CASA HASA GIOVANNA EPISODE 6 ::: OUT WITH THE OLD AND IN WITH THE NEW

Current mood: HURRAH HURRAH HURRAH!!!
Category: HURRAH HURRAH HURRAH!!! Music

OK...

SPAZZER TOM MIGHT WELL BE AN ABSOLUTE ASS at key moments, but he makes my life as PG£ very easy in other ways...

So, belatedly (though available on pg.com at 23:23 on the 23rd) here we go with the latest epsiode of my tuneshow set Casa Hasa Giovanna...

For the first time in this series brief history, this episode has been made and manipulated by a PGC AKA FMC member of staff as opposed to fuckwit Giovanni...

Yes boss, whilst I set about preparring the EXTRA SPECIAL Episode 7, I've sublet this months show to my Official Tipster and Diary Planner (Australia & The Far East Region) Princess Stephen.

It's ace and here it is....

CLICK HERE TO STREAM AND OR DOWNLOAD

AND TO HEAR AND/OR DOWNLOAD ANY OF THE PREVIOUS EPISODES CLICK HERE!!!

OH BULLET IN THE HEAD....

Current mood: OVER AND OVER AND OVER...
Category: OVER AND OVER AND OVER... Music

The other day I was talking to the front man of Colossus Mr Spider Fingers Clay about how I'd decided I was no longer going to pick on Radiohead in these here blogs...

Mr Clay looked at me in a disbelieving fashion...

I explained that this decision had nothing to do with my having suddenly coming around to Radioheads music or worthy manner, so much as a desire to not excessively repeat myself and or over labour the point (that Radioheads very existance continues to annoy the shit out of me, makes me want to kill myself etc)...

'But you won't be able to resist' he said....

He was right...


Below is a blog by a band I've never heard of called (perhaps rather appropriately) The Liars...

The Liars have just been on tour with Radiohead AKA The Heroes Of The Green Revolution, and these rather nauseating words are their take on that experience....

OH RADIOHEAD...

In a world full of fear and ripe with insincerity its such a relief to have met Radiohead.
They are purveyors of truth, beauty and a moral responsibility to the planet.
We've been welcomed with literal open ams and thoroughly schooled
on how to function as a band -not just musically, but ethicly too.
The honor is in learning from the best and from the beginning we've been in class.
The important thing for us to make clear is just how awe inspiring this production is.
We're not sure if there's any information made public about the efforts
Radiohead go to to reduce their environmental impact.
But, there should be.
At the outset we were all given tour water flasks.
Plastic anything is like contraband.
Every bus and truck runs on bio-fuel.
There is no idling, rather some new-fangled way to deliver electricity cleanly.
They don't do air-freight either.
The list goes on..
Everything is supremely managed to reduce the 'footprint'
and it's inspiring in that its 'real' and should set the standard for other big productions.
This all goes beyond the immediate impact of simply
being able to watch these 5 guys perform together each night.
Unlike any band we've seen they all contribute such an immense amount to the outcome.
Their extreme individual talents blending so naturally.
To witness this first-hand is an education in musicianship and vision
that's certainly not been lost on us..
For now, we'd like to send our huge thanks to the Radiohead crew
for being so super crazy nice and supportive to us.
We'll see them in Spain again for the Daydream Festival
and ofcourse during our West Coast tour with Radiohead in August -
so no tears yet..
We Liars head to Europe now...
following a luxurious 2 day break and will be re-tracing
some of the steps missed due to the euphoria of living in rainbows.

Love and Lobsters,
LIARS

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=17847147&blogID=397845491


Shit, and I thought Shayne Wards songs were bad.....


So, what exactly is my problem with this epic by The Liars and Radioheads worthy fun free green crusade???

Well having completed such a crusade myself (whilst Radiohead were still in their fresh easy-to-wash band nappies making their millions), I can safely attest to the fact, that the reality of the western concept of 'Saving The World' is about as similar to ACTUALLY saving the world as Michael Jacksons ideas about Saving The Children are to do with making kids lives a better place to be.....

Basically: not quite what is said on the tin and more than a little bit misleading......


Yes boss, it's my opinion that though it sure is a tall and mighty pious bunch of ideas, the rules of human nature, the earth and the universe make the concept of earth saving to be utterly unattainable.

The world and the humans do their thing, and their thing is most often completely selfish and self seeking and no ammount of Bono or Thom is gonna make that any different, no matter how it might appear...

Sure this might sound cynical or negative, but stating the facts often seems to be percieved that way by people unable to accept the world in all it's miserable glory...


So Thom and the boys, do yourselves a favour and learn from someone who's been there, worn the t-shirt, and done the resulting 53 hour jail stint and hunger strike, only to get out of jail to find 10 times the number of people have been protesting against the imminent bankruptcy of a football club....

The only real way to make this world a better place for all Gods Children is to read The Futureproof Music Blog by Paul James Pious Giovanni £rd....

You heard it here first...

THE DAWNING OF A NEW ERA.....

Current mood: FAYE: LEAVE THE LOSER...
Category: FAYE: LEAVE THE LOSER... Music

YOU'RE HEADING FOR THE GIOVAN-ROCKS........



YOU WILL BE SOON SHAYNE, YOU WILL BE SOON....

NATURAL SELECTION....

Current mood: I BELIEVE I CAN FLY.....
Category: I BELIEVE I CAN FLY..... Music

I went along to this gig on the boat.

In essence, I like good non-pretending folk music. I find proper folk musicians to have a lot of integrity. They know and love music, have a very strong connection to their instruments and they certainly love sound...

This so, I don't listen to a hell of a lot of folk, but at the back end of last year, I did buy a CD of Belgian Folk Music and it was one of the best CDs I bought all year. I've been planning to review it, but it has no cover, so I don't know what it is or what the tracks are.

I also have one of very early English folk music. I've had it 5 or 6 years and still not ever played it - I'm saving it for a rainy day.


So, tonight, aboard The English Maid, I was reminded that Brigid Power-Ryce has an incredible voice. It's like a strongly burning candle, and it's one of the few voices, that's power and intensity frightens me..

The rest I saw and heard were also good...


I also like boats, so the night went down well, even though I didn't stay long enough to see Woody Guthries old mate Tom Paley play....

Anyway, as I often do, I wandered off early on a whim, following my nose....

I walked down the Thames as far as Tate Modern, then across to St Pauls, through Bank, up Brick Lane and all the way down Bethnal Green Road and then onto Roman Road for the final stretch...

It took about 2 hours in total.

It was a lovely walk...


As I descended the steps onto the Island, I could hear the rumble of good quality bass...

Other than the Fish Factory (I plan to get a job there soon) and the Slaughterhouse (I plan to never work there), Fish Island is almost completely composed of Yuppie Flats and Artists Studios.

The Artists are always having parties.

There's a hand written poster that recently been taped to the brick wall of the block of studios to the left of where I'm writing this.

It says:

PLEASE DO NOT PISS AGAINST THE WALL BEHIND THE SILVER LANDROVER. ARTISTS STUDIOS ARE FOR WORKING, NOT FOR HAVING PARTIES IN EVERY WEEKEND!!!!!

Feeling as if I've had enough action for one day, I elect not to seek out the party, and instead, take the set of steps that takes me up and past Shayne Wards flat.

Shayne lives in Number 32 and I live in Number 46

I like to walk past Shaynes flat.

Why??

I like to remind myself of the night on which The Chairs Of Pop Power were captured..

It's a bit like my version of Rememberance Day, except during the capture of The Chairs Of Pop Power, none of my friends got blasted into a thousand bleeding pieces by bombs and machine gun fire...

So, I'm just past Shaynes flat (there are no new important pop artifacts to be had), and I'm walking this gangway towards mine and I can hear a couple having one of those quiet arguments. They are about to come into view. They are walking towards me. They can only be going to one of 3 flats...

I know who they must be.

Sure enough, it's Shayne and his girlfriend Faye McKeever.


I smile broadly and get ready to say:

'HELLO!!!!' in a polite and neighbourly fashion...

As we pass, Shayne looks down at the floor like a man who knows his musical time (and ownership of The Chairs of Pop Power) has been and gone.

Faye looks at me and returns my smile...

This can only mean one thing:

COME TO DADDY FAYE!!! COME TO DADDY!!!!

IT’S ALL A MATTER OF TASTE

Current mood: PSYCHOSIS...
Category: PSYCHOSIS... Music

There's one track on Bristol band Portisheads first LP that features that sample from Ikes Rap II..

It's a regulation downbeat number called Glory Box and it did very well....

The odd thing about this track, was that at the exact same time, Tricky (also from Bristol) had an almost identical track featuring the very same sample that also did well, at the exact same time...

The mood and feel of the two tracks are more or less exactly the same, yet I've always seen the Tricky version as being very, very much better...

Yes boss, to my ear, the phrasing of the vocal is far more hopeful and upbeat that Portisheads.

Add onto this, the extra work by The Gravediggaz that makes the b-sides into a remarkable separate entity called The Hell EP...

and I know where my vote goes...

These Gravediggaz tracks sound like a brain decomposing - that moment when you know you've had too many drugs, and that you might have some serious work to go to get back to your former life...

I like these tracks so much, I have them on the LP, on Red Vinyl 12" and a 7" Picture Disc single, meanwhile the Portishead version has no representation in the Giovan-archive at all..

So, what do you think???

Tricky or Portishead???

Or both in equal but different merit???

RECOVERY AMIS IN THE ARMS OF A CHILD (and a quick flyer review)

Current mood: SORE....
Category: SORE.... Writing and Poetry

After my brush with yesterdays late night christ, I spent today meddling with broken computers, saying 'OHHHHH!!' with a pained face, (just like my mother does when she gets up from the sofa) and wondering what in the hell is going on in astro-land to make so many curious things happen in so few days...

It's all been a bit Pete Tong:

Running battles with 2 computers (including 'old faithful') I fall off the bike, Manchester United win The Champions League, I'm not drinking and enjoying it - shit, I even took a certain ammount of pleasure in mopping the floor yesterday for our 6 monthly 'HAVE YOU RUINED MY YUPPIE FLAT YOU WORTHLESS SCUM!!!!' flat inspection....


I tell you what's been good though: I've only recently got my head around Billy Childish, and the more I read and learn of him, the more I find him to be the wisest of sages and a very good game player..

Yes boss, BC has that inherently important (in fact THE ONLY IMPORTANT) artistic skill - he's able to see things as they are, and not how either the mass of people or the guiff publicity says they are....


I mean it, when I say 'THE ONLY IMPORTANT' artistic skill...

People hark on about talent and ability, originality and creative merit, but surely the point of the reformation of art led by the likes of Marcel Duchamp was to simply say

'Look it's about what you're saying not the fact you can flip more hoops than anyone else..'


Unfortunately, as Childish regularly notes, that particular lesson hasn't been learnt at all, and now every half wit, with nothing better to do is knocking out bad copy Dadaist art and thinking they're clever with it, when in fact they're just being professionally lazy...

Yes boss, art today is now more often than not cheap entertainment crossed with decoration and advertising...

Anyway, In this wonderful interview (thanks for the tip Brigid) Mr C slays (with remarkable accuracy) more sacred cows than a Hindu undergoing a severe crisis of faith,,,..

It's perhaps a little wordy, but this piece is quintessentially good critique. BC's targets are always firm and correct - not least when it comes to writers like Amis & Rushdie....


I've always despized these two clever and respected harridans..

In my creative writing clases at art school, we were always being directed towards them. These were THE GREATS OF OUR TIME!!! THE LEVIATHONS OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE!!!!

But I could never see what there was to get excited about?!?

Sure they could string clever words together endlessly, but Amis in particular, never seemed to have any reason to write or anything at all to say. It struck me he only bothered with writing to annoy and trump his dad, Kingsley Amis - and if there's one thing I definately disaprove it's writing running in families....

Yes boss, if Paul Junior ever says 'Daddy, I want to be a writer...' I'll go spare...

'BECOME A FUCKING POLICEMAN!!! OR AN ASTRONAUT!!! WORK FOR Mi5 - ANYTHING BUT BE A FUCKING WRITER!!!'


So, if you're reading this Amis: Quit and become a plumber or a civil servant - in fact, I think that's his ideal job for Amis - a civil servent...


Of course my dislike of Amis and Rushdie curried me no favours with my supposed writing teachers. It was pretty much essential to write that kind of flowery and over elaborate guff OR ELSE!!!


But I suppose in the sense that those teachers required, I've never been and will never be a writer. I don't see the point in putting words down for the hell of it, or to be smart, and I'm not bothered about frills unless they serve a purpose.

You're either saying something worth saying because it's erupting out of you in colour, or you should go do something more useful instead....


Oh and if you're about London tomorrow and want to sit on a boat and hear music, come along to this...

(This is the best coloured flyer I've seen in ages - the text could do with being a little clearer though..)

PIOUS PAUL GIOVANNI £RD KISSES THE TARMAC....

Current mood: HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF CHRIST...
Category: HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF CHRIST... Religion and Philosophy

I'm getting back into cycling...

Yes boss, my delight for beer and fried breakfasts has meant a slow and steady increase in the Giovan waistline, and though the situation is far from serious, I've decided a little pre-preemptive action is necessary in order to keep the spread in check...


I'm also firggin' well tired of London Transport.

Yes boss, Fish Island might be the best place on earth to take drugs and THE GENERAL AND COMPLETE CENTER OF THE FUCKING UNIVERSE!!!! But it's shoddy in terms of Public T: the tube doesn't even come close and the buses aren't much better and this means a few hours minimum to get to and fro to gigs.

Now, I didn't use to mind this at all. In fact, I had a good routine going with downing a few beers on the way, so as to be able to slow drink the night away and thereby get best and lasting value out of whatever squalid amount of cash I had available to spend..

However, not content with giving all smokers colds, the pettty idiot regulators of London are now banning booze on Public Transport as from June 1st 2008?!?

Yes boss, no more boozing it on the bus...?!?

It's a fucking liberty and one I don't intend to respect!!!!


Anyway, tonight, I went to Angel to see Big Mama's Door play a competent set of tight blues in the bar of a small theater on Upper Street...

