Madonna in the Hall Of Fame???

Madonna in the Hall Of Fame???
Current mood: SANTA MARIA!!!
Category: SANTA MARIA!!! Music

Having watched these clips concerning the new book about Madge by her miffed borther Chris, Mrs Giovanni and myself engaged in a thorough discussion as to whether Madge has an iconic legacy that will last way beyond her death...


Mrs G's impression is that Madonna is one of the most important women this century has seen - a symbol of popular female empowerment and strength, who's legacy will exist for centuries...

I see her point - that Madge has gone way beyond music alone and that this diversity of skills and (mainly business) achievements, will ensure her status...

But if that's the case, she'll be an icon of industry, business and celebrity and not music...


Yes boss, as far as I can see, Madonna's key ability has been to 'spin' and sell her image and that when her self run PR machine finally dies down, what'll be left in peoples heads is 'The Immaculate Collection' and not very much else....

Her music certainly doesn't have anything like the power or soul of Edith Piaf, Maria Callas or Billie Holiday and those are the kind of performers who last

And besides, up to now, history has only romanticised and iconified those female performers who've battled addictions and/or died young...


What do you think???

Currently listening : Maria Callas - Life & Art (2 CD's & Bonus DVD) Release date: By 2004-11-16

1:35 - 21 Comments - 14 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove -

	maryJane	i got the immaculate collection a few years back...and im pretty satisified that i-ve got the best of madonna, in her entirety, right there. but id trade that in for some edith piaf lps in a heartbeat !! Posted by maryJane on 16 Jul 2008, 06:35 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF CUDDLING POP BLOG BY PG£ :	The thing I've noticed with every Madonna LP is how many duff tracks there are - not average or ordinary tracks, but DUFF tracks!! Musically speaking, the ones who last are the ones with the greatest sensitivites, emotions and souls... Those aren't the kind of words you really associate with Madge.. Are business people ever remembered with much love?? Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF CUDDLING POP BLOG BY PG£ : on 16 Jul 2008, 08:19 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	simon	At her very best she is a great singles artist, and at her very worst she is a needy needy whore who would sell her second hand shit stained knickers if she thought she could get someone to pay enough money for em! Posted by simon on 16 Jul 2008, 18:10 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Nonstop Everything	as i was scrolling through my blog subcriptions, i read the title of this entry as "madonna in the hell of fame???" no other thoughts on this. Posted by Nonstop Everything on 16 Jul 2008, 21:05 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF CUDDLING POP BLOG BY PG£ :	That would have been a better title.... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF CUDDLING POP BLOG BY PG£ : on 16 Jul 2008, 21:32 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Wendy	Tut tut PG. You'd think the Pop genre had never been invented. Wasn't Piccasso a fairly astute business man? It doesn't detract from his talent...and in common with Madonna's work some of it is a bit crap. Prolific doesn't necessarily mean consistent. Personally I really like the tracks I've heard from her new Lp. But that's just me. Ta-ta. Posted by Wendy on 16 Jul 2008, 21:22 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF CUDDLING POP BLOG BY PG£ :	I take the point, but I don't think Madge is in the same league (in terms of talent) as Picasso... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF CUDDLING POP BLOG BY PG£ : on 16 Jul 2008, 21:30 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Roger The Record Producer	You should read my latest re Madge. Let's call her X. R Posted by Roger The Record Producer on 17 Jul 2008, 12:20 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF CUDDLING POP BLOG BY PG£ :	BLIMEY!!! THE FIRST BEGINNING TO END MADGE LP IS A-COMING!!! Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF CUDDLING POP BLOG BY PG£ : on 17 Jul 2008, 13:47 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF CUDDLING POP BLOG BY PG£ :	(that should have read 'THE FIRST BLINDING BEGINNING TO END MADGE LP IS A-COMING!!!') Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF CUDDLING POP BLOG BY PG£ : on 17 Jul 2008, 15:59 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	The Official Artist aka Uma Thorax	I would like to go on record as saying that Madonna is Great, with a capital G...!!!! Posted by The Official Artist aka Uma Thorax on 17 Jul 2008, 15:41 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF CUDDLING POP BLOG BY PG£ :	As what - an icon or a musical force...?!? Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF CUDDLING POP BLOG BY PG£ : on 17 Jul 2008, 15:50 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	The Official Artist aka Uma Thorax	BOTH!!! Posted by The Official Artist aka Uma Thorax on 17 Jul 2008, 15:58 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	The Official Artist aka Uma Thorax	...(I may have missed the point of this blog post!) Posted by The Official Artist aka Uma Thorax on 17 Jul 2008, 16:07 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF CUDDLING POP BLOG BY PG£ :	Not at all - you've answered the question... Which albums other than the IC are worth the admission fee??? Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF CUDDLING POP BLOG BY PG£ : on 17 Jul 2008, 16:23 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	The Official Artist aka Uma Thorax	Well for me, the mid to late 80s stuff is the best...preferably on cassette tape! Listening to the 'True Blue' album brings back poignant reminders of my 12 year old self... Her first three albums are well worth the admission fee (or naughty download time and effort)...Madonna (1983), Like A Virgin (1984) and True Blue (1986). Posted by The Official Artist aka Uma Thorax on 17 Jul 2008, 16:49 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Clinker	Like a Prayer is quite a consistantly good album. Smelt nice too!!! I hope history looks back on these days as pure consumerism. She will be remembered, but what kind of legacy will she leave?? Posted by Clinker on 17 Jul 2008, 14:47 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF CUDDLING POP BLOG BY PG£ :	This is where Mrs G's maths adds up - the times are consumerism, and Madge is an icon of her times... Whether you or I are a fan of consumerism is unimportant... The artists job is to reflect their times... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF CUDDLING POP BLOG BY PG£ : on 17 Jul 2008, 14:56 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	they came from the stars, i saw them	i think mark manning summed madge up the best in 'Bad Wisdom'. For those of you that haven't read it...go and read it! hj ;o) Posted by they came from the stars, i saw them on 19 Jul 2008, 14:40 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	: THE FUTUREPROOF CUDDLING POP BLOG BY PG£ :	That was certainly a very interesting take... Posted by : THE FUTUREPROOF CUDDLING POP BLOG BY PG£ : on 19 Jul 2008, 23:25 [Remove] [Reply to this]

r

the material girl's greatest talent is being the material girl. Posted by r on 20 Jul 2008, 19:55 [Remove] [Reply to this]

My name is Paul Pious James Deman Giovanni £rd and I’m not an alcoholic....

Current mood: AMY’S RIGHT...
Category: AMY’S RIGHT... Religion and Philosophy

So, I've just finished reading a book called

You'll Never Eat Lunch in this Town Again By Julia Phillips

Written the producer of films such as Close Encounters, The Sting & Taxi Driver, it's a spin of a read around the life of a Hollywood producer, and it's taken something in the region of 5 months to wade from cover to cover....

At times blatherous, difficult to follow and drifting; at times incisive and brave, I'd recommend it if you've got the time to go through 629 pages...

If not, here follows my favourite bit


'AA people will tell you that every junkie is the same. That every drug is the same. That there are rules principles, steps that everyone who is addicted to something can take that will help to stop the addiction. I know a lot of people, alive as well as dead, who have cleaned up behind AA. They do seem to get somewhat addicted to AA, but over the years, I have decided that this is quibbling....

I do really have a problem with the 'same' concept. If every junkie is the same, that is essentially saying that every human being is the same. That denies out specialness, our uniqueness. AA aficianados will tell you that you haven't really 'gotten it' if you don't surrender to the concept of sameness. You're the same as the wino on skid row. I'm the same as you if I love coke and you love smack, but those choices bespeak antithetical personalities. AA will tell you that you don't want to feel real feelings, so you take drugs to avoid them, but I think that is discounting a whole bunch of drugs that do take you further. Inside. Outside. Upside and Downside. In the feeling department. In the thinking department. In the sensation department. As it were.

As a thir generation astheist, I have serious trouble with the Higher Power precept upon which AA so heavily relies. See, I think that you take more responsibility for yourself if you don't believe in God than if you do. The I'm-one-of-God's-children-He-will-forgive-me concept has become so much more popular than the I-am-unique-and-possibly-alone-therefore-accountable-for-myself-and-my-behaviour school that it really should not be surprising to us that we have become so greedy and unethical and immoral.

People who don't believe in God are stuck with believing in Mankind. As they get older, if they have an IQ over 120, they come to realise what a colossal waste of time that is. Also as they get older, more and more of their friends die. They start to believe in mankind less. They then go one of two ways: either they get better with themselves or they go back to God. I get better with myself. And worse with Mankind. But I am forty-four and have smoked all my life, not to mention all those dangerous drugs.

And fuck it, I am just a speck of sand under the fingernail of a larger being, who is just a speck of sand under the fingernail of a larger being, etc., in a universe that is either expanding or contracting and is probably random.

'Christ it's beginning to feel like an alternative religion,' I say to Brooke one day, complaining.

What is it with these kids anyway? I want to tell them, Fuck, I got to shoot off a pretty good wad, professionally speaking, before I decided to retire into drugs full time. Where do you get offshooting smack behind three episodes of McGyver?

'Please, in Hollywood it's a dating service...'
'It's certainly a career step....'

Currently reading : You'll Never Eat Lunch in This Town Again By Julia Phillips Release date: 2002-04-02

This weeks list pt2....

Current mood: ELECTRICITY!!!!
Category: ELECTRICITY!!!! Music

Dizzee Rascal - Maths & English (2007)

After his opening LP Boy In Da Corner, I felt Mr R would be a very exciting place to be come album number 3 - and here it is....

And I don't much like it...

The thing I wanted to see developed was the moody soulful observational side of things - instead Dizzee drifts further pop without that much warmth...

I don't necessarily blame or hate him for it - it's just not my flagon of juice..

Foals

As with the LCD SS, there's a big old bag full of hype surrounding this act, but so far I'm not quite recieving it...

I've only heard one LP it's name illudes me - suffice to say, it sounded like a more thoroughly produced version of Franz Ferdinand....


Lee 'Scratch' Perry - Party Time

WHEN PERRY'S MANNING THE DESK IT'S ALWAYS PARTY TIME...!!

AKA

Quintessential reggae

Battles - Mirrored (2007)

This is pretty clever and I think I like it

But as Dan says in Episode 7 of Casa Hasa Giovanna (freely downloadable by clicking the picture)

'They're not bad - but they do sound a little bit like King Crimson....'

Midnight Star - The Beginning (1978)

This is super happy jam jam music...

Opening track Keep The Spirits High is my track of the week....

I'd be amazed if Radiohead are fans....

Prince - For You & Musicology

PRINCE IS A MONSTER!!!

He scares me, and the opening track from For You (his first LP) is quite astounding in it's statement of intent...

Basically, it's a better introduction of what's to come, than Genesis is to the Bible...

Musicology is a bit on the duff side, though I like the drama of A Million Days


And finally....


Mika Vainio - Richie Hawtin Remixes (2007)

This is a delightful 12" which as it's name suggests is a couple of unamed tracks by Panasonics Mika Vainio toyed with by Richie Hawtin...

We're talking light, bright, minimal techno with all sorts of crystal good play...

THIS IS VERY VERY GOOD INDEED!!!!

Currently listening : The Beginning By Midnight Star Release date: 1999-12-09

This weeks list pt1....

Current mood: WRISTY..
Category: WRISTY.. Music

More sifting and sorting - here's thoughts on this weeks aural intake in 2 parts...


Bryan Ferry

I don't quite get Ferry's solo career.

The only stuff I like is the odd cover version (of which there are many)

I find the rest annoyingly flouncey - at least the 2 LPs (Bete Noire & Mamouna) I've thus far heard are...

Common - Finding Forever

I love the production and I'm sure Noel Gallagher does too...

How Lilly Allen found her way onto the ship is anyones guess...


Faith No More - Album of the Year

I'm a big fan of FNM.

They were one of the few bands branded as being heavy metal that managed to switch and slide out of the strict conservatism of the genre.

However Album of The Year strikes me as being a pretty plain LP from a band a little way past their energetic peak..

P J Harvey - To Bring You My Love

This is by far and away my favourite PJ Harvey record: Raw, heavy and devastatingly simple..


Sparks

This weeks Sparks LPs has been A Woofer in Tweeters Clothing & Angst In My Pants...

As complete albums neither have blown up the fireworks factory - though individual tracks in particular Instant Weight Loss have.

I think the only narrow criticism I have of Sparks, is that at times the formular of simple clever and catchy lyrics and route one tunes becomes a little bare and samey.

All my favourite LPs of theirs are a little thicker in production than these two...

Kraftwerk - Aerodynamik / La Forme Hot Chip remixes

These are both pretty ordinary.

I prefer Aerodynamik of the two but as with the new Hot Chip album there's a complete lack of wow factor...

I therefore prescribe the 'Chip to watch the last 10 years Tour De Frances on DVD, then race down to Alp D'huez for next Tuesdays high altitude heroics...

If new climbing sensation Riccardo Ricco doesn't mince the field into small palpating pieces, I'll be amazed...

LCD Soundsystem

Having listened to both LPs in some detail - I still don't get all the hype with this lot.

At times, them and their label is likened to Mohammed and Jesus eating toast on a carpet - but it all sounds very ordinary (even dull) to me....

