the barrier I notice there's no battery...

I look back, down the drain, around the gutter, on the pavement on the road - everywhere...

But there's no battery...


Well, I keep looking - it can't have bastard well disappeared!??!

But it has...?!?!


I look all around over and over again, and then again, but no there's no sign.

I can only imagine it's under the Cadburys Twirl wrapper a foot and a half down in the dry drain - but no matter how hard I try and get an angle to spy it, I can't see it there...


Well, I figure I'm not going anywhere until I can at least see where this battery has gone - but after ten minutes of hunting and glaring at the floor, I'm getting a few too many dirty looks from passers by - people are pulling their children away from the strange looking man in the yellow tracksuit top who appears to starring down a drain...


So, I walk on home and that appears to be that - for the next month or so until I can afford a new battery, I have no phone - which won't make a hell of a lot of difference, because I rarely answer the bastard thing - but I'll miss the tunes it holds and the camera has been handy....

AND I STILL WANT TO SEE WHERE THE DAMN BATTERY IS!!!!

Currently listening : I Wanna 1-2-1 With You By Solid Gold Chart Busters

Open the gates...

Current mood: 33 GOIN ON- 34...
Category: 33 GOIN ON- 34... Music






Currently listening :
The Sound of Music
By Richard Rodgers
Release date: 2000-08-22

Paul Giovanni & The Writing Bizz...

Current mood: GOOD!!
Category: GOOD!! Writing and Poetry

On my peak written day, I consider myself to about the most interesting, spicey punch and vital writer working in the English language...


Of course many of you won't agree with this assertion, and it seems there's few within the publishing or magazine business that do either...

But I've never been one to let others opinions to interfere with my very high opinion of my own abilities...

I would also add, that my peak written day could well still be 15 or more years away....


Yes boss, what you read now on and around this blog, is only my warming up exercises.

I am currently completing light stretches and the odd 50 meter jog (in the tracksuit) ONLY!!!

I AM FOCUSING MY MIND AND BODY FOR WHAT IS TO COME!!!

AFTER A FALSE START OR TWO, I'M ORGANISING MY DIET AND WORKING MY CORNER!!!


Now...

That I'm still a good distance off this promised written peak, could be seen as being EXACTLY why the publishing business isn't sniffing around my every waking hour, offering up vast and unfeasible sums of cash to persuade me to run them a quick and full hundred meters or 2...

But frankly, I don't think that's an excuse....

No boss, the truth of the matter is that it's THEIR FUCKING JOB to find talent young.

The grim reality is however, that the pubs bizz's is about as effective in discovering the decent and long lasting written talent EARLY, as the queen is at living modestly...

Yes boss, the kind of folk who work in publishing, are generally the kind of people who think Martin Amis is important...

We're talking the same squared asses, that missed Charles Bukowski's ability to write essential fiction, essays and journalism until he was something in the region of 50 years old (and then it took a new publisher who set up his own operation and risked his house to prove the BLEEDING FUCKING OBVIOUS!!!)


The music bizz is much the same, and no aspect of this has changed in the days of the winternet and myspazz.

No boss, don't be fooled by all this musical democracy crap spouted by the likes of Che McGee.

McGee is a businessman who thinks he's in the trenches when he is in fact dining with the officers..

And rather than myspazz meaning FREEDOM AND JUSTICE FOR ALL, the reality is that rather than the door being opened to the talented, the room has simply been filled with a few million more of the untalented, and the never gonna's, making things all the harder for those who really do HAVE IT...

As a result of this 'democracy' there are no more 5 album deals off the cuff.

Now, truly talented musicians and pop visionaries have to starve the first 2 or 3 themselves, or with the help of smaller poorer labels, to a very high standard, until the majors deem them suitable for the masses...

Furthermore, this 'correction' has enabled the major labels to jettison all responsibilities to develop talent and has instead allowed them to concentrate on making money out of dead certs and back catalogs...

I mean, does anyone seriously believe the smart suits are loosing out???

Those fuckers are so resilient they last better than lead in a luke warm paper fire!!!