Now, the best thing about going to Angel (other than the name of the place) is that one can cycle the whole way there and back from here (excepting a few hundred yards) alongside The Regents Canal..

Yes boss, if there's one thing I love more than cycling, it's cycling canalside AT GREAT SPEED, AT NIGHT, WITHOUT LIGHTS!!!

In the daytime, it's all stop/start and politely waiting for the nice people to GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE DAMN WAY!!!! But at night, it's little short of endless edge ridden exhilaration - made all the better with a belly full of booze or some dubious chemicals rolling around the veins!!!


Anyway, I left tonights gig sober (I have insufficient cash to get drunk, so instead elected to not bother at all) I cycled down to the canal, and rode a safe and steady 10 or 12 mph pace homewards...

A half mile or so done and I'm somewhat astonished to come across a religious freak dressed in white ceremonial robes....

Yes boss, the Holy Cunt is pacing up and down YELLING!!!!

Is it They Came From The Stars I Saw Them performing some kind of a single release ceremony (The Hot Inc is out NOW on itunes etc!!) to the goddess Eris???


If only it was - but it's not...


It is instead some christian nutter, and he's pacing the toepath at midnight YELLING!!!

'OH HOLY SWEET FATHER OF CHRIST, WHO GAVE HIS SOUL SO THAT WE MIGHT BE SAVED UNTO OTHERS IN HEAVEN AND EARTH FOREVER AND ALWAYS...'etc


oh jesus....i think


Well, I quickly figure this man is in such a world of religious rapture, he's clearly not even seen a mere mortal like me, so I tweak my fingers on the brakes, find a good line to his right (so that if we do bump one another, it's him who goes in the drink) and I pass on by...


Move completed, I'm just about to congratulate myself on a stylishly well executed pass, when I catch a glimpse of another white robed person on the left, I take a look left and th-

CRASH%^&^%***BANG FUCKING WELL WALLOP!! into some knee high concrete hulk and I fly over the handlebars...


Well, as I come around to the fact, that instead of flying alongside the canal looking for bats and feeling pretty good, I am instead tied up with my bike in a heap, I remember the preacher man...

I look back towards him, to find that THE HOLY FUCKING CUNT HASN'T SO MUCH AS LOST A BEAT OF HIS SERMON?!??!??!???????

'OH HOLY SWEET FATHER OF CHRIST, WHO GAVE HIS SOUL SO THAT WE MIGHT BE SAVED UNTO OTHERS IN HEAVEN AND EARTH FOREVER AND ALWAYS...' he rants

SERIOUSLY!!!!

I mean I, Paul James Giovanni £rd could be lying in a pool of my own bastard teeth struggling towards a future of funny looks from passers by COMBINED WITH EXPENSIVE DENTAL APPOINTMENTS!!! and Mr 2 meters away Holy, is only worrying about higher powers and upper incantations?!?

Well, my adrenalin is properly flowing and with the edge embarrassment beginning to bite, I look on asconce at GOD pacing and ranting like a demented fucking fool..

I untangle myself, check that everything is working, that I can stand, and I get back onto the bike...

As I do, the 2nd robe clad figure, who can only be Gods long suffering wife, gingerly walks towards me, whispering 'Are you alright?' (her body language suggests WE DON'T WANT TO BOTHER HIS HOLINESS WITH OUR IDLE CHATTER NOW DO WE?!?)

I say 'I'm fine' and I get going...


So, I cycle on homewards, and my knee hurts more with time, but it's OK and I get back to Cod Island to find that my only injuries are some towpath rash down my left arm, elbow and knee and a nasty bruisey lump above the kneecap...


But Jesus...

'OH HOLY SWEET FATHER OF CHRIST, WHO GAVE HIS SOUL SO THAT WE MIGHT BE SAVED UNTO OTHERS IN HEAVEN AND EARTH FOREVER AND ALWAYS...' etc

Whatever the fuck happenned to good old fashioned christian charity????

POACH ME A GAMEKEEPER

Current mood: INCORPORATE YOUR CRIME AND WE’LL TALK!!!
Category: INCORPORATE YOUR CRIME AND WE’LL TALK!!! Jobs, Work, Careers

Militant attacks and strikes by Nigerian oil workers have helped push oil prices to record highs.

The defence ministry has suggested militant attacks could be brought under control by employing the very militants conducting the attacks to police the pipelines, newspaper This Day reported.

"We will engage them to police oil pipelines, but they must first form themselves into limited liability companies for us to discuss with them," Defence Minister Yayale Ahmed told a House of Representatives committee on Tuesday.

(HA HA HA HAAA AHAH HAAAAA!!!! PG£)

"That's a matter for the defence ministry to comment on," a spokesman for the oil company Royal Dutch Shell told the BBC.

A defence ministry spokesman was not available for comment.

3 DOCS FOR THE LIBRARY ::: NO1

Current mood: THE FAMILY SHED...
Category: THE FAMILY SHED... Art and Photography

I don't like TV much and on the many occasions I've not had one, I've never missed it...

This so, very occasionally, I get surprisd by the box, and this has happenned 3 times in the last week..

On each occason the surprise has been in the form of documentary..


Here we go with the first...

The family Greenhalgh are from Bolton

About 8 of them live in a terraced house, and led by Mr Greenhalgh Snr's wild fantasisms, they've made themselves a career out of faking high quality ancient art works for no apparent reason..


Their son Shaun, is the craftsman...

It's the same old story of individual genius fights over institutional idiocy:

Rejected by art schools, Shaun has no friends and no love for humankind, so he retires to the family garden shed, and sets about faking a whole and completely diverse bunch of artworks that go on to fool 'experts' by the tonne..

He does Gauguin Statues, Assyrian Reliefs, L S Lowry paintings, Roman Silver Plates, the list goes on...

The peak of the Greenhalgh families creations is the Amarna Princess..

Created in the shed by Shaun, The Princess is sold to Bolton museum for £440,000. Reputed to be an Egyptian Relic, it's passed as real and bought after a host of inspections, including one by know nothing Queen..


Well, as you'll have no doubt worked out, the gravy boat ends, and all the police can do is make some shitty video of the inside of the Greenhalgh's house and bring some convictions...

Yes boss, upon breaking in, the rozzers find the place to be an Alladins cave of self taught artistic skill.

Shaun is found to be sharing a bedroom with 2 elderly relatives and so he produces incredible copies...


And what do the authorities do???

BANG UP THE GENIUS FOR 4 FUCKING YEARS!!!!

But it's not all bad

Mr Greenhalgh Snr gets away with it.

He's well into his eighties and as the court case approaches he finds the need for a wheelchair. His neighbour recalls having never seen Mr G in a wheelchair before the court case - 'it was a sudden decline'....

The judge recommends a custodial sentence, but can't give it because Mr G senior is too 'ill'...

(father and son)

And that's about it, except programs that highlight a criminal operation, often end with the inevitable 'DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME KIDS!!!!' moral warning...

But not this time.

The doc ends with the friends and neighbours of the Greenhalghs in the local boozer toasting the families success!!!!

PURE TV GOLD!!!!

THE BLUNT KNIVES....

Current mood: SHARPEN THE BLADE BOYS, SHARPEN THE BLADE.....
Category: SHARPEN THE BLADE BOYS, SHARPEN THE BLADE..... Music

If you can find it, Stool Pigeon Magazine is one of the few paper rags worth picking up...

Stool Pigeon is free...

It covers mostly obscure and little known acts

It contains some very good writing...


All this goodness doesn't however prevent the artists interviewed therein from talking STEPHEN JAMES JOLLOCKS!! and the December 2007 issue exhibited the following words from Henry of The Young Knives, that perhaps
illustrates my point of the previous blog, better than I...


Henry is reported to have said:

'We don't have strong opinions on anything. We're of that generation that's quite confused about what we think. We're neither left-wing nor right-wing. We've been taught at school how to be objective in our arguments. Empathising with both sides of the argument and never coming to any kind of conclusion'


Well Henry....allow me to respond...


"The point of school isn't to simply sit there, listen to and then do everything you're told to do and think, by the failed simpletons who call themselves teachers...

The point of school is to be naughty and/or, do as little of the silly work as possible, whilst simultaeneously cherry picking the good stuff and educating yourself in your spare time....

If you find this hard, simply sit quietly, and stare into the middle distance, as if therein lies a beautiful apparition of hope bliss and heavenly unity!!

In other words, I have a word for people who have no opinions about anything because that's what they've been taught to do, and that word begins with a 'C' and ends with an 'unts!!!!!'

Furthermore, though it's something you clearly struggle with, I've found myself able to come up with an opinion about your band...

This opinion is that I'm completely unable to even get as far as listening to your records to form an opinion, because the fact that you have NO opinions makes it very, VERY unlikely you're going to produce anything even remotely interesting!!!!"

AKA

NEXT!!!!

PUT YOUR BACK INTO IT!!!!

Current mood: WOOF WOOF WOOF!!!!
Category: WOOF WOOF WOOF!!!! Music

One of the main problems I have with modern music, is the lack of real and genuine intensity exhibited by most of its creators...

Yes boss, having spent just over a year looking at where things are at, I'm finding there's a distinct lack of genuine force to todays music - a lack of intensity, a lack a strength and passionately REAL feelings going into the songs and the performances....


Here's my estimation of the problem..

People who can make properly intense feeling laced music (whether it be the loud and rawkus or the deeply soulful) are nearly always mentalists of one kind or another.

They're the type of characters that can barely hold onto their day.

They're people of huge and overwhelming sensitivity. People who can't function without the music, who can't do anything else but music, and who half the time can't even do that, because the world is sitting on them, or they're simply tired and bored..


Here's a comparison:


When you hear Suicide SCREAM!!! you knew they were screaming because they hurt and they felt things they couldn't quite cope with. You knew they couldn't contain the pain, so they had to come out with it....

Suicide were the kind of band that can only slip in and out of function because everyday was and still is some kind of a war against pain, real or imagined...


Today you get The Crystal Castles.

The Crystal Castles are a flatulant, rust proof, easy to market palid pain band.

They scream, but they don't make me feel anything. They're like a sad freak show for a youth that has no real idea how to rebel - a youth so lathered in honey, they think visiting Camden and buying an identikit pair of wayfarer shades is making a statement...


I could list of a whole bunch of similar artists..

As I'm writing this I'm listening to Pendulum.

The first track I heard by Pendulum was a LIVE track and it appeared to have some proper big VARROOSSHHH!!!

So I downloaded the LP and I'm listening to it, and it's worse than crap...

Sure, there's one or 2 tracks on there, but the rest is just mild mannered and over produced. It goes nowhere, it has no depth or power. It's like a Sunday walk around a newly developed area in a brand new pair of trainers. It doesn't inspire me to turn it up to 11 and it doesn't communicate anything other than a sparsity of depth and ideas..


Contrast Pendulum with DJ Scud.

Now, I've no idea what's happenned to DJ Scud, he's not on myspace, his record label Ambush closed down and there's no sign of new projects that I can find info about....

But he was and remains fucking well FULL ON!!!

Yes boss, I've got 2 or 3 of his DJ mixes from the turn of the millenia, and everytime I play them, they blow my head off. More or less everytime I HAVE TO TURN THEM FUCKERS UP!!!! My pulse starts racing - I feel the immediate need to start throwing things around...


My point is this: People who make music should be so fucking dysfunctional they can't string a tour together without being molly coddled the entire time, let alone play every money spinning festival on the circuit to an inane and rapturous response...


I think the bottom line is that there's a plague of bad professionalism in music. The whole game is being high jacked into becoming a badly over organised circus, run by sensible, well balanced people with degrees in Music Management - people who love to balance books and run marketing campaigns as used by their new media friends for selling boxes of washing powder...


Maybe this is a good thing??

Maybe the world is alright now because we have disposable everything and no ideology other than SPEND SPEND SPEND!!!

Maybe people don't need to vent any more??

Maybe the world's got better and we should be simply happy with that and accept that music will decline...??


But that's clearly not the case, it's just that people are far better trained and controlled nowadays to be happy with what they're given...


Oh well....

A HAPPY FAMILY.....

Current mood: UMMMM.....???....
Category: UMMMM.....???.... Music

GOD SAVE THE KINGS!!!!

Current mood: YEAH!!!!!
Category: YEAH!!!!! Music

SPARKS SPECTACULAR - 21 ALBUMS IN 21 NIGHTS

At Carling Academy Islington, N1 Centre, Islington, LONDON, N1 0PS
www.islington-academy.co.uk doors open at 19.00

MAY
16^th Halfnelson/Sparks (1971/2)
17^th A Woofer In Tweeter's Clothing (1972)
18^th Kimono My House (1974)
20^th Propaganda (1974)
21^st Indiscreet (1975)
23^rd Big Beat (1976)
24^th Introducing Sparks (1977)
25^th No.1 In Heaven (1979)
27^th Terminal Jive (1979)
28^th Whomp That Sucker (1981)
30^th Angst In My Pants (1982)
31^st In Outer Space (1983)

JUNE
1^st Pulling Rabbits Out Of A Hat (1984)
3^rd Music That You Can Dance To (1986)
4^th Interior Design (1988)
6^th Gratuitous Sax & Senseless Violins (1995)
7^th Plagiarism (1997)
8^th Balls (2000)
10^th Lil' Beethoven (2003)
11^th Hello Young Lovers (2006)

JUNE 13th WORLD PREMIERE OF SPARKS' 21ST ALBUM (2008) @ Shepherds Bush Empire, Shepherds Bush Green, Shepherds Bush, LONDON, W12 8TT
www.shepherds-bush-empire.co.uk

INDIVIDUAL TICKET PRICE: £20.00 PER SHOW

3 NIGHTS OR MORE BOUGHT TOGETHER: £18.00 PER SHOW

GOLDEN TICKET – ALL 21 SHOWS - £350.00 (includes signed poster and exclusive Sparks song on CD). This offer is exclusive to
www.ticketweb.co.uk cc line 0844 477 2000

(TICKETS SUBJECT TO BOOKING FEE)

TODAYS FLIM FLAM....

Current mood: LOVE IS THE DOVE....
Category: LOVE IS THE DOVE.... Life

WHERE WAS MONIQUE RODEL????