Currently listening : To Bring You My Love By PJ Harvey Release date: 1995-02-28

The main problem with relieving poverty...

Current mood: STATING THE OBVIOUS...
Category: STATING THE OBVIOUS... Religion and Philosophy

is that as soon as people don't have to worry about basics like food and water, they start worrying about cars, microwaves, satelitte TV, gold and other shit that's bad for the environment...

And this is what the folk who say SAVE THE WORLD AND END WORLD POVERTY!!! neglect to add up...

Save the starving, and you've got another few billion people who want to live like Bono....

RAY OF LIGHT....

Current mood: THE SUN IS YELLOW
Category: THE SUN IS YELLOW Music

I know I shouldn't be sharing this with folk who aren't from East London, but there were a few good bits in that Love Box mag (brought to you by Dan 'Mr Bigstuff' ONeill)....

Here's one...

SELF LOVE IN A BOX...

Current mood: HIGHLY AMUSED...
Category: HIGHLY AMUSED... Music

It's been another very busy day for Paul Pious James Deman Giovanni £rd...

Cricket on the radio: 10.45am - 19.00pm
Tour de France on the LIVE TYPE: 12am -14.30pm
Tour De France on the TV: 14.30pm - 16.30pm
Scottish Open Golf on the TV: I6.30-17.00pm


Then there's been the further analysis of the record collection, and the clearing of the backlog of music magazines and newspapers that are haunting Fort Giovanna like dying plants...


Specifically I've been reading a small publication called Love Box...

Love Box is a preview book/promo item for the Lovebox Music Festival which is to take place in the same park that hosted Radioheads whinge fest a coupla weeks back...

Originally located in Clapham, Lovebox has been going on for a few years now, but I'm yet to attend...

Mrs G and one of her sisters managed it a few years ago, but neither came back that excited...

I may go this year...

Yes boss, I badly need to see both Seun Kuti & The Flaming Lips - but I don't have the cash to buy a ticket....


Anyway, this publication is the kind of EAST LONDON IS THE CENTER OF THE FUCKING WORLD!!!! rag, that makes everyone else in the UK and in fact the rest of the world, draw the conclusion that everyone who lives in East London is a self important fashionista cunt....

Yes boss, it's loaded with the general premise that if you're not in East London wearing some jauntily fashionable coloured clothing and pretending to be talented - you might as well be dead


The hoot for me with this magazine, was several fold along these lines (I live in East London - I kow the place is full of some of the most fake, unoriginal and uninteresting creative people the world has to offer) - but below is the thing that tickled me the most...


About half way through there's a photo piece called 'There Goes the Neighbourhood'

Here's the blurb:

They are movers, they are shakers. Artists, designers, chefs. They run galleries, magazines, the most happening bars anywhere (quite seriously) And they are all connected to east London. please meet arguably the most culturally influential group of people in the world right now. We thank you.

Following this is a 9 PAGE?!?!? line up of these 45 heads from the scene, all standing there looking moody, against a white wall, underneath which sits a brief description of who they are and why they are important...


Of course my first response to this was...

HAHA HHAAAAAA HA AH HAAA HAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

THE VANITY!!!!


And my second response, was to see who all these people are and to see if anyone making the selection had had the good sense to photoshop me PG£ into shot at number 23...


But no, there was no Giovanni - instead it was the usual dull old suspects:

Tracey Emin, the landlady of the Golden Heart pub, a few artists, designers and restauarnteers who's importance in normal people lives is on a par with that of the 14th man to climb Mount Everest in 2003...

Many of the faces are essentially good creative bussinessmen - the kind who think that because they work in creative or related businesses in EAST LONDON, they're only a little less important than Dostoyevsky...


Anyway, the biggest laugh of all, is that the first guy in this line up is a guy called Dan O'Neil...

WHO THE FUCK IS DAN O'NEIL??? I hear you shout?!?!

Dan O'Neil is the guy who published this book and the guy who organises Lovebox....

HA HA HAAAA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAA!!!!


(Mind you, you've got to admire the front of it - I mean who the fuck else would do a list like that and put themselves at the top of it?????)

(apart from me....)

REMASTERING AND THE CULT OF THE FLAT....

Current mood: BECAUSE YOUNG PEOPLE HAVE NEVER HEARD THE ORIGINAL
Category: BECAUSE YOUNG PEOPLE HAVE NEVER HEARD THE ORIGINAL Music

Here we go with what could be both the longest and the last extract from Mark E Smiths wonderful autobiography....

As I've said before this is as good a piece of music writing as you'll read this year - so be sure to catch the book in full as soon as the piggy bank allows...


'I remember recording 'Mr Pharnmacist' at Abbey Road in the mid 80s around the time when CDs were the new thing. The second day I was there I walked up the stairs to the cutting room and I couldn't get in the door due to a stack of mail. I asked one of the producer guys what it was, and he told me it was complaint mail for The Beatles. The Beatles were one of the first bands to get the whole re-issue treatment, but the fans couldn't listen to it. Years of listening to the original vinyl and then this...to them it might as well have been a differnt band.

People aren't as daft as you think. There were so many of these letters they had to stick them in the back room - they couldn't answer them.

It's the same with Elvis. 'Heartbreak Hotel' on CD is almost a completely different song from on vinyl. You've got forty-odd tracks to monkey around with on CD, and not four - as was the case with the original recording. And you can hear all these nonsense noises. It's flat. Instead of having all the sounds at the front, like they did with the original, they've flattenned it out across forty-odd tracks; one here, one there.

What a lot of people don't realise is that you've got these total strangers in the cutting room fiddling around - that's what they mean by re-mastered. You might as well ask a fellow in the pub to do it, at least he'll have some knowledge of the music he's butchering. It'd probably work out better that way. It's not as if the people working on the re-mastering give a shit about the acts - to them it's just a new way to waste time, and the record companies know full well that they'll wangle a bit more dough out of it. It's just dolling up the dead. Instead of using their energy to promote the living they'd rather go down the Burke and Hare path. They always make a big thing out of it as well : the re-mastered version. It's just another cynical record company trick. How many versions of Sgt Pepper can one man own? The daft thing is that now people do buy that shit. they must have rocks in their head. It's a racket. We're living in a re-issue world filching from the past like magpies with a Tardis. I used to take tape recordings of the original vinyl on tour with me. Record them in the kitchen on to tape. You get a bit of fuzz on it, but it sounds better than the CD. Tapes and vinyl are very underrated. It's like the difference between reading a book and reading something on a computer.'


Taken from Renegade: The Lives & Tales Of Mark E Smith By Mark E Smith

99 PROBLEMS AND SIENNA MILLER ISN’T 1....

Current mood: HIT ME!!!!
Category: HIT ME!!!! Jobs, Work, Careers

I knew yesterday was trouble from the moment I woke up to Mrs Giovanni answering the phone to Andrea...

Andrea is a man: Specifically an Italian Paparazzo - and when he calls at that time of day, it nearly always means Mrs G is to be on the phone for the entire day, acting (on her supposed day off) as the bridge between the picture agency that pays her very low wages, and the men in the field getting the Italian pictures...


And this is indeed what happenned...

Yes boss, yesterday was one long papo-operation co-ordinated and controlled LIVE from Fish Island - and though I don't like to encourage this kind of low-brow thin livered activity in my own front room, on this occasion, my hands were tied....

You see, not only is my front room also Mrs Giovanni's front room - but at that exact moment, it was more hers than mine on account of my only having half the due rent...

I was therefore forced to bin my reservations completely and instead sit in, listen and offer my worldly advice as to how to procede (as if I know the first thing about negotiating deals with Italian Paprazzo's)


So here we go with a brief and EXCLUSIVE OVERVIEW of the story behind todays page 3's in both The Sun & The Star...


Right....

Those of you who have have better things to do with your lives than to mawkish follow the life of dull celebrities, won't know that ham-inherited actress Sienna Miller is in Italy with the unfeasibly named Balthazar Getty - heir to the Getty fortune.

Yes boss, having dumped piece of rough Rhys Ifans (co-star of Notting Hill) Sienna has moved up market and gone for someone REALLY REALLY STINKING RICH!!!

Now, this is obviously celeb slut heaven, and so, there's big money to be made - especially since having been discovered on the nest with Sienna, Mr Getty had (it was said) gone to Italy to attempt to reconcile with his wife and mother (whose name is tatooed upon his heart) of his 4 children - only to be followed (for some strange reason) by both Sienna and her mother.....


Well, yesterdays action started with this phone call with Andrea being pretty sure he'd nailed the hotel they were all in..He was waiting outside - but he wanted to be sure they were all inside....

'Why don't you call the hotel and ask to speak to her??' He suggested to Mrs G...

For once Mrs G does as she's told

She speaks to reception of this hotel in Napples and asks to speak to Jo Miller - Siennas mother...

Expecting to at least be asked for a name or reason for calling, she waits on the line - AND FINDS SHE'S PUT STRAIGHT THROUGH!!!

'OH, IS THAT JO MILLER???'

'Yes'

'OH, UMMM....OH!!!' Mrs G panics 'ERRRR....I'LL CALL YOU RIGHT BACK!!!!!!'


THE EAGLE HAS LANDED!!!!


Next up it's a call from Renato.

Renato is another Italian Paparazzo and he's been stalking Sienna and co for 3 days with his 4 paparazzo friends.

Earlier in the week, Renato lied that he'd been there looking for the party for a day, but that Sienna (and he) had left - he later admits he had in fact, been staking the place out all along and had lied as a red herring, so as to maintain exclusivity of the photos and the big money...


Renato is not overjoyed to hear that Andrea is now in town...


So, to cut a long story short, the chasing, following and ping back phonecalls go back and forth all day long:

First it's Sienna on the balcony, then Sienna topless on the balcony, then Sienna naked on the balcony, then Sienna gets some clothes on and they go and grab a boat, and Renato and friends grab another boat and the chase continues...

The result is that between the 5 of them (Andrea, Renato & 3 other paparazzos - all of whom Mrs G convinces to sell exclusively to Big Pictures), they get a few hundred shots of Sienna and Getty Boy gallivanting semi-naked on a boat and on a balcony, in what looks to be beautiful sunshine...

It's tabloid heaven...


So, the pictures are bagged and ftped to the UK.

Then follows a good old fashioned Italian bout of arguing amongst the paparazzos about who has what rights for what and at what percentage of the cash - I can see the furious hand gestures and hear the beachside sun drenched shouting from 1300 miles away....


Eventually a compromise deal is struck...


Menawhile I'm sitting around the house tending my blogs like flowers and taking it all in...

It was just like being in La Dolce Vita - except Mrs G and me were here on Fish Island, and all the Fellini fun was being had on a beach in Napples

Oh well...


So today the pictures go in the papers...

£15,000 is paid by The Sun & £10,000 by The Star for the joint exclusive rights..

The photographers get 70%, the agency 30%, Mrs G makes a compelling case for a new pay rise - and as per usual, I get fuck all, except a little less hassell about the rent and something to write about....


'Keep up the entrepreneurial work!!' the boss says down the phone to Mrs G - his current favourite member of staff...

'I really think it's time you started working for The PGC' I say...

'When are you going to pay the rent??' Mrs G replies...

WHAT’S THIS SONG ABOUT BRYAN????

Current mood: MILTON KEYNES???!!!
Category: MILTON KEYNES???!!! Music

PECULIAR NEW ADVERTS NO2

Current mood: FREELOADERS OF THE WORLD UNITE!!!!
Category: FREELOADERS OF THE WORLD UNITE!!!! Movies, TV, Celebrities

PECULIAR NEW ADVERTS NO1

Current mood: CONFUSED!!!!
Category: CONFUSED!!!! Music

HOW FUCKING ODD IS THIS?????

It leads me to ask 3 Questions:

1 - Sir Paul: If you're so keen to aid the disabled - why did you make such a fuss about issuing your ex-wife with a decent divorce settlement...???

2 - YOU'RE LOADED - WHY DON'T YOU GIVE THE PARAOLYMPIANS THE FUCKING MONEY - YOU SEEM TO HAVE PLENTY AND I'M SKINT....!!!

3 - It says that at least 70p of the £1.50 you get for texting 'GOLD' goes to the athletes - where in the hell does the other 80p go????

THOUGHTS ON THE DENIAL OF MORRISSEY...

Current mood: RELAX CHARMING MAN....
Category: RELAX CHARMING MAN.... Music

I was reading Mojo Magazine today...

This doesn't happen very often - I generally find the magazine to be very boorish and almost completely lacking in humour...


The copy I was reading, was celebrating amongst other things 'indie'

The intro to this piece suggests that 'indie' was a fundamentally British phenomena (what musical genre hasn't been claimed as being so at some point or other???)

It then went through what it termed to be 50 essentially 'indie' tracks...


Number 1 of these was 'This Charming Man' by The Smiths....

Thereafter followed a couple of pieces about The Smiths featuring interviews and viewpoints on The Smiths from a variety of sources...


The Morrissey feature supposed the private hell his highness must have gone through when The Smiths was over. It discusses the singularity and ultra private nature of his character - about how it was given an outlet by Johnny Marrs jingly jangly guitars, and how that outlet was then ripped from him - how would he react...?!?!