But back to the books...


If I do say so myself, a prime example of the publishing business's ineptitude was when they missed my nuclear book

That book was a true story that centered around me (an alleged Terrorist - The Evening Standard claimed that - it therefore must be true) working 12 hour days in a nuclear facility, 6 months after September 11th..

My aim was to find out secrets and expose the appalling security...

However, soon proving and then getting bored with this original investigation, the book went on to track my involvement with my co-workers, as a result of which I bought 100 ecstasy pills off a recovering junkie, got drunk every night, and become utterly infatuated with the Scaffolders Secretary...

All told, it was spank rock, investigative big balls and quasi-majorism POOPAH of the highest quality, and you'd think (as did I) that upon informing the publishing business of this stories VERY REAL existence, I'd have been knocked flat by the Tidal Wave of interest...


But, no...

Despite a major campaign of shoving my book in their faces, that didn't even nearly happen...


Well, if you read what's available of that book now, the flaws are obvious for all to see...

I do however still believe that, had some smart man or woman (I believe they call themselves 'agents') come in at the right time and developed the work, hooked me up with a good and super brave and tolerant editor, and provided the correct liquid encouragement, I'd have sitting in the comfy seats at the opera by now wondering what it's like to be poor...


But it was a no go...


So, having gone through all of that and lived to survive another day, here's what I reckon...

If you're working in the creative game and are feeling that your COLOSSAL FUCKING TALENT isn't being noticed and that you might as well quit and get a proper job - my advice is to forget the 'business' even exists, keep working hard, work out who you are and understand if you're fooling yourself or not...

If you're completely sure you're not a flossy jumper, keep working HARD, grab at luck, grease poles, ignore the fools who doubt you (use them as scientific research AND ENERGY!!!) and look forward to the day when you pick up a copy of The Bookseller Magazine that leads with your equivalent of:

FUTUREPROOF QUINTUPLE MILLION SELLING BOSS GIOVANNI $3RD$ CLAIMS PUBLISHING BUSINESS IS MORE LIKELY TO FIND OIL IN THE PAPER CLIP STASH THAN DISCOVER GENUINE LITERARY TALENT EARLY....

Currently listening : Introducing the Hardline According to Terence Trent d’Arby By Terence Trent d’Arby Release date: 1990-10-25

Is John Lennon turning in his grave???

Current mood: HAPPINESS IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER...
Category: HAPPINESS IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER... Music

Currently listening : Expensive Shit / He Miss Road By Fela Kuti Release date: 2000-03-21

IMAGINE A WORLD WITHOUT IMAGINE....

Current mood: OUT THE HIPOPY ON THE BONFIRE...
Category: OUT THE HIPOPY ON THE BONFIRE... Music

OK, it's that time of the week again AGAIN...

Yes boss, it's the moment when I take on an established act, band, song or LP and ask (with a heartfelt sigh)

What the fuck????


Well, I've done this particular ?ask? before, and the reason I'm doing it again now is because I have a sore back and I therefore don't have the energy to knock out a sufficiently sanctimonious and venomous attack on Coldplay....


Now, in case you think I'm joking with these entries...

I'm happy to confirm that all the views contained within are the real and genuine views of me Paul Giovanni 3rd AKA Futureproof Pious.

I don't lie or make up swipes for the hell of it - I don't need to.

There are simply too many pop musical and wordly things I don't understand.

Perhaps I'm stupid, or perhaps I see things all too clearly....

Whichever and whatever, I strongly urge you to take issue with me as you see fit:

If nothing else, my aim here is to further enforce the idea that disagreement is healthy, rather than the sorry plague it's nowadays seen to be (especially on this hive of myspazzian surface niceness)...


So, this weeks easy target is the song Imagine by John Lennon...


Imagine is one of those holiest of cow songs.

It's one of the golden pretty babies that no-one dares to question or touch.

Every time there's a poll concerning the best songs of all time - this load of risable tripe will find it's way into the top 5.

IT HAS A RETAINER ON THE TOP 5.