I found one of the leftover posters from yesterdays Fish Island scare (in fact 2) on lamposts, on the road this afternoon...

Does this means Monique's still lost on the road, but not inside these pearly gates???

I doubt it, but am now becoming fascinated with the story as to what exactly happenned...


Did she have a row with Ryan or Graham and who in the hell is Mairead???

Did Monique simply think 'FUCK THIS AND FUCK EVERYONE!!!' and disappear for a coupla days peace and quiet???

Did she manage to knife her would be assailent in the head, when she realised he was a bit funny looking???

Or was it all just art????


Jesus, I worry about how it all works AND I WANT TO KNOW MORE!!!!


That Madeline McCann thing did my head in.

I could never understand why there was such a fuss over one (of so many) lost children. It was Princess Diana all over again..

And then there was that thing in the North East of England where a girl went missing and not only was she found a number of weeks later hidden away in the base of a relatives bed, but her mother was arrested over her going missing, meanwhile her step father was accused of kiddie porn...


To trump it all, there was the cellar in Austria...

PEOPLE LOVED THAT SHIT!!!!

Endless headlines!!! The details of it all were like crack...

HOW HIGH WERE THE CELINGS????

DID HIS WIFE REALLY KNOW NOTHING????

WAS IT REALLY HITLERS FAULT????


Menawhile MJ and (thus far at least) R Kelly drive the streets in their limo's...


I think people get bored, and they leap onto these media death/missing person campaigns as a way of identifying with some excitement and dangerous difference...

When you're brushing the same carpet every day, you must lust after a story no matter how horrific it is - I know I do....


Is there such a thing as collective guilt and communal grief???


It fascinates me....


FUCKING HELL - EVERYTHING FASCINATES ME!!!!!

A PHILIP OF THINGS....

Current mood: WOBBLY
Category: WOBBLY Music

Here we go with a few tips and flip flops of info to line your day...


Firstly: Today Fish Island got scary:

Yes boss, Mrs G and myself were leaving the flat this morning to go to Primark in Hackney (YES, WE'RE THAT FUCKING CLASSY!!)

We see a few pieces of A4 paper dotted about the car park that appear to be advertising something....

Getting closer to one we see the word 'MISSING'

SHIT!!!! I think, has Shayne Ward finally realised The Chairs of Pop Power are missing?? DOES HE WANT THEM BACK?? ARE THERE GONNA BE FLAT TO FLAT SEARCHES FOR THE CHAIRS??? AM I GOING DOWN TO POP HELL BEFORE I'VE EVEN HAD ONE HIT?!?

Or has someone lost a cat???


Well, we take a look and it's far more sinsiter than that.

A young woman has disappeared. She was last seen leaving these here Fishy Flats at midday on Thursday and hasn't been seen since...

This is not a joke...


Now, generally speaking, I can never get too bothered about people going missing of whom I have no knowledge, but when they've left your block of flats in broad daylight and apparently disappeard, I find I get a little more bothered...


So, I just went to check on her name to write this (because I was convinced she was called Isobel and Mrs G was sure she was called Monique) and I'm pleased to say she appears to have turned up, because all the posters have now been taken down...

PHEW!!

Secondly: I know many of you probably don't give a shit about bike racing, but I'm gonna rattle this one out anyway....

Dave Zabriskie is a professional bike racer currently riding for the Slipstream Chipotle team.

I first remember Zabriskie winning a solo breakaway when riding for Lance Armstrongs US Postal team in the Tour of Spain 4 or 5 years ago. It was a proper long solo breakaway that very very rarely succedes, and I had the feeling that though his career had (up until that point) been cursed by injury, we might be hearing more of Mr Z...

Well, since then he's held the yellow jersey at The Tour De France, before crashing out (whilst still wearing the Golden Tunic) He's also won and placed high in many top level time trials and regular races...

Anyway, having co-won Stage 1, Zabriske was enjoying this years Tour of Italy, but he suffered the misfortune of suffering a rather nasty crash that took him into an ambulance and out of the race...

So, my point here is that he wirtes blogs here on myspace and his latest is an account of this Giro, the crash, the hotels, and the general the life and times of a pro-racer on a major tour..

It's an ace read and insight into the sport that I love and you can catch it by clicking here...


Thirdly:

There's a new musique blog on here that I'd recommend you get your subscription on if you want to learn about newer music..

It's written by Minnie Musique and you can get yourself a braniful by clicking here....


Lastly:

I've mentioned him before and I'll no doubt mention him again.

Roger The Record Producer has an ace blog and he now has a weekly podcast type thing called The Shabby Road Radio Hour

This Radio Hour is a fucking wierd and wondefully ACE thing and you must check it out right away!!!!

So, go to his blog and scroll down to find Episodes 1 & 2...


OVER AND OUT!!!!

AND TO THINK THAT AT THE TIME OF RELEASE, NOBODY THOUGHT ROB HALFORD WAS GAY....

Current mood: EVE MORE GAY THAN FABIO.....
Category: EVE MORE GAY THAN FABIO..... Music

Currently listening : The Essential Judas Priest By Judas Priest Release date: 2006-04-11

JUST BE HUMAN???

Current mood: STATING THE BLEEDING OBVIOUS
Category: STATING THE BLEEDING OBVIOUS Goals, Plans, Hopes

I'd imagine it's obvious that I'm an extremely important person here on myspace...

Yes boss, few folk would argue that until Paul Giovanni £rd came along Myspaces rather pathethic crowning glory was the coronation of two bit bands like The Arctic Monkeys and one track wonders like Lily Allen...


Of course there are many upsides to being very virtually important. But there are also bleak downsides...

Such downsides include being virtually bothered by people on the street, being continually harrased for friendship by large breasted girls in bikini's called Marlene who are JUST BURSTING for me (Paul Pious James Giovanni £rd) to watch them on their LIVE CAMS OR TO DATE THEM TODAY!!!!

Then there's forever being roped into charitable work...


A few weeks back, I got one such charitable request that came in the form of a 'Friend Request' from a group calling itself Just be Human (TM)

I read their page and found it to be completely full of ideological tosh...


As humans we all share equally in a responsibility to reduce need globally. When one human needs, we all need. Just Be Human is not only a charitable initiative; it is thought in motion. Together using conventional and non-conventional means we can re-imagine the possibilities and begin to change the world.

One common action will always produce more results than the potential of many different thoughts never acted upon.

Together we can change the world! Just Be Human - Think it, See it, Do it, Live it...

Now, you can call me mean, but I simply object to people who understand the notion of 'being human' as 'being kind' and 'charitable'....

Yes boss, from what I've seen, 'being human' is really all about maintaining improving and enhancing ones own personal power and status, until one finds their niche and can improve no more...


Furthermore, it's my rather unpopular belief that people who dedicate their lives to charity and expect you to believe they're doing this out of anything other than neccesity, are nearly always suffering what's more commonly known as a 'nervous breakdown'...

(Either that or they're an exception to the rule or a con act)


So, for my money (and you ain't getting it) starting up a charitable organisation called Just Be Human (TM) clearly misunderstands what being human is actually about, and is therefore either very, very naive or very cynically exploitative...


But I don't really need to be saying this, because the fact that this quasi-religious charitable business group (SAVE THE AFRICANS!!! By going on holiday and shaking tails with a crocodile) puts a (TM) for Trademark after it's name says it all...

RUN AWAY YOU FOOL!!! THOSE SCALEY OLD FUCKERS WANT TO EAT YOU!!!!! LOOK AT THAT VICIOUS FUCKER IN THE WATER!!!! IT'S ONLY THINKING ABOUT CHEWING YOUR BASTARD HEAD OFF!!!!!

THE CHAIRS OF POP POWER ::: FURTHER AND BETTER PARTICULARS

Current mood: POPISM
Category: POPISM Music

So what exactly are The Chairs of Pop Power???

The Chairs Of Pop Power are one of the most important artifacts in modern popular music.

They are the place where pop music relaxes and gains it's space.

The Chairs Of Pop Power deal and create pure light pop gold inspiration, that if used correctly, translates into pure pop music success..


What's the history of the Chairs Of Pop Power??

Because of their power and desireability, the complete history of The Chairs Pop Power is difficult to fully know.

That is to say, their history has been deliberately shrouded in untruths and lies...

What is known for certain, is that The Chairs were held (until recently) by a group known as the WaWeWa (Walsh/Westlife/Ward) Dynasty.

Whilst under that ownership The Chairs were mistreated and abused to create tracks such as this....

and this...

Just how long The Chairs had been in the posession of WaWeWa dynasty is however not known....

The suggestion that Lionel Richie originally gave them to as a Christmas gift to Michael Jackson is currently being researched..


If I sit in The Chairs of Pop Power will I become a pop star??

It's not that simple...


Why not??

Much like the Sword Of Damocles, The Chairs Of Pop Power can cause the wrong owner more problems than they solve.

Basically, if used incorrectly The Chairs Of Pop Power can julienne your ass and do far worse to your brain..


Isn't this all a load of old bollocks???

No.


But what proof is there that The Chairs Of Pop Power create or control pop music???

3 days after The Chairs of Pop Power were recovered from then holder Shayne Ward (Britains very first winner of The X-Factor) the X-Factor 2007 final was embroiled in scandal that discredited the entire operation.

Accusations of vote rigging and corruption surfaced that to this day have not gone away...

The person who should of won the 2007 edition of X-Factor had bright white hair, despite being a very young man....

This is not a coincidence. Rhydian had white hair because (in a vain attempt to persuade the world that average opera style singing was pop music) he spent far too much time sat in The Chairs Of Pop Power

It's a known fact that had The Chairs stayed in the control of WaWeWa Dynasty, Rhydian would've sat in them some more and then won the 2007 X-Factor and that squalid competitions domination of pop would have continued. But they didn't, and the day they were removed was the moment that saw the begining of the end of The X-Factor dominance of the christmas pop charts.

Yes boss, it was that very weekend that many people realised the X-Factor dream was all but over. That something new, more genuine and more credible had to happen to pop music..


How did The Chairs of Pop Power come to be in the posession of The Paul Giovanni Corporation AKA The Futureproof Music Corporation??

Shayne Ward rents a flat off of Westlifes Bryan McFadden not far from the HQ of the PGC AKA The FMC...

After spending countless hours observing Wards habbits and his increasingly casual and uncaring use of The Chairs, agents of The PGC AKA The FMC found a good opportunity to pinch The Chairs from under the nose of Ward...

A swift and telling executive decision was made.

The Chairs were grabbed, and immediately removed to a secret location where they've stayed ever since.


So Giovanni, you've had the chairs for months now, why aren't you a fucking pop star???

The Chairs Of Pop Power take time to work their magic.

They're not like a lightbulb - you don't simply plug them in and see the light...

They have to be nurtured and encouraged like a child.

It's necesary to spend hours sitting in them, dreaming of and fully developing your pop concepts .

You have to offer them magic, sacred offerings and light to get any back.....

Then, if and only when, they feel completely comfortable, will The Chairs fully impart their knowledge and hit giving potential

Yes boss, The Chairs Of Pop Power MUST ACCEPT YOU AS THE RIGHTFUL OWNER!!!

Until then, they are merely just another pair of posh deckchairs without cushions....




Horton Jupiter & Naomi Aurefeld engage heavily with some serious high light aura's atop The Chairs Of Pop Power in May 2008....

Is it a coincicdence that the next night their band They Came From The Stars I Saw Them play to a packed out house (on a Tuesday night), and perform an exceptionally poppy and well recieved set????

THE CRAZY GERMANS PLAY WITH GOD...

Current mood: HELLO!!!!!!
Category: HELLO!!!!!! Music

THEY CAME FROM THE STARS I SAW THEM MEET THE CHAIRS OF POP POWER LIVE ON FISH ISLAND

Current mood: ENLIGHTENED..
Category: ENLIGHTENED.. Music

Since capturing The Chairs Of Pop Power from fading pop star and original X-Factor winner Shayne Ward, I, Paul Pious James Giovanni £rd have been working on restoring The Chairs to their former pop giving powers...

Yes boss, after consulting with more worthy forces, I felt it best to allow The Chairs time to regenerate their powers gradually, naturally and without pressure...

Daily rituals, involving incantations, the burning of incense and the concentration of burning light, have aided a steady and safe recovery, and I'm now pleased to announce that the Chairs are showing every likelihood of having COMPLETELY RECOVERED THEIR UNIQUE POP GIVING POWERS!!!

Yes boss, once again The Chairs Of Pop Power are being employed to channel pop success towards all who sit in them..



(If you're confused

hold on

more information will follow....)

LEE PERRY AND JESUS....

Current mood: ON THE SOLES OF MY FEET...
Category: ON THE SOLES OF MY FEET... Music

WELL I’LL BE DAMNED....

Current mood: RUNNING OVER PORSCHES MIGHT NOT BE THE ANSWER
Category: RUNNING OVER PORSCHES MIGHT NOT BE THE ANSWER Life

So, I'm sitting here waiting for the response to the last few blogs and thinking over what I've read and written this last week and to kill time, I think I'm gonna google that girl Ellen i impressed hugely by running over that Porsche way back in 1998....(what else is the internet really good for??)

So, I put her name in and find she now has her own website to showcase her poetry...

Well, I'm browsing through and I see she has a book coming out called 'Girl in the Air' and I read down (half expecting to see some kind of credit for Paul Giovanni £rd) and who the fuck is illustratng the book, but Patrice Le Garrec?!?

Well I'll be damned...



(If this makes no sense to you, you'll have to read this blog to which it refers...)

A WEEKEND IN THE LIFE OF PAUL GIOVANNI £RD ::: SATURDAY (AN ASIDE)

Current mood: IT!!!
Category: IT!!! Music

'What do you say to someone with a degree in Cultural Studies??
'????'
'Big Mac & Fries Please!!'
T Nadir 2001


From being an elitists calling card, a university education has mutated into a wide ranging service business, that's aim, first and foremost, is to make money.


I remember my first show and tell at art school.

My course had a heavy ammount of creative writing in it, so our first task was to do a piece of writing, to bring it in and read it out to the group.

It sounded like a stupid fucking idea to me, but I did it and there we all were, sat in a big circle, like recalcitrant alcoholics, and one by one we read out our pieces...