It then goes onto to compare and contrast Morrisseys insular homosexuality with Frankie Goes To Hollywoods IN YER FACE!!!! version - both of which were on show (or not as the case may be) at that time...

The thing that interests me here is the role repression and denial plays in the pursuance of long term creativity...

Yes boss, I've been running over the view this last while, that it pays to keep yourself locked up in some way or another, to be able to continue to create things.

Denial or obstruction forces an outlet whereas easy expression doesn't - and every good entertainer knows to leave your audience always wanting more....


As many of you will know, I live with an Italian and Italians don't make any effort to keep anything in and though they might be generally very happy people, they aren't well known for producing good contemporary music.

No boss, the only stuff of interest they produce (that i know of) is high energy up tempo stuff. Meanwhile Britain is time and time again the place where music - particularly deep and dark music evolves and expands..


Morrisssey is a key example...

Could Morrissey have come from anywhere else???

And what percentage of his continued appeal has to do with his dark brooding mystique?!?

Unlike Frankie and the boys, as far as I'm aware Morrissey hasn't even admitted to his homosexuality yet. It's widely assumed that's who and what he is - but he's never 'come out' and I'm willing to bet that should he ever do, it would finish his career....

This isn't because being gay is a problem (it's a career boost in the UK these days) but because it would kill his mystique...

The very fact that he keeps mystery about himself and his sexual habbits feeds his cult - it keeps people talking and wondering and theorising - and that is at least half the deal with being a long term musical icon...


Yes boss, 'all out' expression is all very well, but once it's done there isn't much else to say or hear and people move onto someone who's still repressed and troubled because that reflects what they appear to want from music.....


Frankie Goes To Hollywood are long gone, meanwhile Morrissey is still grinding it out....


Anyway, I'm listening to the 12" of Two Tribes tonight and it's one hell of a 12"...

It's almost completely introduction - in fact that whole LP is one of the most interesting pop LPs of that era....

12"S OF DOOM HOUSE....

Current mood: NOT IN THE VOID....
Category: NOT IN THE VOID.... Music

Exoterix - Void (1993)
Positiva


This is one of the most curious dance music 12"s I have...


On the surface it's a regular Positva release.

It has the same generic sleeve as the rest - and you're basically expecting the usual hands in the air 'YEAH WE'RE HAVING IT!!!' kinda house music upon which Positiva have made their name....

But the lyric in this case is far from uplifting

'There's a void where there should be ecstacy'

is repeated time and time again.

Underneath this dark old vocal, you've got this moody, driving set of sounds.that are about as bleak as House Music gets - it's that kind of 'GOTTA GET THROUGH THIS!!' feel you get when the drugs aren't quite working the way you'd like - it's the beat taking you through to the end OR ELSE!!!

Check this video of the Diss Cuss mix on YouTube - even that goes appropriately BLACK!!!

Basically, this record is the sound of a comedown, and perhaps not just an individuals, so much as 'Rave' Cultures....

Yes boss, this record was made in 1993 - the free parties were over, the 'summer of love' was ancient history, ecstacy was becoming crap, and the record business was getting it's teeth firmly into the genre to make the whole acid house craze just another well regulated entertainment business...

The party was largely over


If this was the case, then no-one can have told DJ Roland (Es Paradis) who tries his best to funk the whole thing up with some jaunty piano lines on his B-side mix..

Then there's the Funkycats Subrosa Bonus Mix which is even stranger?!?!?


Anyway, I like to listen to this record once in a while as a curiosity - but I can't imagine when it would've been played in a club?!?

I guess maybe as a starter. Perhaps a good DJ would use it dull the crowd down, then break in half way through with another far more cheerful record to create an endorphin like rush from bottom to top...?!?!

When else??

Can you imagine being half way through a pill on a Friday night and hearing a track hammering on about there being

'A void where there should be ecstacy'


Listening to this and Portisheads new LP earlier in the week has helped me to understand my essential beef with downbeat music.

Such music can be technically excellent, brilliantly produced and fantastically expressive - but when do you play it???

As I found out earlier this week, playing Portishead in a bad mood made me feel worse and I sure as shit ain't gonna be listening to something that dismal when I'm on a high?!?

So when?!?!

paulgiovanni.com V3

Current mood: CLOSER AND CLOSER...
Category: CLOSER AND CLOSER... Music

So here we go with V3 of www.paulgiovanni.com....


The main improvements this time are as follows:

* You can now recieve blog updates by email or RSS feed to a newsreader

* You can search the full 900 PG£ blogs from the front page in an instant

* The shabby links page is back

* The Staff accomodation has undergone refurbishment

* And that's about that....


As I've said before this is a year long development, so what's there now is far from the finished BIG boy, but it's building well....

Yes boss, what i like today I often consider to be badly amateurish 10 days later....


Any broken links. pictures or suggestions for improvements are very welcome below...

A FEW THINGS....

Category: Music

You know I was criticising Sat Nav the other week?!?

Well the very next day, I took Tom Tom in the car I was being driven in and I immediately fell in love with it...

Yes boss, I now officially LOVE AND ENDORSE SAT NAV!!!!

What's so good???

Well, it isn't so much the directions bit as the level of stats you get with which to enlighten your journey...

Yes boss, you've got:

Your speed and the speed limit (with beeping noises when you consistently exceed it), there's the estimated time of arrival, distance to your next turn off, notification of speed cameras, the position of the satellittes etc...

It was great, I was sat studying the thing, and Mrs G was driving. It was just like being in a Rally car..

'THIS IS A 40 MPH ZONE YOU'RE ONLY GOING 38MPH MRS GIOVANNI!!!' I would say 'LET'S NUDGE IT UP BY 2!?!'

'................'

'THIS THING SAYS WE'RE GOING TO BE THERE AT 14.38 AND I THINK WE NEED TO BE THERE AT 14.30 - WHEN WE GET TO THIS MOTORWAY IN 2.4 MILES, I WANT YOU TO PUT YOUR FOOT ON IT FOR 8.7 MILES!!!! WE HAVE TO BEAT THIS BASTARD!!!!'

'.................'

'CAMERAS!!!!!!'

'I KNOW, I KNOW!!!!!'

'OK, NOW SETTLE DOWN AND CONCENTRATE - 94MPH IS PUSHING IT FOR THIS KIND OF A ROAD, WE'RE COMING UP TO A RESIDENTIAL AREA IN 0.8 MILES!!!!'

It was a whole bundle of laughs.


Oh and if you haven't heard or downloaded this yet, don't forget too - it's the best episode yet!!!

To sample a LIVE THEY CAME FROM THE STARS set be sure to tune into Jon Kennedys XFM show online or on the radio tomorrow (Wednesday 9th July) between 10PM and 1AM GMT...

As I understand it the full set will be available for download as well, so keep an eye on it...

And to buy the lovely new Stars LP, you can click either of these or better still harass your local retailer...

Lastly, how about this out from the G8 summit...

Watch as Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi tries to interest French PM Sarcozy in blowing kisses to the Japanesse girls...

Berlusca might have the politics of an ass, but I was hugely entertained by his schoolboy enthusiasm and Sarcozys wagging finger of dismissal at the very idea - I mean, lets not forget Sarcozy's married to a pro-whore...

And Silvio should have been a rock star....




I also really enjoyed the bit just before this, when they were all stood in a line against a wall...

I was thinking:

'MACHINE GUN!!!! QUICK GET THE FUCKING MACHINE GUN!!!!!'

I LUV U BOW E3 PT5 :: WORLDS COLLIDE

Current mood: SHAMELESS....
Category: SHAMELESS.... Music



So what does Iggy Pop have to do with all this

Well, very little except we're papering the newspaper to the walls and Chanel asks me what I'd normally be doing on a Saturday...

'Whatever I like..' I reply

and it all goes quiet for some time...


It's that kind of a situation where you know there's a certain type of conversation which'll work..

This talk has to revolve around gentle horseplay.

It has to be continually indicating that you believe Chanel to be desireable, interesting and worth flirting with - and - if you were to be granted the chance YOU WOULD!! OH FUCK YEAH!!!!

But the problem for me is I'm irritated by her, in fact I'm more interested in annoying her as I was annoyed the previous day by her lack of help....

I find her essentially quite boring and I'm sure she feels likewise about me..

So I delight in being obsequious, silent and difficult..


As a result of this rather turgid state of affairs, as soon as the newspaper is pasted, Chanel returns to one of the boys who'll do the flirt talk all day long and I stand back and admire our work - except I don't much. I think the newspaper looks shit, but the Director is convinced otherwise, and he's the boss and certainly knows what he can make look good on a film better than I do...


But the job is mostly done, so I can sit back, watch and listen...


I find I like the Grime boys a lot.

They're some of the most polite and pleasant folk I've met in a while - they have a geniune one for all and all for one mentality going on. They often talk about what is and isn't Hip Hop, much like people used to talk about what was and wasn't Rock 'N' Roll...

It reminds me once again of how culturally redundent anything that calls itself Rock 'N' Roll in 2007 is.

Seriously - kids being into the Rock 'N' Roll of today are an embarassment, that wave has passed right on by, the bands pushing it in 2007 are corpses on the firggin tideline...

Yes boss, by the end of the day, I feel I understand what is meant by 'Hip Hop Culture' a whole lot more than I ever have before.

It's a lot more than a type of music: It's a language, a style of dress, a set of attitudes and prejudices - it's a group identity deeply routed in black urban culture..

Which is wierd, because many of the white boys fathers were probably out and out racists.

How things have changed...


Some things don't change...

Chanel flirt chats all day with an endless round of suitors.

She has a boyfriend, he's a session drummer and now has a band who's name immediately leaves my head. She talks about him and another previous boyfriend...

His name?? Wiley

(I later find this cuddly picture of the pair of them on her spazz)




And that's about that....

Except to say that the filming goes on until past midnight, by which time and I've decided I can't be doing with any more work in the art department - whatever it was I wanted to learn, I've learnt...

Oh, and for the 2 weeks I'm bombarded by calls from the flats hire company about the runied flats...

Meanwhile Paul Giovanni £rd still hasn't interviewed Terror Danjah

And this is the video

I LUV U BOW E3 PT4 :: WORLDS COLLIDE (AN ASIDE)

Current mood: SMASH YOUR HEAD IN!!!
Category: SMASH YOUR HEAD IN!!! Music

About 6 years ago I went to see Iggy Pop at Brixton Academy...

Myself and Birthday Boy Tommy Nadir are a third off the front as support act Ptichshifter perform...


Pitchshifter are alright, but they are not mind blowing.

I get the impression this is the story of their career. Several times they've seemed to be right on the edge of big commercial and critical success - but it's never quite come off for them...


Anyway, Pitchshifter finish and I'm beginning to work out my strategy for getting to the front for Iggy.

Yes boss, Iggy is of course the type of performer for whom you need to be up close - and this is set to be the first time I've seen him do his thing, so it's vital...


So, as I'm downing my pints in readyment, this girl comes over and starts talking to me...

WHAT?!?!

I'm flatterred. I'M SINGLE!!!! I'M HAVEN'T HAD SEX FOR SOME MONTHS!!!! SHE'S PRETTY!!! THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT!!!!!!


BUT WAIT!!!


IGGY POP IS ON IN LESS THAN HALF AN HOUR!!!

And the last thing I need is to be doing is swaying gently at the back smooth talking or snogging...HELL NO, I NEED TO BE UP THE FRONT GETTING ELBOWED IN THE FACE BY A COMPLETE STRANGER!!!!!


The girl asks me what I do

'WHATEVER I LIKE' I YELL!!!

The girl doesn't look impressed with this answer, whereas I believe I am a genius for saying something so Iggy just as he's about to take the stage...


Well, time passes, my beers are almost done, this girl is still talking, Nadir is looking abandonned, Iggy is imminent and I am still a third way down the crowd..

It's time to get moving!!

I finish the beers, drop the glasses, try and kiss the girl, she pulls back, then walks away...

You can't win them all....


IGGY!!!!!!!



(PS)

I have since discovered that saying 'Whatever I Want!!!' isn't what many girls want to hear...

No boss, you're far better off saying 'Whatever You Want Dear!!!!'

Seriously...

I saw this item on the news a few years back about this 90 somethng year old couple who'd been married for 75 years and they still looked happy...

'What's the secret of such a long marriage?' The reporter asked

'Say 'Yes dear!' alot...' the man said smiling....

Currently listening : The Idiot By Iggy Pop Release date: 1992-06-29

HIGH TONE SAVE PORTISHEAD...

Current mood: CHEERED UP...
Category: CHEERED UP... Music

So, last night I decide I'm gonna have another go at this new supposedly excellent Portishead LP...

I have 3 copies of the LP courtesey of naughty downloads.

I find that when an LP is very new and popular, it's always worth downloading more than one copy, because people often play tricks with the content of the copy...


It was a good move, because of the 3 copies I find one is an empty folder/virus, the other 2 appear to be legit..

I pick the one with largest file sizes and I rig up a playlist that will ease me into it

Yes boss, support comes from Animal Collective & the darker end of FSOL..

I then stick the largest Portishead in and though as folder titles it shows up as Portishead it's labelled as 'High Tone' in my media player....


Who in the hell are 'High Tone'???

I try the other Portishead copy - it is Portishead...


Everything is ready - FSOL finishes and I am into Portishead..