It's a banker - a sure fire nailed on bet!

But the PG£ opinion is that Imagine is the worst kind of obvious and awful crap nonsense of recent times...


To start with, let's take a look at the lyrics:


Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one


Well, my first problem here is that this is nothing short of godawful student poetry...

Yes boss, this is just the sort of thing we've all been guilty of thinking and writing at the back of our school text books - and this is precisely why it's such a big and hugely popular song...

But when we come out with this sort of crap, we're most usually in our late teens or early 20s.

Yes boss, we've been thrown out of the endless innocent fun of childhood into the murky world of PLANET ADULT EARTH, and all we want is our dinner on the table, and to keep on playing, with no rent to pay..

Instead, all we get is war and death and money and disease and pointless destruction, and it puts us in a big fat FUCKING FUGGG!!!

This FUGGG can last a while, or even a lifetime, but rather than dealing with these shitty disgusting realities of life and grudgingly learning to love the world in all it's putrid and corrupt beauty, far too many of us become involved in trying to SAVE the world and bring about a brighter day...

Yes boss, we start wishing the world wasn't inherently violent.

We start aggrandizing and inaccurately loving the vicious beast that is nature.

We convince ourselves that one day God will come down and save our own useless asses and set us all onto some beautific plane of love and wholeness where we only ever eat Rivita Organic Crackers and drink the purest mountain spring water..


I was guilty...

In fact in the past, several of my alter egos have been as guilty as HELL on this one.

Yes boss, I once wrote terrible poems about Badgers.

I had long hair and tried saving the world...!

But I was young then, and now I'm pleased to say I've seen that the light is always half dark - that every positive needs a negative.

Beauty needs corruption.

Life needs death.

Perfume needs shit.

Winners need losers

and taking the one away from the other simply isn't possible...


Furthermore, spending all day, everyday sitting side by side holding hands, drinking organic pearl juice and playing acoustic strummies is and will always be awful...

DULL DULL AWFUL AND FUCKING DULL....!!!


But that's not my only issue here...

No boss, I'm willing to bet there's a whole bunch of folk reading this, who took exception to my suggestion that all war heroes are in fact murderous cunts in that other blog - not least because many of you will have loved friends and family who have fought in wars...

Well, to be clear, I didn't say that to incite hatred towards war heroes or even to morally judge them - I'm just stating the facts of the matter...

Anyone who kills another human life with intent is a vicious thug murderer - whatever the perceived and/or good reason, might be behind the killing...


And here's the thing that annoys me....

I reckon there's a whole bunch of professional or conscript soldiers who play Imagine and dream of peace...

Their conscience then cleansed, they then go out and kill..


What I'm saying, is that I think this kind of a shoddy ill thought out record encourages aimless dreaming and a conscience 'cleansing' rather than any kind of change...

It makes it easier for people to kill and watch killing..

It functions just like religion - it helps to wash away the sins to allow fresh sins to be committed..

Imagine is a vacant fucking dream - it isn't a suggestion, or a vague way forward, it's just some cunt selling records and making his myth almost impenetrable...

Yes boss, we're talking a long haired intellectual, past his prime, twanging away on a an old Johanna, dressed in white, pretending to be Jesus, pontificating worse than Bono has ever managed - yet it and he is taken seriously....

My point is - if you genuinely think war is crap - stop being involved in it and treat anyone who is, as being a murderous cunt even if they're your family - that's the beginning middle and end of it..

And that people don't and aren't ever going to do this, is exactly why war will continue..

In fact, I think the bottom line, is that we like our wars: they're exciting, they make good TV, they provide jobs, they secure resources and territory and they underpin our current wealth...

SO LET'S JUST CUT ALL THIS IMAGINE CRAP, be honest and say:

You know what?? We LIKE WAR!!!! It's not pretty, it's not nice, it's vicious and hateful, and is the scourge of our humanity - but there's no going on without it - not unless we want to go back to cave dwelling...


Lastly and completely leastly...

Imagine is awful because it's obvious and badly written pop song

Yes boss, when it gets to that last line and neatly finishes, it becomes the tweeist and most embarrassing pop moment of all time.