Now, at the start, I thought I was probably the biggest fucking written cheese since someone noticed milk split into curds and whey and wrote it down.

Yes boss, I basically figured that all I needed to do was turn up and I'd be feted and handed a publishing deal WITHIN WEEKS!!!


But as the spotlight went around the room, I realised there was a lot of talent about...

Yes boss, my piece was knocked up the night before and it didn't fare too well. Meanwhile others had clearly put as lot into theirs and it showed..


All this was slightly embarassing for the strategists on Planet Paul, but I did learn something that day:

That there are a hell of a lot people with talent and that it's therefore other things that make the cut between those who make it to be professional and known writers and those that don't.....


About the only other thing I learnt at art school was during the 'Myth of the Artist' module...

The 'Myth of the Artist' module set out to debunk the idea artists were inevitably crazy, mad impulsive fools.

It instead suggested that artistes could be normal rationale folk, who loved their wives more than their work and returned their library books on time.


It was a strange idea and I guessed that the teachers on the course (who'd already ballsed up their chances of artistic immortality or realised they simply 'didn't have IT') wanted to give themselves a little solace or future hope that their safe and steady life was the right move to some kind of future greatness...

In fact, I quickly realised the whole set up at art school was based far more around the lecturers than the students.

The college was their rock face and if you were a good worker and courted their favour you did well, and if you weren't, you didn't....


Anyway, ever since that module, I've always wondered about the truth of the 'Myth of the Artist'

I mean it's all very well saying that artists can be balanced folk who pay their mortgage on time and only go to the pub for a quiet half, but is it really true??

Well, I really don't think it is...

Sure, there are some like that. But by far the larger majority that I've seen, who actually have inspiration and motivation to seriously try and make their creative talent into gold, are crazy in one or several ways...

They nearly all DON'T pay their bills on time - if they even know what bills are.

In fact artists, musicians and writers very rarely seriously think about anything or anyone else other than their projects, what it takes and how they're doing and whether ANYONE IS LOOKING AT THEM?!?


But then I also wonder if the wheeling madman image isn't just a myth perpetuating itself?!?

That the media and critics love to see that side as being an inevitable and intrinsic part of an artist, and that knowing this, artists themselves see the mad boozing spontenaity as being a necesary thing to replicate to make IT??

THE UNFASHIONABLE EAST END...

Current mood: TRANSITIONAL
Category: TRANSITIONAL Music

Come out of Mile End Tube, take a right and about 60 yards on your right, you 'll come upon a pub...

This pub was an unremarkable place until a year or so ago, when it underwent a makeover and name change..

I forget the original name, but it was renamed

Virtue


From the outside at least, Virtue had gone all 'noughties night club in the provinces'

We're talking big silver lettering on black.Very cheap chic. How sign makers approximate Hollywood glamour for a few hundred unconvincing quid...


Well I've never yet been inside Virtue and I wouldn't have any reason to, other than pure curiosity - I only ever go that way when on the way to somewhere else..

In fact, I wouldn't know anything about the place, it if it wasn't for slipping upon a couple of pieces in the local paper


The first piece said that someone had been stabbed outside after an altication inside, and the second (a few weeks later) said it'd been busted for drugs...

Yes boss, a police raid had seen to it that a whole bunch of crack dealers had been shipped out of what had apparently been a very good place to score hard drugs.

There were 10 or 12 of them, all caught with their trousers down inside Virtue..


Well, after another makeover Virtue has just reopened.

It's new name??

Milestone


I'm not sure if or why that's interesting, but it's struck some kind of a chord with me...

WHATEVER HAPPENNED TO...

Current mood: CURIOUS
Category: CURIOUS Music

Macy Gray??

I WENT DOWN THE PUB AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS....

Current mood: FANS...
Category: FANS... Music

BLOG MATERIAL...


Yes boss, yesterday Mrs Giovanni and myself went out to the pub...

WHAT?!?

MRS GIOVANNI WENT TO A PUB WITH YOU MR GIOVANNI?!?

HELL YES!!! VERY OCCASIONALLY IT HAPPENS!!!!


Now, I know a few of you doubt the existance of Mrs Giovanni.

Yes boss, I'm certain some of you think she's a figment of my wanky little mind, and that every night I do infact sleep with a large pink teddy that I dress up in suspsenders and lipstick and talk to as if it's my girlfriend....

But let me say this:

If you think like that you're the ONE WITH THE PROBLEM!!!!

MRS GIOVANNI LIVES AND WE WENT TO THE PUB!!!!


So, the pub was called The Lauriston, it's in 'Hackney Village' and it's a shitty fucking pub.

Yes boss, the first time I ever went into The Lauriston I noticed a sign that said that anyone wearing baseball caps or Burberry wasn't allowed in...

WELL!?!?

Sure our chavvy little friends can be a pain in the ass at times, but is it absolutely necesary to BAN the fuckers from the local pub. I mean how far away is that from

No Irish, No Blacks & No Dogs


But that's the spirit of Hackney Village...

It's completely full of middle of the road riche folk, who've either got lucky on the property market, or who think of themselves as being ever so slightly clever....

We're talking people who think slumming it is driving a vintage Saab. People who live in a rough area, even though they're loaded because they think it's rootsy...

Like

'Yeah we live in a shithole, but in this quaint villagey bit that isn't that slummy, next to a huge park in a million pound house, but yah, we live in Hackney, we've seen a Banksy, we're probably artists!!!'


Anyway, the 'No Chavs' sign came down a while back and my pink teddy (in suspenders and lipstick) and I still go to The Lauriston about 3 times a year, because it's one of the few places anywhere local, that does Italian style pizzas in a proper oven, and Mrs G does need her Italian style Pizzas now and then or else she'll stop yelling at her Italian friends when they're only a foot away and stop saying Ciao!


So, we get inside, and there's this noise going on that made me imagine a human being forced through a coffee grinder.

Yes boss, it was a deeply penetrating kind of a sound that really digs into your subconscious and starts pushing up the daisies.....


Well, figuring it could only be a temporary sound, we took a seat and ordered food..


It didn't stop...

It went on

and on

and on

and the staff are working around it as if it didn't exist.


So, I tolerated this racket for a while and seeing no human beings (or even coffee beans) being fed into coffee grinders or workmen using heavy tools, I went to the general area from where it were coming, to have a look at what exactly the sound was....


Well, you'll never guess what was casuing it?!?

A fucking ordinary table top fan!! They'd balanced it on a thin metal sheet that attached the oven to the wall. The fan was causing the sheet to vibrate and that was making this godawful noise...

I mean fucking hell, it was a 2 minute fix to prevent this horrnedous grinding sound and it appeared that it hadn't occurred to any one working there that it could:

a) Be doing their own heads in and should be fixed
b) Doing their customers heads in and should be fixed


Well it continued and I was reaching the point of explosion when a staff member turned the stereo on - and then, apparently noticing that the sound of the fan was LOUDER than the fucking stereo, turned the fan off...


IT WAS VERY VERY WIERD!!!!!


Anyway, today it was another scorcher and with the weather forecast saying more of the same well into next week (FUCKING A!!!), I dug our horrible cheap plastic very chavvy fan out of the box room and set it running...

'LOOK MRS GIOVANNI!!' I yelled, feeling enormously pleased with myself 'I'VE MANAGED TO TURN THE FUCKING FAN ON, WITHOUT KEEPING HALF OF EAST LONDON IN A STATE OF MENTAL TORTURE!!!!!'

'Well, aren't you a clever boy.' she said 'Now make me a herbal tea, I have a terrible headache..'

THE UNFASHIONABLE EAST END...

Current mood: TRANSITIONAL
Category: TRANSITIONAL Music

Come out of Mile End Tube, take a right and about 60 yards on your right, you 'll come upon a pub...

This pub was an unremarkable place until a year or so ago, when it underwent a makeover and name change..

I forget the original name, but it was renamed

Virtue


From the outside at least, Virtue had gone all 'noughties night club in the provinces'

We're talking big silver lettering on black.Very cheap chic. How sign makers approximate Hollywood glamour for a few hundred unconvincing quid...


Well I've never yet been inside Virtue and I wouldn't have any reason to, other than pure curiosity - I only ever go that way when on the way to somewhere else..

In fact, I wouldn't know anything about the place, it if it wasn't for slipping upon a couple of pieces in the local paper


The first piece said that someone had been stabbed outside after an altication inside, and the second (a few weeks later) said it'd been busted for drugs...

Yes boss, a police raid had seen to it that a whole bunch of crack dealers had been shipped out of what had apparently been a very good place to score hard drugs.

There were 10 or 12 of them, all caught with their trousers down inside Virtue..


Well, after another makeover Virtue has just reopened.

It's new name??

Milestone


I'm not sure if or why that's interesting, but it's struck some kind of a chord with me...

THE LAST THING THE WORLD NEEDS IS....

Current mood: YEAH!!!
Category: YEAH!!! Music

ANOTHER FUCKING 'STYLE' MAGAZINE!!!!

Shit, each time I go into a newsagent, I see a new one...

There's: Dazed & Confused, Vice, Dummy, Tummy, Bummy, Suga Rape, I-D, K-D, HEID!?!?, Rumple Tumple, Cheese Ballroom Gown, Pop, Flop, Fop, Paper, Wafer, Surface, WOW!!! CIAO, The Futureproof Music Blog By Pio- NO!!!....

The list goes on...


I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK ARE STYLE MAGAZINES ABOUT?!?!

I know damn well what they're about!!!

In fact, you can tick the fucking boxes each time:

1) A set of pictures of a semi naked alrightish looking girl wearing a belt around her head and a tweed skirt - CHECK!!!!

2) Record reviews of bands you will never ever see or hear of again and have never ever seen of before who have a VERY DEFINED STYLE BUT NO FUCKING MUSICAL ABILITY OR FUNDAMENTAL IDEAS - CHECK!!!!

3) Endless pages of quirky clothes photography that try to be naive - CHECK!!!!

4) Half cut opinions that revolve around the surface of every issue - CHECK!!!!!

5) Interviews that say NOTHING - CHECK!!!!!

6) Graffiti - CHECK!!!


And talking of magazines look at these figures on UK music titles....

DOWN DOWN DRAGGING ME DOWN!!!

(Thanks to (Stool Pigeon) for coagulating the figures)

Blogs are quite clearly where it's at....

HOORAY!!!!

IS IT POSSIBLE...

Current mood: LOVE WON’T TEAR ME APART
Category: LOVE WON’T TEAR ME APART Music

to properly consider yourself to be a music writer until you've written a number of heavy magazine articles, a book, contributed to a film and/or documentary about the cheery 80's pop band Joy Division....?!?

Yes boss, it's come to my attention that more appears to be written about this rather downbeat pop group than about more or less any other band of the last 30 years...

There's endless analysis, homage and tribute paid.

Music writers love it and love 'em and there seems no end in sight to the detailed analysis of Ian Curtis and bands short life and career...


Well, at the risk of ruining my fledgling career, I'd like to point out that after today, I'm not going to write a thing about this band, mostly because I don't bloody well like 'em...

No boss, you can file this band next to Radiohead & Portishead in the Giovan Caravan of No Love....

I have so little regard for them, I honestly claimed to have never heard Unknown Pleasures, only to be reminded by a friend that I owned it on vinyl....

I checked and sure enough there it was.

Bought, played once and then forgotten...


Sorry...

VINNIE VINCENT :: BUT THE VICTORY NEVER CAME

Current mood: OVERJOYED
Category: OVERJOYED Music

Just take a look at this marvellous video...

It is, without doubt, the most fantastically over the top piece of art I've seen for an absolute fucking age...

Nevermind The Arctic Monkeys and Quoasis, here's

The Vinnie Vincent Invasion!!!!
(Be sure to stay 'til the end)

A WEEKEND IN THE LIFE OF PAUL GIOVANNI £RD ::: SATURDAY (MOOOOOO!!!!)

Current mood: MOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Category: MOOOOOOOO!!!!! Music

There's jobs to do...

Tomorrow, Tommy Nadir is getting married. He needs to buy cat food, get cds copied and buy a pair of shoes that match his suit...

But before any of that, we need breakfast...


I notice a lot of things about Norwich as we walk to find it:

For one, the faces are completely different to London.

Everyone looks relaxed, coloured and plump.


I don't mean coloured as in shades of skin colour.

Norwich has no serious ethnic diversity.

It's one of the whitest places in Britain.


This so, when I lived there, my neighbours were a Pakistani family. They ran the corner shop. I used to go over to theirs to play chess and buy weed.

There were 2 brothers. Their father and mother had a place elsewhere and they had brothers and sisters scattered all over the UK and plenty of family still in Pakistan.


One of the brothers was engaged to an Italian girl.

He was very much in love.

But his fiancee was killed in the Alqaeda Tube bombings in London the 7th of July 2005

She was passing through on her way to somewhere else


In London everyone looks grey, stressed and thin...

London is Eldorado.


Norwich has no significant industry, it's a farmers city, a covered market, the same club nights every week, pubs, old churches and quiet, quiet streets...

It's the easiest place to sit around all day smoke pot, live well, drink high quality beer for cheap and talk about projects that you intend to do one day:

Imaginary bands like Raw Cake, HX001, books about cycling tours to The Alps, club and pub nights with 4 people....

That's largely what we did for 3 years

But if you want to get anything done, you're best off moving away...

And by the end of the 3 years, I couldn't do that quick enough


As far as I could see, nothing signficant about Norwich has changed since then, apart from the addition of one new shopping centre and some new homes on the site of the old hospital.

The shopping centre sits on the site of an old Nestle chocolate factory

One evening Nadir and Giovanni tried to hurl a traffic cone through the window of this factory. It wouldn't go through. It was like something out of Spinal Tap. We kept hurling the fucker, but it wouldn't break the bastard glass - in the end we gave up...


In the afternoon, we go to meet the bride and a bridesmaid.

It's sunny


Chitter chatter

Chitter chatter

The bridesmaid mentions something about small tubs you can hold that make cow noises when you tilt them....

Nadir & Giovanni become enraptured by the idea of tubs that make cow noises, and upon leaving the pub, we do a circuit of toy shops...