I play 3 or 4 tracks, but this is not music the way I like it: It's dark, dismal, wisftul and bleak with no swing or bounce...

GIVE ME JOY GODDAMMIT!!!!


I persist, trying to appreciate the production, but by track 5 I'm becoming furious with the whinning English for their stupid fucking mournful indulgence. Of all nights, I thought I could handle them tonight - I'm feeling moody and negative emotional - SHIT!!! I MIGHT HAVE A PROPER JOB BY THIS TIME TOMORROW?!?! I feel as if I might be going to the gallows for a 4 month swing....

But Portishead are just making me feel worse...


I look further down my playlist for salvation...

So, WHO THE FUCK ARE THIS HIGH TONE?!?!?

It's time to find out - I press skip, then PLAY...


WHOOOOOOOAAAAAAAA!!!!

HIGH TONE ARE GREAT!!!!

BIG HEAVY SWING HEAVY DUB WITH AN EDGE OF INVENTION AND BIG BAAAAASSSSSS!!!!

COME ON!!!!!


FUCK OFF PORTISHEAD COME IN HIGH TONE!!!!!

Currently listening : Acid Dub Nukleik By High Tone Release date: 2004-02-02

I LUV U BOW E3 PT3 :: WORLDS COLLIDE

Current mood: WE CONTINUE...
Category: WE CONTINUE... Music

It's the day of the shoot and once again I'm up early...

I FEEL GOOD!!!

Yes boss, sometimes I completely ignore random phonecalls with stupid ideas. But other times, I become completely bought by the idea that 'SOMETHING' NEEDS TO BE DONE!!!! I then throw myself unreservedly into said challenge as if my life depends on it!!!

It's a kind of endurance and capabillities thing...

I reckon you have to test yourself from scratch once in a while or else lazziness creeps in..
.

So, I get to the studio and things are about half done as per the previous night - no magical set building fairy has come down overnight and made my life easy...

The Director figures we won't get shooting until about 11, so I figure I need to get the blackened room/wall (which IS painted) fitted up with the flourescant lights ASAP...


But before I can get seriously into that - we need power...

The problem is the building is some kind of an old clothes making sweatshop. It's littered with broken sewing machines and cotton and there's no power upstairs.

Cables have to be dropped and then there aren't the right connectors..?!?

I'm then off in the van, with producer Harry, looking for an open shop that stocks the right sockets..

It's moments like these when a serious panic can lead to the whole thing becoming a badly failed career stunting joke. But in this case, everyone keeps their cool admirably, we don't find the connectors, but return to find they aren't needed..


Power ready - I start on the lights...


Now when I hired these flats, I was instructed that they MUST NOT BE DAMAGED!!!

i.e.

If we were to wallpaper them with newspaper, they had to be done with tape that could easily be removed - not with wallpaper paste!!! There was to be no screwing into them either...

But the bottom line is that when there's a hurry on, these kind of rules have to be forgotten...

Yes boss, if the owner had supplied completely clean and new flats I wouldn't have had to spend an hour or more pulling off the fabric left on them by the last user - I therefore feel it's only right we return them scrappy too..

I figure that Mr Flats most likely sent us all his scrap heap flats and the rules he stated, therefore can't and don't apply....


It's as I'm drilling into these flats with gay abandon that the musicians and actors start to arrive...


Now, I've gone into this knowing nothing about who and what is involved other than there's a 'grime' side to it...

I'm also not doing the job under the name Paul Giovanni £rd..

No boss, I operate under a whole host of real and imagined names.

I like to keep different areas of life separate - it allows more room to make mistakes and good space to work undercover...


But it also causes complications

In this case, the complication is that the producer of the track is called Terror Danjah.


Now, about a month previously to film day, I've watched Mr Danjah do the soundtrack to Bladerunner in Startford, and since then (as Giovanni) I've been chasing Mr Danjah for an interview and insight into his operation. he's been reluctant to set a date - I get the impression he'd rather be playing with sound as opposed to discussing his favourite shoe size...

But now by a complete roundabout, I end up in a room with him and a number of his posse...

But I'm not Giovanni today?!?!?


Well shit, I like to play games, so I figure I'll wait for Mr D to recognise me - and if he doesn't, I'll keep quiet and watch him as he is and interview him later...


Well, Mr D doesn't recognise me and after much fucking about, I manage to get the flourescent tubes screwed into the flats - they look OK and the first scenes are shot.


Meantime I finally get my assistant on the job of helping out with the room that we'll use later...


This is about the first time I get to properly speak to 'My Assistant'

Chanel is a nice enough girl, but I'm not that convinced the driector's got her right...

No boss, I see a lot of beauty both supposed and real, and I've found there's a certain kind of girl/boy that's halfway there without having to do much - someone who has some kind of fizz about them that convinces people they're a whole lot more than they actually are...

Chanel is such a girl and finding common ground of substance is a struggle. The deal appears to be that you flirt or nothing...


We settle on Italy..

Chanel tells me she had an Italian boyfriend for 3 years.

He was called Paolo Giovanni....

I LUV U BOW E3 PT2 :: WORLDS COLLIDE

Current mood: MEMORIES...
Category: MEMORIES... Music

Regular readers will know I'm more than a small fan of a good digression and/or delay in writing Pt 2's, 3's and 4's - and here we go with one such...

Yes boss, the first part of this piece was written back in February and I had every intention of finishing Pts2 & 3 somewhen near then....

However puch came to shove, and I got distracted and have only now got around to it - so here we go with Pt2....

Pt 3 might well be imminent....



I LUV U BOW E3 PT2 :: WORLDS COLLIDE


So, I've mentioned before that I've had various involvements with film production and construction and one such time - in fact the last time I did so - I had a whole bunch of worlds collide and broke a whole load of sweat..

Yes boss, at the time, I was still thinking I might carve myself a little film making niche.

After starting working a few films on the bottomest rung (extras work) I figured I could maybe do half a job in film in some capacity, thus bringing in some cash, meeting handy people and doing something varried and interesting, whilst carrying on with the proper writing on the side until such a time as that was making money...


Well, a bit of back scratching later, a producer I'd come to know, got it into his head that I'd be good at doing 'art department and set design'...

I did a few bits and pieces for him including helping with this Abgott video

And a short film directed by a guy who used to do The Prodigy's visuals in which Christopher Cazenove (formerly Ben Carrington in Dynasty) head was removed via a few tricks..(the paddling pool's for the fake blood)

Well, it was all going OK. I was truning up, doing a half creditable job and paid work was starting to come my way...


So, one week I'm undergoing a week of heavy training with my Official Trainer in order to improve my writing, and I get a call from the a random saying my producer friend has passed him my number and that he has an unpaid job for me.

I don;t like the sound of 'unpaid' but I hear him out...

'Can you build me 2 rooms on Friday??'
'2 rooms on Friday??!?'
'Yes'
'In 2 days time Friday??'
'Yes'
'I have no idea, I've never built 2 rooms before'
'I have faith in you Paul'
'OK'


So, I meet the Director for a coffee and he tells me I need to hire something called 'Flats' he says you build them up into temporary rooms. He says he wants one of these temporary rooms painted black and covered in flourescent light tubes in stripes. He then wants the other one covered in wallpaper...

Now, I have no idea what I'm doing, and am completely fucking hopeless at DIY, but I figure it's all a challenge and I get ahold of these flats for a couple of hundred quid and drop them in the studio in Whitechapel on the Thursday night

The Director tells me I'll have an assistant (SHE'S FIT!! he says) to help out with assembly and decoration - so I figure between us we can get the job done and if we fuck it up I'll have a good story to write....


So, Friday comes and I get there EARLY EARLY with 2 drills and set about assembling these flats into rooms.

About 3 hours of puffing and sweating later, I'm making slow progress and the Director swans in like he's got all day.

With him is this girl who's supposed to be 'my assistant'.

Mr D asks me how it's going,

I say, I'm doing fine.

He says he's changed his mind and doesn't want newspaper on the walls he wants white paint instead.

He then says he's taking my assistant to help him buy a doll for use as a voodoo doll, and off they swan off leaving me to do the job...


Now, obviously wandering around the shops buying a voodoo doll takes 2 fucking people, whereas building and decorating 2 rooms inside a day takes one, - so I get on with my job (occasionally borrowing the assistant who's working on the lingerie shoot downstairs) whilst the Director and the girl he considers to be fit and 'My Assistant', swan about East London looking at dolls...


Well, about 8 or 9 hours in I have the walls standing, and I'm painting away...

At about 7pm, the Director and Producer and a couple of friends arrive together with 'My Assistant' and the flourescent lighting tubes...

I get about an hours work out of this girl, in which she manages to balls up a stencil and flirt more with the Director...

The Director then changes his mind again, decides that the white walls look crap and they need to be pasted - meantime the boys mainly sit around breaking balls, and with half the job done, the guy who owns the studio and lives downstairs kicks us out at about 9.30pm....

THE GIOVAN-OFFICE (DETAIL)

Current mood: PRESENT....
Category: PRESENT.... Jobs, Work, Careers

I TELL A LIE....

Current mood: SATISFIED....
Category: SATISFIED.... Web, HTML, Tech

Today, it wasn't all VVVRRRROOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!

and CLICK CLICK gear change...


I've also been sorting out my new cockpit.

Yes boss, with the impending likelihood of extra employment and a bairn, on top of my work as the worlds most vital music writer and social commenteer, I've been frantically working my office and V3 of paulgiovanni.com (yet to be released) into shape, so i can loose 9 hours a day, engage with childcare, and still function at the same high level you've become acquainted too...


Yes boss, whilst watching the sportsmen drive their things, I've been actively maximising and increasing the sphere and influence of my operation, whilst simulteaneously pausing a little and reorganising my financial flows in time for the arrival of Mini G and THE JOB!!!.

It's basically like dancing on the brakes and acclerator to maintain speed...

The bottom line is that I'm now running a grand total of 5 computers in shifts, so as to quickly cover all angles of Giovan-promotion and coercian...


THE NERVOUS BREAKDOWN AWAITS!!!!!


So, why aren't there a queue of canny cretivo-business folk offering to buy your soul and written skills for millions, so that you can sit in the sun and order minnions to sort your IT????

I hear you ask...

That, I will never know

and neither will they - because they're too busy promoting CRAP!!!

BLOODLESS....

Current mood: TIRED...
Category: TIRED... Music

JESUS CHRIST!!!!

I stumbled upon coverage of the O2 Wireless Festival today and it was the worst music TV I've seen since I watched highlights Glastonbury last week...

Why do these fucking presenters have to be so fulll of shit???

Everything is GREAT!!!! or FABTASTIC!!!!!

Why not just say:

'Here's the Wombats - they're a bucket of steaming crap!!! If I was you I'd go and take a shit now rather than waste any of your life watching them pretend to be energetic!!!!'


Festivals in particular, are a complete disaster at the moment.

Today I had a free ticket to go and see A Day At the Hop Farm

Neil Young was headlining, followed by my American friends Primal Scream, but I looked down the bill and couldn't find anything of interest - so I stayed at home here on Fish Island, saved myself the plastic beer glasses of piss water at £4 a hit, and instead spent an excellent day watching televised sport whilst doing the housework...

Yes boss, instead of standing about in showers pretending to be thrilled by mediocrity and fake authenticity, I watched a Grand Prix full of incident and drama, then switched over for the 2nd stage of the Tour de France - both events were fogged by rain and were all the better for it, meanwhile I was warm and cosey and never bored...


I'm finding sport to be far more gripping of my time and attention at the moment than music.

As I think I've said before, I find the fact that sport presents itself as it is (patriotic, conventional etc) to be very refreshing - because music is exactly the same, but all you hear from music culture and Rock Stars is about how fucking WHOOOOAAAYYYYYYY DANGEROUS!!!!! they is...

Well, here's the news kids:

DRIVING A FUCKING CAR AT 200MPH, OR A PUSH BIKE AT 100KPH DOWNHILL IN THE RAIN IS FUCKING DANGEROUS!!!! SWANNING ABOUT LOOKING LIKE LIAM GALAGHER AND PERFORMING SONGS ABOUT THE DULL DETAILS OF YOUR LIVES IS FOR CLUELESS CUNTS!!!!!


Yes boss, for my money, music culture is absolutely fucking redundent at the moment

Perhaps at times, it's been a potent social and political force, but most of the time it's just something to distract from the day job AKA another plank of obediance, and todays musical everything, is so fucking polished turd neat, knowing and clean cut you could call it advertising

Shit, even the FREE music magazines of today look like product brochures for footwear...

It's graphic design gone MAD!!!!


BRING ON THE FUCKING RECESSION!!!!

That's what I say...

REMEMBER THE SOUND RIVIERA????

Current mood: ’AVE MARIA IT!!!!
Category: ’AVE MARIA IT!!!! Music

that was the 8 part radio series by Dan Hayhurst and Veronica Lavery????

WELL HERE IT IS IN ALL IT'S GLORY!!!!

complete with tracklistings and full info....

JAY Z @ BUTLINS....

Current mood: TODAY IS GONNA BE THE DAY THAT I’M GONNA THROW IT
Category: TODAY IS GONNA BE THE DAY THAT I’M GONNA THROW IT Music

John Lydon might not have produced much recent music of worth, but I reckon his talk alone is gold...