So:

IMAGINE - GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!
CAN'T BUY ME LOVE - COME ON!!!!

Currently listening : Expensive Shit / He Miss Road By Fela Kuti Release date: 2000-03-21

The Cheap Seats......

Current mood: LEARNING...
Category: LEARNING... Music

One other thing, before I forget about classical music and the Royal Albert Hall for another good long while...

Is this warning that not only applies to the RAH, but most venues...


Basically, don't ever assume that paying more for tickets is gonna ensure you have a better view...

No boss, when buying these tickets, John had a choice between 2 seats in a box at £30 each and some regular tickets, for less than half that price...

Well, because he had a budget (his end of term present from the kids he teaches) of £60, he therefore thought 'LETS GO POSH!' spent it in full on the box assuming this would afford a better view and a more full-on experience..


But once we were moved to our correct seats this was the exact view if you sat in your seat correctly and looked forward...

It wasn't completely without it's merits - but it contained absolutely nothing of any of the performers...

To gain that, one had to lean forward and twist to the right and peer through smeared glass.

This would engender this kind of a view of part of the orchestra and the rather splendid organ (minus the trails)...

Meanwhile the cheaper tickets would have been a little further back, but slap bang on center with a near perfect view of all and everything...


It was a reminder that more often than not, when you pay more for something that is broadly speaking the same as is available for less, all you're buying is the snob factor...

Currently listening : 50,000 Fall Fans Can’t Be Wrong: 39 Golden Greats By The Fall Release date: 2004-06-08

The 100 Most....

Current mood: RED RED WINE...
Category: RED RED WINE... Music

If there's one thing I find more annoying than programs like the 100 Most Irritating Pop Moments, it's that I like to watch them as filler...

Yes boss, tonight was this very program and I took in about an hour of it whilst I waited for the Last Night Of The Proms to end and the football to start..


Why not watch the Last Night???

Because I don't see why a music event has to end with The National Anthem accompanied by thousands of dreary flag wavers waving their various flags?!?


Of course it's difficult to know which is more irritating on these 100 Best or Worst programs - the predictability of the kind of tracks chosen or the faces that make the critique... ?!

My cynicism at their cynicism aside, I did learn a few things tonight - and this is I think the pull: the miscellaneous trivia...


One such nugget, was that was the writer of Sinitta's

'So Macho'

is now some kind of a rampant Christian religious minister who spends the royalties of that song on (amongst other things) 'Anti Gay' campaigns...

If ever there was a man very heavily in the closet - it's George Hargreaves...


Another is that nearly all pop stars aren't very tall...


And the third was that UB40 have sold 50 million albums?!?!?

HTF????

Currently listening : 50,000 Fall Fans Can't Be Wrong: 39 Golden Greats By The Fall Release date: 2004-06-08

GIG REVIEW ::: PROM 66 (Pt2)

Current mood: GETTING TIRED...
Category: GETTING TIRED... Music

Prom 66 wasn't amplified...


No boss, The Proms are a quiet and classical British institution...

'Founded in 1895, each Prom season consists of over 70 concerts in the Albert Hall, a series of eight chamber concerts and four Saturday matinees at Cadogan Hall, additional Proms in the Park, events across the United Kingdom on the last night, and associated educational and children's events.

Prom Season is the biggest classical music festival in the world.'


Well, despite my sister forever being involved in orchestral music, and my young ass being continually dragged along to orchestral concerts, I've never before seen a Prom - at least, not as far as I can remember - and from what I'd seen of the them on the TV, I'd had no desire to run along and see one until John said he'd got a spare ticket...

No boss, the first image I have in mind with the proms, is of a load of Hooray Henrys waving flags and singing 'Land Of Hope & Glory'

And to be frank, that kind of caper isn't quite my bag...