As we do, I discover I'd love to burn down the Early Learning Center chain of toy shops. They sell dull, joy free toys for use in getting your kids on the road to logical and bland normality.

And they don't sell cow noise tubs.

We visit an independent toy shop and find these tubs. We try them out, there's birds, pigs, sheep and a horse, but no cows...

WE NEED A COW!!!


In the late 90's Madonna wanted to record some tracks with the Aphex Twin. He refused to get involved with her. He said in an interview that he would only do tracks with her if she made animal noises that he would then sequence into a track...

It was that or nothing.

The Aphex Twin is a cunt, but cunts have their uses...


Unfinished business


We get a cow tub that MOOOOO'S!!!


We spend the rest of the day wandering around aimlessly, making cow noises.


Inside Boots

'That's £1.73 change..."

"MOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"


For the next 36 hours, that cow in a tub becomes our rosary.

If in doubt or stress

MOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

THIS WEEKS TOP 10’S...

Current mood: SNAP CRACKLE AND POP!!!
Category: SNAP CRACKLE AND POP!!! Music

Here's a brief look at the state of this weeks UK Pop Charts...


The Singles Chart...


I'm very pleased to see Wiley in at number 3 (up from last weeks number 4) with Wearing My Rolex.

Wiley is as important if not more important in the creation of the Grime sound as Dizzee Rascal and he's well due a serious hit...

It's also very good to see more of that pop potential of Grime coming through...


Pendulum (9) are sometimes lively, though a bit studenty commerical young (LETS GO MENTAL!!! DRINK FOSTERS!!! GO SNOWBOARDING AND then get a good job....)


As for the rest:

I've not heard this Sam Sparo, but I fear he may be yet another graduate of 'The Brits' X Factor school...

For this reason, I dislike Leona Lewis And The Radiators. Leona's clearly not without talent, but her songs are crap and she's not Whitney Houston..

You already know my feelings about Duffy...

I haven't neard much of most of the rest of the top ten singles. The names are mostly all to familiar, but I don't know specifics, if you do, please comment as such below:


The Album Chart


Madge-donna (The Queen Margaret of Pop) is in at Numero Uno...

Though there's been some good singles down the years, I feel Madge Thatcher is yet to produce a decent LP...

I'm therefore not holding out much hope for Hard Candy...


Portishead are in at 2 after a 9 year release gap...

On one level, this is a good sign: Good in that a band like that can come back and chart so well. A sign perhaps..

But on the other hand, much like Radiohead, I've always thought Portishead are hugely overated. They also generally make me want to kill myself after 3 or 4 songs....

Yes boss, people tried it on with Ozzy and Judas Priest, but just how long is it till some enterprising though 'clearly and very obviously' distraught parents, bring court cases blaming these kind of acts for the suicides of their children?!?

Give me a little Tricky ahead of Phead any day of the week, at least he laughed occasionally...

Anyway, I'll reserve judgement on the LP as I've had it recomended a few times (though I heard a bit of it in HMV the other day and it sounded mightly similar to the other ones..)


The greatest disappointment of this weeks chart is that the Arctic Monkeys side project Last Action Puppy Hero (or whatever the fuck it's called) is in there at Number 4, after launching straight into last weeks No1 slot..

WHAT?!?!

So, the Arctic Monkeys are such a good fucking band, that after 2 LPs they've already bored themselves and are releasing solo projects?!?

As Tommy Nadir said last Saturday:

"The Arctic Monkeys have this normal lads, easily accessible about town thing going on, but what would Alex Turner say if you spazzed him and said: 'Hi there Alex, I'm going down the Crown & Anchor - see you there in 10???' I bet he wouldn't turn up..."


(Paul Giovanni £rd is obviously available for drinks with all his readers all of the time. It is however imperative that you pay for ALL the drinks, AND the Cheese and Onion Crisps AND the cab home. YOU MUST ALSO SAY MY WRITING IS BRILLIANT AT LEAST 9 TIMES FOR EVERY HOUR WE ARE OUT!!!!)

(PS: I WILL ALSO NEED PICKLED EGGS!!!)

(PPS: AND MONEY FOR THE FRUIT MACHINE AND/OR THE POOL TABLE - AND IF THERE'S A DARTBOARD YOU MUST BE WILLING TO SEND A COURIER TO FISH ISLAND TO PICK UP MY DARTS!!!!)

REDRESSING THE BALANCE NO 1

Current mood: NO ROMANCE WITHOUT FINANACE....
Category: NO ROMANCE WITHOUT FINANACE.... Music

In the above video for her 1999 cover version of the trackJ.O.B, the popular R'n'B singer Foxy Brown appears to list off a whole range of ways in which she feels her boyfriend might be able to better improve his beahviour...

(feat. Mya)
[Intro]
Ughh, gimme some
Ughh, yeah, yeah, yeah, heh
Ughh, get sticky wit it
Ughh, get your name back
Not that, ughh

[Foxy]
Nigga wanna lay up on my couch, watchin' cable
Hands all in his pants, feet all on my table
Niggas I don't know, rollin' 'dro
Optimo', blow you got to go nigga, out the door
Tryin' to throw some hints
It's the first of the month, time to pay some rent
You could send them niggas home and hit the streets
Cuz you been layin' up chillin' in this bitch for weeks
Know that ice is nice and sticks is sleek
And the fridge is full, but the shit ain't sweet
Nigga get cause to floss, keep shit that's new
Sure, you could charge it but the bill is due
See ballers like you gotta pay to play
Y'all Big Pun niggas gotta pay like you weigh
You could come by, shit, but you can't stay
Let my girl Mya sing what I came to say, c'mon

[Mya]
[1] - Cuz ain't nothing going on but the rent
You got to have a J.O.B.
If you wanna be with me
Cuz ain't nothing going on but the rent
You got to have a J.O.B.
If you wanna be with me

[Foxy]
I need a heavy trick with a deadly dick
With a Benz two-thousand SE 6, 's watch, whatever
As long as the Bezzy sit at least three
TVs in everywhere
I ain't tryin' to go to court for child support
In a crib cramped up, fighting for Pampers
I don't want dram's wit' ya'll baby moms
Nigga, all I want is Cartier Charms
Been tryin' to take it there, fuck the movies
I'm a red carpet bitch, nigga, world premiere
Shit, I ain't your average I-got-to-have-shit
And I'm a shopaholic, with a heavy shoe habit
Not one two, I need a few karats
Nigga try suffer, buy a stiletto
And I gotta have them Perotta bags
And them shopping sprees and alotta cash, c'mon

[Repeat 1]

If you wanna fuck, I could spend
If you wanna front, gotta go
If you got dough, let 'em in
If you go broke, it ain't the end
Remember how you did it before?
Let's do it again

You could start from the bottom
Take it to the top
Start it from the Hoopty, end it in the Drop
Wanna know the secret how you stay on me?
You gotta get on, stay on your J.O.B., c'mon

[Repeat 1]

No romance without finance
[Repeat until fade]

But I'm wondering if, given that Miss Brown is repeatedly undergoing brushes with the law (in particular, she shows a penchant for assaulting manicurists in beauty parlours - events which are incresingly resulting in her doing prison time, ) might she not be better off concentrating her songs and thoughts, on how she might improve her own miscreant behaviour?!?

Lead by example, and all that?!?

A WEEKEND IN THE LIFE OF PAUL GIOVANNI £RD ::: FRIDAY (AN INTERLUDE)

Current mood: A NEAR MISS...
Category: A NEAR MISS... Music

Of course when you revisit a place you've lived in before, you inevitably get reminded of things, and people, and events, about which you'd forgotten, or at least, things you've filed away for recall on a rainy day, in an old folks home, at the age of 97....


Well, within a half hour of landing in Norwich last Firday evening, I was reminded of 2....

Here's one of them....


October 1998

As part of my settling in to a new town, new college, new life, I am trying to ingratiate myself with a half Dutch half Irish girl called Ellen.

I've been on her case for a few weeks already and as per usual, I'm not preparred to quit...

But there are problems and one of the key ones is a French bloke called Patrice..

Yes boss, Patrice is feigning nothing doing between him and her, but I know straight away what he's about, what he wants, and that it isn't what I want....

Furthermore, I have the distinct impression Ellen wants our French friend quite a good deal more than me?!?

But such an obstacle isn't about to STOP ME PAUL JAMES MICHAEL ST JOHN DOUGLAS MICHAELSON STANFORTH GIOVANNI £RD FROM FIGHTING TO THE DEATH?!?!?

HELL NO!!!


So, somehow, one evening all 3 of us end up going to The Norwich Arts Center to see a gig..

I say, 'somehow', but with hindsight, I'd be pretty sure there's no 'somehow' about it....

No boss, I've noticed this kind of tactic being deployed by both men and women that know they're being pursued by 2 more or less equal candidates..

Basically 'somehow' they accidentally invite the both candidates along to the same event, and use the evening to 'somehow' take a good and close look at the pair alongside one another as they vy for the eye...

It's a bit like comparing holiday brochures for the best possible deal on 2 weeks in Majorca, or using the internet to compare insurance quotes..


Well, fuck knows what the gig was, but I come out of it with a fair old ammount of energy, and finding one of those 'one months free trial internet access' cd roms lying on the pavement, I immediately take to hurling it across the road as if it were a frisbee....

Seeing that this initiative might well impress Ellen, Patrice retrieves the cd and throws it back at me...

Of course what Patrice and I really want to be doing is hurling the cd or prefably something a little larger and more lethal AT one anothers heads, in order to complete the victory and move into the final stages of courtship.

But being dishonest and modern, we simply walk up the road, hurl this cd too and fro whilst Ellen looks on, observing our throwing and catching and fully evaluating (in her minds eye) how such skills might be of benefit to her and any children that may result of her bonding with either of us...


Well, this is all going swimmingly until I see a Porsche up ahead..

Now, given that the UK is now only just a whisker past a boomtime, which has seen the number of luxury cars skyrocket (caring, sharing Africa loving nation that we are) there are probably a good few Porsches up that way today, but in 1998 there weren't very many at all and I am immediately excited by the possibilities the one ahead presents me with...

I mean, as things stand, I'm sure I am ahead of Patrice on the night - but it's far too close to call a cert....

Thing is, we're both throwing the CD well, and though I'm confident Ellen has seen that I'VE ORIGINATED the throwing the CD across the road game, and have therefore shown MUCH MORE iniative, I can't be sure Patrice hasn't done something equivalent, of which I'd missed the importance of, or, that he's about to do someting equally as or even MORE impressive any second?!?

I therefore feel it highly important I nail the result home with one final and decisive ACT!!!!


'You know what,' I say as we walk towards the Porsche, 'I've always felt it possible you could run right up and over the top of a Porsche. I mean there's very little gap betwen it and the road is there....??'

'Go on then!' Ellen and Patrice challenge me.

Seeing that neither believe I have it in me to do such a thing, and knowing it's completion will unquestionably prove my guts and bravery, I take a run up, sprint up over the bonnet, over the roof and down the otherside as if it's an Olympic sport and I'm the champion!!!

I land well and feel GREAT!!!!

BEAT THAT PATRICE!!!!


Problem is, as soon as I straighten myself up, I hear an ALMIGHTY ROAR!!!!!!!!!!

Now, in the cold light of today, I have no recollection of what exactly that roar said, but I knew it was coming from a rather bulky looking man 15 or 20 yards up the road, who appeared to be accompanying his girlfriend/wife to the very car I've just run over, after enjoying a very reasonble evening out in downtown Norwich...

In a millisecond, my joy, sense of achievement, victory and excitement immediately turns to COMPLETE AND UTTER FUCKING FEAR AS TO WHAT KIND OF A KICKING A CUNT LIKE THIS ONE WOULD ADMINISTER IF I LET HIM GET ANYWHERE NEAR ME...

I whisper

'I think I'd better be going...'

over my shoulder

AND THEN RUN LIKE I HAVE NEVER OTHERWISE RUN IN MY FRIGGIN LIFE!!!


Well, I got away with it.

The guy harrased Patrice and Ellen as to who I was, but to their absolute credit, they said they had no idea, and that they'd just come out of the Arts Center and didn't know me and that I was probably mad...

Meat Man McGinty then got into the Porsche, gunned the engine around and about town for a while, looking and screeching the brakes up and down, returning a few minutes later to double check Patrice and Ellen know nothing, before racing off home making every effort to run over as many rabbits, deer and foxes as possible....

Meanwhile, I'm holed up in the stairwell of the multistory car park on Duke Street, from where I eventually made it back to Ellens house..


A few weeks later, I started seeing Ellen.

The relationship lasted for 3 years...

A BAD DAY AT THE OFFICE FOR THE MARGARET THATCHER OF POP MUSIC....

Current mood: THAT’S GOTTA HURT!!!
Category: THAT’S GOTTA HURT!!! Music

A WEEKEND IN THE LIFE OF PAUL GIOVANNI £RD ::: FRIDAY (PT3)

Current mood: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Category: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Music

So....why Soulja Boy???

Well, my very good friend Tommy Nadir is currently obsessed with Soulja Boy...

He knows 'Crank That' in incredible detail.

He know's it's every HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! and Pass it ta Arab...

In fact, he knows it's construction and detail better than Soulja Boy himself...


This is a recurring thing...


In 2001, Tommy Nadir became obsessed with the track Re-Rewind by The Artful Dodger...

Re-Rewind became the very first mp3 I ever downloaded from the internet and finding myself similarly impressed with this tracks awful simplicity, and because it featured my former school chum Craig David on vocals, I joined the lovers club and we set to work..


We wrote a novelty pop track entitled 'I Don't Wanna Go'

Using a Madonna sample, a garage rhythm and a rap (with a girly sung chorus), 'I Don't Wanna Go' is the best draft demo pop track to have only ever been heard by 7 people.

When the time is right, we will record 'I Don't Wanna Go' properly and make milllions on Ring Tone sales alone!!!!!! (well make millions fo Madonna & Nile Rodgers)


But until that say day, we do other things...


Like play 'Crank That' 8 times in a pub filled with people who HATE THAT KIND OF THING!!!! in order to observe and critically analyse the response....


And what happenned???


Well, more than an hour after plonking in our 2 quid, it came on...