In the last year I've hear him suggest a reconsidertion of Tony Wilsons genius, called the current scene boring (correct, but to say it at the Mojo awards?!?) and this week he's referred to Glastonbury as being like Butlins...


Which is true - I can't see the point nowadays.

When there was an edge and a novelty, I loved it..!!

You could go down with a bunch of mates on a whim and be pretty sure you could jump the fence.

It was a proper buzz to do!!

But like I've said before, I'm not going on the basis of paying £150 for a ticket with photo ID... .

WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THAT?!??

And what has it prevented???

What next DNA profiling???


But I sure don't want to spoil Glastonbury for people who've never been.

In fact as long as it runs, I'd recommend everyone go to Glastonbury a whole bunch of times - if you've never seen it you'll be fucking amazed and have a blast!!!


Everything is relative...


There was all this Jay Z thing with this years festival...

I was very surprised when Nóel Gallagher said what he said about Hip Hop not having a place at Glastonbury...

The first time I went in 1993 - and certainly before then - there was no place (and there should never have been a place) for doss pub rock like Oasis - but they were allowed in to headline, so what was his point exactly?!?


Publicity...


It worked, but all told, it was a bit of a no brainer from Nóel - which is odd, because Noel's always seemed to have a brain...


I think perhaps the issue here is that Jay Z has sold a shitload more records worldwide than Noel has, and he puts on a better and more imaginative show than Oasis can even dream of..

Meanwhile Noel is just a local boy from Manchester who picked up a guitar and got lucky...

As it goes, I'm not a huge Jay Z fan, but I'm very, very glad that someone has finally made Noel look like a twat. Oasis and for that matter most of that Brit Pop lot (Primal Scream & Blur in particular) are due a massive re-evaluation...

It's a sure sign of a very lazy and turgid scene, when music that's 10-15 years old hasn't been trashed with class by something new...


And you know what??? I reckon Noel is getting tired of this situation himself.

In his heart of hearts, he knows Oasis are nothing on a global scale - either now and certainly not in the future.

He was doing his own personal Colonel Kurtz...

PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY!!!

THE LAST FEW DAYS....

Current mood: AND NOW SPORT.....
Category: AND NOW SPORT..... Music

Went to Windsor and Henley On Thames, and then down to the beach in Sussex...


The Royals might be complete cunts, but they (or their people) are clever cunts, and they know how to pay the peasants not very much, to build a good castle:

Windsor is about the finest one I've seen, apart from maybe Caerarvon.

Windsor is collage. Caernarvon is more straight...

Later that day, we stumbled into the arse end of an early day of The Henley Royal Regatta.

This meant traffic for the proles, free parking and lots of floppy haired toffs cruising easy street..

What is it with rich posh people and their smugness...???

THEY'RE SO FUCKING COMFORTABLE!!!!

What do they think they've got???

The next day, the beach was wonderful. I swam in the sea, relived my memories of swimming the same patch on a daily basis 12 years ago.

12 FUCKING YEARS AGO!!!!!


Meanwhile, I've decided I can't work in the music business, because my social skills are too lacking...

Iggy Pop has done a great track called Social Life - it explains my position perfectly.

Basically: I can't be arsed with it...

Today, I went for a job interview for a company that puts out fires - am currently suffering an existential crisis as to whether working for a fire prevention company constitutes a grave error in strategy - or an opportunity to better understand safety...

I like fires...

It's only a job and my local will be The Foundry...

DID YOU MISS ME?????

Current mood: KLF IS GONNA ROCK YOU!!!!
Category: KLF IS GONNA ROCK YOU!!!! Music

I've been babysitting...

Jesus, Italian kids are NOISEY ALL OF THE TIME?!?

Much like Italian adults, they YELL at one another from point dot onwards...!!!

It completely freaked me out, to start with, but you block it out after a while...


My niece in law Rebecca, wanted some music for her mp3 player..

'I'VE GOT LOADS OF MUSIC!!' I thought...

But I started looking for things for 9 year old kids and found I didn't have so much...


And when you see the kid standing there looking expectant and you look at what you're selecting for them, you take a reality check and wonder a little about just how badly BAD the music business is...

I'm thinking, mmmm, young peoples pop music, and I start thinking Michael Jackson, Britney Spears...

Give her some Amy Winehouse, Mrs G says....

WHAT????!!!!

Shit, you can call me Tipper Gores benign bitch ass mother, if you like - but you begin to get a little frightenned about the kind of music that's marketed to kids...


Another thing I noticed is that there seems to be a musical bizz gap between the ages of 8 and 12.

You can find stuff for very small kids and stuff for teenagers, but there's very little for 8-12 year olds...

You need something that's naive, but not quite Hit Me Baby One More Time.

At that age kids seem to be beginning to understand that the world isn't quite the big old bag of laughs it seems at first to be - but cynicism doesn't come into it...


I have this odd idea that Reggae works very well throughout the ages - but then when you concentrate on the lyrics, you find that plenty of reggae is very dirty indeed and when I tried playing it to Rebecca, she didn't like it at all....


What should 9 year old kids be listening to????

HAPPY BIRTHDAY UNCLE NELSON!!!!!

Current mood: LAST ONE IN THE EXERCISE YARD’S A NONCE!!!!
Category: LAST ONE IN THE EXERCISE YARD’S A NONCE!!!! Music

So, here in the UK, it's been a big week or two for concerts...

There's been the Meltdown Festival as covered on these blogs by me PG£, the 2 big Radiohead gigs in Victoria Park, and now there's Glastonbury (I've already started on the 'WHY AREN'T YOU THERE YOU SILLY CUNT??!!' trains of thought)


But perhaps most important musical concert of all, has taken place in London this evening.

Yes boss, tonight has seen a big concert to celebrate Nelson Mandelas 90th birthday...

The event in Hyde Park, sounded like a great old ding dong, featuring all the usual suspects, who carry ours and the worlds consciences with such pride,.elegance, wisdom and self sacrifice (Annie Lennox, Johnny Borrell, Leona Lewis and of course Amy Winehouse)


But good as it all sounded, there was one bit I didnt get...

It's the bit when singer and actor 'Big' Willy Smith quoted singer Peter Gabriel as once saying:

"If the world could only have one father, the man that we would choose to be our father would be Nelson Mandela."


Now, I understand that Nelson is a good and lovely man, but surely he couldn't have been the ideal father for anyone, let alone the world, on account of him being banged up in jail for all those years...?!?

I mean an ideal father is surely someone who takes you to football practice and fixes your bike - not someone you see the occasional grainy image of on TV because he's had the misfortune to be chained to a bloody rock for years on end as the result of a political struggle....?!?


That comment has given me food for thought...

I mean, there was I thinking I might have to get a real job or get paid for this one or something?!?! But maybe it might in fact be best if I just went to prison for 20 or 30 years, from where I should lead some kind of a political and/or civil rights struggle?!?


What do you think????

3 EXAMPLES....

Current mood: HELP!!!!
Category: HELP!!!! Web, HTML, Tech

When I was up in Scotland a month or so ago, I became involved in a very heavy discussion about whether machines would one day take over the role of decision makers, thereby relegating humans to be being mere parts AKA assistants....

I was proposing that in many cases that change had already begun and that it was absolutely certain to be completed in the long run....

But I lost the discussion because I couldn't think of many handy examples with which to illustrate my point...


Well in the last 3 days, I've heard of 3. They're all subtle ones, that could provoke the response

'So fucking what?!?'

But these kind of changes always start with small things that drip and drip and drip, then before long you've got a flood and there ain't no stopping it...


Anyway, here they are...


1....

I've recently decided that dishwashers are an absolute waste of fucking time.

Yes boss, you end up washing the stuff before it goes in, then spending a load of cash on tablets, water and energy to run it, then end up washing half the stuff again because the machine is fucking crap, AND THEN you end up having to replace things like glasses more often, because they get scratched by the hard bastard chemicals the machiens use..

Clearly, the Dishwasher is one of these machines, that if you have a very good one, and the money to run it, can be a good shitty labour saving device - but if you have a cheap and crap one (like ours) then you're far better off doing it by hand.

It's quicker, more satisfying and cheaper....


So, after 3 years of ignoring this fact, I've taken to returning to hand washing because of these 3 reasons as stated above...

Mrs Giovanni isn't quite convinced, but as long as she doesn't have to wash up, she doesn't much care...

However the other day she said:

'The problem is though, they say that if you don't use dishwashers, they clog up and don't work so well..'

Well ignoring the fact it isn't working well now, and the possibility that this idea (which I've certainly heard spouted elsewhere) isn't in fact clever bollox, spread by dishwasher and/or tablet salesmen, this is an example of a machine having a say in a decision.

You don't want to ruin the machine, so instead you keep using it - even if it's not working well fo you but for the good of the machine...

Of course I ignored this advice as the machine belongs to the landlord and I'd rather have the time and money saved, than the machine - but millions wouldn't...


2............

The Italian family arrive yesterday and they have a hire car.

Today they decide to drive out to Oxford and then Stonehenge rather than go into town on the bus, because they have a car and they don't want to leave it standing there for more than a day or so...

I know this feeling.

When we've hired cars, I always feel we should keep them running and not leave them standing for too long doing nothing.

That's especially been the case here on Fish Island

Yes boss, we don't have an 'inside the gates' parking space and many cars have been broken into on the street - you therefore figure that the best thing to do, is to keep it moving, so it doesn't look like it's been left - so that it doesn't look weak and vulnerable...

But then the machines making the fundamental decision and you're complying for the good of the machine...

It's deciding what's to be done with the day and you are following it's recomendation.....


3.......

Having returned from the day trip, Mrs G was telling me that having navigated through London without Sat Nav (instead using PG£) she found it very strange to do so with Sat Nav...

Basically, she found she was thinking to go one way, but the talking machine was saying to go another...

The machine won each time and it's instructions were followed, not least because if you don't have a map and you get off route, the Sat Nav can no longer help you until you find and then type in a new location....


There's also the authority issue...

So very often the mass of people would rather do what they're told too do by a person (or in this case) a machine in authority, than to trust and follow their own instincts....

This is why people go to war and why they slow down (when told to by their Sat Nav) when there are speed cameras in the area...


So, these very few examples prove to me that we'd all better WATCH THE FUCK OUT!!!!!

THE METAL AND PLASTIC BASTARDS ARE TAKING OVER!!!!!!

RUN TO THE HILLS!!!!!!

AAGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

CLINTON MIGHT BE GOOD, BUT I’M NOT SURE YOU CAN BEAT LSP....

2 MINUTES WITH MR.PERRY EPISODE 1 !!!


2 MINUTES WITH MR. PERRY EPISODE 2


2 MINUTES WITH MR.PERRY EPISODE 3


2 MINUTES WITH MR.PERRY EPISODE 4



http://www.myspace.com/leescratchperry

THINGS I DON’T LIKE ABOUT THE OLD COUNTRY NO1...

Current mood: GET YOUR JACKBOOTS READY!!!!!
Category: GET YOUR JACKBOOTS READY!!!!! Goals, Plans, Hopes

Shit...

The Italian family arrived today, and straight away Mrs G's brother is getting his phone camera out and showing me shots of a new vinyard and olive grove that's being planted up by some rich industialist he's representing...

This guys put 2 million euros into it and they want someone (nudge nudge wink wink) to go and live there and look after it on a full time basis.

'GRANDE PAGARE!!!' + half a brand new refitted house (the other half to be used by the rich family and friends for the odd weekend)

'BELLA VISTA, SI??? MOLTO BENE, SI???'


This is how it works with Italians, you get one of them pregnant and you're in, and straight away you start getting offers you can't refuse...

BUT YOU'D BETTER BEHAVE YOURSELF!!!!.


But seriously, it's an adorable and loving offer, especially when the financial noose in the UK is tighter around the Giovan-throat than ever before.


In fact on first hear, it sounded perfect:

Yes boss, I figured I could wander about the estate in my shorts all day long, pretending to do agricultural work (trim the odd branch here and there), drink the odd gallon of wine, keep the suntan in good order, and then type away at my genius in the evenings...

Meanwhile, little Poopy G can run around and chase lizzards all day long.

Mrs G can cook the finest food known to mankind.

Then when the rich aristos turn up for a weekend of whoopsie (and they generally know how to party) I can relive my good old partying days, and tell my amusing stories to a rapt audience!!!!

EVERYONE'S A WINNER!!!!


But then I read this, and it's put me right off Italy full stop...

'Italy's interior minister has sparked criticism with a proposal that would see police fingerprinting all members of the Roma community living in camps.'

Yes boss, Italy and Italians might have a hell of a lot going for them and their country, but there's a nasty ammount of insitutionalised racism in that country...

'The blame for the rising crime has fallen on the Roma gypsy community and, in recent weeks, camps have been raided by police while others have been attacked and burnt by vigilante mobs, our correspondent adds.'


Jesus, do people really believe this shit??? Is Adolph holed up in the Italian government???

Furthermore, it fucking cracks me up when Italians start going on about other countries and or racial groups committing crimes...

HELLO?!?!?

THE FUCKING MAFIA!!!!!

ISN'T CRIME WHAT ITALY IS BEST KNOWN FOR (other than perhaps fashion and pizza)

IT'S A BLEEDING NATIONAL PAST TIME!!!!