That being so, I don't boycott the football World Cup because it's plagued with flag waving simpletons, so there was certainly no need to engage with a similarly reasoned boycott of The Proms


So, the program for the 66th night of the summer was as follows:

Prom 66

Grace Williams Sea Sketches
Elgar Sea Pictures
Tchaikovsky Symphony No.6, 'Pathetique'


Now, I've known John and his dearly beloved Heloise for over 10 years and it's probably accurate to say we cemented our friendship with weekends at my old caravan by the sea...

Perhaps this was why he chose that particular sea based Prom??

If not, such a coincidence was a joy.


Whichever (and I didn't think to ask) we settled ourselves into someone else's seats (they were better than ours) and had a good catch up...

With seconds to go before lift off - we were then moved back to our own seats by teacher..

Yes boss, you can't rock the boat in the RAH and though we almost managed the unofficial upgrade, it didn't quite come off...


So, after being ticked off and repositioned, the ritual of tuning up, the lead violinist coming out (to polite applause), then the conductor coming out (to polite applause) took shape..

There was more polite applause

And the hushed silence....

And then, off we went...


The Grace Williams was strings only, and I found it to be beautifully peaceful and very evocative of the sea..

Elgar was a little less remarkable, but was again, nothing to sniff at..

And next was the interval...


As we sat and put our feet up, I was telling John that all the ingrained ritual of my childhood classical concerts had come flooding back..

The only new thing I noticed, was the coughing orgies in between movements..

Yes boss, either that hall was rammed full of very ill people - or else it's become fashionable to cough - because there was a veritable and MASSIVE chorus of COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS during each pause...

So prominent and engaging was this, that by the third or 4th episode, I was one step off joining in, so as to catch up with the zeitgeist...!


Anyway...

Interval over.


Next up - THE BOSS!!!

Yes boss, Pyotr Tchaikovsky is a Giovanni kind of composer..

Always apparently on the verge of some glorious and frantic OUTBURST OF FIRE HELL FUCKING RAGE BRIMSTONE!!! Mr T is probably my favourite old school composer of them all...

Symphony No.6, 'Pathetique' was only completed days before his death.

He's reported to have said, that it's strains, stresses and efforts finished him off...


And it sounded that way..

There was one heavy-ish though (by his standards) slightly unconvincing outburst to finish (I think) the third movement, and then as did Pyotrs life, the music slowly petered out to nothing...


So, all this was F.I.N.E. fine...

A GOOD GIG INDEED!!!


But though I loved the music, perhaps the greatest thrill, was the final silence..

Yes boss, the RAH creates wonderful reverbed silences

Music be damned!

When you get 5000 people in a room and all you can hear is everyone waiting in absolute silence for the conductor to drop his baton to signify the end of the end - you have one gloriously magical human moment...

Currently listening : Tchaikovsky: The Complete Symphonies Release date: 2003-05-12

GIG REVIEW ::: PROM 66 (Pt1)

Current mood: CALM...
Category: CALM... Music

The Royal Albert Hall is a grandiose venue that sits right opposite the Blingtastic Albert Memorial which sits in Hyde Park, not far from the late Princess Dianas old gaff.

The memorial is covered in gold leaf

Yes boss, if you thought rappers did bling, you should feast your goggles over this faceful of the foolish stuff...


Both these monuments are the products of the height of Empire and both were named after Queen Victorias late Husband Albert.


The Hall was built for the furtherment of the arts and a mosaic winds around the top which depicts "The Triumph of Arts and Sciences"..

It reminds me a lot of the Pantheon.

The Pantheon is my favourite building OF ALL TIME!!

Yes boss, the only time I can remember my jaw dropping at the sight of a building is for The Pantheon (the achievement for the times and the beautiful hole in the roof) and St Marks in Venice (inside)

That said, I often wonder how I would see London if I was to visit here for the first time next week - I reckon there's a few buildings here that - had I not have been made aware of them through drips and drabs of pictures over childhood - would blow my head off...


So, about the first thing that became clear upon completion of the Hall was it's appalling (or wonderful depending on your viewpoint) acoustics...

Yes boss, the natural reverb is something else - it lasts for seconds as the sound drifts up V E R Y V E R Y S L O W L Y....