Once..

And that was it...


So, the questions are...

Did this jukebox have a NO SOULJA BOY 8 TIMES DETECTOR!!!!! built into it???

And...

CAN WE HAVE OUR £1.75 BACK YOU THIEVING WILD MAN JUKEBOX BASTARDS!!!!?????

A WEEKEND IN THE LIFE OF PAUL GIOVANNI £RD ::: FRIDAY (PT2)

Current mood: KEEP GROWING YOUR HORNS???
Category: KEEP GROWING YOUR HORNS??? Life

Quintilles Drug Research pay me £25, for my time, but I've missed the off peak trains to Norwich...


I go to the pub.

I'm ill and not normal brainwise, but I have the decency to matchy matchy the pubs I drink in...

When I finally get on it, the train to Norwich is rammed full...

Ridiculous joke toff Boris Johnson is elected Mayor of London

A 70 year old lady stands, as young people sleep in their seats

This is Britain


In order to revive my health, I drink a small bottle of vodka and much coke...


Norwich is like walking back in time.

I taxi to The St Andrews Tavern, a stones throw from where I did a 3 year art degree.


The evening needs livening up.

We go to The Wildman Pub

The Wildman pub stays open until 2am. It's full of folk who like to think of themselves as being alt.alt.alt

They like The Aphex Twin, Sonic Youth and The Manic Street Preachers.

They like the desire of abnormality, but do they really understand what being abnormal is all about????

ARE THEY ANGRY OR ARE THEY BORING???


To find out, Tommy Nadir and Paul Giovanni £rd put Soulja Boy's 'Crank That' on the jukebox 8 times consecutively

A WEEKEND IN THE LIFE OF PAUL GIOVANNI £RD ::: FRIDAY (PT1)

Current mood: CONFIRMED
Category: CONFIRMED Life

I turn up at The Quintilles Drug Research Unit @ Guys Hospital, London Bridge in order to complete an eye-test.

The eye test is the final part of my screening for the schizophrenia drug trial I'm to take part in later this month.

The eye test is necesary because the tests on monkeys that preceeded the human trials, showed excessive doses of GSK729327 damaged their retina's...


I arrive at the testing unit, suffering the first cold I've had in a year

(£200 for the flu jab medical trial last May, has meant a year without a cold or flu of any kind. I've become very unused to mild illness's)


Quintilles Drug Research are not expecting me.

They say they've called to tell me not to come for the eye test

?!?!?


'Take a seat.."

Paul Giovanni £rd sits

"You didn't pass the EMG test"

"What does that mean??"

"Your brain isn't within the normal parameters..."

THEY WENT TO THE BRITISH MUSEUM I DIDN'T SEE THEM!!!

Current mood: I AM A FRANCHISE!!!
Category: I AM A FRANCHISE!!! Music

they came..

May 5, 2008 3:42 PM

THERE'S A NEW PAUL GIOVANNI IN TOWN!
CLICK ON LIONEL'S HEAD FOR MORE DETAILS!

INSIDE MY EARS THIS WEEK!!!!

Current mood: 6 WEEKS
Category: 6 WEEKS Music

I used to continually blog NEW music...

Yes boss, in the opening months, I worked with such discipline, I'd post a round up of the tunes blowing my skirt, on a WEEKLY basis!!

But now the novelty to all that has gone and I find myself to be constantly referring and writing about the good old days.

I also prefer to pontificate on vaguities in search of cheap laughs...

But don't be thinking the new music is gone, or that the weekly hits feature is finished - it just comes along less often...

Yes boss, these days, my weeks have become 6 weeks

and my brain is always shrinking..


So what's burning my mower right now??

Well, I'm very into...

Pavarotti's Greatest Hits - particularly whilst in the bath...

Other recent vinyl favourites include:

The Maria Callas Collection 2xLP

Excellent late at night on the muffled quiet - as if she's singing in the room next door

Led Zeppelin - In Through The Out Door

I'm musing on the quality of Zeps attempt to embrace synthesizers.

All things considered, I think they did rather well, and certainly far better than many who've followed...

Brian Eno - Before and After Science

A classic very high quality LP - full review to come!!

Popcorn - Hot Butter

More early funtime synth action made by the largest pop group until The Magic Numbers

PiL - The Flowers Of Romance

A wonderfully primitive record - in many ways it's better than the first one..


As for the newer stuff:

The new LP by Clinker (a full review will follow...)

The most recent Babyshambles LP is OK, but has failed to blow my head off...

I'm finding The Crystal Castles to be a bit pointlessly noisey. I was expecting big things of this pair, but what I've heard so far sounds too one dimensional and shouty...

What's your pain all about??? It sounds a little petulent to me...

Then there's the very varried new LP from They Came From The Stars I Saw Them - Full review and dedicated CHG epsiode to follow...

And that's about it in terms of regulars...

A full roundup of my favourite new spazzer acts will follow....

HERE’S ANOTHER COUPLE OF THINGS TO KEEP YOU MOVING...

Current mood: THINGS TO DO...
Category: THINGS TO DO... Music

If you're in London there's this....

And if you don't live in London and you fancy some bargain art speculation, there's this...

You are courteously reminded that the CNPD sale starts this Thursday (1^st May) at 10am and will continue until midnight on Friday of this week (2^nd May).

You are also reminded that the last orders for the final CPND First Day Cover is 12 noon on Thursday (1^st May).

You are further reminded that the Stamps Of Mass Destruction Bootleg editions will be deleted on 3^rd May, along with all other CNPD releases to mark the closure of the CNPD.

A final edition of Page Editions have been released to commemorate this significant event.

MORE DETAILS HERE

GOOD LATE SPRINGTIME SOUND NEWS!!!!

Current mood: CRACK THE CHAMPAGNE!!!
Category: CRACK THE CHAMPAGNE!!! Music

It takes a lot of patience, vast intelligence, qulaity guile (and high spelling error tolerance) to still be reading these blogs after a year. But there are a few of you who've managed it, and you folk might be remembering my joy this time last year, when a bird returned from it's winter break in Sub-Saharan Africa......

Well today, I'm very pleased to announce the re-return of that bird to Fish Island!!

YES BOSS, THE WHITETHORAT HAS MADE IT BACK TO FISH ISLAND FROM IT'S AFRICAN HOLIDAYS!!!! AND IT'S SINGING LIKE A DREAM IN THE BUSHES RIGHT BELOW FORT GIOVANNA!!!!

The Whitethorat (Sylvia Communis) is a medium-sized warbler, about the size of a great tit.

It has quite a long tail which it flicks and cocks as it darts rapidly in and out of cover. The male has a grey head, a white throat and a brown back, and is buff underneath.

It is a summer visitor and passage migrant, with birds breeding widely, although it avoids urban and mountainous areas. It winters in Africa, south of the Sahara.

More info here...

R.I.P MR ALBERT HOFMANN

Current mood: ARE YOU FEELING WOBBLY???
Category: ARE YOU FEELING WOBBLY??? Life

Albert Hofmann, the Swiss chemist who discovered the hallucinogenic drug LSD, has died of a heart attack at his home in Basel at the age of 102.

Mr Hofmann first produced LSD in 1938 while researching the medicinal uses of a crop fungus.

He accidentally ingested some of the drug and said later: "Everything I saw was distorted as in a warped mirror".

He argued for decades that LSD could help treat mental illness, but in the 1960s it became a popular street drug.

While working with the drug in the Sandoz pharmaceutical laboratory a few years after first producing it, Mr Hofmann ingested some of the drug through his fingertips.

He went home and experienced what he described as visions of "fantastic pictures, extraordinary shapes with intense, kaleidoscopic play of colours".

102!!!!

WAY TO GO MR H!!!!

NO MORE CRACK...

Current mood: I NEED A HIT!!!!
Category: I NEED A HIT!!!! Art and Photography

Well, as I mentioned earlier, I droppped into the Tate Modern Art Gallery earlier today dressed as a suicide bomber...

Yes boss, it wasn't art and I was half asleep, but no-one seemed to notice either, and though I didn't front up a whole bunch of cash to look at the Dada Exhibiton I did notice something of note...

THE GREAT WORK OF ART THAT WAS THE CRACK HAS BEEN FILLED IN!!!

Yes boss, long term readers might remember me visiting and gazing in awe at THE CRACK (real name: Shibboleth By Doris Salcedo 2007) that until recently spanned the turbine hall of the Tate Gallery in the name of art...

IT WAS INCREDIBLE!!!!

How my American Friends and I wondered at the genius?!? How we laughed at the people gazing into it looking for meaning!!! How we felt glad and blessed we would one day tell our kids that we stood with our legs astride THE CRACK OF SHIBBOLETH!!!!!


Well, now the show is over and it's being filled in!!!!

YES BOSS!!! THE CRACK IS NO MORE!!!!! THE CRACK IS DEAD!!!!


Which begs the following questions:

What is an art gallery doing destroying a work of art?!?

How hard would your average starving African laugh at this whole episode????

Was it art??

Was it good art????

And does anyone plan on constructing a NEW CRACK???

NEEDED : A REPLACEMENT ACCIDENTAL RECORDER FOR THIS FRIDAY...

Current mood: NOISEY NICE!!!
Category: NOISEY NICE!!! Music

THIS IS A SERIOUS & URGENT REQUEST!!

I'm down to be doing a 1/100th of a recording by Matthew Herbert this Friday and I can't make it...

No boss, I have a wedding to attend and the date on this recording event has only just been confirmed.

I therefore need someone to take my place or else the recording will not work...!!!

You need to be available late Friday evening.

You need to be able to get to The British Museum in Bloomsbury, London

And you need to bring the following..

one supermarket plastic bag
one copy of the sun newspaper
one copy of a celebrity gossip magazine (eg heat etc)
one book about power that had an impact on your life
one rechargeable battery
one pound coin
one £50 note (or £20, £10,or £5) the higher the value, the better. (you get to keep it, it's just for making noise)
one empty plastic water bottle
one set of keys
one kit kat
one bible
one mobile phone that can receive text messages
one pen and one bit of paper
one toy soldier
one working alarm clock (not one that plays music)
your passport (you take this away with you, don't worry)
one pair of scissors

For more details, get in touch and be sure to read the below...

p)))))



Todays message

dear noisemaker,

just emailing to confirm the date, time and venue of the noise recordings for matthew herbert that you kindly signed up for. we've had to move the date back by a day to this Friday (2nd May), and we plan to meet at 2115. the venue is the british museum in bloomsbury (Great Russell Street, London, WC1B 3DG), and we'd be grateful if you could bring the following items (below), as matthew mentioned in his previous email. we'd also be extremely grateful if you could let us know if you don't think you'll be able to attend and make some noise with us, so that we can locate some replacements in time. we also respectfully ask that you be on time as the british museum has been kind enough to open up especially for us, and we only have a limited period of time in which to get everything recorded...

any questions or problems please email info@accidentalrecords.com and we'll do whatever we can to be of service. otherwise we look forward to meeting you on friday!

accidental fam x



Matthew's Earlier Message:

dear friendly volunteer person

thank you very much for agreeing to be part of the recording process of the album i am currently working on.

it means a great deal to me that people are enthused about being part of a creative process rather than simply being asked to consume a finished product.

we will contact you nearer the time with the specific time and location (it will be sometime in the next few weeks, probably may 1st). it is very important that if you can't make it, then you must let us know. everything on the album is recorded in measures of 100, so if 3 of you can't make it, i need to fill those spaces. please also be on time as, we will only have limited time in which to record these objects.

so, for the recording, please can you prepare one of EACH of the following items.
the record is, in part, a protest about the excesses of a british consumer culture so unless you really struggle to find a particular object, please can you only bring used/secondhand items. it would also be preferable if they were ones that you used in your daily life.

one supermarket plastic bag
one copy of the sun newspaper
one copy of a celebrity gossip magazine (eg heat etc)
one book about power that had an impact on your life
one rechargeable battery
one pound coin
one £50 note (or £20, £10,or £5) the higher the value, the better. (you get to keep it, it's just for making noise)
one empty plastic water bottle
one set of keys
one kit kat
one bible
one mobile phone that can receive text messages
one pen and one bit of paper
one toy soldier
one working alarm clock (not one that plays music)
your passport (you take this away with you, don't worry)
one pair of scissors

you obviously get to keep everything that you bring, but we will give you a couple of extra objects to use and then take home. along with a signed copy of the record, this will be full and final payment for your contribution. sorry to be so abrupt, but that needs to be there for legal reasons.

please send us your postal address if you want the signed promo copy of the album when it's finished and a telephone number to contact you should there be a last minute change of venue (when we have one)

at this stage, if you no longer wish to be involved, please let us know.

thank you again, and see you all soon

matthew

--

Accidental Records
3a Lewisham Way
New Cross
London
SE14 6PP

Fax: +44 (0) 203 004 9046

http://www.accidentalrecords.com
http://www.last.fm/group/Accidental
http://www.afterlaughtercomestears.blogspot.com/

BACK IN THE USSR???

Current mood: CONFUSED BY BEAUTY....
Category: CONFUSED BY BEAUTY.... Music

OK...

The first Beatles records I ever heard was the Red and Blue Greatest Hits LPs...

To be honest. I found it really hard to get into them...

In fact there was only one track I could get my head around to start with and that was

Back In The USSR


Basically I liked the sound of the aeroplanes.....


Anyway....

I was walking along today and something strange occurred to me:


In the song, Back In The USSR, Paul McCartney sings about how beautiful the girls are in the USSR

But is that really true???

I mean surely, if Russia has the most beautifullest girls in the world either John, Paul, George or Ringo would have married a Russian Girl???

But none of them did...


So, were The Beatles lying?? (surely self hammering another nail into their 'Mr Nice Guys' coffin)

Or do Russian Girls simply have bad personalities???

HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS ON THE BUS...

Current mood: AWKWARD
Category: AWKWARD Music

Well boss, the Giovan coffers are dank dry, and once again I've decided the best way to replenish them to enable me to continue concentrating my full energies on my wonderfully witty writing, isn't to get a job sitting in an office and pretend to be photocopying, but instead to take more unknown drugs in the name of furthering science.....!