So much so, it was recently predicted that the Camorra Mafia alone have a greater GDP than Slovenia!!!


But yeah, obviously all the crime in Italy is down to the Gypsies....

FINGERPRINT THE FUCKERS (AND THEIR DOGS) - THAT'LL STOP IT!!!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/7476413.stm

WOOF WOOF!!!!

Current mood: DOG DOG DOG
Category: DOG DOG DOG Music

You know if there's one thing in the world worse than Hitler, it's Radiohea-

NO NO!!!! BOLLOCKS


Ummm....

I was actually listening to Thom and the boys today.

I always find I have to have the odd blast of acts I hate, just in case my opinion has changed - which it has been known to do....

Well, I managed a bit of a couple of b-sides and half of Fake Plastic Trees, but I soon realised my opinion hadn't changed, and got straight back on with the George Clinton...


ATOMIC DOG!!! WHAT A FUCKING TRACK THAT IS!!!

(If you think you don't know it - it's basically this one by Snoop Dog, but Clintons original is MUCH FATTER!!!)

And this is the thing with Clinton - he's one of the most sampled geezers ever.

Yes boss, half of Hip Hop is based on Clintons beats and grooves, not to mention the whole of electro - and where would Prince be without him??? (still brilliant obviously, but probably in a different way)

Clinton must make a fucking fortune from publishing royalties....

And, here's another example of a reworking...

Ice Cube's good LIVE n'all...

Anyway....

SHUT UP GIOVANNI!!! YOU NEVER EVEN MENTIONED GEORGE CLINTON UNTIL THIS TIME LAST WEEK AND NOW YOU'RE RABBITING ON ABOUT HIM AS IF HE'S THE SECOND COMING!!!!!


I'm not completely into hero worship, and with hindsight, I'd have to admit, once the fourth or fifth long guitar solo kicked in on Clintons set last week, I was feeling I didn't fancy too many more - but the pure groove and feel of the whole gig was absolutely fucking splendid..!

I've still not recovered my normal reserved and adrift manner. That gig is still playing in my head - I can't really listen to anything except my stars tuneshow and Clinton - I think it's made the top 5 gigs ever...


Oh and did I mention Clinton had this pimp character wandering about the stage off and on, and at the end he did acrobatics and male belly dancing - and then he got on top of the speakers and started doing handstands 12 feet off the fucking ground as the bouncers clung bravely on at the base trying to prevent what they felt might be a potential death trap!!!!

I'm a sucker for that kind of shit.

Basically: If you pull off 'America's Got Talent' as well as play a blinding gig you'll get my vote everytime....

Here's a crap picture....

69 THINGS TO MAKE A STARVING AFRICAN LAUGH...

Current mood: FUCK OFF BACK TO OXFORD THOM!!!!
Category: FUCK OFF BACK TO OXFORD THOM!!!! Music

One of my first MAJOR works of arty art is gonna be a set of pieces called:

69 Things To Make A Starving African Laugh


As of yet, I'm not too sure how I'm going to exhibit this idea, but I think it'll probably be a photo, words or object depicting each amusement, together with the title

69 Things To Make A Starving African Laugh Number 1 (2,3,4,5 etc)

(and maybe (if the picture or object doesn't fully explain it (which means it'll be a crap exhibition and that I have no artistic talent)) a quote of somekind as well...)


So, I've already got a number of these 69 amusements together

There's gonna be things like:


Bottled Water (That'll just be a bottle of spring water from New Zealand that's been flown here. It'll be standing on a plinth)


Shiboleth AKA The Crack that was in The Tate Gallery Floor (I think the artists rationale will do the job on that one - maybe made into an animation with emaciated but happy African Children laughing as they read it and peer in to the chasm)

Doris Salcedo's Shibboleth is the first work to intervene directly in the fabric of the Turbine Hall. Rather than fill this iconic space with a conventional sculpture or installation, Salcedo has created a subterranean chasm (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!) that stretches the length of the Turbine Hall. The concrete walls of the crevice are ruptured by a steel mesh fence, creating a tension between these elements that resist yet depend on one another. By making the floor the principal focus of her project, Salcedo dramatically shifts our perception of the Turbine Hall's architecture, subtly subverting its claims to monumentality and grandeur. Shibboleth asks questions about the interaction of sculpture and space, about architecture and the values it enshrines, and about the shaky ideological foundations on which Western notions of modernity are built. (HAHAHHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHAHHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!)

In particular, Salcedo is addressing a long legacy of racism and colonialism that underlies the modern world. A 'shibboleth' is a custom, phrase or use of language that acts as a test of belonging to a particular social group or class. By definition, it is used to exclude those deemed unsuitable to join this group.

'The history of racism', Salcedo writes, 'runs parallel to the history of modernity, and is its untold dark side'. For hundreds of years, Western ideas of progress and prosperity have been underpinned by colonial exploitation and the withdrawal of basic rights from others. Our own time, Salcedo is keen to remind us, remains defined by the existence of a huge socially excluded underclass, in Western as well as post-colonial societies.

In breaking open the floor of the museum, Salcedo is exposing a fracture in modernity itself. Her work encourages us to confront uncomfortable truths about our history and about ourselves with absolute candidness, and without self-deception. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHAAAAAAA!!!!!!)

This lit billboard will also feature (or maybe I'll make a neon sign that burns red hot and says SAVE ENERGY!!!!!

The of course there will be

Radiohead


OH SHUT UP ABOUT FUCKING RADIOHEAD!!!!

I hear a number of you yell

'Thom and the boys have done a load of good work for African charities and they're currently looking to do their bit to save the world by organising their own super-eco gigs in Paul Giovanni's local park, rather than being fucking normal and playing with all the other kids at a festival like Glastonbury because they have the half cocked notion that London is in some way 'greener' than Glastonbury...'

But in a rather predictable fashion, I'd like to reply

'There is no band more ridiculous. They're absolutely fucking bonkers!!! They're middle class family men, with a shitload of money in the bank and all they can do is wail pain....'

PULL YOURSELVES TOGETHER MEN!!!!!

Goddamit, tonight, I was doing my level best to block Thoms wailling out, but just occasionally the massed cheering that greeted another grizzle, would slip between my own stereo and the equally appalling news that Germany are once again in the final of a major football tournament....

That people pay good money that could easily be contributed to the Save Paul Giovanni Fund, to see and hear Thom wailing his stupid pain is something I can barely fathom...

I mean, I cycled past the entrance today at 3pm, and there were already people queuing to get into the gig - they'd already got tickets - THEY JUST WANTED TO GET CLOSER TO THE SOURCE OF THE WAILING!!!!

FUCK!!!

You can call me wierd if you like, but if I see some wealthy and successful person wailling about their pain, I tend to give them a wide fucking birth - either that, or laugh, pass on by and wish them a quick death...

I certainly don't queue up for hours to get a closer look and then cheer madly for MORE!!!

It's my absolute honest to gods opinion that in a hundred or so's years time, when our childrens childrens children are working 14 hour days in sweatshops to supply cheap goods to China, people will come by cds of OK Computer and piss their pants laughing at the idiocy of such sounds that were made in the good old days of their Great Great Grandparents boomtime...

Anyway:

Coming Soon

69 Things To Make A Starving African Laugh


I AM A CLEVER AND KNOWING ARTIST!!!! PEOPLE WILL LIKE MY WORK!!!!!

Currently listening : 68 Million Shades By Spring Heel Jack Release date: 1997-01-14

WATCH MARK TALK...

Current mood: RUDENESS IS AN ART....
Category: RUDENESS IS AN ART.... Music

We haven't had a reading from the book of Mark for a while, but before we do, here's a date for your diaries...

MARK E SMITH

Wednesday, 16 July, 7.45pm @ The Queen Elizabeth Hall

Mark E Smith joins his biographer Austin Collings to discuss his extraordinary life as front man of The Fall. His book Renegade is the first time he has opened up in a full biography. Hear the honest account of a legendary band, by one of rock's true iconoclasts. 'Reams of stuff have been written about me in the past, but never in my own words: this is the proper one' (Mark E Smith).

More info and tickets are here...

I'M THERE!!!

Yes boss, there are a good few people I'd pay to see talk, and Mr Smith is certainly one of them. Others include Boris Johnson, Liam & Noel Gallagher (together arguing amongst themselves only THEY MUST GET THEIR GUITARS OUT AND START ON THAT AWFUL PUB ROCK THEY DO!!!!!) and former footballer Ray Wilkins (to name but 4)......


Anyway, here follows todays chapter and verse taken from....

Renegade: The Lives & Tales Of Mark E Smith By Mark E Smith


'Degrees have a way of warping people - it's not good for people to spend that ammount of time at university, acting like rock stars on weekdays. They get so distanced from the real world they haven't a fucking clue what's needed. It's a luxurious prison, almost. Once they get out, once they're released, they're good for nothing other than having weekly reunions with their old housemates, getting jobs with their old housemates, or staying on to recieve more educational theraphy or forming piss-poor bands. And they've all got floppy fringes. They all wish it was 1980 and Joy Division were still around. Uniform mentality: my aim is to steer well clear of anything slightly resembling that.'

WARMING UP....

Current mood: SUNNY...!
Category: SUNNY...! Music

So, the big week of Meltdown whoopsie is over and I'm now getting back to something of a normal life here on Fish Island...

Meanwhile 140,000 odd people are in the process of starting the pilgrimage to Glastonbury for one of the biggest weeks of communal ding donging in the English calender...


Now. long term readers of this here blinger, might remember my promise made this time last year to attend this years Glastonbury Festival AT ALL COSTS!!!

But unfortunately no-one's been able to supply me with a VIP pass - so I'm staying at home.

Yes boss, the long and the short of it, is that I really can't be doing with slumming it in the mud at Glastonbury anymore. If I ever go back there (and I'm sure I will) I'm gonna be needing a full trailer and private garden - I NEED TO GET WITH THE TIMES AND MOVE ON UP!!!!


So, this year, instead of Glastonbury, we've got a batch of Italian family coming over, and I've got to do some wine retail - which should ensure I don't end up sitting watching Glastonbury on the TV....

Yes boss, Mrs Giovanni's brother is a big man in Prosecco wine (Italian Champagne) and he wants to expand sales and take advantage of Londons current adorration of expensive fizzy thrills.....

Now, in all honesty, I have no idea why he thinks I can sell wine for him. I can most certainly drink it - but I'm simply not the salesman type.

We'll see what happens...


One thing I do like doing in that particular business, is picking the grapes.

I did the harvest down there almost 2 years ago, and I'll be going to do the same again this year...

It's the kind of regular work I can tolerate: It's slow, physical and outdoors in the sun. You can drink all day on the job and have a good laugh in the process, in fact I found laughing to be a very important part of it....


As with most things in Italy, the Prosecco wine business is all about family..

I worked for 3 families when I was down there, though there was one with whom I spent the most time - the family Bronca..

Here they are, and here's their website...

The night we finished their harvest, we all went out for drinks...

Of course, Italians might be good at many things (fashion, football, SHOUTING!!! etc), but in general, they have no idea as to how to get properly drunk.

No boss, drinking is more of a sideline to a meal, than an event in itself in Italy - so I soon found I was able to put them into difficulty...

They called me 'The Sink'

Well, that night went late, and I didn't get back until about 5am. It was alright for the rest of them - job done. But I was working for another family at 7am along with Mrs G's Dad..

Naturally, when I was prized out of the bed (2 hours after I'd slumped into it not feeling all that well) I wasn't in the best of moods, and as we were driving there, Rugero kept looking across at me like grown men do at their favourite daughters boyfriend...

'A che hora dormire??'

'Due' I lied

'Yeri serra festa! Oggi lavorro!!' He said

'Si, si' I mumbled...


Well, I managed the days work by running around alot and maintaining the level of booze in my system, care of the wine that's taken up with the tractor. There was absolutely no point in trying to sober up - it simply wouldn't have worked...

Later that day I confessed I had in fact, got in at 5am and not 2, and ever since then I'm told Rugero has been rather proud of the achievement of his son in law doing a hard 8 hours on top of 8 straight working days and a 5am drinking session...

In fact, I think I proved something that day...


Anyway, there ain't no grapes to pick in London, so this morning I had to do a different kind of work.

Yes boss, today I went and bought labels, printed 1000 of them, cycled into soho, met the boss and exchanged them for a copy of the video for his band Last Man Standing - this video needs to be recoded to go on youtube etc...


Last Man Standing are an interesting act. They've not really grabbed me by the balls thus far, but I can appreciate what they do and they do colour and outfits which is one of the things I really like to see....

As we exchanged goods, I chatted about last night - neither of us were that impressed with Primal Scream. Glenn described them well: Professional...

'Professional' is todays Primal Scream all over.

They play the festivals, knock out an average album every few years, make themselves a 100k a year and live a nice and regular middle class life...

IT'S ROCK 'N' ROLL BABY ROCK 'N' FUCKIN ROLL!!!!

MELTING DOWN PT8...

Current mood: PISSED OFF...
Category: PISSED OFF... Music

I had no intention of going to this gig....

It smelt bad and it WAS bad.

But I'm a sucker for the 'idea' of a free offer...


Here's the rub...


Since I've known of them, I've always fluctuated on Primal Scream.