It follows that the RAH isn't the kind of venue that was built for loud or amplified music, but nowadays, it often pays host to such events....


The only time I've been there for a rock or pop concert was to see Spiritualized.

That show was recorded for this double disc set...

I remember that show for 2 reasons:

Firstly, I bought an original issue of Ladies & Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space (the limited PROMO run that starts with the Elvis cover as the first track) on the way to the gig. It cost £30 which was a bit much and I think I sold it for a bit less, but at the time I was mad for Spiritualized and that LP, so was happy to pay up..

The other was that the gig wasn't all that - at least from where were sitting, which was right up at the top - too far up and away even for Spiritualized...

(right about here)

Our enjoyment was also blighted by there being some foolish loons sitting in front, who kept on jabbering away about Bertie Bassett the Liquorice Allsort man being in resident in the ceiling.

They were clearly tripping on something and they couldn't get over this one simple idea throughout the entire gig..

The marsh mellow aliens hang from the ceiling to improve the acoustics.

They were installed in 1969


But they haven't improved the volume.

No boss, there was no serious volume at that level - and these two things made the whole thing a bit ignorable..


Essentially, I have the impression that the RAH is the kind of venue that bands and acts love to have on their CV for the glitz, rather than because it's a great venue to hear amplified music...

Currently listening : Royal Albert Hall October 10 1997 By Spiritualized Release date: 1998-11-10

H now stands for Hijacking....

Current mood: THE BASICS...
Category: THE BASICS... School, College, Greek

Currently listening : Never Trust a Pretty Face (1978) / Diamonds for Breakfast (1979)

Points of view...No2

Current mood: WATCHING....
Category: WATCHING.... News and Politics

And here's David Lynch with some thoughts...

To watch the full film Loose Change which Lynch is talking about...

Click here...

Currently listening : Who Watches The Watchmen? By The Killing Gift Release date: 2004-07-13

Points of view...No1

Current mood: WORTH HEARING...
Category: WORTH HEARING... News and Politics

Click the below picture to stream or download the Hunter S Thompson opinion on 9/11

This audio interview was recorded a few weeks before the first anniversary of the attacks...

It contains a plentiful dose of food for thought, from someone who knows all about power games, ways and means of US Politics...

Currently listening : Don't Fear the Reaper By Blue Oyster Cult Release date: 2000-01-01

Bono on a bike....

Current mood: UNDECIDED...
Category: UNDECIDED... Sports

Lance's Comeback to Cycling in 2009 -- powered by http://www.livestrong.com

Well, sports watchers might have noticed that today cycling behemouth Lance Armstrong has announced he's returning to the bike...

Yes boss, 3 years after retiring on the nail of his 7th Tour win, Lance has elected to put himself through seven shades of pain for at least one more competitive year...


It's an odd decision, but not a surprising one.

No boss, I predicted he'd be back in 2 to 3 years on account of him being the type who's so competitive he doesn't know when to stop..

I was however thinking he'd come back and try and grab some one day races like Paris Roubaix and The Tour Of Flanders to fill the gaps in his illustrious palmarés - instead it seems he's coming back to win the Tour for the eighth time..


Why is he doing it??

"It is in order to raise awareness of the global cancer burden."

He added: "This year alone, nearly eight million people will die of cancer worldwide. It's now time to address cancer on a global level."

Will he win number 8???

It's very tough to say.

The eldest ever winner of the Tour is 34 and Lance will be 37 come the next edition.

He is however a proven winner and the type who uses peoples doubts as fuel for his fire...

Much has however changed since he resigned from the sport.

Getting away with doping is now much harder, and that Lance never got properly caught will lead to a whole new round of speculation and accusation as to just how he managed to thrash every other top rider over a 7 year run - ALL of whom have been caught.....

There are also a good few riders around who'll be pretty sure they can beat him including a couple of his younger team mates.....


I wouldn't rule an eight win out though...

Lance has never been a respecter of rules and trends and if anyone can win 8 it's Lance...

I guess time will tell...