Yes boss, in a few weeks, I'm going back on the Medical Trials Ward, whereupon I'll get myself fed some poppy new pills of a new drug for the treatment of schizophrenia currently known only as GSK729327


Now, often, when I say I'm about to take part in a Medical Trial, people say:

'Hey Paul Giovanni £rd AKA Futureproof Pious. If you take this never before used on humans drug, isn't your arm going to blacken and shrivel, your head explode out of your left ear, and your mind become like complete fucking jelly or something...??'

To which I reply:

'Who cares?!? For a start (on the mental side at least) things can't really get very much worse than they already are!!

And anyway, if I get a regular office job, I'll end up as a fucking cabbage in a wheely chair for absolute certain - so what have I got to loose!!??

I mean, doing a Medical Trial might be a vague risk, but all it generally takes is a few days of lying down in bed looking at, and being lovingly attended to, by attractive nurses from the 4 corners of the globe.

Meanwhile an office job just sucks ya dry day by day by day by day by day by day by day by day by day...'


Anyway...

I'm struggling to find a musical link to Medical Trials (there's a concept album dying to be made - surely!!) so instead here's a quick amusement...

Yes boss, today I went for screening down at Guys Hospital.

I had to have a check up, give them some giovan-piss&blood, have my brain scanned, eyes tested etc..

One part of this screening procedure involves me having to wear a portable ECG machine for 24 hours.

This little fucker is about the size of ipod - it sits in my pocket from where it's linked by a ribbon of wires to my super manly, well built, hugely handsome chest, where there are a set of sensor pads...


Well, I got off the ward wearing this thing and repaired to the nearby Tate Gallery in order to follow some beautiful women about in a vaguely disturbing way (whilst pretending to look at art...)

And as I was looking in a shop window en route (checking my super great looks were looking at their super great best for the ladies) I caught my reflection and thought....

"OH FUCK I LOOK LIKE A SUICIDE BOMBER!!!!"

Yes, boss not only did I have a thick old bunch of wires trailing from my body towards my pocket, but I was wearing a bleeding bodywarmer that looked all too bomb like...

I mean, people have got shot 7 times in the head for taking a tube train in this city for wearing a whole lot less!!!

Anyway, I can't spend any decent length of time on the computer today (because they interfere with my cyborg ipod equipment) so instead of writing some over wordy crap like this blog, I'm instead, gonna be running a bunch of short snappy ones, in the form of a series of questions...

So get your opinions ready and keep swallowing the pills!!!

BE@PROUD ::: BE COOL BE VERY VERY COOL....

Current mood: PROUD OF WHAT???
Category: PROUD OF WHAT??? Music

There's nothing I like more than a set of disparate and apparently unrelated events that later converge into an attractive and strange whirl...

Here comes one...



Saturtday April 26th

Despite saying I wouldn't, I made it along to see the stars play at The Proud Galleries...

Yes boss, having spent the day in THE SUN!!! I was lured by the idea of a free guestlist and the knowledge that having spent the day telephone marshalling Italian paparazos to chase Honeymooning golfer Colin Montgomery around Venice & James Bond around Lake Garda, Mrs Giovanni wouldn't manage to stay awake beyond 11pm, thereby leaving me 3 or 4 extra hours to spazz out and slump into a lonely and self pitying drunken heap....

On top of this, I wanted to see the new version of Proud Galleries and of course see the stars play their first UK gig since their 10 date Italian tour....


Well, I got to Camden and I was a little drunk, and when I'm that way, I tend to have even greater difficulty with authority than normal...

Yes boss, knowing me as he does, and sensing this could be a problem to affect the evening, Mr Clinker posted me a comment on my smoking ban blog...

"Try not to "reason" with the doormen tonight about it anyway haha. At least not til we've seen the Stars."

Sound adivce indeed!!


So, I arrived in Camden, and upon finding the bars entrance, marched straight up to the door with all the required authority of A HIGHLY IMPORTANT MUSIC WRITER ON THE FREE GUESTLIST!!!!!

'Well, that sounds perfectly normal!! And just what a man of your calibre should do!!!!' I hear you say

Apparently not...

No boss, at Proud Galleries you have a bouncer and a person with a clipboard who's job it is to marshall you down one thin portion of the barriered off pavement, leaving a whole car width sector of pavement (that goes nowhere) for use in the case of an emergency. And because I've developed a keen instinct to avoid anyone approaching me with a clipboard, I missed said clipboard person completely and found myself on the emergency bit on the wrong side of the fence, too close to the door?!?

I knew this because, a bouncer pointed out that I couldn't stand on the emergency vehicles track in case there was an emergency requiring emergency vehicles!!

I WAS CAUSING A HAZZARD!!!!

'It's alright, I'll move if there's an emergency' I joked, entirely seriously

'BUT YOU CAN'T STAND THERE!!' she said with that lack of hunour so often displayed by our burly black suited friends...

Remembering Mr Clinkers advice, I meandered back down in the direction in which she was pointing, but as is often the deliberately on purpose way, I didn't move quite quickly enough....

'YOU CAN''T LOITER HERE, THIS AREA NEEDS TO STAY CLEAR IN THE EVENT OF AN EMERGENCY!!!!' she repeated as if I hadn't understood already...

'But I've never had problems moving in the event of an emergency...' I repeated..'If I see an ambulance, I'll leg it!!'

'BUT YOU HAVE TO MOVE OVER THERE!! YOU CAN'T STAND HERE!!'

'Listen I understand your point, but you're insulting my intelligence'

etc...


Now, maybe I should just do what I'm told in these situations and i'm certainly aware that this kind of belidgerant behaviour can make one very boorish indeed, but I'm also of the belief that asking 'Why?' is important and these days you're not encouraged to do so...

And that is SHIT!!!! And very dangerous...


Anyway, Mr Clinker and his lady wife Tomoko arrived and the bouncer allowed us in, we took an immediate left and ended up in a bar with a burlesque thing going on.


Well, you can call me GAY!!! If you like, but I don't get Burlesque at all:

It's prick teasing. It's silly. It's a manifestation of womens excessive sexual power in the modern climate and it's about as big a turn on, as a frilly fucking Chiuahua..

So, neither excited or thrilled, I moved on, away and found that the new Proud Galleries is a super organised modern new club.

Housed in a massive set of old stables, it has some character, space for a couple of thousand and occupies a very handy location indeed.

On that occasion, the crowd was composed of footballers wives and cutey cool kids horded and herded together in pens like the former resident horses. The DJays music choice was guaranteed cool dance music. Drinks: bottled beer only (a clever way to sell pints at twice the price) and the smoking terrace was so jammed, you could barely move...

Oh and they had a wanky hand man in the toilet with his creams and sprays etc..


So, The PG is super cool!!

It's a sleek, mean running business machine...and therefore not a whole load of fun..


What was fun, was that Liza Minelli's ex, David Guest was mingling...

Seriously....

Anyway, the stars have the music to rise above both poshly dull clubs and David Guests plastic surgery and they soon got on with a fine set.

They premiered new divations on their live sound and diffferent arrangements of tracks. Horton Jupiter touched the fans, Giles hit some very colourful drums. Everyone did their thing with much aplomb, and as often happens, half the crowd looked confused and the other half, joyous...

The only duff angle was that the sound quality was a little boomy (which given the venue is only a month old is something of a disgrace) but otherwise everything was top good!!


The stars were followed by some dubious metal band - the kind of clean cut cool boys who wear Black Flag T-shirts..

DULL DULL DULL

And then it was nightclub alt.commercial dance music...


Wishing to bleed the night dry, I stuck around till late, to see if the place got at all lively - but it didn't.

If anything, it got more stale and stagnant. At 1am on a Saturday night, there was a full dancefloor with next to no-one dancing it. Meanwhile there was real or pseudo coppers in the toilet swipping the cisterns for traces of cocaine; bouncers telling you to keep moving (perhaps because if you stood still you'd see the moneyed farce of it all) and an overwhelming feeling of middling medium mediocrity...


So, basically, I didn't much like it.

No boss, from the word go, I felt cajouled and ordered about by a maze of petty rules and regulations enforced by troops of security and clip boarders, and frankly, under those kind of conditions, I'd most often rather leave it out, or go to the fucking opera instead...


So, if I was you I wouldn't much bother going to Proud Galleries more than once, life is too short to be so controlled and making fun in such a place, becomes very cold and hard...


Oh, and the strange whirl of events?!?

Well, I was chitter chattering away about The Proud Galleries last night and I remembered I'd had communication with someone to do with the place before..

Yes boss, remember this picture that sat atop this blog until last week?? The very same one, I use to try and haul in new subscribers??

I downloaded it from the winternet months ago (after completing a search for pictures of tracksuits) and my OA added the Giovan-Head...

Well, out of the blue in the Autumn of last year, I exchanged the following correspondance with someone who, now I look at it again, seems to have something or everything to do with organising the Be@Proud night...

http://www.myspace.com/beeventsltd



----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Be Presents...
Date: Oct 3, 2007 2:52 PM

omg

that shell suit wearer image that you have raped is me!

dan


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: : THE FUTUREPROOF MUSIC BLOG BY PIOUS GIOVANNI :
Date: 03 Oct 2007, 08:22


Ha!!

So who looks best in it you or me?? Are you going to take me to court and sue my ass off??? Can I buy the suit off you????

Oh...and have you seen this vid yet????

p 'thieving' g

From: Be Presents...

Date: Oct 4, 2007 4:01 PM

Subject:

RE: No Subject

I havne't worn the full ensemble in a while actually! yeah i should sue your ass! + i dont think i could part with that beaut.

i saw that band at adventures in the beetroot field Bournemouth, and my mate is in the vid!

why you send it to me??

A VERY GOOD INTERVIEW INDEED....

Current mood: ME! ME!! ME!!!
Category: ME! ME!! ME!!! Music

THE SMOKING BAN...

Current mood: NICEY NICE
Category: NICEY NICE Music

'If someone sparks up a cigar when I'm eating a stake it's not nice. I'm a smoker, and I wouldn't complain - but it's not nice..'

Now that CAN'T HAPPEN!!!!

Is the world now nice???

CAREERING TOWARDS THE YEAR OF CHRIST...

Current mood: HALLELUJAH!!!
Category: HALLELUJAH!!! Life

So...less than 4 hours to go till 33...

Yes boss, I've already started on the gross moodswings and in an effort to calm myself I'm drinking Gin and Cranberry and popping out to someone elses birthday party...


So...

33 years


Mother Giovanni, felt something was up when she was shopping in Woolworths. She figured the most sensible thing to do was cycle back home, sort out the tea for my Dad, 2 step borthers and sister and then pop to Hospital, fit MY birth in before the '9 O'clock News' and get back to some semblance of normality as soon as possible!!


Of course she wasn't to know that she'd given birth to a freak, but alround she and my father have been very tolerant and for that I'm more than grateful....


One thing I wonder with birthdays is:

Shouldn't it be the mother who gets all the attention?!?

I mean they're the ones who do all the grunting, screaming and seven shades of pain. They're the ones who actually remember the day!!! All the new born does, is pop out of heaven into something they soon recognise to be closer to hell (but a load of fun none the less)...


Anyway, I have to run, suffice to say, thanks to everyone who's already sent greetings and as for those of you who haven't...

GET YOURSELVES WITH THE PROGRAM FOR GODS SAKE!!!!


Oh and tomorrow, I should be going to this here gig, but I tend to hide under a stone on birthdays incase something wierd happens. However, if I was you and it wasn't my birthday I'd most definately go!!!

(Can you believe the desgin company has credited themsleves on this flyer?!? Most folk could do better than this with her hands tied behind their backs?!?....It's a shameful art effort from so called professionals!!...Furthermore, you always have to worry about flyers when the sponsors names are printed equal or bigger than are any of the bands..Watch the future kids WATCH THE FUTURE!!!!!)

ANDREW WEATHERALL ::: INTERNATIONAL MAN OF WISDOM

Current mood: MOODY
Category: MOODY Music

Well, here we go with a few quotes from the legend that is Andrew Weatherall taken from an NME interview from the August 17th issue of 1991...

"Yeah, people talk about 'Loaded' (Weatherall made Primal Screams 'Loaded' what it was) breaking down barriers, but I don't think barriers are ever broken down, they're just moved somewhere else.

The saddest thing is the way indie dance scene is masquerading as some kind of youth rebellion. When I was 14 I wasn't allowed a Sex Pistols record in the house and I remember my mum ripping my John Lydon poster down.

Now you've got young Fred playing his latest indie tune, mum comes in and it's 'Oh, this is a nice song, I could do the Hoovering to this' and 'That's a nice stripey top, you've got one like that haven't you?' Youth rebellion? Bollocks.

Then there's all this stuff about how great it is that these bands are so ordinary.

They're not ordinary, they're not busting their guts in a fucking supermarket, they're fucking pop stars! The idea that their saying to their fans, 'We're just the same as you' when they've signed record contracts for hundreds of thousands of pounds is sick"


Since 1991 this situation has obviously got much worse..

Needless to say, I therefore detest about 95% of todays bands, simply because they don't mean anything - they're shoddy cabaret acts and THEY MAKE ME FUCKING SICK!!!


Anyway, Weatherall's still a gem and here's his new blog...

Meanwhile my archive blog on blogger (which has saved the world on 4 occasions) is now easily searchable, prettier and much better organised and you can get to it by clicking the banner at the top of this and every blog page...

ALL STAR CAMEO ROCK ’N’ SOUL!!

Current mood: MIND THE LAMPADARIO!!!
Category: MIND THE LAMPADARIO!!! Music

CASA HASA GIOVANNA ::: EPISODE 5 - TALKY TALKY

Current mood: YAP YAP JABBER JABBER
Category: YAP YAP JABBER JABBER Music

CLICK THE PICTURE AND YOU'RE THERE

A QUESTION MARK?

Current mood: EURYTHMICAL...
Category: EURYTHMICAL... Music

Here we go with an act I can't quite decide on.

We're talking The Eurythmics.


I've been listening to Be Yourself Tonight this morning, and I find I have mixed views about both the LP and the band.

Yes boss, though I'm absolutely sure that There Must be An Angel is a high quality classic pop song as is Sweet Dreams, there's a good few others on the LP and in the whole catalog that are pretty iffy...