I like bits of Screamadelica and Vanishing Point - but more or less the rest of what I've seen and heard of them is pretty fucking awful...


Sitting watching them tonight, I realised exactly why...

Primal Scream are the worst kind of fakes - an act that pretends authenticity and has none...

They're like a 10th generation version of the Rolling Stones crossed with Doves...

It was all:

Ohh baby baby

Get you rocks off, get your rocks off honey...

WHAT THE FUCK?!??!

You're a willowy quietly spoken Scotsman Gillepsie!!! Since when have you ever said or thought that in real life?!??

It was absolutely fucking terrible...


As for the reformed MC5: They were like how I'd imagine a Bruce Springstein gig to be - expect if Bruce were doing it, it'd have some integrity because he is what he says on the tin.

Basically: Boring fucking blues rock guitar wankery, with none of the original soul, passion or riot...


I left before they got to the MC5 vs Primal Scream final showdown. I couldn't bear it any longer....


The ultimate and final insult, was cycling back through Roman Road at 10.30pm, through the Radiohead crowd, coming out of the doubtlessly 'green' gig in Victoria Park.

NEVER BEFORE HAVE I SEEN SUCH A DULLED AND MISERABLE CROWD OF PEOPLE COMING OUT OF A BIG GIG!!!!

NO-ONE HAD ANY FUCKING LIFE?!?

I cycle barged into one of them (he was worse at crossing roads than toads are) and he didn't even have it in him to turn around to call me a cunt?!?


HOPELESS....


And to think I've got to have this lot in the neighbourhood again tomorrow...


So, overall, it was a very sorry end to what has been an excellent overall Meltdown Festival..

But, that's just my opinion....

SHOOTING THE DUCKS....

Current mood: SELL IT TO THE PEOPLE
Category: SELL IT TO THE PEOPLE Music

I've been vexing with the BIG issues these last few days...

Specifically: Why do people insist on riding around in Volkswagen Golfs when they can ride Bentley convertibles???

YOU'RE TALKING BOLLOCKS AGAIN GIOVANNI!!!!!!???? I hear you shout. EVERYONE WOULD HAVE A BENTLEY IF THEY COULD AFFORD IT!!

NO I'M NOT!!!! I yell back. Musically speaking, most people love small reliable modern hatchbacks, ahead of proper classics of any age...


Here's the maths:


As we were in the park loading up to see George Clinton the other day, Robyn was telling me about the previous time he'd been to see Mr Clinton play...

Primal Scream were basically putting the thing on, and out of due and right deverence, they went on first and left George Clinton to headline.

Well, for Primal Scream, the place was packed out, but by the time George Clinton came on to headline, half the crowd had fucked off home?!?

Now, I'm not against Primal Scream, they're alright, in fact I'm off to see them tonight, but they're not in anything like the same league as Clinton.


I saw the same thing happen the first time I saw Lee 'Scratch' Perry in Kentish Town.

First on was this average and ordinary, though hard gigging and loyally followed band Zion Train.

The place was packed out. I was standing back thinking:

'FUCK ME!! How am I going to get anywhere close without getting the elbows out, because this is gonna double come Perry time?!?'

But in the interval, the place cleared, and by the time Lee bounced on, you could stroll to the front without impediment.


This kind of thing happens all the time...

Why do The Fall play to small audiences whilst The Arctic Monkeys sell out arena?!? It's obvious which band has got the staying power and the greater legacy.

Why does Grandmaster Flash play small gigs, whilst 50 Cent sells out???

Records and concert tickets are all more or less the same price - or at least the variation is often pretty small, and nowadays you can get recorded music for free without too very much effort...

What's more, to go and see a legend like Clinton or Lee Perry is easy: You generally get a more intimate venue, a much better show, and a memory to savour of having seen someone who'll go down as a TRUE LEGEND...


The only conclusion I've come to is that it comes down to a combination of marketing and the crowd mentality.

Yes boss, because there are more posters advertising the journeymen pretty boys and because they're on the radio and get the big displays in the shops, and because 'everyones talking about them', time and time again, people are persuaded to walk right past the Bentley, and to get into the VW Golf (NO DEPOSIT!!! 29% APR)....


It's black magic....

CASA HASA GIOVANNA EPISODE 7 ::: MEET THEM THEY CAME FROM THE £RD POP POWER

Current mood: CHATTERING IN THE CHAIRS....
Category: CHATTERING IN THE CHAIRS.... Music

(OUT NOW ON ALL GOOD DOWNLOAD SITES AND IN SHOPS WORLDWIDE)

To celebrate todays release, of the lovely NEW LP by top band they came from the stars i saw them here we go with Episode 7 of Casa Hasa Giovanna...

This is the first tuneshow, to wander off to another galaxy in search of big and proper truths...

Yes boss, recorded and mixed LIVE on Fish Island in 'The Chairs Of Pop Power', this tuneshow features tracks, influences and chatter with Horton, Naomi, Dan & Lionel from ace pop band they came from the stars i saw them....

Listen carefully, and ou'll learn the truth about Lionel Richie, understand the paradox of marketing, hear brand new and olde tracks, and come to fully and properly understand the importance of touching the fans...

Special thanks go to the band for gracing 'The Chairs Of Pop Power' with their magic, to Claudia and Paola for the photos, to Rachel for filming it all, to The Official Artist to PG£ for manipulating the images, to Dan for saving the chitter chat from the NOISE, to Lionel Richie for his ultimate power and last but certainly not least to George Clinton for the P-FUNK!!!!

CLICK THE PICTURE TO STREAM AND/OR DOWNLOAD.

CASA HASA GIOVANNA EPISODE 7 ::: MEET THEM THEY CAME FROM THE £RD POP POWER

Current mood: CHATTERING IN THE CHAIRS....
Category: CHATTERING IN THE CHAIRS.... Music

(OUT NOW ON ALL GOOD DOWNLOAD SITES AND IN SHOPS WORLDWIDE)

To celebrate todays release, of the lovely NEW LP by top band they came from the stars i saw them here we go with Episode 7 of Casa Hasa Giovanna...

This is the first tuneshow, to wander off to another galaxy in search of big and proper truths...

Yes boss, recorded and mixed LIVE on Fish Island in 'The Chairs Of Pop Power', this tuneshow features tracks, influences and chatter with Horton, Naomi, Dan & Lionel from ace pop band they came from the stars i saw them....

Listen carefully, and ou'll learn the truth about Lionel Richie, understand the paradox of marketing, hear brand new and olde tracks, and come to fully and properly understand the importance of touching the fans...

Special thanks go to the band for gracing 'The Chairs Of Pop Power' with their magic, to Claudia and Paola for the photos, to Rachel for filming it all, to The Official Artist to PG£ for manipulating the images, to Dan for saving the chitter chat from the NOISE, to Lionel Richie for his ultimate power and last but certainly not least to George Clinton for the P-FUNK!!!!

CLICK THE PICTURE TO STREAM AND/OR DOWNLOAD.

CASA HASA GIOVANNA EPISODE 7 ::: MEET THEM THEY CAME FROM THE £RD POP POWER

Current mood: CHATTERING IN THE CHAIRS....
Category: CHATTERING IN THE CHAIRS.... Music

(OUT NOW ON ALL GOOD DOWNLOAD SITES AND IN SHOPS WORLDWIDE)

To celebrate todays release, of the lovely NEW LP by top band they came from the stars i saw them here we go with Episode 7 of Casa Hasa Giovanna...

This is the first tuneshow, to wander off to another galaxy in search of big and proper truths...

Yes boss, recorded and mixed LIVE on Fish Island in 'The Chairs Of Pop Power', this tuneshow features tracks, influences and chatter with Horton, Naomi, Dan & Lionel from ace pop band they came from the stars i saw them....

Listen carefully, and ou'll learn the truth about Lionel Richie, understand the paradox of marketing, hear brand new and olde tracks, and come to fully and properly understand the importance of touching the fans...

Special thanks go to the band for gracing 'The Chairs Of Pop Power' with their magic, to Claudia and Paola for the photos, to Rachel for filming it all, to The Official Artist to PG£ for manipulating the images, to Dan for saving the chitter chat from the NOISE, to Lionel Richie for his ultimate power and last but certainly not least to George Clinton for the P-FUNK!!!!

CLICK THE PICTURE TO STREAM AND/OR DOWNLOAD.

MELTING DOWN PT7...

Current mood: YIPPY YO YIPPY YAY!!!
Category: YIPPY YO YIPPY YAY!!! Music

AFTER 2 FUCK UPS, I HAVE A +1!!!!!

Robyn from Eugene Machine is dying to see George Clinton.

'MEET ME IN THE BAR AT 7.45PM!!!!!' I YELP down a broken phoneline...

'I'LL BE THERE!!!!'

THIS IS HOW WE DO IT!!!


At this point, I should mention that I had a +2 last night.

Yes boss, Mrs Giovanni and foetus Giovanni came along to see/hear Grace Jones.

Foetus Gio is doing well. He's already heard Sparks play their LP Sparks in Outer Space and last night he heard Grace Jones aged 60 performing with the energy of a 16 year old...

But more on that in Epsiode 6, which will soon appear.


THIS IS EPSIODE 7

AND I SOON KNOW I'VE MADE A MISTAKE!!!!


Yes boss, with absolutely no offence to Robyn (who was wonderful company), aroundabout 10 minutes into this George Clinton gig, I realise I should have dragged Mrs Giovanni and the unborn Pippy G to see/hear Mr C, because George Fucking Clinton is a hugely important man...

Yes boss, I've heard plenty about him and even have a few LP's, but little did I realise the true nature of THE LIVE AND LIVING FUNK THAT IS A LIVE SHOW or the size of his influence!!!!


This is what happens:

The band takes the stage, or at least a portion of it does, and you immediately know something is afoot....

There's a man wearing a huge nappy and a gold jacket!!! There are 2 beautiful female singers/go go dancers busting the best moves. There are more guitarists than Van Halen have hairdo's....

It continues

HUGE BIG HEAVY METAL GUITAR SOLO'S WITH THE 4 CONSECUTIVE GUITARISTS!!!!!

There's walk on cameo roles by pimps with posters, and gold Sun Ra's, and singers that look like Aretha but sound quality different...


I've already lost all sense of time. Too soon, it feels like the show might be over, things dip...


And then this guy comes shuffling onstage. He's wearing a big hood, he shuffles on, and there he is, and he pulls down his hood AND IT'S CLINTON!!!

Yes boss, 20 or 30 or 40 minutes into the set, and the main guy has only just shown up?!?!?

OH JESUS!!!!! THIS IS JUST THE OPENING BARS!!!!

OH FUCK!!!!


Now, I've seen enough LIVE shows to know that when you see this kind of a ding dong, you're being taken to court and convicted - you have no hope but to try and survive, without undergoing a healthy spasm fit.

Yes boss, I only want to sit and calmly watch intelligent music in this here intellectual music venue...

I AM CLASSICLY REPRESSED!!!!

BUT CLINTON IS BUSTING HIS LOW KEY MOVES AND THE GUITAIRISTS ARE SCREAMING HELL FIRE!!!!

RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.....

THESE PEOPLE CHANNEL THE FUNK!!!!

THEY WILL INFECT YOU WITH THE FUNK!!!!!

YOU CAN ONLY COMPLY...!!!

Currently listening : The Best of George Clinton By George Clinton Release date: 2000-10-02

PAUL GIOVANNI £RD IN FRENCH MINOR FAME SHOCK!!!!!

Current mood: BON FUCKING JOUR!!!!
Category: BON FUCKING JOUR!!!! Music

I just stumbled upon this via my pg.com webstats.....

http://www.gonzai.com/paul-giovanni-the-end-of-nightclubs/

Does anyone understand French...???

WHAT IN THE HELL ARE THESE FRENCH CLEVER TYPES WRITING ESSAYS ABOUT MY ESSAYS ON???!!!!

I DEMAND TRANSLATION!!!!

All I can understand is that one of the commenters appears to question the quality of my Italian sunglasses...?!?!?

c'est tout le problème des italiens et de leurs lunettes gucci de merde, j'adore les pizzas mais la franchement y'a des claques qui se perdent.

BLOODY FOREIGNERS!!!! SEND 'EM ALL BACK!!!

JOIN IMMIGRANTS AGAINST IMMIGRATION!!!!

KEEP ENGLAND FOR THE GIOVANNI'S!!!!!

etc...

BOW WOW WOW!!!

Current mood: THE DOG!!!
Category: THE DOG!!! Music

Last night I was in reciept of the funk courtesy of George Clinton!!!

more details to follow...

MELTING DOWN PT5...

Current mood: BOOM BOOM!!!
Category: BOOM BOOM!!! Music

Of late, I've got it into my aging head, that I really can't be doing with more than a few LIVE gigs per calendar week.

Such a conclusion has come about partly for want of cash, and partly due to my intolerance of the way things are done today (no smoking, no caps, nor drinks up here, down there, outside, inside, bodysearches etc)

It's also part laziness, as well as a desire to not disappear too far into the excess of an addiction blackhole..

Yes boss, I plan to be one of these smug cunts, who plays all the fun cards AND the normal cards and plays them well, thus taking the fewest defeats necesary and spending as little downtime in rehab or serious land....

Basically, I believe it's possible to mix and match and many of the characters I admire, have proved it.....