Currently listening : Tour de France Soundtracks By Kraftwerk Release date: 2003-08-19

It’s windy....

Current mood: BLOWING DOWN THE HOUSE....
Category: BLOWING DOWN THE HOUSE.... Music

With all the wind there is about at the moment (Hurricanes Gustav, Hannah & Ike + our fake hurricanes here in the UK + Mrs Giovanni deciding that pregnancy allows her to fart out loud with impunity) here we go with my favourite anecdote about the wind...


When I was younger, I spent 2 separate stints working here at Dale Fort Field Centeron the West Wales coast...

I was a Domestic Assistant...

Yes boss, my manly job was to cook, clean and wash up for the visiting students.


Now, on the surface, this sounds like an ass of a job and the working bit mostly was - but good parts also existed.

For one, the place located in wonderful cliff side countryside which held Choughs, Peregrine Falcons, Dolphins, Gannets, Manx Shearwaters and like...

It was also a very very good area for Magic Mushrooms (below sits a portion of one years crop)

But that wasn't all...

No boss, this field center was visited by groups of A-Level students and reasonably often you'd get 70 or 80 all girl groups come in from some of the UKs top private girls schools..

Well, these girls were often expecting this place to full of boys from top public boys school, but this didn't often happen (and lets face it - if there had of been such boys, there'd most likely have been interested in the classmates rather than the girls)...


Anyway, these girls had about 2 choices of boy to get interested in and I was one of them.

I'd therefore spend whole evenings sitting around being teased by large groups of public school girls.

It was absolutely wonderful, and quickly made up for the fact that the next morning I'd be up at the crack of dawn cleaning their toilets and washing their dishes..


So....

I was on a day off one day and there was ONE HELL OF A BIG WIND coming in off the sea...

Yes boss, this wasn't quite hurricane force, but it would have been in the 80/90mph ball park.

A BIG WIND!!!


Well, being a smart cunt, I had the idea I'd go to the most exposed area of coastline - a place called St Annes Head (which isn't A, but the point at the very bottom of this image..).

I basically planned to check out what those kind of winds felt like FULL ON!!! as well as having a good look at the waves and that....

So, I cycled around there alright (from the finger on the right of the map into the villlage and back out in an upside down V formation)

The route was pretty well sheltered, right until the last bit where I had to ditch the bike and lean into the wind, so as to get right to the cliffs edge...


Well, I lay there on my stomach getting battered and watched the waves crashing in..

It was pretty decent - felt a bit like being lightly pummeled in the face by a crap boxer...


After an hour or so, I got bored, so I walked - or rather was push blown back towards the bike..

And it was soon after I picked up my stead, that I got into difficulties...

Yes boss, whereas I could lean into the wind on the way in, the opposite was the case on the way out. I was therefore getting blown in the winds direction - which wasn't the direction I wanted to be going in...

Pace by pace, I was getting blown off the road, into the ditch and onto fence that bordered it...

The winds force was irresistible and to cut about 15 minutes of struggling short - I ended up squashed between the wind and the barbed wire fence and I couldn't fucking well move..


Well shit, I could have still been there now, had it not have been for 2 nice farmers passing by, who hoiked me off the fence and into the landrover and back down into the sheltered valley......

They were being all polite about it, but I could hear their farmer like brains thinking

'STUPID ENGLISH CUNT!!!'


That days troubles didn't end there though...

When I got back to the Fort, I found my keys were locked inside my room - so I had to get a fucking ladder out and climb in through the bastard window.

Fortunately, my window was on the sheltered side, where there was no discernible wind at all, I therefore didn't get blown out to sea - it was however a little precarious all the same..


So, to hear more wind, be sure to download Casa Hasa Giovanna Episode 9...

Oh and does anyone fancy doing Episode 10???

I'm struggling..

It needs to be done by next Wednesday, has to have a theme running through it, must not contain any Radiohead or Oasis, and has to come in on the nail of 69:23...

If you reckon you can do it, message me with your proposal..

Currently listening : Windy City Breakdown By Jonathan Cain Band Release date: 2006-01-17