(Here would have been the real video, but The Eurythmics one of these forward thinking bands that disable embedding. Why do that?? Pop videos are promo tools and now rather than using their promo tool to further promo the band I'm gonna have to call them 'silly cunts')

Furthermore, the solo careers of both Annie Lennox and Dave Stweart have (from what I've heard) been summarily dull, and very close to an illustration of the exact reason why pop stars should be killed off (perhaps even literally) when the hits dry up...


Oh, and, why did Annie Lennox perform at Live8 when she's not had anything close to a hit for years?!? Shit, she even had the temerity to whine on about people who knocked the event and her and Sir Bobs worthwhile charidee work....

I mean, LENNOX GET OFF THE FUCKING STAGE!!!! NO-ONE LIKES YOUR NEW FANGLED SONGS OR ELSE THEY'D HAVE BOUGHT THE FUCKERS!!!!

And she wonders why people say those kinda pop concerts are all about ego?!?


But shit, pop stars should never be selected on their moral trupitude...


So boss..

The Eurythmics

HIT OR MISS!!??

BIG LOVE....!!

Current mood: how sweet...
Category: how sweet... Music

Opik to wed Cheeky Girl Gabriela

Cheeky Girl singer Gabriela Irimia is to marry the Liberal Democrat MP Lembit Opik, it has been reported.

The Montgomeryshire MP, 43, told Hello! magazine he had proposed last week in Rome and his girlfriend accepted.

Ms Irimia, 25, and her sister make up the novelty pop act the Cheeky Girls. She met Mr Opik on a TV show in 2006.

Mr Opik, who was previously engaged to ITV weather presenter Sian Lloyd, has not set a date for the wedding, the magazine reported.

The couple told Hello! he had proposed next to the Trevi Fountain in Rome last week, but have not set a date for the wedding.

Mr Opik added:

"We were euphoric afterwards, walking around the city and then sipping champagne and chatting away in our hotel suite until the early hours. I couldn't ask for things to go better than they did."

The Liberal Democrat housing spokesman split up with Ms Lloyd in 2006.

She has since married millionaire Jonathan Ashman and has written a book - A Funny Kind of Love - which includes sections about her relationship with Mr Opik.

He has said he is considering legal action over claims in the book.

The Cheeky Girls arrived in the UK from their native Romania in 2002 and shot to fame with appearances on reality TV shows Popstars: The Rivals and Model Behaviour.

Mr Opik said he was 'euphoric' at being engaged...

FOR UK THICKO’S ONLY....

Current mood: ZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Category: ZZZZZZZZZZZZ Music

You know I don't like to get involved in politics or financial matters..

zzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzz

But I couldn't help but notice an anomoly in todays reporting of the financial and political life of the Britons...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzz

No boss, the Chancellor of the Exchequer (the unfeasibly named Mr Darling) has said (in response to the suggestion that he should change his mind about the abolition of the 10p tax rate - a tax rate that most definately helps the poor) that...

'I can't rewrite the budget'


Well, I've just been checking out 'the budget'...

And I can't see anything in it about giving out £50bn in bonds to the enormously profitable High Street Banks, in order to help them trust one another again after one of the biggest greed money orgies in human history went tits up......?!?

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzz

But then there must be a good reason for that...

zzzzzzzzzz
zzzzz

It must be how things work....

zzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzz

And we wouldn't want those hard working banker boys to go without their bonuses now would we...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzz

THE WRITING ON THE PAVEMENT....

Current mood: LOVING LIFE...
Category: LOVING LIFE... Life

In 2002, I moved into a flat just around the corner from the artists Gilbert & George, since when I've paid a reasonable level attention to their art....


Now, to be honest, much of G&Gs art is pretty similar and not often the kind of thing that excites me. In fact if it wasn't so unashamedly dirty I probably wouldn't like it all...

Pictures aside, the thing I've always loved with these 2 gentlemen is the way they go about things and the words they say....

Yes boss, I have a book called The Words of Gilbert & George and to be frank it's much better than most books written by most writers:

It's full of top quality analysis, thoughtful real thoughts and plenty of top grade analysis of humanity....


But, I guess the strangest thing with the G&G connection is that since moving into their neighbourhood, I've gone bald and entered into a long term relationship with a short Italian from the Dolomites called Paola.


Gilbert was born in San Martin de Tor in Italy, before moving to England.

George was born in Plymouth in the United Kingdom.

The two claim they came together because George was the only person who could understand Gilbert's rather poorly spoken English.

In a 2002 interview with The Daily Telegraph they said of their meeting: "it was love at first sight." (Telegraph, 05.28.02). It is widely assumed that Gilbert & George are lovers, and although they dismiss questions about their sex lives, George, in the documentary 'Imagine', aired on 08.05.07 in the UK, referred to Gilbert and himself as "two poofs".

Well, some of my favourite pictures of G&Gs are the Dirty Words Pictures...

In particular this one...

Which says it all really....

So today, I was wandering down Roman Road on my way to meet Mrs Giovanni.

I was once again wearing my red and yellow outfit, and shortly before being hurled a bread role by some manly scaffolders, I came across this sequence of graffitti...

Which not only reminded me of G&G, but also of this poster I found on the wall of a Methodist Church in Southampton a couple of weeks ago...

ADVERTISMENT

Current mood: SIGN ME UP!!!
Category: SIGN ME UP!!! School, College, Greek

oh jesus......

Current mood: NAUGHTY NAUGHTY....
Category: NAUGHTY NAUGHTY.... Music

Now I know this might sound completely unfeasible and to be a barely concealed lie to make up for a secret desire on my part to research the idea of naked nightclubbing, but I was looking for some pictures of the Viz cartoon character Cockney Wanker and as I was googling, I found this club night...

STARKERS! is a fantastic party in central London for anyone who enjoys being nude to get naked and have fun!

Why just dream of the summer sun or be bored at a sauna when this exciting nude alternative is waiting for you. Starkers! is clubbing in X-Ray - it's a naked disco.

Our venue is warm and has free changing facilities. Our DJ's play contemporary club music, funky house as well as disco classics, alternative and retro tunes. There is also a chill-out zone for those who purely want to relax, chat and get to know someone new.

Naked in-house staff make sure that you are partying in a completely safe atmosphere. We are happy to arrange taxis for anyone requiring one to get home.

So, 3 questions:

1) Where do you put your money with which to buy drinks???
2) Is the crowd exclusively composed of hopeful looking middle aged men???
3) ENTER?!?

Shit, I'm thinking that a PG£ special investigative investigation could well be called for...

It'd make a great Note From Fish Island....

In fact having done Life Modelling, been in a film as a naked corpse and in another one as a naked dancing pastry chef in a blonde wig and gold face, I'll soon have enough material for a completely naked book!!!

HELP!!!!!

PAUL GIOVANNI’S SPRING TIPS PART 1....

Current mood: RECOVERING....
Category: RECOVERING.... Music

Jesus....

I don't know about the rest of the world, but today on Fish, we had a few hours of the day that actually resembled 'GOOD' weather...

Yes boss, THE SUN WAS OUT!!! AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN ABOUT 9 MONTHS IT WAS POSSIBLE TO LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT A FUCKING COAT!!!

I even reduced myself to a SHORT SLEEVES for a matter of seconds (before quickly realising this was taking moderate sunshine much too far)


Well shit, I needed such a sunny day, because last night I lost BIG...

Yes boss, Mr Betting Expert Giovanni, executed a shrewd but institutionally stale gambling strategy and lost everything he had in his poxy Betfair account on the back of a very dubious judging decision indeed...


It went like this...

I figured the fight between Welshman Joe Clazaghe & the American, Bernard Hopkins was unlikely to be a knockout. Both guys were far too experienced and old school to be falling over easily. There was too much at stake...

I therefore only looked at the odds on the full 12 rounds.

43 year old Hopkins was sitting at about 3-1 (good odds) and Calzaghe and less than 1-1 (bad odds).

Always a sucker for the good odds, the only place to go was on Hopkins, but I didn't feel sure enough he'd win unless there was cheating and/or a US bias.

I mean, Christ, the man's old enough to be most of his opponents father - what chance did he have against an undefeated champion who's been top of the heap for 10 full years?!?

Yes boss, the way I saw it, Hopkins looked more likely to be one more example of a fighter who fights on too long than any kind of a victor...

So, like any controlled mover, I held off betting altogether..


Until Hopkins put Calzaghe on the floor in the first round...

Yes boss, it seemed that despite his talent and 9 years of youth, Mr Calzaghe had got carried away with his own hype and from then on, the (British) radio commentary failed to see anything other than a somewhat convincing points win for Bernard Hopkins....

Well, after a few more rounds of Calzaghe apparently not being in the fight, I went in on Hopkins who was still sitting at around 3-1 (even though he appeared to be creaming towards a remarkable and complete victory...)

Then, at the end of round 8 when the commentators described Calzaghe as 'slumping onto his stool' I made the brave stab of going ALL IN!!!

IT FELT GOOD!!!!

Yes boss, Calzaghe did come back into the fight in the later rounds, but as the bell tinged for the final time, the odds had completely shifted, making Hopkins a HUGE favourite for the decision - Everyone, the market included appeared to believe there was no question other than an EASY PEASEY win for Hopkins...

Apart from the 3 judges - who awarded an inexplicable easy victory to Calzaghe...

FUCK IT AND FUCK THEM!!!!


Anyway...

Regardless of this BLATANT FUCKING FIX, I woke up this late morning feeling ABSOLUTELY FINE!!! And seeing the sun, I figured positivity was completely vital in order to recover my spritis and verve for life...

Yes boss, there's no point dwelling on spilt money...

So, I put on Caramba Hot Rhythm From South America by Roberto Delgado And His Orchestra, danced around the flat a little, then in order to celebrate and encourage the sun out further, put on PLENTY of brightly coloured clothes.

Yes boss, like everything and everyone, the sun needs encouragement and positive affirmation.

I therefore adorned myself with the full Giovanna outfit: Red trainers, red trousers, a white poloshirt, a bright yellow tracksuit top and yellow framed sunglasses...

Paul Giovanni often enjoys spending time with hs fans and is more than happy to pose for photos

Well, suitably adorned, I went for a wander about the park and as I looked and watched the other folk, something clicked in my fashion and general logic brain..

Yes boss, I realised that the rest of London (for the very most part at least) has no fucking idea how to dress...?!?

No boss, there we are: It's spring, the sun is shining and it's half warm for the first time in months and what is everyone wearing????

uhgghhhh, dull errr H&M errr browns and errr greys and errrr Gap jeans and errr blacks and errrrrrrrrrrrr horrible dull browns and errrr....

AKA COLDPLAY CHIC!!!!

IT MADE ME FUCKING SICK!!!!

I MEAN IS IT ANY FUCKING WONDER THE SUN SEEMS TO HAVE LOST ALL INTEREST IN THE UK,WHEN PEOPLE WALK AROUND DRESSED LIKE THAT?!??

THEY REALLY ARE ALL CUNTS OUT THERE!!!!!


Anyway, what about the fucking music in this blog Giovanni?!??


Ummm...


Well, I'm trying to get over this Calzaghe thing, so I'm currently listening to Wales in Song: The Second Festival Of One Thousand Welsh Male Voices (Recorded at the Royal Albert Hall, London on 16th October 1970) in an effort to bond with and forgive my Welsh brothers...

Yes boss, I'm fond of choirs (did I ever mention that my sister was in the choir that did the backing vocals on that lovely National Express song by The Divine Comedy??)

But nevermind that...

As many of you will know, nowadays Scotland, Northern Ireland and Wales take a pretty dim view of England and the English.

Indeed, though this record cranks up with the The British National Anthem 'God Save The Queen' it ends with the Welsh one 'Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau' and the latter is sung with FAR more gusto and pride than the former...

Yes boss, it pains me to say it, but it seems that after years of bloody oppression, sheep jokes and heavy primary industry, these satellite countries of Britain have finally realised that us English are little more than bad tempered alcoholic bullies that can be easily done without - and bit by bit they're doing just that

Of course it's a grave error on the count of the Scots, Welsh and Irish, if only because they'll just get another bunch of manipulative cunts in charge of their country that just happen to speak a little more familiar (a politician is a politician is a politician) - but I guess if I'm to maintain my Futureproofness I'll just have to accept it's happening...


Anyway, do you know what I found about Great Britains collective National Album upon reading the sleeve notes of this fine record that features a thousand Welsh men singing in London??

'God Save The Queen/King' (depending on which parasitic toff is in charge) was written by someone called

'Bull'...

CASA HASA GIOVANNA ::: THE STORY SO FAR....

Current mood: MUSICAL PROMOTING...
Category: MUSICAL PROMOTING... Music

When I go quiet beneath my headphones, one of 3 things is afoot:

I've disappeared up my ass in search of greater meaning

I'm busy with fundamentals

I'm working on the latest episode of Casa Hasa Giovanna...


Casa Hasa Giovanna is my monthly part narrative tuneshow. Each 69:23 minute episode (in this series of 23) is knocked out on the 23rd of the month at 23.23pm.

Each is themed and this 23rd, see's the release of Episode 5 themed Talky Talky..


Yes boss, I have a neat rhythm going on.

I concentrate full bore on writing for 3 weeks and it's just as I'm running out of ideas, interest and inspiration, that it's time to get a hoopy on and sort out the CHG...


So, here we go with a retrospective of the 4 so far, all of which are still available to stream and or download from www.paulgiovanni.com

Just click one of the images below and you're there..

Each is FREE and comes rammed to the gills with bold old classiqes and a modern jumble of sounds and words that drift around this here fishy fort...

So...

Episode 1 slipped into my lap a month early.
The Theme Is: Introductions...
Expect: The chuggy boat, the horn, mumbling and WAVES!!!

Episode 2 is the coldest so far because...
The Theme Is: Winter
Expect: Plenty of birds, shoegazing & no paulies talkies...

Episode 3 attempted to encourage summer and a new dawn
The Theme Is: NO MORE GUITARS!!!
Expect: Futuresounding music, wise words & fish...




Episode 4 covered familiar ground
The Theme Is: Covers
Expect: Preaching...