Life is for living, and for me, freedom isn't only about whirling without responsibilies or commitments in one long whirl of hedonism, so much as having the most possible fun, whilst still engaging with more traditional realities....

And, I don't want to miss a thing...


Anyway, I'm due a quiet night in watching the football and I get a message from the boss saying he's got space on the guestlist for an extra date on this Meltdown series - it's Adrian Sherwood, Mark Stewart and Stiff Little Fingers and I have 45 minutes to get there...

I know nothing about any of that lot other than that Adrian Sherwood has produced plenty of good dub - working with more or less every one worth hearing this past 30 or so years including some memorable and upcoming recordings with Lee Perry...

For Sherwood alone, I jump at the opportunity...


But how to fill the +1?!?

Mrs Giovanni isn't onto it. She's already down for Grace Jones tomorrow night and her appetite for LIVE music makes mine look colossal..

I start going through my phone numbers, trying to find likely candidates who can get to central London inside an hour, or who might know of someone who can.

I soon find I don't have alot of the numbers I need.

My phone (Personal Joy) is a wonderful machine, but it does have the habbit of loosing numbers. They show up with the name when incoming, but you can't browse to, and then use them...

Furthermore, as I browse the ones I can get to and start firing out texts, I find a load of numbers and names that mean nothing to me...

Who in the hell is George or Eric?? Who's Clare & Norman??? I don't recall even meeting these people, let alone acquiring their phone numbers..?!?


Well, I get some replies, but the clock is ticking and no-one is within range or available.

BUT I HAVE A +1 AND IT MUST BE USED!!!!

I spread the net further. People I met once at party 2 months ago, people who might know some of the numbers I'm missing. It becomes a mission!!!

But there's no joy..


So, I am 2 people and Adrian Sherwood is the kind of character that glues things together. A man completely and unavoidably in love with Dub Reggae and SOUNDZ.

He starts things off with a very heavy DJ set of mostly Lee Perry dub and reggae. It's a mixture of classics and reworkings. It's the building blocks of modern sound, rap hip hop, soul muisc, RnB.


Next up is Mark Stewart

Mark Stewart is a completely unknown quantity. Apparently he's from Bristol, and since starting out in a band called The Pop Group, has been in and out of music..

He has Doug Wimbish (of Living Colour) on bass and the music is alright and a good deal more modern sounding than I imagined Stiff Little Fingers to be. It's very good and tightly put together, but overall it doesn't quite grab me....


Well, Mr Stewarts set ends with the information that he's gonna be playing a fuller set downstairs in an hour.

I get confused.

As I've understood it Mark Stewart's band is Stiff Little Fingers and that what he's just done is in fact Stiff Little Fingers, and that the main show is now over.

It's a bit early, but it appeared he opted to take the show downstairs where it's easier to dance...


So, I go out and down and I'm sitting around the main bar, reading the paper and waiting for the evening to continue downstairs, when I hear the booming from upstairs restarting..

Is Sherwood back on???

Stewart???

WTF?!?


Well, I go back up, and find that but Mark Stewart has absoluitely nothing to do with Stiff Little Fingers, because Stiff Little Fingers are the headliners and they are now playing!!!

Sherwood was the warm up, Stewart and his band The Mafia, was the support and Stiff Little Fingers are NOW ON!!!

I ALMOST MISSED THE BASTARD HEADLINERS!!!


So, what I've since learnt is that SLF were and are a punk band - one of the few who've largely kept going since 1977. As original punk did, they don't shy away from politics..

So, how are these relatively old boys going on in 2008??

Well, they've got plenty of energy, play their first album cover to cover and they're loud. FUCKING LOUD!!!! SO FUCKING LOUD that as with last night in the QE2 Hall, the light fittings are falling out of the ceiling on account of the vibrations...


Funnier than this is the crowd. Being a late 70's band, many of the hardcore fans are no longer young and pinned and pinky punky...

No boss, many are these rather portly, suburbanites in their mid 40's and they are HAVING IT!!!!

Yes boss, whilst their teenage kids are at home having it off with their girl and boyfriends, the parents are reliving their youth and it's a thoroughly odd site.

There's a suburban housewife in her Laura Ashley or the like, dancing in the aisle to punk music.

PUNK FUCKING ROCK!!!!!?????

Probably..


So, job done, it's to the reception room for some more floozing and boozing the freebies. The people who run this free bar are getting familiar - it's feeling like my local. They have the beers ready and after sinking a few, go downstairs to catch the start of another set by Sherwood. He pulls on a reggae singer called Little Roy

It's a live jam session. Sherwood mixes the sounds, the singer sings.

It's heavy and dub reggae

And that's more than good enough for me!!!!

Currently listening : Never Trust a Hippy By Adrian Sherwood Release date: 2003-02-25

MELTING DOWN PT4...

Current mood: HEAVY
Category: HEAVY Music

The bike ride to the Royal Festival Hall is becoming familiar, in the way a route into work becomes familiar - which makes sense, because though it might sound like one long whoopsie, each night at the Hall is big work for PG£.

Yes boss, plenty of people enter into writing, or music, or art, because they think it's one long Friday night: Parties, booze, adoration, fun, respect, the easy life - which is all a part of it, but the endless hard work to create that, and the disrespect and distrust you get along the way is also massive, and many who figure it's simply a matter of turning up and being a genius, drop off the pace...


When I worked a more regular job for the mail gangsters in Bermondsey, my route into work involved crossing Tower Bridge everyday.

This was back in 2003, when for 43 days, David Blaine was sat in his box not eating food and drinking only water, in the name of entertainment.

I often took a d-tour along infront of his box to say good morning or good evening.

I also went down the night he emerged.

Dizzee Rascal was filming a video Sex Pistols style on the Thames at the exact same time.

Blaine was lowered out of the box and you could hear

'HE'S JUS' A RASCAL, DIZZEE RASCAL!!!'

booming in off the river.

At the time I thought it was all a part of the Blaine thing, but it turned out it was for this vid..

I've got it all recorded on minidisc - at that time I was recording everything - I was my own personal Mi5

Blaines was a good stunt anyway, but I'm not sure he's ever properly recovered from it..


So, I get to the Royal Festival Hall, park up the yello peril and go to find my tickets.

After the near miss of 2 nights ago, I'm nervous as to whether they're gonna be there, but there they are sitting atop the table: Paul Giovanni +1

I like the boss more and more - but I have no plus one to use the spare ticket.

I'm trying to organise a full time, on call assistant/agent/manager to use my plus ones and do some talking for the times i go mute - it's prooving to be a harder task to find someone than I thought..


Anyway, this is the second time in a year I've seen a live version of the Bladerunner soundtrack.

The first time was in Startford. Then, the whole film was played, whilst Grime producer Terror Danjah jammed the soundtrack over the top. A review of that one can be seen here....

This time, it's just the soundtrack as appears on the CD with no film.

It's to be performed by the Heritage Orchestra and mixed live by Massive Attack.


My seats are peach slap bang in the middle 10 rows up.

The front of the stage is awash with percussion instruments: Glockenspeils, Timpani, Regular Drums, a Piano and huge xylophones.

I love xylophones. In fact I need a xylophone. Giovanni junior will also need a xylophone...

Basically, I NEED A ROOM FULL OF FUCKING XYLOPHONES!!!!

PARROTS AND XYLOPHONES ARE MOST DEFINATELY THE WAY FORWARD!!!


And the Bladerunner music??

It's fucking brilliant!! It's ages since I've watched a full orchestra LIVE - when my sister was playing in them, choirs and orchestra's were a regular, but nowadays it's a rarer treat.

The sound in this B-version is loyal and true to the original and on a visual level, you've got these banks of LED lights, which, if you defocus the eyes, become the enormously bleak tower blocks of the film.

It's pure evocation of a still and distant place somewhere dark, and I happily, and quickly melt into it...


The gig is short. The soundtrack is less than an hour.

I go upstairs to join the beautiful people, but the room isn't set up.

When it is, I chat with a sound engineer.

In little over a weeks time, he'll be mixing the sound on the Glastonbury main stage and I'll be attempting to set up wine deals in London with Mrs Giovanni's brother.

Non-Stop Working.


Chris Cunningham, who's day job is making vids like this

and this

is wandering about. He's said to be DJaying the after party, but he doesn't appear to fancy it.


Downstairs in the ballroom, it's grime and dubstep, that's been moved over from the Queen Elizabeth Hall, because the frequencies were destroying the building - SERIOUSLY!! - things were falling off the ceiling, so they had to move it over...

Now, I'm not a huge fan of dubstep, but whoever's playing there and then is good. There's a guy on the sound desk at the back of the room. He's got 3 guitar fx pedals sitting on top of the desk through which the on stage playing is being routed: Trombone, drums and HEAVY HEAVY BASS!!!

Quality.


It's urban Glastonbury this week, and these late night bike rides home fast along the river are sublime....

MELTING DOWN PT3...

Current mood: LOOKS CLEVER TO ME!!!
Category: LOOKS CLEVER TO ME!!! Life

The Royal London Hosptial sounds rather elaborate and almost posh ('Royal London Hospital BENE BENE!!!' As Mrs Giovanni's sister said), but in reality, it's a fucking shithole...

Yes boss, as my Swiss friend 'The Archangel' once said:

'Many Europeans see England as havng the facilities of a third world country. The design and build of all things in Britain, is of a very low quality..'

Well, I can't agree with this statement 100%, but these critical Europeans must have looked inside the Royal London when drawing that conclusion, because the corridors leading down to the basement, look like the kind of corridors you see in Iraqi hospitals - the ones the Iraqi's use, not the ones for the occupying soldiers...


So, we find the Ultrasound department and wait for the scan of the new Giovanni.

A very pregnant woman is sat side on to us. I can see the baby moving about. It's wierd. WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?!? I yell think. SIT STILL GODDAMN IT!!! GIVE YOU MOTHER A REST!!!!


Watching these ripples of unborn child, leads me to wondering exactly is in Mrs Giovanni's stomach?? One baby?? 2?? 3?? 4???

Twins would be fun. I think I'd enjoy trying to confuse them and other people with them. But more than 2, and things would get complicated - not to mention overwhelming...

One thing I'm sure about is that one of my children will become a policeman.

Yes boss, he or she will arrest me one day.

'Step into the car please Dad, I mean Sir...'


Mrs Giovanni certainly has something of the policeman about her.

When I take her record shopping, she always stands looking like a store detective. She has no interest at all in the records, so she frowns at the dishevelled sifters.

When I see her in this poise, I imagine her inner voice chunttering away.

'What are these untidy men doing in here looking at these discs?? I do not understand this?!? Why are they not doing jobs or watching television at home with their wives??? That one has the face of a criminal should be in prison!!! Do we really need records???? I think we could manage without them....In Italy, there's a saying that says 'Men who buy records don't buy bread..'.blah blah etc blah


More important than numbers or the job of this new Giovanni - at least in my head - is whether this first scan will show the prescence of the Giovan baseball cap and sunglasses???

Yes boss, Mrs Giovanni assures me this child is mine, but like all cynics, I feel I need to see the proof of my features before being absolutely 100% clear sure....


The woman scanner who can give me this assurance, is a wierd creature.

She moves me from a comfortable seat into an uncomfortable one and takes the comfortable one for herself.

She then asks ME?!? for Mrs Giovanni's birthdate?!?

How in the hell am I supposed to know that off the top of my head?!? Who does she think I am????

Mrs Giovanni fills her in on the date.

Scanner woman then scowls at me for no reason and starts scanning. and there out of the blurry black and white is one small 7.1cm x 2.3cm baby.

Awed by the beauty of the little kicker, jumping around as if he's being attacked, I take a close look at the features. Everything is there: The little heart pulsating: black then white, the legs and arms twitching and fighting away at an unknown enemy - but there is something amiss...

'WHERE IN THE HELL ARE THE SUNGLASSES AND CAP MRS GIOVANNI!!!'

The scanning woman, throws me another vicious look.

'The sunglasses and cap don't show until 23 weeks, this baby is only 13 weeks and 1 day old'

'BUT I READ THEY'RE VIEWABLE AFTER 10 WEEKS!!!!'

'Sit down and shut up Mr Giovanni' Scanner woman replies

I do as I'm told...


We go home via the supermarket and the pet shop.


Mrs Giovanni likes supermarkets very much indeed.

'Just relax and walk around and we can take our time and really enjoy it!!' She says as we revolve the door. The look of joy on Mrs G's face suggests we're entering heaven, not Sainsburys.

'Oh jesus...'

I think


The pet shop is a lot more fun because it's full of pets.

Mrs Giovanni is enamoured with the cutesy little kittens.

'Cats are stupid Mrs Giovanni!!!' I say 'Look at that one - it's lying in the litter tray!!! It thinks it's clever, but it's lying in it's sibblings shit!! Birds are far more useful and they're certainly more clever.'

Mrs Giovanni frowns


The pet shop has 2 parrots. The smaller of the two - a white one, comes cageside and says 'HELLO?!?!'

'Hello!!' I reply 'How are you??'

The bird doesn't reply. Instead it repeats:

'Hello''

Regardless of this lack of conversational development, I'm enamoured with the parrot and immediately realise I need to buy a parrot as soon as possible.

I will train it to point out my seplling errors and my career will gather pace...